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News & ArtsFriday, July 30, 2010
Hetero / Mailbag Following Up on This Week's I, Anonymous: The Wedding with the VIP Room
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Fri, Jul 30, 2010 at 11:04 AM
- Steven Weissman
You used Papyrus as a font on your wedding invite. We can get past that. Asking for money instead of gifts so you can fund your honeymoon AND your fucking trip to Burning Man? It's tacky and obnoxious, but I'll let it slide. But charging for food, booze, and "carnival games"? Encouraging people to bring a guest... as long as the guest pays 20 bucks into a "wedding gift box" at the door?! The note encouraging photographer-friends to work for free and send you digital files was a nice touch. But this part's REALLY special: I found out that some people got a "ticket" with their invitation, entitling them to a wristband and a VIP area with free food. You have been going to shitty festivals for too long and you are confused...
Today, we got a letter to the editor from the bride. She writes (sic throughout, identifying details redacted):
To who it may concern,This article is specifically about our wedding. I would cordially like to invite you to our wedding, by passing the “ridiculous” 20 door fee and have to be welcomed into our “tacky” vip room. I’m not sure how to handle the attack made our wedding by this person… with whom I’m pretty sure I know their disgust having not received an invite. I don’t feel the need to explain to you the editor the reasons why we are having a vip room for the older folks and friends that are helping us throw this event, but I would like to invite you to report on the performances and djs that are working for us that night. This even is a way to bring burning man and the likes to our family and friends who will never get the chance to go and experience the place where we fell in love.
I’m having a hard time focusing write now on writing this letter considering it is less then three weeks to my wedding and I just read the article. I am NOT a bridezilla nor is my groom. If you would like to contact me my cell phone number is [redacted]. I would just like the opportunity to explain, rather then walk around with this dark cloud over my head for the remainder of the time before the wedding.
Our wedding is at [place, date, and time redacted].
Thanks again
Sorry for this letter being all over the place.. once again.. I’m just shocked and baffled that we are being attacked like thisMuch thanks,
[name redacted]
The wedding is still a few weeks out, but The Stranger is taking the bride up on her offer and will be reporting back on the party—and the family drama, the VIP haves and have-nots, the performances and DJs—in an upcoming installment of Party Crasher.
1
If this is the way they "bring burning man and the likes to our family and friends" then they are getting Burning Man wrong. I've been to two burner weddings this summer alone, and neither required a $20 donation, was BYOB or had a VIP area.
4
This is the best possible outcome of the whole scenario, and I look forward to the party crasher about this like whoa.
9
Yeah, she's going to regret writing this letter. How is setting herself up for more public ridicule supposed to disperse the 'dark cloud' over her head?
10
so now she has to explain to all her guests why a reporter from the stranger is lurking at her wedding. something tells me she didn't think this thing all the way through. not unlike her wedding.
12
You're "shocked and baffled"? Really? Let me give you a hint as to why you're getting this reaction: Asking people to pay to attend your wedding reception is incredibly tacky. You can try to wrap it in the 10 principles all you want, but it still comes out looking really bad.
13
I wish I could understand how she doesn't think it is tacky to have a effing cover charge for a wedding.
14
Oh my fucking god, Kelly O better go and take me as a +1, I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD.
I'm from Texas, this is my fucking forte. BAD WEDDINGS ARE MY FUCKING FORTE, YOU HEAR ME?
I'm from Texas, this is my fucking forte. BAD WEDDINGS ARE MY FUCKING FORTE, YOU HEAR ME?
17
Typos and mispellings galore!! Now my 0% respect dropped to -15%... Charging to go to a stupid wedding is one thing, but being old enough to marry and not knowing how to spell is another thing altogether!
18
Not sure how to handle the attack, eh? It's not an attack, honey, it's a rant about your incredibly presumptuous behavior. You don't charge people to attend your wedding. Period. And if you can't afford one, you either do what I did (elope) or you have a potluck in the backyard.
19
Ohhh, there's only one thing I like better than an entitled and clueless bride, and that's an entitled, clueless, and DEFENSIVE bride.
This is going to be awesome... I would totally pay $20 just to watch this train wreck itself in slow motion.
This is going to be awesome... I would totally pay $20 just to watch this train wreck itself in slow motion.
22
Excuse me...Burner Wedding?! Glad we are protecting all that str8 marriage by denying civil rights to everyone else. Seriously, burner wedding?!
Until I have the right to get married, I absolutely refuse to belief anyone who gets married dressed like this >> http://tinyurl.com/239gjh8 isn't a total TOOL.
And that is way before hearing about the VIP room, the cover charge, and the for-profit carnival games...all to emulate a week long ode to ball sweat where commerce is outlawed!
Way to represent!
Until I have the right to get married, I absolutely refuse to belief anyone who gets married dressed like this >> http://tinyurl.com/239gjh8 isn't a total TOOL.
And that is way before hearing about the VIP room, the cover charge, and the for-profit carnival games...all to emulate a week long ode to ball sweat where commerce is outlawed!
Way to represent!
23
Wow, it's even tackier than I originally imagined! I say just embrace it and go for full tacky. Instead of charging for drinks with cash, I suggest selling tickets at $10/11 tickets, and have varying ticket prices for different drinks (beer 6, house cocktail 8, premium cocktail 12, doubles are 2x the tickets) Also, have a different color ticket for food and another for non alcoholic drinks, ensuring everyone has to overbuy for each!
24
Of course she's baffled by the response, she and her fiance were obviously never taught any manners and she therefore just doesn't understand how greedy-sounding and tacky these arrangements are.
She's having trouble focusing "write now" on writing her letter because the wedding is less than three weeks away? Then don't write the letter until you can focus, because it is a mess.
She's having trouble focusing "write now" on writing her letter because the wedding is less than three weeks away? Then don't write the letter until you can focus, because it is a mess.
25
Bridezilla= RetardedBridezilla...
Clearly too many shrooms and pot at the afore mentioned Burning Man (or should I say Burning-Sensation-When-She-Pees-Man)...
Clearly too many shrooms and pot at the afore mentioned Burning Man (or should I say Burning-Sensation-When-She-Pees-Man)...
26
I could just picture this woman in the receiving line:
"Hi! Thanks for coming! So good to see you! Did you remember to put your $20 in the wedding gift box?"
"Hi! Thanks for coming! So good to see you! Did you remember to put your $20 in the wedding gift box?"
27
I'm trying to decide from this letter if the VIP room is a place for her to cram Burning Man down the throats of the "older folks and friends that are helping us throw this event", or a place where those same older folks can get AWAY from the Burning Man activities.
Can't wait for the Party Crasher report!
Can't wait for the Party Crasher report!
28
The only thing that would have been better would be if she had asked the Stranger to underwrite part of the party (I mean wedding) in exchange for exclusive coverage of the grand event.
