Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, September 28, 2010
Homo Bullied Thirteen-Year-Old Gay Boy In Texas Takes His Own Life
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Sep 28, 2010 at 7:42 AM
His parents said Asher Brown had been called names and endured harassment from other students since he joined Cy-Fair ISD two years ago. As a result, he stuck with a small group of friends who suffered similar harassment from other students, his parents said. His most recent humiliation occurred... when another student tripped Brown as he walked down a flight of stairs at the school, his parents said. When Brown hit the stairway landing and went to retrieve his book bag, the other student kicked his books everywhere and kicked Brown down the remaining flight of stairs, the Truongs said.
The day Asher Brown killed himself:
David Truong says he arrived home finding his stepson shot to death. "I thought he was laying there reading a book or something. My son put a gun to his head because he couldn't take what he was hearing and the constant teasing," says David Truong. Brown's mother arrived home from work finding her home in chaos. "I saw yellow tape and police cars in front of my house," says Amy Truong while choking back tears of mourning.Brown was in eighth grade at Hamilton Middle School. A "No Bullying School Zone" sign is clearly posted out front; a sign the Truongs say their son's tormentors ignored for two years.
Asher's parents want justice:
The 13-year-old's parents said they had complained about the bullying to Hamilton Middle School officials during the past 18 months, but claimed their concerns fell on deaf ears. David and Amy Truong said they made several visits to the school to complain about the harassment, and Amy Truong said she made numerous phone calls to the school that were never returned.Cy Fair ISD officials said Monday that they never received any complaints from Brown's parents before the suicide about the way the boy was being treated at school. School district spokeswoman Kelli Durham said no students, school employees or the boy's parents ever reported that he was being bullied.
That statement infuriated the Truongs, who accused the school district of protecting the bullies and their parents. "That's absolutely inaccurate—it's completely false," Amy Truong said. "I did not hallucinate phone calls to counselors and assistant principals. We have no reason to make this up... It's like they're calling us liars." David Truong said, "We want justice. The people here need to be held responsible and to be stopped. It did happen. There are witnesses everywhere."
So who can be held responsible? According to the report in the Chronicle, Asher was bullied by four other students. Hamilton Middle School administrators know who bullied Asher Brown to death. Asher Brown's parents most likely know the names of the students who bullied their son to death. The four students who bullied 13-year-old Asher Brown to death should be indicted just like the six bullies who bullied 15-year-old Phoebe Prince to death. And if it can be proven that school administrators did nothing to protect Asher Brown after his parents called and begged them to protect their son—and then lied to the media about it—they should all be fired.
Here's what you can do:
Ify Ogwumike is the principal of Hamilton Middle School. Her email address is ify.ogwumike@cfisd.net. You can also reach Principal Ogwumike at 281-320-7000. The school's website is here. Hamilton Middle School has Facebook page. It's here. Hamilton Middle School currently gets a four-star average at this independent school rating website. Go and vote 'em down.
You can email the Cy-Fair Independent School District Board of Trustees at board@cfisd.net. You can call them at (281) 897-4000. The Cy-Fair ISD's website is here.
Hamilton Middle School is located in Harris County, Texas. The non-emergency phone number for the Harris Country Sheriff's Office is 713-221-6000. Ask the Sheriff's Office to bring charges against the bullies who murdered Asher Brown.
Make a donation to The Trevor Project. You can make a donation here. Or you can make a $5 donation right now by texting TREVOR to 85944. And, finally, please consider making a video for the It Gets Better Project.
1
how incredibly sad. i wonder if this is receiving any attention around houston. i live in the area but havent watched the local news.
2
And Focus on the Family, school officials and even law enforcement all think that he deserved to die because he was a fag.
When are we queers going to realize that's exactly what they think, and their actions bear witness to this? "If he'd only chosen to quit being a fag, he'd have been okay. If he continues in his willful, sinful lifestyle, this is what he can expect from folks." These people are guilty of murder, and should be held accountable.
I love the "It gets better" project. But would that have helped this poor kid after he'd been pushed down two flights of stairs? He just needed out of the situation, NOW! He was surrounded by a world of hate, with no escape but to end himself. Asking a 13yo to just hang in there for 5 more years is probably un-realistic. I know it was for me.
When are we queers going to realize that's exactly what they think, and their actions bear witness to this? "If he'd only chosen to quit being a fag, he'd have been okay. If he continues in his willful, sinful lifestyle, this is what he can expect from folks." These people are guilty of murder, and should be held accountable.
I love the "It gets better" project. But would that have helped this poor kid after he'd been pushed down two flights of stairs? He just needed out of the situation, NOW! He was surrounded by a world of hate, with no escape but to end himself. Asking a 13yo to just hang in there for 5 more years is probably un-realistic. I know it was for me.
4
I'll get right on the writing of the now-all-too-familiar letter to the district, superintendent, principal, but I'm getting really angry. Dan's It Gets Better project is great--a much-needed carrot to isolated gay teens--but it doesn't address the bullying, or speak directly to bullies.
Bullying is a persistent problem, and kids are bullied for all kinds of reasons, not just for being gay, or being perceived as gay. (It true that our society needs to get to the point wherein being considered gay isn't an insult or a weapon in the bullies' arsenal, but that's a different issue.)
I don't understand how school districts can allow any kind of bullying to go un-investigated and unpunished. There needs to be much more education aimed both at students and district personnel on what constitutes bullying and that it will not be tolerated.
Schools need to put some system in place so that bullied kids have an easy and convenient way to notify administration, and those complaints must be taken seriously. Bullies need to be disciplined, and harshly, as well as given some sort of sensitivity training.
