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News & ArtsMonday, October 11, 2010
News Would It Help To Declare a National March On One High School?
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Oct 11, 2010 at 1:20 PM
Because I'm starting to think it would help if we made an example of one high school by taking the fight against bullying right to the doors of a school with a problem. And this vicious shithole sounds like a good target:
Sladjana Vidovic's body lay in an open casket, dressed in the sparkly pink dress she had planned to wear to the prom. Days earlier, she had tied one end of a rope around her neck and the other around a bed post before jumping out her bedroom window.The 16-year-old's last words, scribbled in English and her native Croatian, told of her daily torment at Mentor High School, where students mocked her accent, taunted her with insults like "Slutty Jana" and threw food at her.
It was the fourth time in little more than two years that a bullied high school student in this small Cleveland suburb on Lake Erie died by his or her own hand—three suicides, one overdose of antidepressants. One was bullied for being gay, another for having a learning disability, another for being a boy who happened to like wearing pink.
Now two families—including the Vidovics—are suing the school district, claiming their children were bullied to death and the school did nothing to stop it. The lawsuits come after a national spate of high-profile suicides by gay teens and others, and during a time of national soul-searching about what can be done to stop it.
If there has been soul-searching among the bullies in Mentor—a pleasant beachfront community that was voted one of the "100 Best Places to Live" by CNN and Money magazine this year—Sladjana's family saw too little of it at her wake in October 2008.... The family watched, she said, as the girls who had tormented Sladjana for months walked up to the casket—and laughed. "They were laughing at the way she looked," Suzana says, crying. "Even though she died."
Read the whole appalling story.
Most of the stories of bullying-related suicides, be they about gay or straight kids, share this element: unresponsive school administrators who ignored repeated pleas from the parents of the bullied to do something. So maybe it's time to march on the schools. Maybe it's time to make tolerating or excusing bullying—or siding with the bullies—a bigger headache for school administrators than doing something about bullying ever could be.
2
Going to the funeral of the person you bullied to death and laughing at her corpse... these people are sociopaths. Truly.
3
These stories are all heartbreaking.
Demonstrating would certainly bring unwanted attention to these appalling schools. And who is raising these little shits who are still laughing at the girl in her coffin?
I was thinking, after that last thread on bullying, that the two things that would make a difference to indifferent administrators would be lawsuits, targeting both the administrators and the school board (that way they'd keep each other in line), and CCTV cameras in schools. It wouldn't help the verbal threats/taunts, but at least there would be evidence of the physical violence. If we do this on city streets to protect people, why not in schools?
Demonstrating would certainly bring unwanted attention to these appalling schools. And who is raising these little shits who are still laughing at the girl in her coffin?
I was thinking, after that last thread on bullying, that the two things that would make a difference to indifferent administrators would be lawsuits, targeting both the administrators and the school board (that way they'd keep each other in line), and CCTV cameras in schools. It wouldn't help the verbal threats/taunts, but at least there would be evidence of the physical violence. If we do this on city streets to protect people, why not in schools?
4
Agreed with @2- that sounds like Sociopathic Behavior 101. I would get these shitbags analyzed by professionals and perhaps institutionalized. There is a severe lack of empathy that is exhibited here- the very same lack of empathy found in serial killers. Absolutely monstrous.
5
Bullies need to be combated at the home. The schools could be way safer places, and they need to be, but how do you make parents BETTER? I like the idea of actual zero tolerance attitudes for bullies. I would imagine that at the first instance of bulling that you separate the bully and the victim, then punish the bully for like a week?
I kinda don't get how this is supposed to work... I imagine that it would have to be a total unified front. That all teachers and administrators would have to stop all bullying immediately. But will that work? You can't expect the teachers to keep up with the kids if they have to police all the kids all the time.
Also how do the bullies factor in? There are many times where "squealing" will land a victim in much hotter water, and its fear that leads these kids to take such extreme actions. So once the bully is found out, how do you discipline the behavior? And right now I am talking about up-their-own-ass prissy Roosevelt HS in Seattle, How the hell do you do this in Baltimore?
I think the only way to to teach really young kids that the differences in people isn't a big deal and shouldn't be used to ostracize, Then when those kids parents freak out that you are condoning homos and the like, you will know your problem children by their problem parents.