29
Why does everyone these days perceive a complaint about their ludicrous behavior as an "attack"? It just makes me want to jab them with an ice pick.
30
"I’m having a hard time focusing write now on writing this letter considering it is less then three weeks to my wedding and I just read the article."
Gosh, I really feel you. Whenever something is happening in three weeks I always forget how to spell and write in complete sentences. It's so taxing to have think about the future and present simultaneously.
Gosh, I really feel you. Whenever something is happening in three weeks I always forget how to spell and write in complete sentences. It's so taxing to have think about the future and present simultaneously.
31
I wonder what kind of dreamworld this person is living in. Does she really not realize how unconventional it is to charge people for your wedding? Has she been living under a rock? If she would at least acknowledge how unusual her approach is, maybe do a little mea culpa of some kind, I might buy her Burning Man defense. As it is, she comes off as utterly clueless.
Maybe in her little burner circle, this is totally cool and within the bounds of social normality. If so, good for them. But it seems she's overestimated the width of that circle...God help her if some cantankerous aunt doesn't get a VIP pass.
Maybe in her little burner circle, this is totally cool and within the bounds of social normality. If so, good for them. But it seems she's overestimated the width of that circle...God help her if some cantankerous aunt doesn't get a VIP pass.
32
@18 Really. Some of the best weddings I have ever been to were small affairs held in free places like parks or backyards. Some of the worst cost tens of thousands of dollars.
I don't much mind the honeymoon fund thing, though I would never do it, but I would certainly not attend a wedding that had a cover charge or a VIP area. Fuck that.
I don't much mind the honeymoon fund thing, though I would never do it, but I would certainly not attend a wedding that had a cover charge or a VIP area. Fuck that.
33
How do you decide which Stranger writer gets to go? This could be the funniest article of the year.
34
You should totally give up the location. I'd pay $20 to see that hot mess in action...and do what I do best at parties...
35
burners should be sterilized so this ridiculous behavior won't continue for generations to come.
and congrats on your wedding!
and congrats on your wedding!
36
so is this like a rave? did they make flyers? what djs will be playing? will there be e? is it drum and bass or trance or what? just put an ad in the stranger and youll make a ton of money for your party dont forget to buy insurance for your wedding peace
37
Here's an idea. Throw a wedding reception only for the VIPs (family and friends close enough to you to help out) and forget all the rest of it. Oh, but you can't make a profit off of that, can you? Shame.
I'm waiting with bated breath to find out if the food is worth the $20. I'm guessing no.
I'm waiting with bated breath to find out if the food is worth the $20. I'm guessing no.
38
I think some of the new information makes me understand a little more where they're coming from. They wanted to throw a big rave/party/club night -- and it kind of sounds like it could be a good one. So, from that standpoint, charging for food, admission, etc., seems to make some sense.
However, you don't get to have it both ways, in my opinion. You can't throw a big party, expect people to pay for food/drink/entertainment AND expect people to give you wedding gifts as if it were a traditional wedding.
By the by, given the context of big rave/party/club night, the $20 admission for random people is not so bad. But for spouses of invited people (as someone in the comments of the original column said was happening)? Crazy tacky.
However, you don't get to have it both ways, in my opinion. You can't throw a big party, expect people to pay for food/drink/entertainment AND expect people to give you wedding gifts as if it were a traditional wedding.
By the by, given the context of big rave/party/club night, the $20 admission for random people is not so bad. But for spouses of invited people (as someone in the comments of the original column said was happening)? Crazy tacky.
40
i want to hear about the bride trying to hype everyone up to make it appear like everyone is having fun.
that'll show I, Anon.
and if her reason for doing this is to share the experience of burning man, where they met and fell in love then it's a good thing they didn't meet at some tragic event like a scene of an accident or something.
that'll show I, Anon.
and if her reason for doing this is to share the experience of burning man, where they met and fell in love then it's a good thing they didn't meet at some tragic event like a scene of an accident or something.
42
ohhhh, this is getting exciting! I'm a huge fan of bad and/or tacky weddings.
Can't wait for the next updates!
Can't wait for the next updates!
43
Isn't Burning Man all about bartering? You don't spend money on the playa. Why not use the barter system and have guests contribute to the event with food, alcohol, sound system etc.
44
I second 39's writer choice: Lindy's spastic commentary + Charles' penchant for seeing everything through an anthropological lens = best article of the year.
45
Julie @38 totally gets it. Either it's a traditional wedding (with gifts) or it's a festival that happens to have a bride and groom (no gifts). I had friends that had a festival for their stag & doe (cost for activities, food, and drinks), but then had a free wedding on the actual day. That was a nice combination, and left none of us feeling put upon.
Neither party had a VIP section, though. That's just too tacky.
Neither party had a VIP section, though. That's just too tacky.
46
so, i had no idea what 'burning man' was till i did a google search. it's an art festival? how the hell do you 'bring that' to a wedding, anyway?
48
Having a reporter from The Stranger can only increase ticket sales. There's no such thing as bad publicity!
50
I second the notion of sending Baconcat and Kelly O to report back on this mess, which I can only hope includes a VIP Room for the old folks where they are baked under heat lamps and sprayed with sand until they drown in their own gritty sweat. For the experience.
Oh, and "with whom I’m pretty sure I know their disgust having not received an invite" is not English. I don't know what it is, exactly; poshlost?
Oh, and "with whom I’m pretty sure I know their disgust having not received an invite" is not English. I don't know what it is, exactly; poshlost?
51
We should have a poll on who to send.
That said, I've enjoyed most of the Burner weddings I've been too, especially the fire twirler ones.
That said, I've enjoyed most of the Burner weddings I've been too, especially the fire twirler ones.
53
I vote for sending WM Steven Humphrey and Lindy - Charles should lurk outside the door with the Unpaid Intern, invasively photographing all guests.
54
The only way this could get any better is if the bride and groom are getting married in full Juggalo regalia. Fuckin' weddings, how do they work?
56
I do partially feel bad for the woman - I think some weed to calm her and a sit-down with someone significant to her explaining why you don't charge for wedding access (much less food) would help a lot. But unfortunately, this is already playing out differently. Terrible wedding idea > Idea is pointed out to be terrible > Bride gets defensive > Drama escalates. I'm often an overly defensive person myself, so I can empathize.
On the up side, I am looking forward to the Party Crasher report.
It would have been much better for her to concede that it's a terrible idea (honey - everyone here isn't just suddenly against you for no reason) and scrap all the fees. And if she can't afford the huge party without the money from the guests - then she shouldn't be throwing a huge party.
Bride - if you decide not to stick to your guns, keep in mind that although it is probably getting a bit late to change the whole wedding around (since you seem to have so much organized) you could scrap the guest/food fees and not even need to tell your guests beforehand. It'd be a nice surprise when they arrive.
On the up side, I am looking forward to the Party Crasher report.
