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News & ArtsThursday, September 2, 2010
Crime / Life "Don't Piss Off Jailbait"
Posted by David Schmader on Thu, Sep 2, 2010 at 9:14 AM
- Steven Weissman
This week's impressive I, Anonymous:
You knocked me up and didn't do shit about it. Oh, wait—you did give me $20. I was 15 weeks pregnant when I got the abortion. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my whole life, and you ditched me like jury duty. When I asked to snuggle, you told me to be big spoon and rolled over and went to sleep. You never once acknowledged what I was going through or showed even a glimmer of respect for our child. When I called you to tell you how hard this was for me, your imbecilic response was, "Let me meditate on that and call you back." You never called back. SUCK IT, you idiotic new age schmuck. What kind of person meditates on his pregnant girlfriend's emotional trauma and decides NOT to call?! I should sue you for child rape while I'm still underage. You're eight years older than me and you can hardly comprehend common fucking sense (i.e., giving some empathetic snuggle-time to your impregnated jailbait booty call... or at the very least some fucking ice cream). I'm glad to be rid of you. You always were inscrutably apathetic. You say you're just simple; I think you're just insipidly shallow. So here I am: underage, unemployed, homeless, and (thank god for second-trimester abortions) childless, filled with raging hormones, lactating like a fucking cow, hating your guts like Hitler hated retarded Jewish babies. Fuck you, you fucking fuck. I hope you break your kneecaps and wake up in a puddle of vomit the next time you decide to mix alcohol and ketamine. Dumbass.P.S. I peed in your shoes. And I want my toothbrush back.
And the impressive first comment to this week's I, Anonymous:
Sorry about how that guy treated you, but trust me: you don't want your toothbrush back.
Thank you, commenter Zac F, and thanks as well to Steven Weissman for illustrating just how much Hitler hated retarded Jewish babies. (See full size illo here.)
5
She needs to understand that he doesn't give a shit about her. The pregnancy is incidental to that central fact...she seems to think it should make him care. That's not how men are wired.
8
It is a shame that those who need to learn an important lesson cannot be reached for it. The lesson being that men who fuck homeless teenage girls are rarely any good in any kind of crisis.
@7, why go to the police about this? Sorry, more important things, and the problem is solved (at least for the writer of this IA). Lets leave the police to handle matters of actual public safety. As it is they are already overoccupied shooting deaf homeless people, busting potheads, and getting unlicensed massages just to say no to the happy endings.
@7, why go to the police about this? Sorry, more important things, and the problem is solved (at least for the writer of this IA). Lets leave the police to handle matters of actual public safety. As it is they are already overoccupied shooting deaf homeless people, busting potheads, and getting unlicensed massages just to say no to the happy endings.
9
That's why they make birth control for women too.
You are an irresponsible, stupid little bitch who carelessly made a baby with an irresponsible asshole without a single thought about the innocent life you were about to create and then destroy. Fuck you!
You are an irresponsible, stupid little bitch who carelessly made a baby with an irresponsible asshole without a single thought about the innocent life you were about to create and then destroy. Fuck you!
10
@8 Why go to the police about this? Um, maybe because he's not just an asshole, but an asshole who takes advantage of underage homeless girls? Maybe...?
11
Bleh. If a second-trimester abortion makes me uneasy, does that make me pro-life? Incidental to the I Anon, I know, but still.
17
Vince, birth control methods other than sterilization are not always 100% reliable. How do you know the "irresponsible, stupid little bitch" wasn't using a method which failed? Ever have a condom break? Forget a pill? Discover a diaphragm has a pinhole or tear? Have a hormonal flux that affected the efficacy of an implant? Apparently not.
Hell, even sterilization doesn't always work 100%. Even without human error, sometimes shit just happens.
Hell, even sterilization doesn't always work 100%. Even without human error, sometimes shit just happens.
19
@7, 10, if anybody should report this guy to the police, it should be her, or the guy's next unerage GF, nobody else. Lets see, she's gotten pregnant, aborted in the 2nd trimester, recovered, and written this. The time has long since passed, but if she really wants to get revenge, I'm sure she could still do something.
If she sees him somewhere with a new girl, she should find an opportunity to talk to the new GF, tell her what happened, and leave it up to her.
If she sees him somewhere with a new girl, she should find an opportunity to talk to the new GF, tell her what happened, and leave it up to her.
21
Jesus, Vince. She's a kid. She just learned one of the hardest lessons there is to learn, and you don't even have a frame of reference for it. Are you Loveschild in disguise?
22
schmacky @5: Respectfully, you're full of shit. Men are not "wired" to not care about the women they impregnate. That this guy is an irresponsible jerk does not prove that all men are irresponsible jerks.
Vince @9: On behalf of every screwed-up kid who's gone through something like this, I have to ask: What the hell is wrong with you? You're an adult -- why are you picking on some kid who feels angry and abandoned because someone she (foolishly) loved and trusted turned his back on her? And on top of that, you're guilt-tripping her for having an abortion?! She's a teenager! Either grow up or pick on someone your own size.
Vince @9: On behalf of every screwed-up kid who's gone through something like this, I have to ask: What the hell is wrong with you? You're an adult -- why are you picking on some kid who feels angry and abandoned because someone she (foolishly) loved and trusted turned his back on her? And on top of that, you're guilt-tripping her for having an abortion?! She's a teenager! Either grow up or pick on someone your own size.
24
Is this the same Vince who asked all to be kind to older men (he implied he was referencing himself) who lied in order to get laid?
32
I know someone who was in his mid-20's and went for a vasectomy. Male doctors seem to loath the thought of a young virile man not wanting to breed. He SUPPOSEDLY did the operation but wouldn't you know? A few months alter his wife got pregnant. They just marked it off as a fluke until she got pregnant again. By that time, they decided to round it off at 3 and then he got the vasectomy to end all vasectomies. No, the wife did not cheat on him.
So Vince,
You might want to check the attitude towards her, mate.
So Vince,
You might want to check the attitude towards her, mate.
33
The first time I had sex (16, I think) I was young and stupid (and horny) enough that I tried to convince the guy to fuck me without a condom (we were having trouble finding one, and I was impatient). The one good thing about that man turned out to be his absolute insistence that there was no way we were screwing without one.
Yes, I was an irresponsible, sheltered, naive moron to even think having unprotected sex would be okay. I recognize that now - but at the time it was simply a case of being old enough to know I wanted sex but not seeing that I could be young and cool and wild while still actually caring about protection. Ah, kids.
Yes, I was an irresponsible, sheltered, naive moron to even think having unprotected sex would be okay. I recognize that now - but at the time it was simply a case of being old enough to know I wanted sex but not seeing that I could be young and cool and wild while still actually caring about protection. Ah, kids.
34
Vince @ 9,
You have an amazing heart for children. From you I learned of Treehouse and the foster children it helps. I hope there is/are children out there who have the good fortune to know you.
I'm hoping behind your expressed frustration is the understanding that the one who got impregnated, perhaps while using birth control or not, and had an abortion is a child too. A teenager, but still a child.
You have an amazing heart for children. From you I learned of Treehouse and the foster children it helps. I hope there is/are children out there who have the good fortune to know you.
I'm hoping behind your expressed frustration is the understanding that the one who got impregnated, perhaps while using birth control or not, and had an abortion is a child too. A teenager, but still a child.
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