Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, January 11, 2011
Video of the Day Lunchtime Quickie: FINALLY! All The Mass Bird Deaths Explained!
Posted by Kelly O on Tue, Jan 11, 2011 at 12:05 PM
It's all THE GAYS fault! Of course! Thanks Cindy. You-so-smart. One thing though, you realize your jacket used to belong to a drag queen, right? Giiiiirl, you be more careful in that Salvation Army!
4
I'm thinking anyone who can pick out a purple leopard print jacket and pair it with a jawbreaker necklace is not *actually* in communication with an omniscient being.
...and what? Does God not even know about Canada? Gays and lesbians have been getting married here for the last 6 years, and...nothing...always the bridesmaid, never the bride...sigh.
...and what? Does God not even know about Canada? Gays and lesbians have been getting married here for the last 6 years, and...nothing...always the bridesmaid, never the bride...sigh.
5
I was having a perfectly calm day then WHAMMO, a full-on Tourettes-like slew of foulness and expletives EXPLODES in my mind while watching this drivel. Thanks Kelly-O.
@canuck, too funny, and hope you find your bliss.
@canuck, too funny, and hope you find your bliss.
7
I got four words in before I had to stop it because I couldn't stand her voice. All of a sudden, it hit me in a rush, "I don't need to put myself through this," and I just stopped the video.
8
holyfuckingshit. . . I TOTALLY thought that was a video of Eddie Izzard?
wtf, he's not being funny?
wtf, he's not being funny?
10
....I felt the oxygen being sucked from my lungs and knew I'd been hit by breath-taking stupidity. Last night I took advantage of my defenseless self with the aid of avian pornography (Black Swan) and woke up with a dead woodpecker on my dick. Explain that Dressed-by-Helen-Keller.
12
@7, I got a little further, to some bit about "the sacredness of marriage, one man, one woman" drivel. Which made me think one thing: To the googles!
Whoever that asswipe in the awful clothes is has not a shred of her own argument to lean on. Arkansas has TWICE the number of opposite-sex marriages (per capita) as the evil, sinful New York, for example. You'd think God would love them better, according to that shrieky voice on that video. But, it ain't so. The birds are dying over God-and-Marriage-Loving Arkansas. Here in the "sinful city," we've got wonderful, healthy wildlife, flocks of adorable pigeons (tasty for falcons and hawks, too), adorable slinky-like squirrels, and too many songbirds to name. Even flocks of wild parrots!
God clearly loves New York City (and its comprehensive human rights law that protects gay and trans children of God) and hates Arkansas and the entire "Bible Belt." So, be warned, hate-spewing, shrill, ugly, bad-dresser lady, you could be next!
Whoever that asswipe in the awful clothes is has not a shred of her own argument to lean on. Arkansas has TWICE the number of opposite-sex marriages (per capita) as the evil, sinful New York, for example. You'd think God would love them better, according to that shrieky voice on that video. But, it ain't so. The birds are dying over God-and-Marriage-Loving Arkansas. Here in the "sinful city," we've got wonderful, healthy wildlife, flocks of adorable pigeons (tasty for falcons and hawks, too), adorable slinky-like squirrels, and too many songbirds to name. Even flocks of wild parrots!
God clearly loves New York City (and its comprehensive human rights law that protects gay and trans children of God) and hates Arkansas and the entire "Bible Belt." So, be warned, hate-spewing, shrill, ugly, bad-dresser lady, you could be next!
13
@4: I can't believe you've been our neighbor your whole life and I have to be the one to explain this to you:
GOD ONLY CARES ABOUT THE USA! The rest of the world is composed of godless heathens.
GOD ONLY CARES ABOUT THE USA! The rest of the world is composed of godless heathens.
16
So, to which mental institution has Cindy Jacobs been admitted? I'd like to send her a get well card.
17
She seems a bit confused as to whether it's DADT itself ("the thing that came out of Arkansas") or the repeal thereof that is the immediate reason for god's purported hissy fit. (Though I suppose in Crazytown they're both steppingstones on the downward path.)
Also, I'm fascinated by the little attack she has every thirty seconds or so that twists her mouth into a grotesque parody of a smile, no doubt intended to convey kind but firm parental authority.
