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Saturday, October 2, 2010

How "Christian" Parents Kill Their Gay Children

Posted by on Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 12:33 PM

View more "It Gets Better" videos at the It Gets Better Project YouTube Channel.

I wanted to share a story with your "It gets better project" but I can't manage to say it without crying so hard that I need to stop.

I'm a 22 year old bisexual woman in the happiest relationship of my life with a man and a girlfriend. I have a good job, sweet and wonderful friends. I learned to love myself and not to give two shits about what people thought of me or my lifestyle a long time ago. But I wasn't always this happy. My first girlfriend, Corrine, killed herself in January 2003. She was 15.

A year earlier, we were caught at a sleepover at her place one night by her parents after we had been secretly dating for a few months. After we were caught and her parents flipped out, he father was suddenly "transferred" to Alabama. They sent Corrine to one of those Baptist re-education camps down there over summer break—where she met her second girlfriend, Sara. Eventually the camp ripped them apart and sent them both home to different states. Corinne was then sent to public school in Huntsville. After flirting briefly with another girl, everyone knew she was a lesbian. And five months later, after her parents started to pretend that Corrine didn't exist...

...and after the entire school was cruel to her, Corrine hanged herself.

I wish I could've have reached her, that I could've been there for her more, that I could've stopped her from ending her life. And I want to tell anyone out there wanting to end their life that THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. The pain never fades for those people left behind when someone takes their own life. I will never forget her and the callous way life treated her, and my own guilt at having been too busy that month to call her back like I usually did. I wish I could've made her understand that in another 2 years she'd be out of high school, that she could move away from her family and live with me, that she could've had a great life waiting for her outside of high school if she just managed to hang on just another 2 years.

If you're thinking about suicide, think about all of the people in your life that would miss you. We have to live with the pain of having lost you for the rest of our lives. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, sometimes they're just a bit harder to see. And don't put the people who love you through the pain and agony of having lost you. Seven years later, I still can't think about her without balling my eyes out. I miss her. She was the most beautiful, smart, sensitive, freckled redhead. A true Christian if I've ever known one, who volunteered at homeless shelters and never retaliated against those fuckers who made her so unhappy. I still can't bring myself to visit Alabama to see her grave. I miss her.

Dan, if you could share this with your readers and your project I would be grateful. I wish I could tell it myself but, I just can't without losing my shit.


Comments (36) RSS

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The Magic Lemur 1
You should forward this to the person whining about you dogging Christians. Definitely fits "Tell them, not me."
Posted by The Magic Lemur on October 2, 2010 at 2:02 PM · Report this
That is one of the saddest stories I've ever heard. My condolences, and it's yet more proof of how very needed the It Gets Better project is.
Posted by moxothebee on October 2, 2010 at 2:04 PM · Report this
She reminds me of Rachel Maddow...a bit in appearance...but also wicked smart and charming. Oh, to have been that wise at her age.
Posted by inohio on October 2, 2010 at 2:18 PM · Report this
ballard dude 4
This comment is for the person who shared this sad story... IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. Forgive yourself. The 'if only' and 'I wish' are legitimate feelings, but maybe it's time to move on? I don't know, but you were so young then... Anyway, I am really sorry for your terrible loss.
Posted by ballard dude on October 2, 2010 at 2:25 PM · Report this
The story in the text, not so charming. Fuckers.
Posted by inohio on October 2, 2010 at 2:27 PM · Report this
A couple things I'm sure of after reading this horrific story.

1. The church where Corrine's parents attended prayed to alleviate the suffering of Corrine's parents. The other church members would have sympathized with the suffering that Corrine's parents went through, they would have told Corrine's parents that "God never placed a burden too heavy to bear" upon them, and that they would have prayed that in those final moments of Corrine's life, that she "repented of her sin" and found her way back to God.

2. LR, the letter writer from yesterday, may just go to church with Corrine's parents. Even if they don't know each other, if they happened to be in a pew next to each other some day, LR would consider Corrine's parents "good Christians" and "brothers and sisters in Christ". If LR became friends with Corrine's parents and eventually hear the story, LR would think that the parents had acted "lovingly", since such "good Christians" would never act so evil, not once God is in their hearts.

I don't know which is worse in my mind.

But as to Corrine and the letter writer today: I'm an agnostic; I don't really know what happens to us. But I lit a candle in remembrance of Corrine. If there is a merciful God(dess), may Corrine have found peace.
Posted by infrequentposter on October 2, 2010 at 2:31 PM · Report this
Puty 7
I agree very, very strongly with Magic Lemur. The beliefs and behaviour of many Christians is killing people
Posted by Puty on October 2, 2010 at 5:03 PM · Report this
HellboundAlleee 8
The girl in the video IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.
Posted by HellboundAlleee on October 2, 2010 at 5:30 PM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 9
Where are all the right-wing nutjobs with their "Sanctity of Human Life" bullshit during this? That's a serious question. If the nutjobs are really honest when they squeal about the "sanctity of human life", why aren't they stepping up to join Dan's campaign? Why aren't they stepping up to help LGBT youth cope with depression and suicide?

