It's 2011! This edition of the Morning News will not be funny. I'm sorry. I will try a little, probably, but I have had about three hours of sleep. The good thing is, though, seeing as how I do not drink, at least I am not 1) hungover or 2) still drunk.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here's the news:
Sad Start to the New Year: One woman is dead after a head-on collision with a Metro bus.