In another good news missive, Seattle Police Chief John Diaz and East Precinct Captain Jim Dermody recently announced that the East Precinct experienced a twelve percent decrease in violent crime and a four percent decrease in property crime between 2009-10. This means that last year, the East Precinct had its second lowest crime rate in eleven consecutive years.

High-fives for good news! And a job well done, SPD.

Gently proving that not all officers are frothing dickbags, Dermody graciously extends the congratulations to “the residents, business owners, employees, schools, students, commercial property owners and those who travel within eight square miles of the central part of our city”—so, pretty much everyone in Seattle—for their help in reducing crime.

"You called 911 when needed, were excellent witnesses...let us know about emerging problems and said hello and thank you on the street," Dermody writes. Aw, shucks.

Beyond this verbal group hug, Dermody lays out a plan for reducing crime this year. "We know that crime statistics do not mean much if you’ve been the victim of any type of crime," they write. "You have my pledge that we will continue to work 24 hours per day, seven days a week to continue to lower the crime rate by deploying our officers into known crime hotspots and by focusing on our most prolific offenders."

So while the SPD targets the Joyce Carol Oateses of crime, give yourself a pat on the back, Seattle. You're great at calling 911.