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Thursday, August 12, 2010

City / Chow / Life Hey, You Forgot Your Half-Eaten Hamburger

Posted by Megan Seling on Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 3:38 PM

You were probably in a hurry. What probably happened was you passed by this Stranger newspaper box earlier this afternoon, saw it was a new issue, and then you probably got really excited about it. Understandable! This week's cover is great. You probably wanted to grab a copy of the paper, but your hands were full. In your left hand, the hamburger, in your right, a milkshake (probably chocolate)—what were you going to do!? So as quickly as you could, you set the hamburger down, pried open the box, and grabbed the new issue of The Stranger. Victory! Probably. But then, in your rush of success, you completely forgot to pick up your hamburger. Oh no!

Well, it's still there. Waiting for you. On the top of the Stranger newspaper box you probably accidentally left it.

I'd hurry, though. The flies are starting to welcome themselves to what's left of the meat patty.

Comments (10) RSS

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Well, there's next week's cover!

Posted by MC Hamming on August 12, 2010 at 3:42 PM

The flies won't eat it, or much of it anyways. They're looking for future food (and warmth from decay) to feed their little maggot brood.

Posted by razorclammer on August 12, 2010 at 3:51 PM

Yeah, like somebody's eyeball, for instance. . . .

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on August 12, 2010 at 4:09 PM

Not possible: If you had the choice, you would put down the milkshake, and hold the hamburger, because no one would eat that after it touched the top of a newspaper bin. I think the hamburger eater saw a girl or boy he had a crush on approaching from the other end of the block (that's obviously a guy's hamburger), and wanting to appear sauve and un-greasy, quickly put down the burger and picked up the Stranger, which he proceeded to hold up in front of himself as he walked, and *accidentally* bumped into the boy or girl, thereby starting a conversation that led to dinner, too much wine, and a quick condom purchase at the corner CVS.... Duh.

Posted by Canuck on August 12, 2010 at 4:22 PM

That cover is great!

Posted by SurlyYurmom on August 12, 2010 at 5:54 PM

No, no. You've got it all wrong.

This is someone playing it forward.

They grabbed their copy of the Stranger, and decided that, hey, they really weren't all that hungry. They guessed that the illegal aliens (socialist Canadians on the lam, probably) that the Stranger hires to stock these boxes are probably paid $15 a month under the table, and decided to donate half a burger to the cause. Or, failing that, someone could bring it back to the Stranger office for the poor starving Unpaid Intern.

Thanks!

Posted by Reverse Polarity on August 12, 2010 at 6:41 PM

U gonna eat dat, or can I haz?

Posted by venomlash on August 12, 2010 at 7:43 PM

There was probably a garbage can within 20 feet of where they left their burger.

We are beset on all sides by barbarian hordes.

Why is it so many people refuse to be human?

Posted by Toasterhedgehog on August 12, 2010 at 7:45 PM

For the love of God, Reverse Polarity, EVERONE knows that Canadian socialists on the lam eat street meat donairs one handed, the better to flag down cabs when making quick getaways from immigration officials, not big, messy hamburgers, which just reek of US imperialism. (Burp.)

Posted by Canuck on August 12, 2010 at 8:10 PM