It would have been much better for her to concede that it's a terrible idea (honey - everyone here isn't just suddenly against you for no reason) and scrap all the fees. And if she can't afford the huge party without the money from the guests - then she shouldn't be throwing a huge party.
Bride - if you decide not to stick to your guns, keep in mind that although it is probably getting a bit late to change the whole wedding around (since you seem to have so much organized) you could scrap the guest/food fees and not even need to tell your guests beforehand. It'd be a nice surprise when they arrive.
62
So, um, a propos of nothing in particular........... is the Stranger ever going to do the Worst. Night. Ever. thing that the Mercury has been doing over the past few months?
Just saying. Might be fun to send the person on staff who would hate this the most.....
Just saying. Might be fun to send the person on staff who would hate this the most.....
63
I think the problem here is that she's OK with people bringing random friends. That led to her feeling she would be compromising her budget, so she had to put a big "must pay" flag on it.
Could have avoided all this by simply not suggesting that people bring friends. Unless her guests have no sense of party (much less wedding) etiquette at all, I doubt anyone would resent her for not accommodating their co-workers from the office.
I mean, how many people did she expect to take up the offer? I can't imagine enough would do it that it'd matter to her budget.
I really wouldn't care to go to someone's party if I wasn't invited (easier for both sides), and especially a wedding event if I don't really know the bride and groom personally.
Could have avoided all this by simply not suggesting that people bring friends. Unless her guests have no sense of party (much less wedding) etiquette at all, I doubt anyone would resent her for not accommodating their co-workers from the office.
I mean, how many people did she expect to take up the offer? I can't imagine enough would do it that it'd matter to her budget.
I really wouldn't care to go to someone's party if I wasn't invited (easier for both sides), and especially a wedding event if I don't really know the bride and groom personally.
64
Maybe this showed up anonymously because nobody can give you honest feedback without you flying into a wounded frenzy.
So, you want a huge party AND a honeymoon AND a playa trip AND free photography AND free publicity AND you want someone else to pay for everything? No wonder your extended circle thinks you're greedy.
Also, if your skin is this thin, you've clearly never thrown a big Burning Man-style festival before. Either you're well-intentioned but an extremely poor communicator, or you're really just in this for your own pleasure. If the former, this is your wakeup call that your good intentions are being wildly misperceived. Ask for some honest feedback from close friends, accept it gracefully, and clarify your intentions. Perhaps ask someone who has organized more parties than you have to assist in balancing between giving to your community and asking them to give in return. Finally, if you need to ask your guests to help fund the party to such a large extent (both cash and free skilled labor) then take further cash gifts off the table. You're asking for too much, and that rubs people the wrong way.
Or, if you honestly believe you're owed all of these things, come to peace with the fact that many people you know will feel some contempt for you, whether you allow them to express it or not.
So, you want a huge party AND a honeymoon AND a playa trip AND free photography AND free publicity AND you want someone else to pay for everything? No wonder your extended circle thinks you're greedy.
Also, if your skin is this thin, you've clearly never thrown a big Burning Man-style festival before. Either you're well-intentioned but an extremely poor communicator, or you're really just in this for your own pleasure. If the former, this is your wakeup call that your good intentions are being wildly misperceived. Ask for some honest feedback from close friends, accept it gracefully, and clarify your intentions. Perhaps ask someone who has organized more parties than you have to assist in balancing between giving to your community and asking them to give in return. Finally, if you need to ask your guests to help fund the party to such a large extent (both cash and free skilled labor) then take further cash gifts off the table. You're asking for too much, and that rubs people the wrong way.
Or, if you honestly believe you're owed all of these things, come to peace with the fact that many people you know will feel some contempt for you, whether you allow them to express it or not.
65
Were there no adults present when these grand profitable schemes were hatched? No parents, aunts, uncles, guardians -- no one AT ALL older, in other words -- to bounce this off of?
Burner Bride, I am sorry you are having to learn this lesson in such a public, painful way -- but if you can TAKE the lesson that life (& the internet) is offering you right now, you will do yourself and your marriage a world of good. If you're reading these comments, posts # 56 & 64 do an especially good job of laying this all out for you, IMO. Please read them carefully.
Burner Bride, I am sorry you are having to learn this lesson in such a public, painful way -- but if you can TAKE the lesson that life (& the internet) is offering you right now, you will do yourself and your marriage a world of good. If you're reading these comments, posts # 56 & 64 do an especially good job of laying this all out for you, IMO. Please read them carefully.
66
Hey Bridezilla, DON'T FORGET TO HAVE A $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MONEY DANCE or two!
If you charged $50. a pop and made everyone dance 3 times with you or groomy, their choice, that could add up to $5000. or $10000. easily.
Heck, you could probably put a downpayment on a double wide!
If you charged $50. a pop and made everyone dance 3 times with you or groomy, their choice, that could add up to $5000. or $10000. easily.
Heck, you could probably put a downpayment on a double wide!
68
@56 best comment ever - i'm totally impressed with your genuine compassion for this woman. hope she listens to your advice (though i kinda doubt it).
71
@62 - Several years ago Cienna Madrid did a series called My Own Worst Enemy, or something like that - where she got sent to things that a person "wouldn't wish on their worst enemy". Is that similar to what the Mercury is doing?
72
@71 Kind of. Every couple of weeks, a Mercury staffer would get put forth for WNE -- the other staffers would pick five events that sounded like the staffer would hate them. The staffer got to veto one of them (though, as the series went on, some of them gave up their veto), and a poll on the blog determined which event the staffer was sent to. It was pretty fun -- though some of them ended up being not as terrible as they sounded.
74
Wait...
Less than three weeks?!
That's two weeks before the actual burn. That's when everybody's ramping up to go. Finishing art projects, etc. Or, when a lot of people have left already to get their build on. I would think.
Any more recent burners care to comment on this choice of date?
Most burners have August and the first couple of weeks of September blacked out for huge shindigs, at least in Michigan it was that way.
...
That being said, if this is truly a Gift As Entry Fee (with suggested gift being $20/head) type event [as claimed in the comments in the I, Anon post), I'm willing to say that they aren't being truly ridiculous. But, if they expect a gift on top of that, then I say they're FUCKING NUTS.
Less than three weeks?!
That's two weeks before the actual burn. That's when everybody's ramping up to go. Finishing art projects, etc. Or, when a lot of people have left already to get their build on. I would think.
Any more recent burners care to comment on this choice of date?
Most burners have August and the first couple of weeks of September blacked out for huge shindigs, at least in Michigan it was that way.
...
That being said, if this is truly a Gift As Entry Fee (with suggested gift being $20/head) type event [as claimed in the comments in the I, Anon post), I'm willing to say that they aren't being truly ridiculous. But, if they expect a gift on top of that, then I say they're FUCKING NUTS.
