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News & ArtsWednesday, September 29, 2010
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Don't Santorum Me!
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 3:26 PM
I’m writing to inform you of the ball-shrinking horror you induced in me when I read this in your most recent column: “...if he were uncomfortable being in the same room while youfingeredO'Donnelled his girlfriend.”Oy! Say it ain’t so! I just can’t handle my last name being Santorumed!
I guess it’s all fun and games until someone (read: ME) loses their dignity, but please, please don’t turn my honorable surname into a euphemism for masturbation. For the record, I love masturbation. Been a full time proponent since the age of twelve. But...but...but... I have a niece. She’s only six, Dan. Think of the schoolyard taunts, the bullying, the shame that awaits her if "O’Donnelling" takes hold in our lexicon.
I can’t stop you, I know. And I fully recognize that that this O’Donnell woman is a tragic example of our country’s brain freeze on the subject of healthy sexuality (not to mention Christian values like loving thy neighbor and being charitable), but I had to lodge a minor pip of complaint. It’s just too horrible.
Sincerely,
T. O’Donnell
P.S. The “It Gets Better” campaign is brilliant and made me all teary eyed and hopeful. Good on ya!
My response after the jump...
•••••••••••••
It was never my intent to actually, like, work at popularizing O'Donnelling—I wasn't planning to create a website or lead a santorum-style internet campaign.
Rest assured, TOD, that crack was just a toss off, an aside, a one-time joke at the expense of a woman who, come November 2, we're unlikely to hear from ever again. Christine O'Donnell is not now, and never will be, a sitting U.S. senator or even a semiserious presidential "hopeful," as Rick Santorum fancies himself to be—despite Santorum's a lousy sixth-place finish in the presidential straw poll at the recent Values Voters Summit.
So even if you hadn't written in, TOD, you were unlikely to any further references to O'Donnell in my column. But you have my permission to show your niece the original column (once she's old enough), and a copy of your letter to me (but not my response), and take full credit for preserving her good name and yours.
3
@2, while trying to discover the names of those unforunate children, I discovered that the Santorums have SEVEN kids, plus another one that died two hours after birth, but whose corpse they took home, introduced to their kids, and slept with that night. Freaks, they are.
Their oldest, Elizabeth Ann, is 19, and thus old enough to whip up a big frothy batch of the family namesake herself. That's presumably her in the background of that photo, looking rather sad and almost goth. Brother Daniel, the startled-looking one on the left, appears to be contemplating a life in which his last name will always haunt him and limit his friendships. I think the weepy one in the front must be Sarah, now 12. At least she gets to change her name when she marries (the Santorums are very traditional people).
Their oldest, Elizabeth Ann, is 19, and thus old enough to whip up a big frothy batch of the family namesake herself. That's presumably her in the background of that photo, looking rather sad and almost goth. Brother Daniel, the startled-looking one on the left, appears to be contemplating a life in which his last name will always haunt him and limit his friendships. I think the weepy one in the front must be Sarah, now 12. At least she gets to change her name when she marries (the Santorums are very traditional people).
4
@3. OMG, that's disgusting, about introducing the other kids of a corpse and sleeping with it. Makes you wonder what bizarre rituals they put their living kids through.
5
My personal philosophy is not to be too hard on people dealing with their dead newborn infant. I'm sure the Santorums have plenty wrong with them, but there's no accounting what grief can do to your head. I'd also add that making fun of the look of his young daughter is really low, which is the only intention of the picture schmacky linked to.
This guy is sick all on his own, no need to bring his blameless children into it.
plus another one that died two hours after birth, but whose corpse they took home, introduced to their kids, and slept with that night. Freaks, they are.
My personal philosophy is not to be too hard on people dealing with their dead newborn infant. I'm sure the Santorums have plenty wrong with them, but there's no accounting what grief can do to your head. I'd also add that making fun of the look of his young daughter is really low, which is the only intention of the picture schmacky linked to.