I kinda don't get how this is supposed to work... I imagine that it would have to be a total unified front. That all teachers and administrators would have to stop all bullying immediately. But will that work? You can't expect the teachers to keep up with the kids if they have to police all the kids all the time.
Also how do the bullies factor in? There are many times where "squealing" will land a victim in much hotter water, and its fear that leads these kids to take such extreme actions. So once the bully is found out, how do you discipline the behavior? And right now I am talking about up-their-own-ass prissy Roosevelt HS in Seattle, How the hell do you do this in Baltimore?
I think the only way to to teach really young kids that the differences in people isn't a big deal and shouldn't be used to ostracize, Then when those kids parents freak out that you are condoning homos and the like, you will know your problem children by their problem parents.
6
I just don't understand what it's going to tak for school's adminstrators to stop worrying about the bullies and start worrying about the bullied. All I can think of is that these adminstrators failed to escape the high school mentality of popularity and allows the bullies parents to bully them (they were probably picked on as well growing up). I think expulsion would be appropriate for the bullies...be tough for a while and it may slow down. Also, don't take shit from parents. Fucking grow up people!! These are our kids!!!
7
a pleasant beachfront community that was voted one of the "100 Best Places to Live" by CNN and Money magazineWhen I was in school, I observed that the most remorseless, depraved bullies were the children of neglectful but wealthy parents.
8
What would be really great is if making a spectacle out of one homophobic school it would cure all of the others from even trying that bullshit on us.
I'm all in and I'll bring my posse. Just name the date and time.
I'm all in and I'll bring my posse. Just name the date and time.
9
A big demonstration will make that school's administrators worry. Until you're gone. But if you pair a few top-notch trial lawyers with a few grieving families around the country, you'll have verdicts that ruin administrators' careers and fucking decimate the school districts' insurers.
THAT will give activists factual ammo to get the full attention of every single district there is.
THAT will give activists factual ammo to get the full attention of every single district there is.
10
I know people who live in Mentor and who send their children out-of-district to private schools because of the school's reputation. I'll come for a march. Mom & Dad will be happy to have me back in Cleveland. Hell they might even join me on the march.
11
@ 9 - A big demonstration will put that high school in the national or international news, which is bad enough for a school's reputation. Follow that immediately with the lawsuits, and the media won't let go of them for awhile. All other school's administrators are going to shit their pants and start doing something for fear of getting on the news and losing their jobs.
12
@6 It can work the other way too. At my high school we had more than a few teachers who were popular atheletes/cheerleaders/etc. when they were in high school, and never lost that "I'm one of the cool kids" mentality.
They were the ones, when someone was getting bullied for being different, who just shrugged and said "why can't that kid make more of an effort to fit in?"
They were the ones, when someone was getting bullied for being different, who just shrugged and said "why can't that kid make more of an effort to fit in?"
13
I too live in a lake front suburb of Cleveland, and this sort of attitude is endemic to much of the area. I say demonstrate, sue - do whatever it takes to make this school almost as notorious as Columbine.
14
I usually roll my eyes at the occasional commenter here who claims he (or she) would physically harm his/her kid's bullies. But I also could easily see myself flying into a homicidal rage if some little shit laughed at my dead teen at her funeral. How is that even possible?
15
Yes, I grew up in that region and was harassed quite a bit because I was perceived to be queer. After having my head repeatedly slammed against lockers, the vice principal's response: "If you're going to flaunt your lifestyle, you should be prepared to accept the consequences." (I didn't flaunt, btw, all I did was exist). I agree with #12. The people who chose to stay and settle down in such regions, parents AND teachers, chose because the intolerance of difference makes it a "great place to live/raise kids" and will only work to perpetuate that climate. Which is why the laughing at the funeral thing doesn't surprise or shock me at all. Jana and her family deserved so much better.
16
I'm familiar with the Cleveland area and I have a friend who goes to high school there. There's a controversial move to make a GSA at his school. I'm both proud and worried for him.
I wonder if we could take an existing structure -- like PFLAG chapters -- and encourage each and every chapter to contact their local schools to apply pressure for anti-bullying measures? Ask what their policies are, find out if such policies are informed, be really vocal until we're satisfied. I just don't even know how to start something like that.
