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Friday, February 4, 2011

Are You a Lesbian? Part of a Couple? Been Together More Than Five Years?

Posted by on Fri, Feb 4, 2011 at 10:33 AM

And want to do your part to stamp out lesbian bed death? Felice Newman, author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, is seeking input from lesbian, bisexual, queer women who have been coupled for 5+ years. Take her survey here.

 

Comments (16) RSS

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seandr 1
Re lesbian bed death: if a lesbian couple gradually and mutually loses interest in sex, is that actually a problem?
Posted by seandr on February 4, 2011 at 11:02 AM · Report this
Banna 2
Lesbian Bed Death, is that like SIDS?
Posted by Banna http://www.ucp.org on February 4, 2011 at 11:08 AM · Report this
luke1249 3
hello self selection
Posted by luke1249 on February 4, 2011 at 11:12 AM · Report this
Womyn2me 4
funny thing. 6 degrees of lesbian sex. I used to date Felice way back in the day in Pittsburgh.

I also bought that book for a different lover and didnt notice that Felice was the author. there was a brief quandry as to whether it was appropriate to give a book written about sex by an ex to a current lover.

We are complicated and complex people, we lesbians.
Posted by Womyn2me http://http:\\www.shelleyandlaura.com on February 4, 2011 at 11:24 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 5
Young hetero male's fantasies of lesbians vs. actual lesbians: I wonder if there is any larger gap between two things as there is for this?
Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 4, 2011 at 12:00 PM · Report this
venomlash 6
@5: Guys should instead fantasize about bisexuals. They at least have a shot with them.
Posted by venomlash on February 4, 2011 at 1:42 PM · Report this
7
@1, it's not a problem if it's mutual but for every couple I know who has ever been afflicted with the dreaded LBD, there is 1/2 of the couple NOT happy with the arrangement. I have never encountered Dan's "sexless chunky lesbians eating cheetos on the couch and happy with it" thing. There've been times when both parties are complaining about the lack of sex, which baffled me because if they both want sex, just make it happen. But I think that may come out of the fact that women aren't conditioned to initiate sex, which I think is a huge factor in LBD, especially if you have two non-butch women, in every case I've seen of LBD, it was two rather passive non-butch women.

@5 I hate it when straight men, who like @6 said don't have much of a chance with real lesbians, criticize the looks of lesbians. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH THESE WOMEN. Maybe instead of bitching about how they're ruining your masturbatory fantasies, feel sorry for the lesbians out there who want a woman who doesn't look like Patton Oswalt. When I first came out, 90% of the women I met were more dudish than my ex-boyfriend, which led to huge dryspells.

To each his own but it is unfortunate for those of us who aren't attracted to that look. And it's not about wanting some superfemme in f-me heels and full make-up, all the women I've dated were low-maintenance all-natural femmes. The girls I've dated and myself spend far less time in front of the mirror than the butch women I know, who sometimes spend hours perfecting that "look."
Posted by Cure for LBD: sell strap-ons at Home Depot? on February 4, 2011 at 2:17 PM · Report this
seandr 8
@6: I fantasize about asexuals.

That's it baby, yawn for me, mmm hmmm, I love it when you check your watch... yeah, just like that....tell me how bored you are ... mmm...
Posted by seandr on February 4, 2011 at 2:19 PM · Report this
wingedkat 9
Is this a problem exclusive to lesbians? I mean, it seems like it happens in a lot of relationships, assuming Dan's column, other advice columns, and office gossip can be considered representative samples.
Posted by wingedkat on February 4, 2011 at 4:30 PM · Report this
10
Glenda Corwin's book, Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guide for Same-Sex Couples, addresses this issue head-on. Yes, it's a problem when a couple stops making love--that's the difference between lovers and friends. Couples break up over this! And yes, there are solutions, if you can be intentional about your sex life. Waiting to be spontaneous is a recipe for disaster.
Posted by Glenda Corwin on February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM · Report this
11
@8 LOL, made my day! :-))))))))
Posted by Ola http://petite-lambda.livejournal.com on February 5, 2011 at 5:22 AM · Report this
Canadian Nurse 12
Seandr, congratulations! You win the thread. An Internet is being shipped to your house as I write this.
Posted by Canadian Nurse on February 5, 2011 at 7:35 AM · Report this
Roma 13
7: @1, it's not a problem if it's mutual but for every couple I know who has ever been afflicted with the dreaded LBD, there is 1/2 of the couple NOT happy with the arrangement.

You're right there, of course, but it's always been my understanding that LBD meant a situation where both women in a relationship became uninterested in having sex.

There've been times when both parties are complaining about the lack of sex, which baffled me because if they both want sex, just make it happen. But I think that may come out of the fact that women aren't conditioned to initiate sex, which I think is a huge factor in LBD, especially if you have two non-butch women,

Yeah, both people complaining about a lack of sex in a relationship while (apparently) doing nothing about it would baffle me too. I'm equally baffled that if a woman was conditioned to not initiate sex, she wouldn't even initiate sex with another woman. I also find the "not conditioned to" thing to be a pretty lame excuse. As a guy, I'm conditioned to be the initiator but that doesn't mean I'm a prisoner of my conditioning, incapable of responding favorably if a woman initiates something -- a conversation, a date, sex -- with me.

@5 I hate it when straight men, who like @6 said don't have much of a chance with real lesbians, criticize the looks of lesbians.

Much of a chance? Wouldn't a straight man have no chance with a real lesbian?

...feel sorry for the lesbians out there who want a woman who doesn't look like Patton Oswalt. When I first came out, 90% of the women I met were more dudish than my ex-boyfriend, which led to huge dryspells.
To each his own but it is unfortunate for those of us who aren't attracted to that look.


Out of curiosity, do you think your personal experience of 90% with a butch look is approximately true for all lesbians?

And it's not about wanting some superfemme in f-me heels and full make-up, all the women I've dated were low-maintenance all-natural femmes.

Also, I'm curious if all-natural femmes are only approximately 10% of all lesbians, then what percentage of lesbians might have (or be attracted to) a "superfemme" look?
More...
Posted by Roma on February 5, 2011 at 11:18 AM · Report this
14
Just for the record, many butch women are closer to Marcello Mastroianni than Mr. Oswalt. Myself hopefully included. Fine not to be into butch women, but there's no need to paint us with such an, ahem, broad brush.
Posted by tall, dark, and maybe some are handsome on February 5, 2011 at 7:41 PM · Report this
HellboundAlleee 15
Women and Men both go through different cycles of a sex drive. Lots of times 20-somethings are SO not aware of this. You can be cruising through your 30's like a wild horn dog, then not give a shit until you're in menopause or pregnancy and POW! Give it to me, baby! I'm not sure about men's sex drives--just watching my husband age.
Posted by HellboundAlleee http://hellboundalleee.blogspot.com on February 5, 2011 at 8:09 PM · Report this
16
i don't get the joke @8.

one time I fucked my ex-gf while she ignored me and checked Facebook and online recipes. it was my idea, I thought it was pretty hot, but then again, I'm a weirdo.

also i totally get the joke and i laughed. but now i'm also a little aroused at work.
Posted by Catface Meowmers on February 7, 2011 at 6:33 AM · Report this

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