It's great to give gay teens a picture of the better life that awaits them after high school, but allowing bullies to torment people who just weren't strong enough to ignore them to death isn't acceptable.
Bullying is a persistent problem, and kids are bullied for all kinds of reasons, not just for being gay, or being perceived as gay. (It true that our society needs to get to the point wherein being considered gay isn't an insult or a weapon in the bullies' arsenal, but that's a different issue.)
I don't understand how school districts can allow any kind of bullying to go un-investigated and unpunished. There needs to be much more education aimed both at students and district personnel on what constitutes bullying and that it will not be tolerated.
Schools need to put some system in place so that bullied kids have an easy and convenient way to notify administration, and those complaints must be taken seriously. Bullies need to be disciplined, and harshly, as well as given some sort of sensitivity training.
It's great to give gay teens a picture of the better life that awaits them after high school, but allowing bullies to torment people who just weren't strong enough to ignore them to death isn't acceptable.
5
I appreciate the link to the Phoebe Prince update. Her bullyers' lawyers are trying to say that because Phoebe had a tough time even before the bullying their clients are less culpable. The prosecutors there make the good point that Phoebe's history of fragility make her tormentors' preying on her weakness all the more hideous.
That puts a finger on why the effort to save and improve lives through antibullying is so important. It's a wat to help the most fragile kids from getting crushed (especially those whose parents can't or won't take them out of a bad school) AND can help keep kids off the slippery slope of becoming crushers.
That puts a finger on why the effort to save and improve lives through antibullying is so important. It's a wat to help the most fragile kids from getting crushed (especially those whose parents can't or won't take them out of a bad school) AND can help keep kids off the slippery slope of becoming crushers.
6
This is sad. I hope that the bullies are punished and the school takes responsibility too.
I also hope that other gun owners (like Asher's dad) see this and think "You know, I should lock my gun up instead of leaving it on a shelf." Suicide is frequently an act of opportunity as discussed in this article .
I also hope that other gun owners (like Asher's dad) see this and think "You know, I should lock my gun up instead of leaving it on a shelf." Suicide is frequently an act of opportunity as discussed in this article .
7
This stories are sad, to say the least, but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that the problem with bullying has gotten so much worse in the 13yrs since I graduated high school. I grew up a couple towns over from Phoebe Prince's home of South Hadley, just as suburban and rural. Like virtually every other high school student I can tell stories of bullying and being bullied. There were kids who could handle it and kids who couldn't. High school always has been and always will be a jungle where the weak are victimized. Teenagers are PRICKS; we all know this.
It's tragic and it's nonsensical, but there's got to be something going on other than the bullying. Parents not paying attention? Something changed to where being bullied means you're 'weak'? Kids being raised to somehow, some way see suicide as a reasonable response to a temporary problem? Too many stories in the media about teenagers killing themselves?
I'm rambling because I don't know the answers. It makes no sense to me. And I'm in NO WAY blaming the victims. The idea that your life is so bad you see death as the easy way out is horrifying, and all the kids who have done this bullying need the shit kicked out of them every day for a month solid. At least. But still... Is something different? Is being called a faggot that different today than it was in 1995? Or are we just hearing about it more now? That's the question I want the answer to.
It's tragic and it's nonsensical, but there's got to be something going on other than the bullying. Parents not paying attention? Something changed to where being bullied means you're 'weak'? Kids being raised to somehow, some way see suicide as a reasonable response to a temporary problem? Too many stories in the media about teenagers killing themselves?
I'm rambling because I don't know the answers. It makes no sense to me. And I'm in NO WAY blaming the victims. The idea that your life is so bad you see death as the easy way out is horrifying, and all the kids who have done this bullying need the shit kicked out of them every day for a month solid. At least. But still... Is something different? Is being called a faggot that different today than it was in 1995? Or are we just hearing about it more now? That's the question I want the answer to.
8
This is absolutely tragic either way- but I'm curious- where was it stated that this boy was gay? Was he? Was that the source of the bullying? Where does it say that? There ARE a multitude of other reasons a child can be relentlessly bullied- I'm just saying. So anyone know? Is it in one of the links?
9
@5: Something i think you and a lot of people don't realize is that Phoebe Prince was also a bully: http://www.slate.com/id/2263470/
Does that make her death any less tragic? Of course not. But it means it's not the clear cut issue you make it out to be, where the defenseless, fragile child was picked on by the cruel and callous teens. Which makes it a lot harder to make it any sort of criminal case.
Does that make her death any less tragic? Of course not. But it means it's not the clear cut issue you make it out to be, where the defenseless, fragile child was picked on by the cruel and callous teens. Which makes it a lot harder to make it any sort of criminal case.
10
Is it horrible that I wish that someone would leak the bullies' names to the media? I think that the actions of school bullies (esp. when they drive their victim to suicide) should haunt them their entire lives. Protection of the innocent be damned.
11
@8, in both of the linked articles, the parents stated that Asher had come out to them earlier this year.
12
@8. Maybe read the links before posting. 1st link states he was bullied for being gay and that he had told his family on the morning he died that he was gay. Would you like me to do your math homework for you as well?
13
We are making a Spanish-Language video this Thursday. Felicidades, Dan, for starting the It Gets Better Project. Maybe we can help rescue others.
14
This is so sad but I am taking a bit of issue with the unspoken language I am getting from the parents. While I have no doubt school life was miserable for him I don't like the stoic answer of "we didn't condemn," from his stepfather. That heavily implies they didn't condone either and the school mentions he was also having issues at home. It sounds to me like he didn't have ANYWHERE to go. What a fucking mess.