This guy is sick all on his own, no need to bring his blameless children into it.
6
That was part of the beauty of the Santorum campaign. His name is so uncommon, the joke was unlikely to ever sully the name of many people not directly related to him.
7
Come on, if you've never had a baby die, you have no idea what you'd do to grieve. There are photographers who take actual dressed up pictures of them. It seemed bizarre to me at first, but I've never been in the position of having to bury a child who didn't live long enough to have pictures to remember them by. Even political enemies get compassion for that.
8
Dan,
Why not just use C.O.D.
Can stand for sooo many things, and as long as you make sure she knows we, your faithful bobble heads, are talking about her, insult served.
Christine O'Donnell, Cash On Delivery, Come On Demand, Came On Da sofa...
Why not just use C.O.D.
Can stand for sooo many things, and as long as you make sure she knows we, your faithful bobble heads, are talking about her, insult served.
Christine O'Donnell, Cash On Delivery, Come On Demand, Came On Da sofa...
9
Yeah, I'm with 5 & 7 on this. C'mon Fnarf, stop harping on people who sleep with dead babies. Who doesn't want to sleep with a dead baby when they're sad?
10
I think you need to look on the bright side T. O'Donnell. You could be named:
Ima Beaver
Chris P. Bacon
Dick Head
Jack Haas
Hy Ball
Ivan Oder
Jim Shorts
Jack Hammer
Mike Rotch
or my personal favorite Willie Stroker
Ima Beaver
Chris P. Bacon
Dick Head
Jack Haas
Hy Ball
Ivan Oder
Jim Shorts
Jack Hammer
Mike Rotch
or my personal favorite Willie Stroker
11
That's sad their baby died. A bit off topic, but sad none the less.
I like that Dan suggested a way for this T. O'Donnell to present himself as a hero to his one day teenage daughter.
I like that Dan suggested a way for this T. O'Donnell to present himself as a hero to his one day teenage daughter.
15
@10: My dad once had a boss named Richard Whacker, the manager at my local Wal-Mart is James Rash, and my high school boyfriend had a classmate named (I shit you not) Delicious Johnson.
21
Manymanymanymany years ago, as a member of ACT UP in NYC, I would pose as a reporter to get information on the whereabouts of some target or other of one of our "zaps." The name I favored was "Jack Kaufman," which was just subtle enough.
22
My high school science teacher was Mr. Stiff. Richard Stiff, goes by Dick. I kid you not.
He's probably still teaching. Someone look up "Richard Stiff Science Teacher" and tell me if he's still working.
Totally off topic, but... I think the topic's changed...
He's probably still teaching. Someone look up "Richard Stiff Science Teacher" and tell me if he's still working.
Totally off topic, but... I think the topic's changed...
23
@7, no, never had a baby die, but have had family members die, and there is nothing creepier than having the shell of an ex-person around, and especially not in your bed. corpses are to be disposed of, not introduced around and slept with.
24
My high school science teacher was Mr. Stiff. Richard Stiff, goes by Dick. I kid you not.
He's probably still teaching. Someone look up "Richard Stiff Science Teacher" and tell me if he's still working.
Totally off topic, but... I think the topic's changed...
He's probably still teaching. Someone look up "Richard Stiff Science Teacher" and tell me if he's still working.
Totally off topic, but... I think the topic's changed...
26
My son had a best friend in first grade who was Vietnamese. His dad had a very traditionally name. I will never forget the teachers face as he introduced himself "Hello, my name is Phoc Mi (fuck me)" After her jaw dropped to the ground, he asked to be referred to as Mi.
27
My son had a best friend in first grade who was Vietnamese. His dad had a very traditionally name. I will never forget the teachers face as he introduced himself "Hello, my name is Phoc Mi (fuck me)" After her jaw dropped to the ground, he asked to be referred to as Mi.
29
As my pops enjoys Nascar (I know, I know, and we've lived in the NW all our lives) the one that left the greatest impression on me was the unfortunately named racecar driver Dick Trickle.