77
TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM: you guys have given plenty of free entertainment at your expense right here on this post and in I, Anonymous. For this, you get a pass.
We WILL be watching and said pass will be revoked if this is your birth announcement. Love & Light for the rest of your days.
We WILL be watching and said pass will be revoked if this is your birth announcement. Love & Light for the rest of your days.
78
I bet she rescinds the invite. I doubt she intended the letter to be published (at least I hope not) and now she's getting "attacked" in the comments. I can see her now in front of the computer in her burning man-inspired wedding dress(zippers!) & platform boots, mascara running down her face, crying hysterically.
79
Talk about tasteless; the last Burner wedding I went to was free. It even had tasty food and music! Go figure.
I am eagerly awaiting the next article on this.
I am eagerly awaiting the next article on this.
80
Setting aside that she wouldn't know a homophone even if it was a Motorola Razr carried by gay man the wedding plans are just the height of tackiness.
82
please can we schedule the Hump Film Festival at her wedding? or at least shoot a dozen or two movies there????
84
Baconcat HAS to go! For you born and bred Northwesterners, you may not fully appreciate how the Southern mentality would be of benefit at any event where accurate reporting of gossip and well-placed verbal zingers are required, but I can assure you, no one will do this as well as someone from the South. (I say this as someone with one half of her relatives from the South.)
PS You can say anything bitchy, as long as you add "Bless her heart!": "Oh, Sally is such a slut, bless her heart!"
PS You can say anything bitchy, as long as you add "Bless her heart!": "Oh, Sally is such a slut, bless her heart!"
85
Canuck, I totally had a friend who used to do the mean comment + "God love her/him." It was always awesome. "Jack's uptight because he's got a small penis, God love 'im. Plus, Mary's been cheating on him for years, God love 'er."
87
It's an art, Nurse, I agree!
"The bride shouldn't have worn white, since it showed all the grass stains on her backside, bless her heart!"
"The bride shouldn't have worn white, since it showed all the grass stains on her backside, bless her heart!"
88
I'd like to point out that the $20 door price is only required from people who aren't on the guest list.
I'd also like to point out that this makes no difference at all. There are wristbands and a VIP section, people. The invitation has money and cash written on it several times. You don't even mention your registry on an invitation. This is bananas.
Lindy and Charles, PLEASE. P-L-E-A-S-E. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE
I'd also like to point out that this makes no difference at all. There are wristbands and a VIP section, people. The invitation has money and cash written on it several times. You don't even mention your registry on an invitation. This is bananas.
Lindy and Charles, PLEASE. P-L-E-A-S-E. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE
89
Of course- this person wrote this because they didn't get an invitation! "Their just jellis!" LOL
90
The VIP room was NOT for older family members and for vendors/people who helped with the wedding. At least, not in the beginning. I wonder how much is going to change between now and the wedding. It would be nice if they would own up to fucking up and make the changes, instead of just lying and covering their tracks.
91
This poor creature. No one ever loved her enough to teach her manners, or even how to read and write.
92
You know, if they/she was so secure in the validity of their wedding plan, I don't see why she felt the need to expose herself. This shitstorm only happened because of that. Sure, I, Anonymous is public, but guess what, it's fucking ANONYMOUS. They could've gone about their bewilderingly stupid, tacky business despite/in spite of it.
The original I, Anonymous was fascinating and said things that needed to be said about some truly freakish human behavior and clearly merited response by equally bewildered readers. But, when all is said and done, it's still just another I, Anonymous column and it all would've blown over - actually, even that's too dramatic - it all would've simply been a matter of speculation and chit chat until the next thing came along. But her response opened the floodgates and that's when things really got going. And it just keep snowballing from there. I guess if you're stupid enough to plan a fucked up wedding, you're stupid enough to create and step in a public metaphorical bear trap.
The original I, Anonymous was fascinating and said things that needed to be said about some truly freakish human behavior and clearly merited response by equally bewildered readers. But, when all is said and done, it's still just another I, Anonymous column and it all would've blown over - actually, even that's too dramatic - it all would've simply been a matter of speculation and chit chat until the next thing came along. But her response opened the floodgates and that's when things really got going. And it just keep snowballing from there. I guess if you're stupid enough to plan a fucked up wedding, you're stupid enough to create and step in a public metaphorical bear trap.
93
There's only one thing I want to know: Did she use Papyrus font in her letter to the editor as well?
94
That is def two weeks before the burn... I agree reaaaallly weird timing... What, no consideration for those people who are trying to pack/prepare? It would be much more appropriate as a late September disengage event. But maybe she was one of those people who show up with nothing but Jerkey and water and then mooch for the rest of the week... Never belonging to a proper camp and leaving feathers on the ground.
95
People still seem to be completely misunderstanding the $20 issue. The $20 issue is ONLY for people NOT INVITED! Meaning, if you have been invited, you and your significant other, date, friend, etc are in. End of story. Yes they have food and drink available for purchase and yes they have a VIP area for specific family and friends who are actively working the event helping them get it setup, filmed, broken down afterwards, etc, etc, etc as a way to thank the people actively working on building and managing the event.
If you weren't invited, it's $20. If you don't have the foresight to contact them and tell them you're bringing someone, it's $20 for them and even then it's a "humble request" not a forced payment with some giant no-neck at the door collecting before entrance!
Sheesh people, quit with the rampant assumptions and ignorant rants and just wait for the party crasher article to come out. Trust me, this event is going to be epic and it's a shame it has gotten so much negative attention from so many people who don't even know the couple. Haters will be haters but hopefully you can all direct your attention to something actually worthy of your vitriol.
If you weren't invited, it's $20. If you don't have the foresight to contact them and tell them you're bringing someone, it's $20 for them and even then it's a "humble request" not a forced payment with some giant no-neck at the door collecting before entrance!
Sheesh people, quit with the rampant assumptions and ignorant rants and just wait for the party crasher article to come out. Trust me, this event is going to be epic and it's a shame it has gotten so much negative attention from so many people who don't even know the couple. Haters will be haters but hopefully you can all direct your attention to something actually worthy of your vitriol.
96
So, wait @95: absolutely anyone with $20 can go to this? Really?
Sounds like this requires a genuine party crash. I mean, who doesn't want to spend her wedding day asking herself 1) who are these people? 2) where did they all come from? and 3) how are we going to feed or provide bathroom facilities for all of them? It's not like getting married means anything but "party-party like a red cup fraternity bash for a day while abusing your friends and family's patience," right? I mean, if you really want memorable, wouldn't having Woodstock 2010 breaking out at your wedding fit the bill?
Of course, should she go that route, the bride will be pissed that people don't notice her hair/dress/ugly dresses she forced her friends to wear in favor of the spontaneous Lollapalooza. I hope this event makes national news and gets helicopter coverage because of everyone who wanted to go to a carny.