15
@9, thanks for the link. Now don't you think your link tends to support the point I tried feebly to make? That because of their lethality bullying and bullied are dangerous extremes we have a duty to keep kids keep from reaching along the continuum of power relations in teen society?
I get that you don't like what Dan's linked Times article reports about the defense and prosecution moves, but don't kill the messenger. The decision to file the strongest charges possible is what's bringing so much to light about bullying and suicide. Not being one of the defendants or their parents, it's easy for me to say it's worth.
I get that you don't like what Dan's linked Times article reports about the defense and prosecution moves, but don't kill the messenger. The decision to file the strongest charges possible is what's bringing so much to light about bullying and suicide. Not being one of the defendants or their parents, it's easy for me to say it's worth.
16
Fuck. Worth *it*. And of course I was wrong to write it was just the court case bringing so much to light. The actual bullying-related suicides Dan keeps helping us notice are doing that, duh.
18
I have two major trains of thought on this issue, and not being a parent I don't know how realistic some of my conclusions/suggestions are, but:
1) Re: school authorities' frequent claims that they knew nothing about the bullying. Parents should take a page from the workplace-harrassment playbook. When bullying first appears as a problem, start a log or diary of incidents and actions taken. Call the school district directly and ask for the contact information for the district's legal counsel. Send letters documenting bullying, recaps of meetings with principals, teachers, etc. by certified mail to the school and the district's lawyers. If they recognize the solid foundations of a lawsuit being built, they're more likely to take effective action and less likely to try denial.
2) I have this vision of much better alliances between schools that celebrate individuality and cooperation while de-emphasizing consumerism and conformity--hippie schools, as it were, updated. Older kids should have regular responsibility (with guidance) for tutoring and mentoring younger kids, especially the fragile ones lacking confidence. I know those schools are out there, in the private realm and (much rarer) the public systems. It ought to be easier to find and utilize such alternative resources; they need to form alliances and have a much bigger online presence with a clear anti-bullying plank in their mission statements. I think often of the wonderful kids of my former Unitarian Universalist church--bright, confident, gentle, accepting. (There isn't a UU church within 200 miles of me now.)
1) Re: school authorities' frequent claims that they knew nothing about the bullying. Parents should take a page from the workplace-harrassment playbook. When bullying first appears as a problem, start a log or diary of incidents and actions taken. Call the school district directly and ask for the contact information for the district's legal counsel. Send letters documenting bullying, recaps of meetings with principals, teachers, etc. by certified mail to the school and the district's lawyers. If they recognize the solid foundations of a lawsuit being built, they're more likely to take effective action and less likely to try denial.
2) I have this vision of much better alliances between schools that celebrate individuality and cooperation while de-emphasizing consumerism and conformity--hippie schools, as it were, updated. Older kids should have regular responsibility (with guidance) for tutoring and mentoring younger kids, especially the fragile ones lacking confidence. I know those schools are out there, in the private realm and (much rarer) the public systems. It ought to be easier to find and utilize such alternative resources; they need to form alliances and have a much bigger online presence with a clear anti-bullying plank in their mission statements. I think often of the wonderful kids of my former Unitarian Universalist church--bright, confident, gentle, accepting. (There isn't a UU church within 200 miles of me now.)
19
Stop holding back. If you know the names of the kids...
Get their pictures and all kinds of identifying information about them. Their home address, birthday, pet's names, church they attend (!), where they hang out, etc. Collect the same info about the kids (obviously useless) parents.
Make "Wanted for Murder" posters for the kids & parents, with the name, picture & info. Slap these posters around town, especially in the places these scum are know to frequent.
They can whine about the "harassment" all they want. It only sheds more light on their culpability. It also lets them know about living in hell. Fuck 'em. Claim it's free speech, like yelling "faggot" in a classroom.
You can't win a fight if you don't actually fight.
Get their pictures and all kinds of identifying information about them. Their home address, birthday, pet's names, church they attend (!), where they hang out, etc. Collect the same info about the kids (obviously useless) parents.
Make "Wanted for Murder" posters for the kids & parents, with the name, picture & info. Slap these posters around town, especially in the places these scum are know to frequent.
They can whine about the "harassment" all they want. It only sheds more light on their culpability. It also lets them know about living in hell. Fuck 'em. Claim it's free speech, like yelling "faggot" in a classroom.
You can't win a fight if you don't actually fight.
20
Am I the only one wondering if the kid actually DID off himself with the gun of the person who found him?
22
Aedan wrote:
"This is absolutely tragic either way- but I'm curious- where was it stated that this boy was gay? Was he? Was that the source of the bullying? Where does it say that? There ARE a multitude of other reasons a child can be relentlessly bullied- I'm just saying. So anyone know? Is it in one of the links?"
Aedan, I scanned the original chron.com article too quickly, and I missed the Chronical-minimized fact that Asher did come out to his father the day he killed himself.
"On the morning of his death, the teen told his stepfather he was gay, but Truong said he was fine with the disclosure. 'We didn't condemn,' he said."
It was only noted in that once sentence in the original Houston Chronicle article. That fact should've instead been part of the headline, as Dan's done more properly on the slog heading, here.
"This is absolutely tragic either way- but I'm curious- where was it stated that this boy was gay? Was he? Was that the source of the bullying? Where does it say that? There ARE a multitude of other reasons a child can be relentlessly bullied- I'm just saying. So anyone know? Is it in one of the links?"
Aedan, I scanned the original chron.com article too quickly, and I missed the Chronical-minimized fact that Asher did come out to his father the day he killed himself.
