First of all, let's all take a moment to look at this dude's butt!

• David Belisle

This dude's butt is not for sale at Strangercrombie (we do not sell people, you barbarian!). HOWEVER, there are plenty of other roundy lumps of happiness for you to bid on between now and this Wednesday December 15th at 5 pm, when the auction closes.

Plus, the money you spend benefits two amazing charities, Child Haven and Downtown Emergency Services Center, and nothing buoys a doldrummy heart like helping people in need. Let's get started!

Art thou bored?* Art thou sober? Art though non-vegan? How about the best wine and cheese party EVER?

If you love cheese, prepare to lose your mind: Cheese-lady Sheri LaVigne of the Calf & Kid and Peter Moore of Poco Wine Room will come to your home and give you and nine friends the tasting party of a lifetime. This is seriously so awesome, it breaks the brain.

Got something to say but not sure how to say it? How about the Fat and Happy Filmmaker Package?

You always wanted to make movies, but the thought of becoming a possibly starving artist scared the shit out of you. We know. It's terrifying. Also, slimming! But still: terrifying. Well, worry no more. With this package, you get a $545 scholarship to Seattle Film Institute, where you can learn to be the film genius that you are via either the Hands-On Filmmaking 1 Class or the Screenwriting 1 class—winner's choice! Each is an eight-week class that normally costs $545, but with your scholarship will cost… NOTHING. And lest you starve from all the excitement/artistry, we'll also throw in 12 free pizzas from Kylie's Chicago Pizza in Fremont (worth up to $24 each), redeemable all at once—or one at a time—winner's choice!—through December 31, 2011.

• David Belisle
• Happy Monday!

Oh! Shit! Did you just squirt out a kid? No worries—we've got a package for that too.

This package includes the following: Mama Rose's Naturals Baby Care Travel Kit (baby wash, baby lotion, baby balm, and baby powder—clean that baby up, for god's sake!). $50 to spend at Stitches good for merchandise or sewing classes, a pair of Monster Feet fleece booties, and $20 to Bootyland (cloak that baby's shame!). A Haba Trix multicolored wooden rattle/clutching toy (give that baby something to do before it turns to the drugs!). And eight pre- or postnatal yoga classes at any 8 Limbs Yoga Center (limber that baby up!).

Seriously, there's just tons and tons of great stuff—you should browse through and see for yourself. And bid! It's for the children. And the adult people. And for you. Everybody wins!!!

Strangercrombie: Once a Year, We Do Something Good.

*Sorry if this is misleading. There are no Strangercrombie packages involving Slim Jims OR Macho Man Randy Savage. At least not this year (Dan? Any relation?).