I wonder if we could take an existing structure -- like PFLAG chapters -- and encourage each and every chapter to contact their local schools to apply pressure for anti-bullying measures? Ask what their policies are, find out if such policies are informed, be really vocal until we're satisfied. I just don't even know how to start something like that.
18
Mentor high school is one of the biggest in Ohio (possibly *the* biggest). Over a thousand kids per class. It's the type of place that might just claim that they were 'too busy' to do anything. A demonstration might help rectify that....
20
@18 - it's surprising to me that the high school is so big. My high school wasn't too bad as far as bullying went and I always thought it was in part due to the size (2300 students). With so many kids it was fairly easy to avoid the assholes if you needed to, and if you were on the outs with a group of friends, chances were you could find a new group who didn't even know the old ones.
But hearing this, I guess it really has more to do with the school culture, the administration, and location. I'm luckier than I knew.
But hearing this, I guess it really has more to do with the school culture, the administration, and location. I'm luckier than I knew.
22
@20: Yeah, I went to a high school with about 3000 students. Size of the student body is no excuse for lack of discipline.
23
It would be cathartic and satisfying to march on a high school like this, and it would get lots of attention on the blogs for a few days before people forgot about it. But it would be more effective and produce more long-term consequences if we pooled money to hire a team of brutal, kick-ass lawyers to sue a few school administrators and parents into oblivion.
24
Holy. Fucking. Shit. This was my high school (class of '98). I haven't heard anything about it in years, and now this. I have absolutely no idea what happened there. When I was there, it was kind of an oasis after the utter hell of middle school. I'm straight, but a friend in middle school made some jokes (?) about having a crush on me, and a pack of trailer trash kids tormented me for a few days. It was just another round of bullying in a school that would never do much about it. When I got to high school, the mixing of the middle schools meant that the trash fought amongst themselves, got stoned, and lost interest in bullying.
We had a gay/straight alliance when I was there, though I don't recall any openly gay kids. There were a few who came out since, but the atmosphere certainly didn't feel hostile. We had a huge drama program, a massive choir, and a lot of kids who were pretty "swishy." And as far as I can remember, things went pretty smoothly for just about everyone. All of this is to say that it wasn't a "vicious shithole" when I was there. I don't know what's happened since. I do know that apropos of a comment above, this is not an affluent community. The "beachfront" is mostly low-income rental housing, and there's been little interest in re-gentrifying it.
Dan, if you want to march on my former school, I hope you'll talk to me first. I'll be glad to help you, but I hope you approach it as a community in solidarity with those who need help, and not as an attack on enemy territory. These people have all kinds of capacity to do good, and they haven't done anything as shitty as moving the prom and not telling the gay or disabled kids. They haven't done what's right, and they need to. If that's your goal, I'll help you make it happen
More...
We had a gay/straight alliance when I was there, though I don't recall any openly gay kids. There were a few who came out since, but the atmosphere certainly didn't feel hostile. We had a huge drama program, a massive choir, and a lot of kids who were pretty "swishy." And as far as I can remember, things went pretty smoothly for just about everyone. All of this is to say that it wasn't a "vicious shithole" when I was there. I don't know what's happened since. I do know that apropos of a comment above, this is not an affluent community. The "beachfront" is mostly low-income rental housing, and there's been little interest in re-gentrifying it.
Dan, if you want to march on my former school, I hope you'll talk to me first. I'll be glad to help you, but I hope you approach it as a community in solidarity with those who need help, and not as an attack on enemy territory. These people have all kinds of capacity to do good, and they haven't done anything as shitty as moving the prom and not telling the gay or disabled kids. They haven't done what's right, and they need to. If that's your goal, I'll help you make it happen
25
This is appalling.
The problem is so widespread and probably has many different contributing factors. Bullies are raised by parents who instill their beliefs in their children; they're ignored by the administrators and staff, who may well have been the jocks, cheerleaders and bullies in their youth; the conformity culture of high school exacerbates all of it. The lack of empathy exemplified by laughing at the coffin of the girl you bullied to death makes me sick. (why did these girls even go to the funeral? Just to get one more laugh in?)
The ACLU is already trying to push legislation, to protect kids from being bullied, but surely there's more that can be done. School administration, school districts, and school boards, along with states' superintendents need to be sued (I'd contribute toward a legal fund, dead-broke though I am), and demonstrations need to be held. But I don't know how to begin to reach the parents of the bullies.