Also, I'm fascinated by the little attack she has every thirty seconds or so that twists her mouth into a grotesque parody of a smile, no doubt intended to convey kind but firm parental authority.
18
Oh Ness, I would love nothing more than to attend Slog Happy Canada...smut, friends, and tequila, my trifecta of perfection! If I am ever in Toronto, you can be sure I will give you advance warning...cheers!
CrackerJack...how silly of me! We are simply so consumed with our own relevance up here, what with winning that gold medal in hockey (heh heh), I *do* tend to forget that God does, in fact, play favourites...(that blackbirds, at least, are relieved...)
CrackerJack...how silly of me! We are simply so consumed with our own relevance up here, what with winning that gold medal in hockey (heh heh), I *do* tend to forget that God does, in fact, play favourites...(that blackbirds, at least, are relieved...)
19
Oh, my God, I would kill for that jacket and necklace. I would automatically win every talent show from here to the end of eternity.
20
@19 Honeybunch, not only did I find you a jacket:
http://cgi.ebay.com/Dialogue-Purple-Anim…
But I've also sourced a purple leopard print peekaboo bra, so your naughty bits will show.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Purple-Leopard-Print…
Promise you'll wear them both to the next sloghappy, and post pictures for us poor, country cousin Canadians??
http://cgi.ebay.com/Dialogue-Purple-Anim…
But I've also sourced a purple leopard print peekaboo bra, so your naughty bits will show.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Purple-Leopard-Print…
Promise you'll wear them both to the next sloghappy, and post pictures for us poor, country cousin Canadians??
24
I love the way these fucktards write this shit as they go along. Where exactly in her bable does it say birds will fall from the sky if the U.S. military allows gays to serve openly? Oh, that's right, nowhere. But, since Jazzus knows everything, because, you know, he's gawd, he would have mentioned it, right? What a hopeless twit.
26
CANUCK! That bra is killing me. I feel like my life has been without meaning until this very moment.
The sizes might be a problem. I'm not sure what I am in ladies' sizes; I usually just get "four person tent" size and "make it work".
The sizes might be a problem. I'm not sure what I am in ladies' sizes; I usually just get "four person tent" size and "make it work".
28
Lol. This woman thinks that storms happen because of "national decisions" about marriage. Because "the nature" is talking to us.
We have got to get into the bible belt and just fucking force education down everyone's throats. They aren't going to stop breeding, you know? They're busy making more purple spotted religion tardlets as we type.
We have got to get into the bible belt and just fucking force education down everyone's throats. They aren't going to stop breeding, you know? They're busy making more purple spotted religion tardlets as we type.
29
Oh Fnarf, you look positively svelte in your gold catsuit, I'm sure ladies foundation garments are not beyond your reach. (The best part of that bra? The home-sewn, uneven nipple holes!)
30
Hey there should be a contest (you know like the X prize?) to find that elusive-yet-oft-referenced passage in the bible that defines marriage as one-man-woman... I would even offer my own favoritest animal fur coat as part of the prize; maybe other slog fans could chip in, it would be a pot-luck jackpot. Could be exciting.
31
@29, they looked a little raggedy, didn't they? Like someone got a little caught up in the moment and snipped them off right there in the bedroom with the bedside scissors, and then tried to neaten them afterwards. Well, that's what I would do.
But I wear a 43 or even a 44 jacket, and while I can't find a good online sportcoat-to-brassiere size converter I'm pretty sure 36 anything isn't going to work. The bra I have is a 42 H or something appalling, but I don't want to cut it up.
I'm now picturing a scenario for my act involving me shouting "No! Not the GOOD bra! Use the old one!"
But I wear a 43 or even a 44 jacket, and while I can't find a good online sportcoat-to-brassiere size converter I'm pretty sure 36 anything isn't going to work. The bra I have is a 42 H or something appalling, but I don't want to cut it up.
I'm now picturing a scenario for my act involving me shouting "No! Not the GOOD bra! Use the old one!"
32
You know I've never heard her speak before, and while watching this, she seemed so familiar, and then it hit me: She's Jerri Blank, all grown up.
And Fnarf, we could buy the purple leopard fabric and use your old bra to make a pattern.
And Fnarf, we could buy the purple leopard fabric and use your old bra to make a pattern.