30
I once worked with a Bubba Boner. He went by Bubba because his first name was Harry. And he was a Junior. You can't make this stuff up.
31
Turning someone's last name into an insult, encouraging the entire internet to taunt the person with the insult, using one's position of power as a ... what do they call it ... oh yeah, a "bully" pulpit to harass and intimidate a person. All in the name of moral superiority, or because if you disapprove of someone strongly enough, that person is no longer human. Thank the stars Mr. Savage and anyone else who has used this tactic with the approval of his own conscience isn't like those awful mean bullies. And how fortunate that there will be no unintended collateral damage in the form of innocent six-year-old girls. Yeah, you guys are awesome. Building a better world!
32
Hm, while I'm not named O'Donnell, I am not quite sure how having my name associated with something good (fingering masturbation) would be so terrible. The success of the Santorum ("frothy mix of lube and fecal matter") Campaign is due to the fact that santorum is kinda gross. Normal, but gross. Fingering someone is normal.. but hot!
On the flipside of this, why are we naming something that is great after a bigotted politician?
Apropos of all the naughty names... the Publisher of the Seattle Weekly is "Kenny Stocker" *(can he stalk her?)*. Real nice and hardworking guy, but he does insist on going by Kenny. Although I guess Ken Stocker produces a similarly mal nom.
On the flipside of this, why are we naming something that is great after a bigotted politician?
Apropos of all the naughty names... the Publisher of the Seattle Weekly is "Kenny Stocker" *(can he stalk her?)*. Real nice and hardworking guy, but he does insist on going by Kenny. Although I guess Ken Stocker produces a similarly mal nom.
33
One Summer during college, I worked in a county park. One of my duties was answering the only phone in the park. A lot of the calls were for the guy who was the head of park maintenance. I'd hear, "I need to speak with Dick. Could you get him on the phone? I'll hold while you find him," and know that for the next twenty minutes, I'd be running around the park calling you, "Dick! Dick! Di-i-i-ick!!!" I was never able to learn his last name.
35
@31 while I personally don't condone namecalling, slinging mud at politicians has always been regarded as fundamentally different than schoolyard bullying, mostly because a) the participants are adults and b) politicians put themselves into the public light. I'm actually quite surprised that someone on the conservative side hasn't done something similar with Dan.
While I'm somewhat saddened that Rick's kids are going to have their last name somewhat dirtied, that is different from personally taunting THEM, and as people have pointed out here there are many more unfortunate and yet traditional names that get passed down. Hell, "Johnson" is still a perfectly legitimate last name, and I'm sure there are parents out there deliberately naming their little boy "Richard Johnson" just for the dick joke.
Is Dan on the side of the angels? Really he's a political force, and "angelic" and "politics" don't really belong together.
Bottom line, why are you ok with making fun of a child "'cause he looks like a fag" but not ok with making fun of an adult because he/she is a close-minded bigot?
While I'm somewhat saddened that Rick's kids are going to have their last name somewhat dirtied, that is different from personally taunting THEM, and as people have pointed out here there are many more unfortunate and yet traditional names that get passed down. Hell, "Johnson" is still a perfectly legitimate last name, and I'm sure there are parents out there deliberately naming their little boy "Richard Johnson" just for the dick joke.
Is Dan on the side of the angels? Really he's a political force, and "angelic" and "politics" don't really belong together.
Bottom line, why are you ok with making fun of a child "'cause he looks like a fag" but not ok with making fun of an adult because he/she is a close-minded bigot?
36
While we're on the subject of amusing names, I did have one unlucky classmate who's last name was pronounced "za-whore". There's just no way to deal with that one.
37
I'm very confused. Why did Dan say "but not my response"? Why wouldn't the LW show his niece Dan's response?
38
@37 because then he couldn't get "full credit for preserving her good name and yours" since dan's response is basically "wasn't planning on it, you didn't have to write"
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