Sounds like this requires a genuine party crash. I mean, who doesn't want to spend her wedding day asking herself 1) who are these people? 2) where did they all come from? and 3) how are we going to feed or provide bathroom facilities for all of them? It's not like getting married means anything but "party-party like a red cup fraternity bash for a day while abusing your friends and family's patience," right? I mean, if you really want memorable, wouldn't having Woodstock 2010 breaking out at your wedding fit the bill?
Of course, should she go that route, the bride will be pissed that people don't notice her hair/dress/ugly dresses she forced her friends to wear in favor of the spontaneous Lollapalooza. I hope this event makes national news and gets helicopter coverage because of everyone who wanted to go to a carny.
97
J242:
First: Did you read comment #88 before you posted? Because it addresses the $20 issue.
Second: Did the bride and groom recently change the purpose of the VIP area? Because what you're saying now doesn't match the original intention. I personally know two people who got such passes entitling them to a wristband (!!) who are neither family nor "staff." The VIP pass says "you are very important to us! turn this is for a wristband so you can get into an area with food and tables etc etc." Get a clue-tip: the VIP area is indefensible. Period.
Third: And do you REALLY want people to direct their attention elsewhere? Then you might want to build a time machine and tell the bride not to write a letter to The Stranger inviting them to the wedding. I mean for fucks sake, this is insane.
First: Did you read comment #88 before you posted? Because it addresses the $20 issue.
Second: Did the bride and groom recently change the purpose of the VIP area? Because what you're saying now doesn't match the original intention. I personally know two people who got such passes entitling them to a wristband (!!) who are neither family nor "staff." The VIP pass says "you are very important to us! turn this is for a wristband so you can get into an area with food and tables etc etc." Get a clue-tip: the VIP area is indefensible. Period.
Third: And do you REALLY want people to direct their attention elsewhere? Then you might want to build a time machine and tell the bride not to write a letter to The Stranger inviting them to the wedding. I mean for fucks sake, this is insane.
98
Predictions:
1. As the scope of their mistakes sink in, the b/g will continue posting comments that deny or retract their original plans, without actually admitting to fucking up.
2. The Party Crasher article will be positive. Or at least, passive-aggressive in such a way that goes right over the b/g's head (they're clearly not very sharp) but entertains the rest of us.
3. The b/g will go on to live a life of handling bad PR in the worst possible way, as evidenced here.
1. As the scope of their mistakes sink in, the b/g will continue posting comments that deny or retract their original plans, without actually admitting to fucking up.
2. The Party Crasher article will be positive. Or at least, passive-aggressive in such a way that goes right over the b/g's head (they're clearly not very sharp) but entertains the rest of us.
3. The b/g will go on to live a life of handling bad PR in the worst possible way, as evidenced here.
100
J242 is a friend of the b/g. He/she just started posting yesterday, and only about the IA.
They sure sound like a hard-partying crowd.
I think the bride should publicly post the day/time/place so everyone who wants to go can go to this "not unlike Jim Rose's sideshow." But I won't be there. Seen one fire juggler, seen 'em all.
They sure sound like a hard-partying crowd.
I think the bride should publicly post the day/time/place so everyone who wants to go can go to this "not unlike Jim Rose's sideshow." But I won't be there. Seen one fire juggler, seen 'em all.
102
@Griffin
This wedding has been in the works for over a year, and is not a "spontaneous Lollapalooza." As I stated on the IA comment thread, this couple is used to huge parties. Parties in which many people bring many of their friends who wind up consuming everything and taking off. Twenty bucks is about average cover for night clubs and big parties that I've been to. Not too bad a fee for someone who didn't get an invitation.
And by the way, both the Bride and Groom's parents have been incredibly supportive of the entire idea of this wedding, in many ways. As have most of the invitees who don't feel the need to hide behind the anonymity of the internet if they have an issue with something they've said or done. Get bent.
This wedding has been in the works for over a year, and is not a "spontaneous Lollapalooza." As I stated on the IA comment thread, this couple is used to huge parties. Parties in which many people bring many of their friends who wind up consuming everything and taking off. Twenty bucks is about average cover for night clubs and big parties that I've been to. Not too bad a fee for someone who didn't get an invitation.
And by the way, both the Bride and Groom's parents have been incredibly supportive of the entire idea of this wedding, in many ways. As have most of the invitees who don't feel the need to hide behind the anonymity of the internet if they have an issue with something they've said or done. Get bent.
103
94, 96: So if you ain't got a VIP wristband (and maybe even if you do), BYO jerky and water (and something to pee in).
105
This year's Burning Man theme is :Metropolis "At Burning Man 2010, we will inspect the daily course of city life and the future prospect of civilization. Prior to the event, we'll host an ongoing conversation about urban design and its impact on culture and community." And she want to bring that experience to her guests!?!??!? They'll be crawling under the tent to get out!
106
The only carnival I'm seeing here is a three-ring circus of bad taste and schadenfreude, from the original I, Anon description of the event to "but it only costs 20$ for straaaaaangers!" defenses from the bride and groom's friends, to "but we wanted to have food from local restaurants, so it costs money!".
I have to say that my absolute favorite was the person who mentioned that the bride and groom are tired of throwing parties where none of their oh-so-awesome burner friends bother to chip in for booze, food or cleanup, so that's why they decided to integrate a cash grab into their wedding. If that is the case then maybe the couple needs to consider making some better friends!
I have to say that my absolute favorite was the person who mentioned that the bride and groom are tired of throwing parties where none of their oh-so-awesome burner friends bother to chip in for booze, food or cleanup, so that's why they decided to integrate a cash grab into their wedding. If that is the case then maybe the couple needs to consider making some better friends!
109
"...If that is the case then maybe the couple needs to consider making some better friends!"
Word to yo mutha.
Word to yo mutha.
111
You can't have a for cover freak festival AND wedding ... it just comes across as tacky.
Have the wedding, and THEN the freak festival. Have or the other. Have a freak fest, and mysteriously elope during it.
I mean, I understand the vision you are trying to create ... but it comes out all wrong wrong wrong.
Have the wedding, and THEN the freak festival. Have or the other. Have a freak fest, and mysteriously elope during it.
I mean, I understand the vision you are trying to create ... but it comes out all wrong wrong wrong.
112
I live in NY and don't know the b/g or any of the participants. I'm also not a "burner" or any kind of hippie/punk/rainbow/gutterpunk or whatever. I'm a 26 y/o CPA and a parent- in other words, pretty conservative.
And I think these people can and should celebrate THEIR wedding any way they want to. This is about them. Not the guests, and not strangers. I recently got engaged and while I wouldn't set up my wedding in any way resembling this, I resent all of the expectations and expense involved with what is supposed to be a day that is special and meaningful for my partner and I. All of the "rules" and "supposed-to's" really make me feel claustrophobic and sad. These people are obviously part of a subculture that has *gasp* different rules than mainstream society. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, and you don't have to attend. For their group this was appropriate, or at least not as offensive as it would be to the majority of people- because we don't belong to their subculture or group of friends.
