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News & ArtsThursday, September 2, 2010
At Large "You don't have to be lonely, thanks to FarmersOnly"
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on Thu, Sep 2, 2010 at 7:26 AM
It's online dating for farmers, complete with red rhetoric:
There are basically two groups in America. Group one: their lives revolve around four dollar cups of coffee, taxi cabs, blue suits, high heels, conference rooms and getting ahead at all costs in the corporate world. If you fall into this group you're probably on the wrong online dating site. Group two: they enjoy blue skies, wide open spaces, raising animals, appreciating nature and truly understand the meaning of Southern hospitality, even if they don't live in the South. This group makes up America's Heartland. This is not a geographic area, this is a slice of America with good old fashioned traditional values, values that were never lost by the farmer.
There's a section called "Barnyard Buzz." No one wants to know.
But: "City folks just don't get it!™"
Thanks—I think—Jill.
1
Group 2 also take federal subsidies to grow more corn than we really need while complaining about pork-barrel politics.
They also have the "good old fashioned traditional values" of divorcing at a higher rate than city-folk and fucking more sheep.
They also have the "good old fashioned traditional values" of divorcing at a higher rate than city-folk and fucking more sheep.
2
More polarizing by small minded conservatives. Wouldn't it be nice if both sides stopped judging the other and let everyone live in peace ... with equal rights and opportunities.
3
MWM 52 ISO attractive young ewe or sow for moonlight walks and fun with the slop bucket. I have new XL gumboots.
4
@2--It would be so nice, but due to one groups insistence of treating everybody equal and the other groups insistence on not treating people equally, it probably won't happen. Unfortunately, those "group two" people have no desire to change at all and do not listen or respond to reasonable arguments. (Example: at my midwest med school, the "pro-life" group hears the argument that making abortions illegal does not reduce the number, only increases the number of unsafe, back-ally abortions and dead mothers, only to respond by calling people baby killers)
5
You can talk all day about your wide open spaces and nature and such but I wouldn't trade nothing for my blue suit. I love that thing.
6
I searched for the Men Seeking Men section, but just couldn't find it. I wonder if it's listed under that "Barnyard Buzz" section.
7
I think it's broken. I told it I was looking for men, but it just showed me a bunch of straight guys. Anyone know the number for tech suppor....oh, they're farmers. Right...
8
In the interest of "taking one for the team," I read Backyard Buzz: It is the testimonials section. Lots of "soul mates," "the good Lord," and "country girl at heart" chat, but what was most interesting (well, aside from the fact that I just wasted 10 minutes reading it) is that in every case where there was geographical separation, the woman moved to where the man lived so they could be together. But then, I guess that's "traditional," eh?
9
The commercials they put on their site are marvelous. The farmer and the hipster should be friends, though:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbsTknA-b…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbsTknA-b…
10
@8--Duh, women are supposed to be in the kitchen and make babies. They don't need their current jobs in their current cities for that, they need to be with their man and he can't move
11
Well that's a nice, um, homogenous crowd. I scanned through several pages of both men and women. Not a single non-white person on the site.
I guess brown people need not apply.
I guess brown people need not apply.
12
@6 We have a Gay Rodeo every summer near Calgary (I am planning on going next summer, as I am not convinced it is possible to be gay AND wear a bolo tie and a belt buckle the size of a hubcap---I thought those atrocities were the sole domain and creation of straight men with no taste), but possibly one of them could be the hayseed of your dreams??
13
@10 Too true! One assumes that she won't have to pack much, either, as she won't need her shoes... ;)
14
@12 - Though I will admit that few clothing items will accentuate a guy's goods, like a pair of tight Wranglers will.
17
Any time someone utters the phrase "4 dollar cup of coffee" I want to punch them in the face. No one sells cups of coffee for 4 dollars.
19
@4 - i find it depressing that there are "pro-life" med students in 2010. I guess I thought people smart enuff to get into med school would be smart enuff not to buy into religious b.s. How dumb of me.
21
Man, I grew up in Northeastern farm country, and people did know the meaning of "Southern Hospitality." It means a knife in the back. Even the people who had Confederate Flags on their trucks hated Southerners (just not as much as they loved racism.) Maybe things have changed.
I do feel like city people don't usually understand some things about me (like how stressful crowds are and not speaking to anyone for 48 hours is normal to me), but I'll be damned if it means I have to date republicans.
I do feel like city people don't usually understand some things about me (like how stressful crowds are and not speaking to anyone for 48 hours is normal to me), but I'll be damned if it means I have to date republicans.
22
@14 Then you will have to attend a performance of the Vertigo Mystery Theatre in Calgary, and gaze upon the theatre director in his Levi's 501s that appear to not only have been painted on, but filled with some sort of zucchini or spaghetti squash...
23
@17: Well, they sure couldnt' specify that they meant lattes or cappuccinos -- you know, "fancy" coffee -- because using foreign terms is probably kind of gay. Or French.
25
It sounds like the second group of people doesn't have much imagination.
I can't imagine living in a world so small you could say in seriousness: "There are basically two groups in America."
I can't imagine living in a world so small you could say in seriousness: "There are basically two groups in America."
26
So America's vast tracts of suburbia just don't count for anything? Or are we piled in under the first group, despite not having any of the benefits of urban living? I could kill for some decent taxi service out here.
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