34
Practice on your old bra, Fnarf, but get a new one once you've mastered all those careful little stitches...a lady always feels better when her undergarments are in top shape. What if you were in an accident on the way to the show, and the doctor saw your grotty old bra? It simply won't do, darling. Go hard or go home, that's what we say chez Canuck.
35
@ 30
Marriage is never defined with the description "one man and one woman", you won't find that term, but there seems to be a belief amongst this crowd that a marriage was performed in Eden based off of this section of Genesis, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" (Genesis 2:23). "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). And, there you have it, the Biblical definition of marriage.
The Bible also says that women are to have long hair and are not to teach, and this woman in the video, ignores those passages.
I'm guessing that they ignore one of my favorite parables, too. Likely because even in its most literal reading it's way too provocative.
When speaking of the kingdom, Jesus would say: "What does God's imperial rule remind me of? It is like leaven (or yeast) that a woman took and concealed in forty pounds of flour until it was all leavened." Luke 2:21-22
Provocative, because leaven is a symbol of moral evil, impurity, the unclean in the Bible. Unleaven is the proper symbol of the divine (Exodus 12:19; Mark 8:15; Galatians 5:9; 1 Corinthians 5:7). Provocative, because their is no claim that the dough becomes unleavened or is made clean. Literally it says that he divine has been redefined, it is no longer clean, and that the divine now identifies with the impure. Considering Jesus was known for burlesquing laws with his parables, and for associating with the outcasts, lepers, woman, tax collectors, and the poor, it doesn't seem that radical. But, to a crowd that obsesses over holiness, purity, conformity... it is provocative if not a blasphemous thing to consider.
Ps. You can keep your coat.
More...
Marriage is never defined with the description "one man and one woman", you won't find that term, but there seems to be a belief amongst this crowd that a marriage was performed in Eden based off of this section of Genesis, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" (Genesis 2:23). "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). And, there you have it, the Biblical definition of marriage.
The Bible also says that women are to have long hair and are not to teach, and this woman in the video, ignores those passages.
I'm guessing that they ignore one of my favorite parables, too. Likely because even in its most literal reading it's way too provocative.
When speaking of the kingdom, Jesus would say: "What does God's imperial rule remind me of? It is like leaven (or yeast) that a woman took and concealed in forty pounds of flour until it was all leavened." Luke 2:21-22
Provocative, because leaven is a symbol of moral evil, impurity, the unclean in the Bible. Unleaven is the proper symbol of the divine (Exodus 12:19; Mark 8:15; Galatians 5:9; 1 Corinthians 5:7). Provocative, because their is no claim that the dough becomes unleavened or is made clean. Literally it says that he divine has been redefined, it is no longer clean, and that the divine now identifies with the impure. Considering Jesus was known for burlesquing laws with his parables, and for associating with the outcasts, lepers, woman, tax collectors, and the poor, it doesn't seem that radical. But, to a crowd that obsesses over holiness, purity, conformity... it is provocative if not a blasphemous thing to consider.
Ps. You can keep your coat.
36
It took me until 1:53 to realize that this video was not a comedian sending up a drug addled ignorant televangelist. Shit. That stuff about patterns is really stupid. . . Truly I thought it was a joke.
On another topic, Kim in PDX are you saying that Adam and Eve had a wedding? In the dark times pre-wedding planners? How did they ever manage? How did Adam know how many months of salary he had to spend on a diamond? Those Lutherans over in Bellevue didn't teach me shit. . .
On another topic, Kim in PDX are you saying that Adam and Eve had a wedding? In the dark times pre-wedding planners? How did they ever manage? How did Adam know how many months of salary he had to spend on a diamond? Those Lutherans over in Bellevue didn't teach me shit. . .
37
No, I'm not. There is a contingent that think there was a "marriage" and it is based on the "man will leave his mother and father, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". It is where they get the "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" support, too.
Sorry if there was some confusion.
Sorry if there was some confusion.
38
Wait, this is NOT a Poe?!? Very hard to believe. I want proof: Has anyone ever seen her and Maria Bamford in the same room?
@27 Best unregistered comment ever. Well, this week, at least.
@27 Best unregistered comment ever. Well, this week, at least.
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