David Vitter, of course, is a whoremonger and a conservative Christian who supports "family values." But Vitter is right with God and right with his constituents—and will most likely get his rightwing ass reelected—because, you see, he at least has the decency to hate the homos. Vitter supports a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, opposes the repeal of DADT, the passage of ENDA, and on and on. Just as New York's Carl Paladino can style himself as a faithful Catholic—never mind his extramarital affair, his lovechild, his mistress—because he hates the gays (at least the grinders in Speedos), Vitter is a "good" Christian despite the philandering because he hates the gays.

They set the bar pretty low for themselves, don't they? Hate the gays and you're right with God and right with Republicans. No personal sacrifices required.