Slog
News & ArtsThursday, February 24, 2011
Tech New iPad Next Week
Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Feb 24, 2011 at 8:00 AM
2
According to Will in Seattle, it will have a 3-D display, twice as many colors as appear in nature, 500 terabytes of instant-on flash memory, mind-operated keyboard and mouse, built-in 100 Gb/sec internet speeds "like they have in Korea", a screen that expands to five feet by eight merely by wishing it was so, and a socket to stick your dick in. Price: $20. Presales have already topped 7 billion; he's seen the component orders.
3
How about adding an poll choice of "If I had enough money lying around so that buying one was an option, I'd be all over excited about it, but since I don't, sorry, can't work up the energy over it."
Maybe a "Sigh." choice.
Maybe a "Sigh." choice.
5
Yes, but will someone get a picture of Matt Hickey sitting in Unicorn with his new iPad 2 propped up against his iPad, on top of his Macbook Pro?
7
Hrmmm...booze or a shiny plaything that I'll probably drop following drinking booze....decisions, decisions...
11
100% of my gizmo purchases derive from "crap my xxx electronic device is completely shitting the bed lately, upgrading is too expensive (or not worth it) & I can't function with this thing any longer, what the hell is available right now for a moderate price without waiting in line"
and I am always surprised with people who purchase gizmos based upon visceral desires like: "OOOOO LOOK AT THE EXPENSIVE SHINY NEW DEVICE ON TEH HORIZON! MUST HAVE"
and I am always surprised with people who purchase gizmos based upon visceral desires like: "OOOOO LOOK AT THE EXPENSIVE SHINY NEW DEVICE ON TEH HORIZON! MUST HAVE"
13
@2 no, it will have a front-facing camera option.
The 3D version is the iPad 3, which will be in stores for Xmas 2011.
Keep up, kindlemaniac.
The 3D version is the iPad 3, which will be in stores for Xmas 2011.
Keep up, kindlemaniac.
14
@13, ah yes. I forgot. In your universe, iPad 3 has been in beta testing longer than iPad 2.
I gotta admit, though, a front-facing camera option is indeed the greatest technological advancement since the wheel. Huzzah.
Also: if you could read or understand English you wouldn't call me a "kindlemaniac", seeing as how I have never expressed kindlemania here or anywhere else. But alas you cannot. And your own technological arsenal says Fisher-Price on the side of it. Hint: if you pull it around by a string, it's probably not an iPad.
It's good to have you on record, though. If that 3-D iPad isn't here in December, you're pretty much obligated to jump out in front of a train. Deal?
I gotta admit, though, a front-facing camera option is indeed the greatest technological advancement since the wheel. Huzzah.
Also: if you could read or understand English you wouldn't call me a "kindlemaniac", seeing as how I have never expressed kindlemania here or anywhere else. But alas you cannot. And your own technological arsenal says Fisher-Price on the side of it. Hint: if you pull it around by a string, it's probably not an iPad.
It's good to have you on record, though. If that 3-D iPad isn't here in December, you're pretty much obligated to jump out in front of a train. Deal?
15
@14 seriously, you hate that I'm right about this, don't you.
Now go buy the new Android monkey device the Times is going on about.
Now go buy the new Android monkey device the Times is going on about.
17
@15, hate that you're right about what? You're not right about anything, and never have been. You've been chundering out this 3D crap for a year now.
The only thing I hate about you is the fact that you exist.
The only thing I hate about you is the fact that you exist.
18
The best time to buy the new 3D iPad will be around June 2012, actually.
The best time to buy one of the Android 3D "clones" will be Xmas 2012.
You can see the pipeline result by measuring the inputs in the supply chains.
The best time to buy one of the Android 3D "clones" will be Xmas 2012.
You can see the pipeline result by measuring the inputs in the supply chains.
20
That stuff you get on your hand when you stick your finger up your ass isn't "inputs in the supply chains", Will.
How interesting that the one time in living memory you've actually supplied a link to something, it's an unfunny dork site that's a year old. You're the poster child for the decline in meaning of the word "geek", which now means "self-congratulatory dickweed who thinks owning a mass-market gadget makes him an insidery member of the elite hacker fraternity". You're about as elite a collector of Cabbage Patch dolls. Twat.
How interesting that the one time in living memory you've actually supplied a link to something, it's an unfunny dork site that's a year old. You're the poster child for the decline in meaning of the word "geek", which now means "self-congratulatory dickweed who thinks owning a mass-market gadget makes him an insidery member of the elite hacker fraternity". You're about as elite a collector of Cabbage Patch dolls. Twat.
21
While I normally hate to jump in the middle of a WIS/Fnarf tirade, I have to say that I can't imagine why on earth Apple would do a 3-D iPad. Who would buy that? I, for one, would pay more NOT to have 3-D. I loathe 3-D. It is an irritating eye sore that serves no useful purpose. A fad that cannot die soon enough.
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