Any of the right-wing trolls on Slog willing to post up an answer? Go ahead... I dare you nutjobs to defend your "Sanctity of human life" bullshit right here and right now.

Everyone else: Sorry to be so negative. I just finished watching Ellen Degeneres's video, and posted it to my FaceBook to help spread the word.
Posted by Dr_Awesome on October 2, 2010 at 6:53 PM · Report this
Lee 10
@9: The standard rationalization/mental contortion on those types of issues is that abortion is wrong because it represents the taking of an innocent life. The evangelicals will never see that as contradictory to supporting the death penalty, or shaming anyone they perceive as deviant, because these are responses to "sins." The unborn child is innocent, the suicidal gay kid lost a battle with sin. That's their view of the cosmos, and pointing out that they seem to not value the life in the second case very much isn't going to change their minds.

Someone who believes in a moral code that is transcendant and "revealed" is never going to perceive contradictions within that code as evidence of its stupidity: it only shows that human reason is somehow inadequate to understanding God's plans for us, or some such.

We're never going to win those battles with logic as long some alleged divinity convinces people that logic is all wrong. We need to ensure that our laws, policies, social practices etc are based on human moral reasoning and not on extraterrestrial revelations of some kind.
Posted by Lee on October 2, 2010 at 7:28 PM · Report this
NOP_Spinster 11
So, we have 9 males who have killed themselves in September. They were all victims of gay bashing and harassment. We don't know that all of them were gay.

Caleb Nolt of Indiana's obituary is especially disturbing. When I read between the lines I see it as a classic case of denial and pushing the agenda of heteronormativity. Caleb loved God, his girlfriend and tools. He clearly couldn't have been gay because he had that holy trinity in his life.

Indiana: Billy Lucas, age 15 ; Sept. 9, 2010
Wisconsin: Cody J. Parker, age 17; Sept. 13, 2010
California: Seth Walsh, age 13; Sept. 19, 2010
New Jersey: Tyler Clementi, age 18; Sept. 22, 2010
Texas: Asher Brown, age 13; Sept. 23, 2010
Colorado: Harrison Chase Brown, age 15; Sept. 25, 2010
Rhode Island: Raymond Chase, age 19; Sept. 29, 2010
Massachusetts: Felix Sacco, age 17; Sept. 29, 2010
Indiana: Caleb Nolt, age 14: Sept. 30, 2010
Posted by NOP_Spinster on October 2, 2010 at 8:06 PM · Report this
a "22 year old woman in a relationship with a man and a girlfriend" sounds a lot like polygamy.....
Posted by a rose by any other name on October 2, 2010 at 8:26 PM · Report this

Congratulations, you have achieved reading comprehension.
Posted by blah on October 2, 2010 at 8:53 PM · Report this
drewl 14
@13 Not really. They aren't married. But that wouldn't matter to the idiot @12.
Posted by drewl on October 2, 2010 at 9:18 PM · Report this
The Lizard of Id 15
I really hope this reaches critical mass and overtakes gay marriage or DADT in terms of importance to those fighting for gay rights. Personally, I don't see either of those issues as comparable to ensuring that all our children, gay and straight, grow up in a loving environment surrounded by acceptance and support.

There needs to be an overwhelming and unanimous voice emanating from the gay community that bullying and torture will not be tolerated. There should be a constant, resounding drumbeat from everyone with a voice (that's all of us) that reaches everyone involved in the welfare of children, from the president down to school administrators, parents, teachers, preachers, and boy scout leaders. Our voices should not stop until this tragedy ends.
Posted by The Lizard of Id on October 2, 2010 at 9:27 PM · Report this

The President?!

Didn't you read Dan's post?!

Obama killed Tyler!

He must be prosecuted!!
Posted by High Crimes & Miss D. Meaners on October 2, 2010 at 9:32 PM · Report this
The Lizard of Id 17
@16: Obama is no more responsible for these children's deaths than you or I. The difference is that he is in a position of extreme power and influence.
Posted by The Lizard of Id on October 2, 2010 at 9:44 PM · Report this

"There needs to be a broader reckoning. We need answers. And things have to change. Anti-gay bigotry kills and increasingly it KILLS kids—children who are vulnerable and alone and being bullied emotionally, physically, and spiritually. —and BARACK OBAMA. When the president says he opposes gay marriage because when it comes to marriage, "God is in the mix," that sends a harmful message to gay children and their parents and their classmates.

