Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, October 19, 2010
Homo It Gets Better: An Email From a Mother
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Oct 19, 2010 at 12:09 PM
Mike got this email from the mother of a bullied gay kid after he posted his IGBP video:
"I just wanted to say a big Thank You for making this video. As the mother of a young, gay man, I often worry about his safety and sanity, as well as his future. I heard about this project from one of my friends. My son has had a tough time at school here in San Diego, and is resisting applying for college because of how poor his school experience has been. However I believe your video has gone a long way in convincing Jake that college wouldn't be bad, and that it would be better. Thank You so much for taking the time to do this. You give me so much hope for young, gay men everywhere."
1
The true beauty of this project is that someone sends it to someone they know who sends it to someone else who sends it to someone else, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. That one simple gesture will probably the spark that some tormented and unhappy kids needed to hang in there and not give up on life. It's the gift that keeps on giving, minute by minute, day after day and hopefully now for some, year after year.
I love you Dan Savage. Muwah! xoxoxoxox
I love you Dan Savage. Muwah! xoxoxoxox
2
this
this
this
THIS.
As Dan has written about in the past, and as anybody who has ever gone this route can tell you, getting into college / moving away to college is an incredible way to leave it all behind. It serves as a positive goal to work toward and focus your energy on while stuck in that small town.
Then you get there and...oh man, it is so worth it. Especially with an urban campus.
this
this
THIS.
As Dan has written about in the past, and as anybody who has ever gone this route can tell you, getting into college / moving away to college is an incredible way to leave it all behind. It serves as a positive goal to work toward and focus your energy on while stuck in that small town.
Then you get there and...oh man, it is so worth it. Especially with an urban campus.
3
"resisting applying for college because of how poor his school experience has been."
encourage him to go into the sciences; college humanities dept's for the most part are fucked. read the classics at home - Hawthorne, Hesse, Cervantes, etc. Not going to college is a perfectly sane viable option as well.
*snark alert*
He also might be eligible for welfare, unemployment benefits are at an all time high with extensions. Milk the system, and live off other people's labors. Better gets it.
encourage him to go into the sciences; college humanities dept's for the most part are fucked. read the classics at home - Hawthorne, Hesse, Cervantes, etc. Not going to college is a perfectly sane viable option as well.
*snark alert*
He also might be eligible for welfare, unemployment benefits are at an all time high with extensions. Milk the system, and live off other people's labors. Better gets it.
5
@3 College Humanities Departments are wonderful, and offer some really cool choices for majors. Know what's even better than telling kids what to study? Encouraging them to go to post-secondary school and figuring it out for themselves.
Way to go, Dan. I used to read my kids a book called Miss Rumphius. In it, everyone is encouraged to find the one thing they can do to make the world a better place, or contribute to its beauty. This project fits the bill.
Way to go, Dan. I used to read my kids a book called Miss Rumphius. In it, everyone is encouraged to find the one thing they can do to make the world a better place, or contribute to its beauty. This project fits the bill.
6
@4 it's just my stupid fucking opinion.
personally, not going to college is my preferred suggestion. i like "intelligent" conversations as much as the next shemale, but, for example, talking with an auto mechanic or a theater dept's seamstress is more interesting, imo.
personally, not going to college is my preferred suggestion. i like "intelligent" conversations as much as the next shemale, but, for example, talking with an auto mechanic or a theater dept's seamstress is more interesting, imo.
7
Canuck: I could have told you dnt_trust_me is one of those "I didn't go to college but I've got ~street smarts~" types based on their first comment.
Guess what: if a topic in humanities is interesting enough for your son or daughter to latch on to and follow through with their degree, that's so far from "fucked"
Guess what: if a topic in humanities is interesting enough for your son or daughter to latch on to and follow through with their degree, that's so far from "fucked"
8
@7 Completely agree. The beauty of the blank slate...wish I could go back and do it all over again. What a lifeline getting into a completely new, diverse community must be for some of these kids from small-minded high schools.
9
listen, seems whenever i attempt at sincerity and try to offer advice, i'm basically sticking my foot in mouth. i'm better at being a clown.
go to college, by all means. have fun at the drinking parties, the homecomings, the debate clubs, trying out lesbianism, becoming gay, realizing you're gay, whatever. have debates on the lawn, be a champion for greenpeace, stump for Larouche, it's a fun atmosphere, and i enjoyed my college days...i don't really care. Slog is simply a forum where I spend time avoiding living our lives and become more proficient at typing. have fun by all means, summa cum laude Go Dawgs.
go to college, by all means. have fun at the drinking parties, the homecomings, the debate clubs, trying out lesbianism, becoming gay, realizing you're gay, whatever. have debates on the lawn, be a champion for greenpeace, stump for Larouche, it's a fun atmosphere, and i enjoyed my college days...i don't really care. Slog is simply a forum where I spend time avoiding living our lives and become more proficient at typing. have fun by all means, summa cum laude Go Dawgs.