"On the morning of his death, the teen told his stepfather he was gay, but Truong said he was fine with the disclosure. 'We didn't condemn,' he said."
It was only noted in that once sentence in the original Houston Chronicle article. That fact should've instead been part of the headline, as Dan's done more properly on the slog heading, here.
23
11 year old boy is attacked and his arm broken for being a cheerleader:
http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/bu…
http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/bu…
24
If my school district K-12 totaling 335 kids can have and implement a zero tolerance harassment policy that includes sexual orientation why the hell cant the larger districts.
I'll tell you why: They don't give a shit. Full stop.
They consider lgbt kids as something less than human and therefore disposable. The only way to change it is the sue the hell outta the various school districts.
I'll tell you why: They don't give a shit. Full stop.
They consider lgbt kids as something less than human and therefore disposable. The only way to change it is the sue the hell outta the various school districts.
25
Am I the only one who thinks that outing and harassing the bullying children is just perpetrating more bullying?
What those bullying children did is horrible but we have to look at parents and the school for accountability. Children are children and they do horrible things if they observe their role models doing so and are allowed to do so.
I'm not saying the kids should get a pass - they should be punished -- but NOT by anonymous harassers. They should be punished by their role models -- the adults in THEIR community -- or they will not learn jack shit.
You should focus your campaigning on the school administrators who - if the parents are to be believed - were aware of the bullying and did nothing.
What those bullying children did is horrible but we have to look at parents and the school for accountability. Children are children and they do horrible things if they observe their role models doing so and are allowed to do so.
I'm not saying the kids should get a pass - they should be punished -- but NOT by anonymous harassers. They should be punished by their role models -- the adults in THEIR community -- or they will not learn jack shit.
You should focus your campaigning on the school administrators who - if the parents are to be believed - were aware of the bullying and did nothing.
26
The Greatschools.org rating page for Hamilton Middle School is straight up deleting reasonable, profanity-free reviews that mention Asher's bullying and the reprehensible inaction of administration. Three cheers for "integrity."
27
I'm just going to pop in and say -- way to protect your child from getting ahold of your firearms.
28
Beyond the obvious tragedy here, there are a couple problems. First is that if a kid feels completely helpless against the bullies for whatever reason, the authority figures not doing anything, fear of outing, whatever, the solution as illogical as it may seem to us is to kill oneself "to teach the bullies a lesson". Bullies don't learn that lesson. The human mind has an amazing ability to justify one's own actions. Not a single bully will feel longterm remorse for this. They'll start by finding some comfort that they were only a single actor in a larger group, that others were worse than them, that the kid killed himself over something unrelated, and soon they have washed their hands of the whole thing and go on to bully the next different kid in line.
Suicide is a very ineffective weapon. Giving kids the courage that comes from recognizing that this will pass and isn't that big of a deal in the long run is much more healthy and productive than publicizing suicide as a weapon of revenge. Of course, working to make a world where the homophobes are the ones who feel ostracized is even better and I think we're getting ever closer to that despite a few loud mouthed self loathing church leaders.
Suicide is a very ineffective weapon. Giving kids the courage that comes from recognizing that this will pass and isn't that big of a deal in the long run is much more healthy and productive than publicizing suicide as a weapon of revenge. Of course, working to make a world where the homophobes are the ones who feel ostracized is even better and I think we're getting ever closer to that despite a few loud mouthed self loathing church leaders.
29
@7,
Since gay teens are more likely to commit suicide and have been more likely to commit suicide for ages, this is pretty obviously an ongoing problem.
@28,
What makes you think these kids are committing suicide as a form of revenge? Not everyone is that narcissistic. They're killing themselves because they're suffering and don't see a way out.
Since gay teens are more likely to commit suicide and have been more likely to commit suicide for ages, this is pretty obviously an ongoing problem.
@28,
What makes you think these kids are committing suicide as a form of revenge? Not everyone is that narcissistic. They're killing themselves because they're suffering and don't see a way out.
30
There is bullying, and then there is assault. Pushing a kid down a stairway is assault. Similar stuff happened to me when I was in middle school, and if I could post a video (where I live the internet is too slow to watch video, much less upload it) I would say this:
It gets better. Absolutely. But in the meantime, you have a right to defend yourself. Make sure your parents and the school administration have documentation of specific instances of bullying/assault. If it continues after the school knows about it, fight back. Hit the gym and build some upper body strength. Take a martial arts class. You won't have to fight every bully- give one of the ringleaders a bloody nose and you'll be letting them know that you're not an easy target anymore. These assholes aren't interested in a fair fight. If you get them thinking that they could get hurt, they'll back off. And no weapons- possibly getting suspended for a few days is worth it, expulsion is not.
Bullies get off on making you feel helpless. If you take that away from them, they have no reason to bully you anymore.
It gets better. Absolutely. But in the meantime, you have a right to defend yourself. Make sure your parents and the school administration have documentation of specific instances of bullying/assault. If it continues after the school knows about it, fight back. Hit the gym and build some upper body strength. Take a martial arts class. You won't have to fight every bully- give one of the ringleaders a bloody nose and you'll be letting them know that you're not an easy target anymore. These assholes aren't interested in a fair fight. If you get them thinking that they could get hurt, they'll back off. And no weapons- possibly getting suspended for a few days is worth it, expulsion is not.
Bullies get off on making you feel helpless. If you take that away from them, they have no reason to bully you anymore.