I read SLOG pretty often and generally enjoy the snarkiness. But to me a lot of the commentets have crossed a line into a level of cruelty that is pretty revolting. I wouldn't do my wedding this way, but I am not morally appalled or horrified by this because it doesn't fucking affect me in any way. And if and when I got invited to something like this I'd just go/not go as I saw fit. I think you all need to take a look at yourselves and ask "why does this bother me so much?" some of you are actually enraged. Jesus Christ, who gives a fuck. Let them have their party.
And I think these people can and should celebrate THEIR wedding any way they want to. This is about them. Not the guests, and not strangers. I recently got engaged and while I wouldn't set up my wedding in any way resembling this, I resent all of the expectations and expense involved with what is supposed to be a day that is special and meaningful for my partner and I. All of the "rules" and "supposed-to's" really make me feel claustrophobic and sad. These people are obviously part of a subculture that has *gasp* different rules than mainstream society. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, and you don't have to attend. For their group this was appropriate, or at least not as offensive as it would be to the majority of people- because we don't belong to their subculture or group of friends.
I read SLOG pretty often and generally enjoy the snarkiness. But to me a lot of the commentets have crossed a line into a level of cruelty that is pretty revolting. I wouldn't do my wedding this way, but I am not morally appalled or horrified by this because it doesn't fucking affect me in any way. And if and when I got invited to something like this I'd just go/not go as I saw fit. I think you all need to take a look at yourselves and ask "why does this bother me so much?" some of you are actually enraged. Jesus Christ, who gives a fuck. Let them have their party.
113
I could have a naked wedding in which all participants must come in the buff. And requests dildos in lieu of gifts. That would be pretty offensive... and guess what? If you don't like it, don't get your panties in a morally superior bunch just DONT GO! If that's how we want to celebrate our love that's our fucking prerogative.
And no, I'm not actually planning that wedding. I plan to play by the rules and save up for something small and tasteful. I'm just saying, who gives a crap what other people do? Your vitriolic rage and ridicule are appalling. Get the fuck over yourselves.
And no, I'm not actually planning that wedding. I plan to play by the rules and save up for something small and tasteful. I'm just saying, who gives a crap what other people do? Your vitriolic rage and ridicule are appalling. Get the fuck over yourselves.
115
@113 - I think you're mistaking unbridled glee at a trainwreck for vitriolic rage. I'll give you the ridicule, though.
116
PLEASE publish the date, time, and place of this wedding. I have never, ever in my life wanted to go to a total stranger's wedding but I may die if I can't attend this one. $20 - what a bargain for the entertainment provided. I've been to weddings far tackier than Tony & Tina's but this one is for the ages. PLEASE!!!!!!!
117
Ah, soo many great comments, so little time. Thanks @86, that made me lol! @112, you make some good points, but still, I'm shallow enough to enjoy a good train wreck when I see it. I might turn away at the last second, but photo evidence is a must!
I vote for Kelly O and BaconCat with a second to @53's suggestion, "Charles should lurk outside the door with the Unpaid Intern, invasively photographing all guests." Perfect!
I vote for Kelly O and BaconCat with a second to @53's suggestion, "Charles should lurk outside the door with the Unpaid Intern, invasively photographing all guests." Perfect!
118
While I support any kinda party you someone chooses to call a "wedding"....I cannot abide any use of the font papyrus.
119
Thank you everyone for this wonderful I, Anon, the in-re-Anon, and the amazing hilarious comments. What a treat!
Oh, and you cannot beat the bride, the FOBs (friends of bride), and the entire cast of characters chiming in to defend or diss the happy couple. Miss Manners is wringing her hands with envy---SLOG got the really great wedding story!
Oh, and you cannot beat the bride, the FOBs (friends of bride), and the entire cast of characters chiming in to defend or diss the happy couple. Miss Manners is wringing her hands with envy---SLOG got the really great wedding story!
120
I just got back from this really beautiful wedding. It was at a State Park by the water, they did the ceremony on the beach, reception just off the water at a picnic pavilion and everyone who wanted to could camp out. Late night bonfire, endless booze, good conversation, kids and dogs running around.
Man, what nice wedding.
Man, what nice wedding.
121
I'm pretty sure this letter was your opportunity to explain your tacky self and you blew it.
I cant wait to read the Party crasher report.
I cant wait to read the Party crasher report.
123
Are we sure that this woman is old enough to get married? I mean, the whole concept is incredibly tacky and childish, and I honestly couldn't understand about half of that letter. Whoever attends this wedding, consider asking the bride for ID. I'm worried for her.
124
Mostly, this is what i hear: memememmemememmem ME ME ME ME ME ME mmmmmeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Nothing says Radical Self Reliance and Radical Inclusion like charging some people for your fundraiser/wedding and not charging others. Oh, my god i hope the VIP room has dirty, dirty, dirty pillows, and a guy who's been passed out for 2 days cause that will really give your guests a feel of that whole burning man experience. And classy.
Really what this sounds like is a fundraiser where somebody happens to get married. Call it what it is, but then charge everybody. Or make it invitation only--for everybody.
Nothing says Radical Self Reliance and Radical Inclusion like charging some people for your fundraiser/wedding and not charging others. Oh, my god i hope the VIP room has dirty, dirty, dirty pillows, and a guy who's been passed out for 2 days cause that will really give your guests a feel of that whole burning man experience. And classy.
Really what this sounds like is a fundraiser where somebody happens to get married. Call it what it is, but then charge everybody. Or make it invitation only--for everybody.
126
@124
No, no, this isn't a 'fundraiser.' In J242's own words, this is an opportunity for the bride to get back at all her freeloader "friends" who she allowed to walk all over her in the past.
And she's doing it by forcing them to watch circus freaks & people swinging things on fire. FTW!
Seriously, Ms. Name Redacted-- You will have a party to end all parties, rivaling the entire Burning Man legacy, if you give us the date/time/place here on Slog. People will be talking about it for years to come. Guaranteed.
No, no, this isn't a 'fundraiser.' In J242's own words, this is an opportunity for the bride to get back at all her freeloader "friends" who she allowed to walk all over her in the past.
And she's doing it by forcing them to watch circus freaks & people swinging things on fire. FTW!
Seriously, Ms. Name Redacted-- You will have a party to end all parties, rivaling the entire Burning Man legacy, if you give us the date/time/place here on Slog. People will be talking about it for years to come. Guaranteed.
127
@28 had the best idea: The Stranger should sponsor the wedding. In exchange for exclusive photo rights, huge logos everywhere (back of bride's dress?) and an open-floor Savage Love Q&A. Oh, and a gay marriage demo outside.