The problem is so widespread and probably has many different contributing factors. Bullies are raised by parents who instill their beliefs in their children; they're ignored by the administrators and staff, who may well have been the jocks, cheerleaders and bullies in their youth; the conformity culture of high school exacerbates all of it. The lack of empathy exemplified by laughing at the coffin of the girl you bullied to death makes me sick. (why did these girls even go to the funeral? Just to get one more laugh in?)
The ACLU is already trying to push legislation, to protect kids from being bullied, but surely there's more that can be done. School administration, school districts, and school boards, along with states' superintendents need to be sued (I'd contribute toward a legal fund, dead-broke though I am), and demonstrations need to be held. But I don't know how to begin to reach the parents of the bullies.
26
I live in Cincinnati and if I could work it into my schedule, I would totally drive up to Mentor to scream and hold a sign.
28
@26: Dan, this is what I mean by invading enemy territory. Nothing will ever change if you don't discourage people from misbehaving like this at the march. You always tell people to be respectful when contacting those who are doing the wrong thing, and I've always found that admirable.
29
I love the idea of civil disobedience. In addition, what about this: start a letter-writing campaign from college parents and college alumni to their respective schools, demanding that the school stop considering applications from Mentor High School. No respectable college wants to associate itself with a person who is guilty of bullying other people to death.
At the very least, extensive background checks by an independent 3rd party should be required.
At the very least, extensive background checks by an independent 3rd party should be required.
30
I know violence is never the answer to situations like this and you would have to pull me off the bleeding comatose body of anyone who laughed at a recently deceased friend or family member of mine...
32
I happened to meet a woman last night who went to Mentor in the late nineties, and who's aunt works there as guidance counselor. She said her aunt really tries to do as much as she can to fight this problem. (For example, she meets with alleged bullies and tries to talk to them about what is going on in their own life that is making them want to lash out at other students.)
What I heard from this woman is that part of the problem is that this school is seriously over-crowded. The building is just not large enough to handle 1000 students per class. Apparently the teachers are required to stand at the doors of their classrooms during class change and watch over the hallway, but the place is so crowded with students that it's impossible to see what's happening more than 10 feet away.
My guess is over-crowding makes it easier for stuff like this to happen right under the staff's nose, and makes it difficult to prevent. Also, bullying might be a way for students to feel like they stand out, in a place so crowded that it's easy to just become one of the nameless masses.
What I heard from this woman is that part of the problem is that this school is seriously over-crowded. The building is just not large enough to handle 1000 students per class. Apparently the teachers are required to stand at the doors of their classrooms during class change and watch over the hallway, but the place is so crowded with students that it's impossible to see what's happening more than 10 feet away.
My guess is over-crowding makes it easier for stuff like this to happen right under the staff's nose, and makes it difficult to prevent. Also, bullying might be a way for students to feel like they stand out, in a place so crowded that it's easy to just become one of the nameless masses.
33
The parents of the bullies need to be drawn into this. When a bully taunts another child, the bully needs to be sent home for at least a week. if the parents have to take their vacation time to look after them, then so be it. The problem is that there are almost no consequences for the bullies or their MIA parents.
I was a military brat and attended schools operated by the Dept of Defense for dependents of active duty military personnel. The first time you got into trouble, the school called your parents. The second time, they called your mom or dad's commanding officer and then your parents got hauled up in front of them. You can believe that whatever the aberrant behavior was, it stopped because the parents had no choice but to get involved and make it stop or risk their career.
Take it from someone who has been there, there is no way that bullying to this level goes on without the knowledge and tacit approval of school faculty. This reinforces the behavior in the bully and further diminishes the self esteem of the victim.
I was a military brat and attended schools operated by the Dept of Defense for dependents of active duty military personnel. The first time you got into trouble, the school called your parents. The second time, they called your mom or dad's commanding officer and then your parents got hauled up in front of them. You can believe that whatever the aberrant behavior was, it stopped because the parents had no choice but to get involved and make it stop or risk their career.
Take it from someone who has been there, there is no way that bullying to this level goes on without the knowledge and tacit approval of school faculty. This reinforces the behavior in the bully and further diminishes the self esteem of the victim.
34
Anyone who came and laughed at my dead kid in her casket, high school moron or not, would immediately regret it and wish that I would stop stabbing them.