31
I want to echo #18. As a former PTSA president, I have told many parents to DOCUMENT what you say and do. Keep a journal of dates, times, places, people you have spoken to. As #18 says, send a certified letter to the school AND the district AND the school Board. Be sure that ANY letter you write is cc'd to both the Superintendent and School Board.
Understand that when you request a meeting, administrators will generally (1) circle the wagons to protect themselves and (2) you will not just meet with one person. Seattle Public Schools generally will have two-three people in the room for any meeting to protect themselves. You do the same; bring a partner or a friend so you have someone on your side.
I am sorry to say but in cases like this, most districts are just focused on protecting themselves and not the child.
Understand that when you request a meeting, administrators will generally (1) circle the wagons to protect themselves and (2) you will not just meet with one person. Seattle Public Schools generally will have two-three people in the room for any meeting to protect themselves. You do the same; bring a partner or a friend so you have someone on your side.
I am sorry to say but in cases like this, most districts are just focused on protecting themselves and not the child.
32
There is bullying, and then there is assault. Pushing a kid down a stairway is assault. Similar stuff happened to me when I was in middle school, and if I could post a video (where I live the internet is too slow to watch video, much less upload it) I would say this:
It gets better. Absolutely. But in the meantime, you have a right to defend yourself. Make sure your parents and the school administration have documentation of specific instances of bullying/assault. If it continues after the school knows about it, fight back. Hit the gym and build some upper body strength. Take a martial arts class. You won't have to fight every bully- give one of the ringleaders a bloody nose and you'll be letting them know that you're not an easy target anymore. These assholes aren't interested in a fair fight. If you get them thinking that they could get hurt, they'll back off. And no weapons- possibly getting suspended for a few days is worth it, expulsion is not.
Bullies get off on making you feel helpless. If you take that away from them, they have no reason to bully you anymore.
It gets better. Absolutely. But in the meantime, you have a right to defend yourself. Make sure your parents and the school administration have documentation of specific instances of bullying/assault. If it continues after the school knows about it, fight back. Hit the gym and build some upper body strength. Take a martial arts class. You won't have to fight every bully- give one of the ringleaders a bloody nose and you'll be letting them know that you're not an easy target anymore. These assholes aren't interested in a fair fight. If you get them thinking that they could get hurt, they'll back off. And no weapons- possibly getting suspended for a few days is worth it, expulsion is not.
Bullies get off on making you feel helpless. If you take that away from them, they have no reason to bully you anymore.
33
This is my letter that I just sent:
Dear Ms. Ogwumike,
You do not know me, but today I read an article about a student of yours, Asher Brown, who committed suicide after relentless bullying over a period of approximately 18 months. I am well aware, having been coordinator of large Girl Scout camporees, that it is absolutely impossible to keep track of every student and make sure they are all happy and comfortable all the time.
However, when I was in middle school the administrators knew when incidents as "small" as some Southern Baptists removing a Jewish boy's yarmulke (skull cap) and kicking it around the hall occurred. In response, they not only disciplined the bullies, but insisted that every student in the school be lectured on religious tolerance.
Hence, I refuse to believe that you knew "nothing" of what was happening to Asher Brown, especially when acts of violent assault like pushing him down a flight of stairs - which is potentially lethal - were occurring. I also refuse to believe that you didn't get any phone calls, e-mails and visits from his parents, and I'm frankly appalled that you are denying ever receiving any.
This is why I hope you stop trying to shield yourself from a lawsuit, admit you knew what was going on, and turn over the names of the bullies to the police so that there can be justice for Asher Brown. Asher's parents trusted you with his life while he attended your school, and you had a legal duty to make sure he was safe. It is a great pity that you did not live up to the responsibilities you assumed with your principalship.
Yours sincerely,
Carla Pereira, BA
Dear Ms. Ogwumike,
You do not know me, but today I read an article about a student of yours, Asher Brown, who committed suicide after relentless bullying over a period of approximately 18 months. I am well aware, having been coordinator of large Girl Scout camporees, that it is absolutely impossible to keep track of every student and make sure they are all happy and comfortable all the time.
However, when I was in middle school the administrators knew when incidents as "small" as some Southern Baptists removing a Jewish boy's yarmulke (skull cap) and kicking it around the hall occurred. In response, they not only disciplined the bullies, but insisted that every student in the school be lectured on religious tolerance.
Hence, I refuse to believe that you knew "nothing" of what was happening to Asher Brown, especially when acts of violent assault like pushing him down a flight of stairs - which is potentially lethal - were occurring. I also refuse to believe that you didn't get any phone calls, e-mails and visits from his parents, and I'm frankly appalled that you are denying ever receiving any.
This is why I hope you stop trying to shield yourself from a lawsuit, admit you knew what was going on, and turn over the names of the bullies to the police so that there can be justice for Asher Brown. Asher's parents trusted you with his life while he attended your school, and you had a legal duty to make sure he was safe. It is a great pity that you did not live up to the responsibilities you assumed with your principalship.
Yours sincerely,
Carla Pereira, BA
34
Perhaps, as part of the "It Gets Better" campaign (perhaps the greatest thing to come from the internet, ever), teens could be made aware that high school isn't even necessary in order to get into college and/or leading a happy, productive life.
http://www.amazon.com/Teenage-Liberation…
http://www.amazon.com/Teenage-Liberation…
35
@31, thanks. I was hoping someone with boots-on-the-ground experience would be able to confirm and amplify my off-the-cuff suggestions.
36
FWIW, there's really a question if this kid was even gay. It's beside the point, but when your classmates are violently abusing you and telling you you're something, you might come to believe it, even if you're not. I was bullied in middle school and high school pretty severely, and I believe it could happen.