129
As many have pointed out, this trainwreck is right before the oh-so-appropriately abbreviated BM. Two weeks of tweets, flickr galleries and youtube videos (now lengthened to 15 minutes!) will be just about the right amount of time to make sure that every marabou-clad pilgrim arriving at the playa is intimately aware of this couple's contumely - and it will all be recent enough that even burners will be able to remember the details.
The loyalty structure of any subculture is delicate, and none more than one composed almost entirely of prima donnas. The exclusivity so cherished by the "in" crowd is lost when any fratboy with a twenty is allowed in. Confirming the common perception of burners as shallow, duplicitous narcissists is more likely to result in ostracism from their own community than sympathy. They have made it clear that they are above what the ordinary person thinks, but will they survive the drug-addled laughter of those they think are their friends in the hallowed space where they met? By selling out their friends for party money, they are unlikely to be regarded any more warmly at Black Rock than at home.
The best thing these people could do now is damage control. Humbly apologize and split the ceremony from the rave. Invite friends and family to the former - at no charge, of course, and sans the VIP tent - and plan a commercial event separately. If they are as good at party planning as their supporters say, they should be able to turn a tidy profit without using the excuse of their wedding to extort cash from intimates and strangers alike.
The loyalty structure of any subculture is delicate, and none more than one composed almost entirely of prima donnas. The exclusivity so cherished by the "in" crowd is lost when any fratboy with a twenty is allowed in. Confirming the common perception of burners as shallow, duplicitous narcissists is more likely to result in ostracism from their own community than sympathy. They have made it clear that they are above what the ordinary person thinks, but will they survive the drug-addled laughter of those they think are their friends in the hallowed space where they met? By selling out their friends for party money, they are unlikely to be regarded any more warmly at Black Rock than at home.
The best thing these people could do now is damage control. Humbly apologize and split the ceremony from the rave. Invite friends and family to the former - at no charge, of course, and sans the VIP tent - and plan a commercial event separately. If they are as good at party planning as their supporters say, they should be able to turn a tidy profit without using the excuse of their wedding to extort cash from intimates and strangers alike.
130
This can't be a Burner wedding. Money does not exist on the playa, and Burning Man is a GIFTING economy.
This sounds like evil Fox propaganda. LOL!
This sounds like evil Fox propaganda. LOL!
133
Kelly O and Baconcat! Kelly O and Baconcat!
Seriously, there is no point to this wedding even taking place if Kelly O isn't there to document it. The marriage will fail if she is not there. Not that her presence is a guarantee of permanence, but to keep her away would be inviting some seriously bad mojo.
Seriously, there is no point to this wedding even taking place if Kelly O isn't there to document it. The marriage will fail if she is not there. Not that her presence is a guarantee of permanence, but to keep her away would be inviting some seriously bad mojo.
134
Of course they can't pay for their wedding. If you fail at spelling and grammar you fail at life. Hasn't anyone else seen that recent study showing that people who are the least skilled/competent are the same people with highest opinions of their own skills. It's really tragic. She will never understand that this fundraiser is a crappy idea because she lacks the basic ability to recognize a crappy idea. Reminds me of the movie "Idiocracy." They WILL be having babies.
135
My god you people are judgmental and hateful. This comment thread is so ugly, and I wonder if any of you would be saying any of this to the bride's face, were you given the opportunity to meet her? This is no way to treat people, regardless of how you perceive (and fail to understand) their choices.
I mean, I know the internet is full of anonymous assholes and that I shouldn't read the comments, but a soon-to-be-married couple is clearly aware of and reading your words. You are judging a situation and a group of people you know nothing about, and doing so with such venom and vitriol! I can't figure out why any of you even care, much less why you are being so unkind.
I am ashamed of you all. Really.
I mean, I know the internet is full of anonymous assholes and that I shouldn't read the comments, but a soon-to-be-married couple is clearly aware of and reading your words. You are judging a situation and a group of people you know nothing about, and doing so with such venom and vitriol! I can't figure out why any of you even care, much less why you are being so unkind.
I am ashamed of you all. Really.
138
heatherly @135, yes, I WOULD say this to the bride. In fact, she's been posting and we HAVE been saying it to her.
You know, you can't make your private event public (and inviting people you barely know to your wedding, charging strangers to come too, and making everyone except the VIPs pay for food and entertainment, and passing that all off as acceptable because it's an EVENT, see, does take your private event into the public sphere), no you can't take your private event public and whine when the world feels free to comment.
You know, you can't make your private event public (and inviting people you barely know to your wedding, charging strangers to come too, and making everyone except the VIPs pay for food and entertainment, and passing that all off as acceptable because it's an EVENT, see, does take your private event into the public sphere), no you can't take your private event public and whine when the world feels free to comment.
139
Ohhh heatherly, and the bride inviting The Stranger? What does she EXPECT, hearts and flowers? You think it's gonna be like Judith Martin of the Post covering Tricia Nixon's Rose Garden wedding? She certainly opened the doors to the freak show with that maneuver.
140
Yes attitude devant, but WHY do you care? What spurs you or anyone else to spend time dishing out venom like this to a stranger?! Why is your participation in the degradation of another human being desirable, how is it at all justified?
This kind of behavior sickens me. Leave the poor woman alone, let her lead her life and make her own choices like anyone else. It baffles me how viciously judgmental and cruel strangers allow themselves to be to other strangers. Entertainment, my word matters, "people are stupider than me and now I get to berate them for it!"
Why not use your energy more positively? You're fully capable.
This kind of behavior sickens me. Leave the poor woman alone, let her lead her life and make her own choices like anyone else. It baffles me how viciously judgmental and cruel strangers allow themselves to be to other strangers. Entertainment, my word matters, "people are stupider than me and now I get to berate them for it!"
Why not use your energy more positively? You're fully capable.
141
@140, well, "Bridezilla" did choose to write in and stir up all more excitement by commenting on the original piece and INVITING THE STRANGER TO COME, otherwise it would have just been another "I, Anonymous" that everyone would have forgotten about in less than a week.
Do people who "just want to be left alone" always invite Stranger staff to their weddings?
Do people who "just want to be left alone" always invite Stranger staff to their weddings?
142
Exactly, 141.
140, the lady in question has HERSELF described this event as a carnival and a freakshow. She meant that literally, and we have all agreed that it is also figuratively true. And venom? Not me. I think the whole thing is epic in its hilarity.
As for caring, I don't care one whit. Let them live their lives as they choose and more power to them. But here's the thing: I don't usually read I, Anonymous. I wouldn't even know about the damn wedding/circus if SHE, HERSELF hadn't invited the Stranger to cover it.
If you create a circus, and ask an entertainment/news blog noted for spirited discussion to report it, WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT? That the circus patrons will act like symphony-goers? Oh please! That's like a porn queen complaining that the people buying her movies objectify her.