Tyler's roommate did not act alone. There are accomplices out there: politicians on the left who exploit and perpetuate anti-gay prejudice. And more CHARGES NEED TO BE BROUGHT." . . . Dan Savage
Posted by read'em and weep on October 2, 2010 at 9:51 PM · Report this
President Obama's stance against same sex marriage, has given the "Christian" bullies ammunition, his department of Justice's defense of DOMA (which originally included equating same sex marriage to pedophilia), and his lack of fight for DADT all contribute to the idea that gays and lesbians are somehow lesser than the rest of us, and not deserving of basic civil rights guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution.

How President Obama can live with his conscience is beyond me: he could stop the recissions of gay and lesbians in the military with a pen stroke. He has not.

The Obama administration is giving bigoted bullies more ammunition to push gay kids to suicide.

Those so-called Christians, who don't want to give up their sport of bullying gay kids:…
Posted by judybrowni on October 2, 2010 at 10:02 PM · Report this
A very not-generous part of me hopes that it was the parents themselves that found their daughter hanging, and that, in that instant, the sight broke through their levels of self-denial and self-righteousness just long enough so that they knew, really understood, that they were responsible for the death of their own daughter. I hope it hurt and I hope they weren't able to remake those levels of denial and self-satisfied faux-righteousness that enabled them to emotionally abuse their daughter ever again. I think that would be a suitable punishment.
Posted by Lynx on October 3, 2010 at 4:24 AM · Report this
yucca flower 21
@ 20,

You're forgetting that these are "good" self-righteous Christians; They blame her girlfriends for her death. They're the ones who made her a "sinner".
Posted by yucca flower on October 3, 2010 at 7:52 AM · Report this
Obama should be impeached and prosecuted for murder.
Or, failing that, lynched...
Posted by DÁN SAVAGE on October 3, 2010 at 8:18 AM · Report this
All of these stories being posted on Slog recently have had me in a constant state of heartbreak for days and days. I don't understand how this has been allowed to go on for so long.
Posted by Lauchlin on October 3, 2010 at 8:30 AM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 24
People can certainly be cruel.

Sort of like making fun of a person with a brain injury.

What sort of monster would do that in public forum?

Certainly not would be too hypocritical.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on October 3, 2010 at 10:00 AM · Report this
-B- 25
There seems to be a decease infecting the minds of many people that are ruled by fear. It seems there always has to be someone or some group that is, in a collective way, ok to persecute. Religious groups convince themselves, with perverted rules that brainwash, that it is ok to persecute LGBT people. The world is deceased by religion. It is a decease that feels comfortable to the infected. To them it is perfectly fine to bully to the point of causing the victim to commit suicide and then turn around and act like it was there fault just brushing the sad event off like it is just one FAG down in a list that is ok to collectively hate. Even the most "normal" looking of individuals seems to be infected by this decease that has brainwashed them into thinking it is ok to add to the collective bullying not thinking it is bullying or they are doing wrong. Then it is too late and a life is lost.
This decease is rooted in religion. Proving religion is an easily perverted thing and should not be supported in such a wholehearted way by government, lessening the devision between religion and the state. It attracts fearful, hateful people that constantly pervert any wisdom that many religions try to convince others they uphold.
There is a decease and it is deep rooted and perpetuated by religious leaders and parents making many not understand how wrong they are. If I was a religious person looking at how this decease has taken hold I would have to say the devil is laughing because he has found a way to pervert and convince millions to hate all the while thinking they are following Jesus. But I am not religious I just see brainwashing. An acceptable level of hate towards LGBT community from the religious right.
It only gets better because we can eventually put distance between ourselves and these deceased groups. But curing the decease is the larger problem.
Posted by -B- on October 3, 2010 at 12:46 PM · Report this
There seems to be a decease (sic) infecting the minds of many people that are ruled by fear. It seems there always has to be someone or some group that is, in a collective way, ok to persecute. Homosexuals convince themselves, with perverted rules that brainwash, that it is ok to persecute religious people.
Posted by Faggot, Heal Thyself..... on October 3, 2010 at 12:56 PM · Report this
venomlash 27
@24: "...making fun of a person with a brain injury..."
I do NOT believe for a single moment that your total lack of intelligence is due to a brain injury, you intentionally anencephalic son of a liver fluke.
Posted by venomlash on October 3, 2010 at 3:12 PM · Report this
-B- 28
@ myself 25 - spelling correction: disease not decease.
Sometimes quickly spell checking and not paying attention can ruin a day.