I've always believed that those "ex-gays" that go around spouting out about how you can be straight if you try really hard are either 1) delusional or 2) were never really gay in the first place - just people who got shoved into a pigeonhole by others because they were "different" and no one knew how else to explain it. Then they go around telling people that "the gay" went away. I know some people know right off the bat if they're gay or not, but I think a lot of people don't figure it out until after adolescence has passed.
Hell, I thought I was a lesbian in college for a few days because I felt a surge of undeniable attraction for someone I thought was a very beautiful and very butch woman who dressed in an androgynous way. Turns out it was just a very very pretty man with a face like a Botticelli angel, shoulder-length curls and incredibly good skin. But for a few days I was very very confused as the apparent same-sex attraction came out of nowhere (and back then, yes, I did think it was possible for one to "turn gay" in much the same way one could be struck by lightning - I know, I was a rather uninformed doofus). And yes, I did try to get a date with the guy, but he was changing schools and it never happened.
So would the right-wing loons take this homophobic bullying seriously if they thought it was killing off straight kids as well? Or are they just collateral damage in the crusade to encourage LGBT children to off themselves before they become voting adults?
More...
I've always believed that those "ex-gays" that go around spouting out about how you can be straight if you try really hard are either 1) delusional or 2) were never really gay in the first place - just people who got shoved into a pigeonhole by others because they were "different" and no one knew how else to explain it. Then they go around telling people that "the gay" went away. I know some people know right off the bat if they're gay or not, but I think a lot of people don't figure it out until after adolescence has passed.
Hell, I thought I was a lesbian in college for a few days because I felt a surge of undeniable attraction for someone I thought was a very beautiful and very butch woman who dressed in an androgynous way. Turns out it was just a very very pretty man with a face like a Botticelli angel, shoulder-length curls and incredibly good skin. But for a few days I was very very confused as the apparent same-sex attraction came out of nowhere (and back then, yes, I did think it was possible for one to "turn gay" in much the same way one could be struck by lightning - I know, I was a rather uninformed doofus). And yes, I did try to get a date with the guy, but he was changing schools and it never happened.
So would the right-wing loons take this homophobic bullying seriously if they thought it was killing off straight kids as well? Or are they just collateral damage in the crusade to encourage LGBT children to off themselves before they become voting adults?
37
@29-- While it's not exactly universal, "They'll be sorry when I'm gone" is known to be a pretty common thought process in planning suicides.
@33-- Right on. Or, y'know, write on. But either way, I approve.
@33-- Right on. Or, y'know, write on. But either way, I approve.
38
@26: Yeah, man, wtf??? When i submitted my "unsatisfactory" review this morning, there were about five other posters that mentioned, tactfully and politely, that kids get bullied to death at this school. Looks like they've all been deleted now.
40
I feel sick too - like so many others writing here.
I sent an email to principal and cc'd the board. Thanks, Dan, for following the heartbreaking news with suggestions for immediate actions to take.
I sent an email to principal and cc'd the board. Thanks, Dan, for following the heartbreaking news with suggestions for immediate actions to take.
41
This suicide is no different than the Matt Shepherd case years ago - both ended with a needless death resulting from bigotry, either by the direct hands of murderers or the words of a tormentor. This was a life never realized.
42
@7: Has bullying got worse? Hard to tell, but it seems that as progresss is made, there sure are a lot more organizations taking to the airwaves and actively promoting hatred of gays and lesbians. States amend their constitutions to institutionalize discrimination, the Republican party endorses criminalization of gay relationships and in some areas, that really emboldens bullies, who obviously shouldn't have the approval of society at large. In short, back in the day, some jerks might have teased and bullied the queer kids, but there weren't a lot of adults in responsible positions loudly cheering them on.
43
I don't know if anyone has heard about this yet but the 13 year old boy from Tehachapi who was in a coma after hanging himself, Seth Walsh...has died as of yesterday. http://www.tehachapinews.com/content/mem…
It breaks my heart that he didn't survive to see it get better. RIP both Seth and Asher.
It breaks my heart that he didn't survive to see it get better. RIP both Seth and Asher.
44
I graduated from Cy-Fair ISD and I know how they can be. They're basically only in it for the upper level kids and, at least at my high school and I say this as un-racist as possible, the african american population at my school. However, there really is a great education to be had in the school district and there are some really great teachers. I don't think that they would intentionally lie about not getting those calls.
@42: Please don't blame this on Republicans. I know MANY liberals who would readily trip a "fag" in the hallway, and many conservatives who would cry at a story like this. It has nothing to do with political parties and i think it's sad that this country is divided by political parties and that so much hatred is stemmed from silly things like differences in religion, race or sexual orientation.
@42: Please don't blame this on Republicans. I know MANY liberals who would readily trip a "fag" in the hallway, and many conservatives who would cry at a story like this. It has nothing to do with political parties and i think it's sad that this country is divided by political parties and that so much hatred is stemmed from silly things like differences in religion, race or sexual orientation.
45
Vote em down? I go to hamilton and when I read that I almost started crying. Asher was a friend of mine that I could have done more to protect. But I didn't think of this until he was gone. People bullies are inevitable wherever you are. Hamilton is a very good acadmeic school. And to hear people hating a school they know nothing about sounds so juvenile. You call yourself adults? You are telling people to email and call the principle.to let you know that is HARASSMENT. So practice what you preach people.