10
San Diego sucks balls, and not in the good way. I hated every minute of my teenage years spent there, because even at that age I was a liberal, free-thinking intellectual and not a shallow conservative surfer douchebag. I can't imagine how much more I would have hated it had I been gay as well. After I graduated high school, I got the fuck out of there, moved to San Francisco, and never went back. Life is *so* much better here.
As further evidence of San Diego's suckiness, my girlfriend had the reverse pattern: grew up in the Bay Area and went to San Diego for college. She hated it so much she juggled her schedule so she could graduate in three years, got the fuck out of there, and never went back.
It gets much better once you leave the biggest small town in the country.
As further evidence of San Diego's suckiness, my girlfriend had the reverse pattern: grew up in the Bay Area and went to San Diego for college. She hated it so much she juggled her schedule so she could graduate in three years, got the fuck out of there, and never went back.
It gets much better once you leave the biggest small town in the country.
11
I'm beginning to think gay & lesbian kids didn't eat the marshmallow right away...
Walter Mischel's marshmallow experiment (from the late 60s) found that kids who could exhibit self-control and subscribe to delayed gratification by not eating the marshmallow in the first fifteen minutes did better in life. Consistent throughout the IGBP videos is the theme that if gay kids will wait until high school graduation then life will get better. Seems like many of the people in the videos anticipated that life would get better if they could just hold on a little bit longer. The kid in this video advises staying focused on school and going to college - a recurring theme in the videos.
Interestingly, Mischel's classic experiment revealed that kids who ate the marshmallows the quickest were more likely to become bullies.
So, I'm really wondering if the kids who can delay eating the marshmallow have a greater chance of later identifying as gay or lesbian.
Clearly the research has shown that the bullies are marshmallow pigs.
Walter Mischel's marshmallow experiment (from the late 60s) found that kids who could exhibit self-control and subscribe to delayed gratification by not eating the marshmallow in the first fifteen minutes did better in life. Consistent throughout the IGBP videos is the theme that if gay kids will wait until high school graduation then life will get better. Seems like many of the people in the videos anticipated that life would get better if they could just hold on a little bit longer. The kid in this video advises staying focused on school and going to college - a recurring theme in the videos.
Interestingly, Mischel's classic experiment revealed that kids who ate the marshmallows the quickest were more likely to become bullies.
So, I'm really wondering if the kids who can delay eating the marshmallow have a greater chance of later identifying as gay or lesbian.
Clearly the research has shown that the bullies are marshmallow pigs.
12
@11 "So, I'm really wondering if the kids who can delay eating the marshmallow have a greater chance of later identifying as gay or lesbian."
Maybe they're simply the ones who end up being really good in bed? And perhaps the bullies are destined to be life's premature ejaculators?
Maybe they're simply the ones who end up being really good in bed? And perhaps the bullies are destined to be life's premature ejaculators?
13
Although it's a nice idea, the marshmallow test unfortunately didn't really show anything much. There was an extremely small test group - only 35 kids participated in the "classic" test - and it wasn't quite as clear a predictor, even among that group, as you might think. The video at this link is really cute, though...
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-s…
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-s…
14
Dan,
You'll never know how many lives you've saved and will save. You are making it better.
Thank you
You'll never know how many lives you've saved and will save. You are making it better.
Thank you
15
Fantastic message, Mike! We're so glad to have you as a friend of ERW. For those of you who don't know Mike, he was very active with the Approve 71 campaign and ERW. Mike did an amazing job in talking to voters last year during the 71 phone banks. We were so excited to hear about your enrollment at Western, Mike, and I know you will do some great things - and we're always here for you. All our best!
16
Hey Savagers!
There is an asshole at my high school who created an anti-gay hate facebook group in response to all the suicides recently called GAY SHAME WEEK.
The link is here! TROLL! TROLL!
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=10…
FYI, the football players involved were suspended for 60 days from games, and the creator of the group might be facing police action!
There is an asshole at my high school who created an anti-gay hate facebook group in response to all the suicides recently called GAY SHAME WEEK.
The link is here! TROLL! TROLL!
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=10…
FYI, the football players involved were suspended for 60 days from games, and the creator of the group might be facing police action!
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