Jesus, what fools these mortals be.
Jesus, what fools these mortals be.
35
The Hundred Dresses should be core reading for every third grader in that school district. That shit in the 21st Century. Sad.
36
Dan, I live in Cleveland and would be more than happy to help organize. Please, please consider doing this for real. Enough is enough and we're clearly not getting any help from people in positions of authority.
37
@24/28: Holding a sign & screaming is "misbehaving" in your book? Did you READ the fucking article?!
I'm with you, Dan. Name the time & place, and I'll drag my ass there from Cali.
I'm with you, Dan. Name the time & place, and I'll drag my ass there from Cali.
38
@32: What the hell? Talking with the bullies about their own lives is trying to fight this problem? Bullshit. They're bullying for attention; giving them more attention is exactly what they want. Don't talk to them. Suspend them, you know, like what happened to that kid who tried to *stop* the bullies. Work with local law enforcement to charge them as adults for harassment or assault. Fuck up their lives forever. Talking to bullies doesn't do anything.
39
@33 Drawing the parents in is a great idea, but only if the parents are around, and only if, as in the military, they have an interest in making their kids behave. I was bullied throughout sixth grade by kids whose parents, for whatever reason, weren't around that much. And as a Boy Scout I spent two miserable years dealing with a monstrous little brute who lived with his grandparents. They always had an excuse for his behavior, whether it was harassing other kids or torturing small animals. They weren't interested in being disciplinarians, and there was no way to make them change.
In this particular case I wonder what the parents of the girls who laughed thought of how their children were behaving. Did they look away? Maybe. Or maybe they even laughed too. I've known parents like that too.
In this particular case I wonder what the parents of the girls who laughed thought of how their children were behaving. Did they look away? Maybe. Or maybe they even laughed too. I've known parents like that too.
41
In my school teachers themselves mocked "loser" students. Unless it came to an actual fight, no one ever said a word about bullying.
43
@7
Maybe it's just a bored-as-fuck Ohio thing, but word on the rich brats being the worst in our schools. Saw plenty of it in my school. And it seems kind of hopeless trying to reach out to these bullies and stop their abuse because they really are sociopaths, no remorse whatsoever. I agree that absentee parents are a big part of the problem and they need to be held accountable as much as the bullies themselves.
This used to be an unpleasant but manageable part of growing up. Sweet innocent kids can be pretty fucked up, I can personally vouch for that, but not to the point were the bullying is so bad that the only option these victims see is suicide. The problem is adults are changing for the worst, regressing to a Dark Ages mindset, spewing hatred under the cover of their religious beliefs, overt disrespect and menacing of anyone different than them; these bullies are just an example of child imitating parent. The minute these dangerously immature and childish "adults" shut up and start behaving themselves we won't see these tragedies anymore.
Either way, I'm all for making an example of this hellhole school and marching.
Maybe it's just a bored-as-fuck Ohio thing, but word on the rich brats being the worst in our schools. Saw plenty of it in my school. And it seems kind of hopeless trying to reach out to these bullies and stop their abuse because they really are sociopaths, no remorse whatsoever. I agree that absentee parents are a big part of the problem and they need to be held accountable as much as the bullies themselves.
This used to be an unpleasant but manageable part of growing up. Sweet innocent kids can be pretty fucked up, I can personally vouch for that, but not to the point were the bullying is so bad that the only option these victims see is suicide. The problem is adults are changing for the worst, regressing to a Dark Ages mindset, spewing hatred under the cover of their religious beliefs, overt disrespect and menacing of anyone different than them; these bullies are just an example of child imitating parent. The minute these dangerously immature and childish "adults" shut up and start behaving themselves we won't see these tragedies anymore.
Either way, I'm all for making an example of this hellhole school and marching.
44
Shit, if that cunt girl were laughing at my kid's funeral, I wouldn't just beat the shit out of her, I'd get in her face and tell her she's a fat ugly whore and nobody will ever love her, oh and by the way, what the fuck is up with your nose (which, to be fair, I'd then probably break)? And, assuming I hadn't been arrested by this point, then I'd sneak into the school at night and tape up posters with her most risqué available picture and "SLUT" (and her phone number, if she's dumb enough to post it on Facebook) written across the bottom. And that's just what I've thought up in the last ten minutes.
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