46
I grew up in the Cy-Fair ISD. The middle school I went to was very close to Hamilton and my high school had kids from my middle school, Hamilton, and another school. I had a great experience in middle school but then during high school I was treated so badly by my peers. The district is SO competitive and strives for "perfection"-leaving out kids that are different. Instead of reaching out, they just focused on the smart/good kids and made them better, while ignoring me and making me feel like I was worthless. I was one of those kids and became very suicidal in high school. When my parents found out they made me go to the school counselor who WAS AWFUL. I hated her. She told me I needed to grow up and that would solve all my problems, saying I was being childish and creating problems that weren't there. Really? You're going to tell me that I'm not being harrassed? You're going to tell me that I'm just imagining that kids are backstabbing me and calling me names to my face? Don't get me wrong, I have had great, amazing teachers and counselors, but some kids aren't going to do what I did and demand a different counselor.
Personally, I believe the district's has failed in its staffing efforts in counselors and some administrators. I was really surprised to hear that they are denying the parents efforts to protect their child, especially since I know the principal, Ms. Ogwumike (but not personally). The district needs to take responsibility for their actions. And then hire a bunch of new people for ALL schools in the district.
Asher, I am praying for you and your family.
Personally, I believe the district's has failed in its staffing efforts in counselors and some administrators. I was really surprised to hear that they are denying the parents efforts to protect their child, especially since I know the principal, Ms. Ogwumike (but not personally). The district needs to take responsibility for their actions. And then hire a bunch of new people for ALL schools in the district.
Asher, I am praying for you and your family.
47
I am a student of Hamilton Middle school and you have to recieve the fact that alot of students are suffering here too barely anyone at our school knew he was 'gay' even though he was aithiest like the article said 4bullies were mentioned not everyone at that school is responsible me personaly i have never seen him be bullied and or tormented but yes people who did see what happend should have stood up for whats right and say "stop bullying him," or contact the school APs or prencible about what happend.
48
I'm gonna have to fault the parents on this one.
Parents:
Watch what you say and don't say about GLBT people in front of your kids. I would say its better to be more tolerant but realistically thats not likely especially for the religious. Children that feel really secure that they have a parent's full support and love won't kill themselves over some idiots at school. This kid sounds like he may have judged the parents feelings or witnessed them doing or saying something negative on the topic of being gay and felt he had no one to turn to. I told my parents I liked boys when I was 5(obviously not in a sexual way) The way they handled the situation made me feel low and worthless because I figured if my own parents hate me then I must really be bad. When I think about them saying things like " They should go to hell", "Its not right...thats a shame" "punk ... faggot"... It made me self-hating and anti social over the years and I became self destructive. Thankfully I made it to college(alive) and found my anger- I got my confidence and self worth back. Parents get a clue, kids are really observant and if you love your kids-- keep HATE SPEECH and IGNORANCE and INTOLERANCE out of your home, you kid will get enough in the real world. You have to build them up so they can fight it. Atheism saves lives....
Parents:
Watch what you say and don't say about GLBT people in front of your kids. I would say its better to be more tolerant but realistically thats not likely especially for the religious. Children that feel really secure that they have a parent's full support and love won't kill themselves over some idiots at school. This kid sounds like he may have judged the parents feelings or witnessed them doing or saying something negative on the topic of being gay and felt he had no one to turn to. I told my parents I liked boys when I was 5(obviously not in a sexual way) The way they handled the situation made me feel low and worthless because I figured if my own parents hate me then I must really be bad. When I think about them saying things like " They should go to hell", "Its not right...thats a shame" "punk ... faggot"... It made me self-hating and anti social over the years and I became self destructive. Thankfully I made it to college(alive) and found my anger- I got my confidence and self worth back. Parents get a clue, kids are really observant and if you love your kids-- keep HATE SPEECH and IGNORANCE and INTOLERANCE out of your home, you kid will get enough in the real world. You have to build them up so they can fight it. Atheism saves lives....
49
This story has alot of inconsistencies. What 13 year old is having sex with anyone ? Responsible parents would not tolerate hetero or homo sexual behavior at that age. Where did he get a gun from ? Why is this "article" so anti-Christian ? I don't see the mainstream media reporting this. There are laws against assault in Texas; this was not mere bullying. Something is very fishy with this story.
50
For any parent whose child is going through this, don't just call the principal. Put it in writing--email so they can't deny it later. Send it to teachers, counsellors and the principal. If you know the parents of the bullies, copy them too and demand they control their children. Copy school board members so they know you mean business. Copy the local police as well. This boy suffered assault. The fact that the little bastards are minors doesn't make their actions legal.
51
this underlying issue can be blamed on the goddamn christians - stupid ignorant people that follow a book written and rewritten by man, not god, and who are too weak and one-eyed to question their own existence and purpose in life. Instead they teach that diversity is bad, causing people to hate each other. Wake up to yourselves in the 21st century. We are above all that nonsense. The bible is bullshit and bible-thumping Americans are a joke to the rest of the world, even more than Planet Texas. Can you imagine living in a messed up state like Texas? Now that would be a living hell!
52
Regarding the school denying that the Truongs called them: I wonder if the Truongs are aware that you can call the phone company and ask for records of all of your outgoing phone calls.
53
At what point do we start holding the parents of bullies accountable. Racism and hatred is a learned behavior. If the parents didn't teach it then they should at least notice that something is wrong. I cannot count how many times my kids came home asking me about ignorant things their friends' parents told them. How do you wipe out ignorance? Our country was built on it. We as open-minded, loving and tolerant parents need to talk to our children about hatred just as we talk to them about sex and drugs. We as parents are responsible for building our children up so no one can tear them down. I feel for this poor baby's parents, everything happens for a reason. Through adversity comes strength-Maya Angelou. It is time for all of us to wake up and realize this is a horrible world we live in but one person can make a difference. I pray that one day we all learn the true meaning of tolerance and start teaching our children so that one day we all can live in a world where our children will feel free to be who they are without shame!