@ 26: Ya Homosexuals seem to be causing so many religious people to commit suicide all the time from all the bullying they do. Ya the persecution is just Sooo damn out of control. Give me a break! Religion gets a free ride way too much. I am not persecuting. I am just standing up to a full on assault. I leave it up to religious groups to do the persecuting against each other. I freed my mind years ago from an offensive abusive religious upbringing. My sexuality is just naturally part of me. To rid myself of religion was my choice. There are many good people that are deeply religious that are suffering from the misguided ones that do the persecuting.

I always liked this quote by Steven Weinberg:

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion."
Posted by -B- on October 3, 2010 at 8:57 PM · Report this
But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion.

That's patently ridiculous.
Posted by Judah on October 3, 2010 at 10:45 PM · Report this
venomlash 30
@29: Indeed. It's damn easy to become confused, with or without religion.
Posted by venomlash on October 4, 2010 at 12:11 AM · Report this
Dingo 31
29, really? How many good, kind, loving grannies do you think donated to Prop 8 who WEREN'T religious?
Posted by Dingo on October 4, 2010 at 8:23 AM · Report this
That video was so helpful for me, because she's right- the bullies sometimes just grow up and become meaner, greedier, bigger pieces of shit than they ever were in high school. That's what I've been grappling with over the last four years- that some of these bullies never grow up. However, their lives aren't perfect either, because if they were really happy they wouldn't bully anyone else.

I love what she said about being there for eachother. It's so important to reach out and break through the hate, regardless of whatever your orientation actually is. Because to the bigots, it doesn't matter if you are gay, if your friend is gay or if you are merely suspected of being gay- they'll target you for even looking at someone the wrong way, wearing the wrong clothes, or having the wrong hairstyle, or just being artsy or different. These bigots are just looking for reasons to be hateful and unless we all stand up to them, more innocent people will be hurt or hurt themselves. It seems like in a country full of uptight, puritan, homophobes, you don't even have to be "a gay" to be hated. You just have to have gay friends or "act like a 'mo" to get targeted, because some of these people can really be that intolerant, hateful and bigoted.

In my teens, a lot of people from my church and school thought my best friend and I were a couple (wishful thinking from some of the guys I'm sure). We both were artsy, liberal, had short hair and were very close- to puritans with repressed homoerotic tendencies, those are "lesbo" traits. You would think that I'm writing from a small town, based on my experience of being a suspected "gay", but I am actually in a major metropolitan area. It just so happens that the religious community that I grew up in doesn't mix much with the outside world, so I might as well have grown up in a small town and been isolated from people who would accept me as I am.

I'm actually bi-curious and eventually I did make out with a few chicks after high school, so maybe there was some validity to the suspicions that people had about my sexuality. However, I can't understand people so obsessed with genitals and gender norms, that anyone would really make such a big deal about what I am doing with my pussy or who I let touch my boobies. My feeling is that if they were that obssessed with thoughts about me and my teenage girlfriend having sex, then perhaps they were the ones who were more than just a bit curious. After all, they were the ones imagining it, so it must have done something for them.

Posted by I look gay (not that there's anything wrong with that!) on October 4, 2010 at 9:22 AM · Report this
@ 28 and 31:

I'm basically an atheist, but I do not believe that it takes religion to make good people do bad things- it just takes any belief system not driven exclusively by a mix of logic and compassion; which is to say, almost any belief system known to man. Take capitalism, for example.
Posted by kungfujew on October 4, 2010 at 9:12 PM · Report this
Love is not evil. Religious bigotry is evil.…
Posted by a head in the sky on October 15, 2010 at 1:09 PM · Report this
I am a Christian whose son just came out to her---my heart breaks for all of this heartache, and I believe God/Jesus's does too--God made every person from the inside out and even knows how many hairs are on each head, none of you being gay shocks Him in the least. He loves you just the way you are, the problem comes in when uneducated people try to interpret scripture that is taken out of context and without a basic understanding in culture during the time the Bible was written or the proper text for the Greek terminology used. The church MUST do better with this issue--to make gay/trangendered people feel like they are excluded from a God who created them---that is where the true abomination lies. Please don't buy into the lies that God doesn't want you around--Jesus ALWAYS gravitated towards the outcast in society, and with not a drop of malice in my body, I think most would agree, that would include you. I am so VERY sorry things are this way--You are loved by this Christian and most especially by God--
Posted by susanb12 on February 22, 2012 at 12:27 PM · Report this
What a waste young people are so much smarter than all of us old religious folk. Your values are making are country so much better. People should do what their conscience tells them, be it homosexuality or beastality or pedophilia. Because they were born that way after all ! God have mercy on this nation in decline.
Posted by Dumdoldman on October 20, 2013 at 3:35 PM · Report this

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