55
The letter I just sent:
Dear Principal Ogwumike,
I'm writing to you in the memory of Asher Brown, one of your students. One of your charges. One of the children you failed.
Asher Brown was bullied and tormented for months, until the idea of a future free of pain and abuse was stolen from him. You allowed this future to be taken from him; you allowed his present to be so filled with hate and violence that he felt he couldn't endure another moment of it.
This happened on your watch. The very idea that, in plain sight of anyone who cared to watch, a boy could be so totally degraded, so utterly forsaken--the facts of Asher Brown's death should shame you.
But mourning the loss of Asher Brown is not enough. If your conscience doesn't call you, a basic level of professionalism should. What in your pedagogy allows for systemic humiliation? Why on earth would you imagine that claiming ignorance is an honorable, effective defense? It seems your school is either ruled by hate or chaos. Either way, a student ended his life rather than spend another day inside it.
There is an Asher Brown inside each of the millions of gays and lesbians around the world. We read Asher's story with tears in our eyes. When you failed him, you failed us, too.
Please remember that, at a minimum, your job is to provide a space free of violence and hate for your students. That is the absolute minimum of your job. If you refuse to provide that--and make no mistake, we've all witnessed refusals, and we all continue to witness your claims of ignorance and helplessness, defiling Asher's memory by accusing his parents of lying--then I respectfully beg you to find another job.
School years should not have body counts. Asher was victimized because of what people saw in him. Please don't let his death fade from your mind without taking a look at yourself, at the community you've created, and at what can be done.
Sincerely,
Jesse Dorris
WRITE THE PRINCIPAL AND THE BOARD. LET THEM KNOW THINGS MUST CHANGE.
board@cfisd.net
ify.ogwumike@cfisd.net
More...
Dear Principal Ogwumike,
I'm writing to you in the memory of Asher Brown, one of your students. One of your charges. One of the children you failed.
Asher Brown was bullied and tormented for months, until the idea of a future free of pain and abuse was stolen from him. You allowed this future to be taken from him; you allowed his present to be so filled with hate and violence that he felt he couldn't endure another moment of it.
This happened on your watch. The very idea that, in plain sight of anyone who cared to watch, a boy could be so totally degraded, so utterly forsaken--the facts of Asher Brown's death should shame you.
But mourning the loss of Asher Brown is not enough. If your conscience doesn't call you, a basic level of professionalism should. What in your pedagogy allows for systemic humiliation? Why on earth would you imagine that claiming ignorance is an honorable, effective defense? It seems your school is either ruled by hate or chaos. Either way, a student ended his life rather than spend another day inside it.
There is an Asher Brown inside each of the millions of gays and lesbians around the world. We read Asher's story with tears in our eyes. When you failed him, you failed us, too.
Please remember that, at a minimum, your job is to provide a space free of violence and hate for your students. That is the absolute minimum of your job. If you refuse to provide that--and make no mistake, we've all witnessed refusals, and we all continue to witness your claims of ignorance and helplessness, defiling Asher's memory by accusing his parents of lying--then I respectfully beg you to find another job.
School years should not have body counts. Asher was victimized because of what people saw in him. Please don't let his death fade from your mind without taking a look at yourself, at the community you've created, and at what can be done.
Sincerely,
Jesse Dorris
WRITE THE PRINCIPAL AND THE BOARD. LET THEM KNOW THINGS MUST CHANGE.
board@cfisd.net
ify.ogwumike@cfisd.net
56
@45 -- Your school probably has fine academic programs and sports teams and such. But the administration's attitude (at best, apathetic -- at worst, homophobic) has led to the death of one of your friends, someone you yourself say you wish you could have defended more. The reason why we're taking the school to task on this is because the people who should be -- students, alumni, parents of kids who aren't Asher -- aren't.
If Asher matters to you beyond bad press for Hamilton, then maybe you should get some people together and at least make a statement that you care more for him than whether your school looks good. Hold a vigil for him. Give a quote to a reporter. Hell, wear a fucking armband to school.
If you cared about Asher, then there's no excuse to be more mad at us than at the people who didn't protect him. We may sound juvenile, but at least some of us are doing more than anonymously whining at a comment thread. So you know what? Welcome to the kiddie pool.
If Asher matters to you beyond bad press for Hamilton, then maybe you should get some people together and at least make a statement that you care more for him than whether your school looks good. Hold a vigil for him. Give a quote to a reporter. Hell, wear a fucking armband to school.
If you cared about Asher, then there's no excuse to be more mad at us than at the people who didn't protect him. We may sound juvenile, but at least some of us are doing more than anonymously whining at a comment thread. So you know what? Welcome to the kiddie pool.
57
This is becoming an epidemic. Teachers and school administrators need sensitivity training. Gay kids need safe zones. We need to incorporate LGBT curriculum into the schools, and the "gay agenda' asswipes have to stop blaming innocent kids. Too many teachers are turning a blind eye to this type of bullying because they don't know what o do or they just don't think that gay kids are worth it or that gay is wrong. It's always been one of the most frustrating parts of my job as a high school teacher. I get angry and sad every time I read one of these stories. What are the schools doing to prevent this specific type of bullying?
58
This has nothing to do with Texas. A kid in CALIFORNIA killed himself because he was bullied for being Gay. Californians pride themselves on acceptance for gays? Right.
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