140, the lady in question has HERSELF described this event as a carnival and a freakshow. She meant that literally, and we have all agreed that it is also figuratively true. And venom? Not me. I think the whole thing is epic in its hilarity.
As for caring, I don't care one whit. Let them live their lives as they choose and more power to them. But here's the thing: I don't usually read I, Anonymous. I wouldn't even know about the damn wedding/circus if SHE, HERSELF hadn't invited the Stranger to cover it.
If you create a circus, and ask an entertainment/news blog noted for spirited discussion to report it, WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT? That the circus patrons will act like symphony-goers? Oh please! That's like a porn queen complaining that the people buying her movies objectify her.
143
The producers of "Jersey Shore" need to cover this thing. I smell a new reality show genre coming on.
144
BTW, El Nino, why do YOU care? You've never posted on SLOG before (unless you're an alias for someone who's already commented on this thread ---- you write an awful lot like heatherly.....).
What's YOUR story?
What's YOUR story?
145
It makes me sad that people distribute unwarranted hate so freely. That's why I care. I think its destructive for individuals and communities. That's why I care.
Heatherly is actually a friend of mine, someone who drew my attention to this article. And even if we were strangers, it's strange to me that I would be proposed as a fake alias just because we share the same views.
I think people are capable of greater compassion than this. That's my story.
Heatherly is actually a friend of mine, someone who drew my attention to this article. And even if we were strangers, it's strange to me that I would be proposed as a fake alias just because we share the same views.
I think people are capable of greater compassion than this. That's my story.
146
@145, your oversensitivity and hyperbole are too much. Your friend is inviting all of this attention by writing letters to the Stranger (you do realize it would have just been another IA, nothing, really) and asking journalists to come to the wedding. If she didn't want the attention, she shouldn't have done that.
It's other people right to think the wedding sounds unpleasant or tacky. That's not hatred. It is not even close.
It's other people right to think the wedding sounds unpleasant or tacky. That's not hatred. It is not even close.
147
Umm, I said I was friends with another commenter. The bride to be is completely unknown to me.
Hate is defined as being a strong dislike, being hateful is expressing a strong revulsion, expressing distaste in something. While hate is a perfectly human thing to express, as in my hate/distaste towards people's negativity here, I don't understand why people don't give more energy to highlight the positives, to produce positives.
Maybe taking my time to express need for human compassion is as pointless as the people expressing their negative opinions, but I feel like my time is better spent this way.
Hate is defined as being a strong dislike, being hateful is expressing a strong revulsion, expressing distaste in something. While hate is a perfectly human thing to express, as in my hate/distaste towards people's negativity here, I don't understand why people don't give more energy to highlight the positives, to produce positives.
Maybe taking my time to express need for human compassion is as pointless as the people expressing their negative opinions, but I feel like my time is better spent this way.
148
145, I didn't think you were an alias because you agreed with heaterly. I thought you were an alias because the screen name was new to SLOG, and because you used some of the same words and phrases she used.
149
Uh-huh 147, and then how do you respond to absurdity? Is it hateful to call foolishness by its rightful name?
150
What I don't understand is the investment or need to identify foolishness in something that you aren't involved with in any way aside from being an observer.
Especially when we have all made foolish mistakes in our lives. I think its safe to say that we also all know how it feels when outsiders form opinions about us personally, and that often times it feels unfair and we don't feel justly represented and we have a strong desire to stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, this situation included, the criticized try to defend themselves but already the ground work has been set, they cannot win and any defense they attempt to express is going to be used to fuel the fire against them. Not to say that sometimes people's defenses are weak, that they can say the wrong thing, stumble over words, or in this case there was some misspelling, but I just can't wrap my head around the animosity. It's reminiscent of a witch hunt, in a way.
I just wonder how often people really consider others' feelings.
But I've said what I can say. I believe people can be more kind than this, and I think you do understand that despite your objections.
Especially when we have all made foolish mistakes in our lives. I think its safe to say that we also all know how it feels when outsiders form opinions about us personally, and that often times it feels unfair and we don't feel justly represented and we have a strong desire to stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, this situation included, the criticized try to defend themselves but already the ground work has been set, they cannot win and any defense they attempt to express is going to be used to fuel the fire against them. Not to say that sometimes people's defenses are weak, that they can say the wrong thing, stumble over words, or in this case there was some misspelling, but I just can't wrap my head around the animosity. It's reminiscent of a witch hunt, in a way.
I just wonder how often people really consider others' feelings.
But I've said what I can say. I believe people can be more kind than this, and I think you do understand that despite your objections.
151
El Nino,
Social pressure is what keeps people many from acting like assholes. The very real fear that us rabble will say, "Hey, you're being a prick right now"--the fear that people will not like you if you act like an entitled douche--is what keeps society functioning when altruism fails (as it so often does). So, it's a social duty, in a way, to enforce societal norms.
If this bride doesn't want to live by those norms, as she clearly does because she is an oh-so-special-snowflake --fine. But she shouldn't write a letter crying about people criticizing her for not doing so and trying to make her douchey behavior more palatable. She ends up sounding whiny as well as entitled.
Also, just so you know, pearl-clutching Tone Trolls are even more annoying then entitled brides.
Social pressure is what keeps people many from acting like assholes. The very real fear that us rabble will say, "Hey, you're being a prick right now"--the fear that people will not like you if you act like an entitled douche--is what keeps society functioning when altruism fails (as it so often does). So, it's a social duty, in a way, to enforce societal norms.
If this bride doesn't want to live by those norms, as she clearly does because she is an oh-so-special-snowflake --fine. But she shouldn't write a letter crying about people criticizing her for not doing so and trying to make her douchey behavior more palatable. She ends up sounding whiny as well as entitled.
Also, just so you know, pearl-clutching Tone Trolls are even more annoying then entitled brides.
152
@138, and everyone else, too:
Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP'd, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private.
What made the event public is a disgruntled invitee not having the balls to approach their "friends" about their displeasure, instead sending their complaint to The Stranger. And you all having a field day bashing the choices of a person you've never met.
On the bride's response: obviously emotional, unedited, and indeed a poorly constructed letter. I'm sure she's bummed that she hit send so quickly. She mangled some sentences and misspelled some words. QUICK JUMP ALL OVER THAT AND USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW!!! HURRY! YOU ARE MISSING THE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL SMUG AND SUPERIOR! For the record, I strongly doubt the journalistic integrity of publishing her unedited reply. It's one thing to lay into people seeking to achieve power or public spotlight (like politicians and celebrities), but quite another to be so careless with the privacy of an individual.
As for inviting the Stranger Party Crasher, I really don't see how doing so magically makes it okay for you all to be assholes. The PC's have been invited to more than one party I've been involved with, and it's generally considered a fun element to introduce into the fray. I'm sure the bride (sorry for speaking for you, if you're still reading all this, which I hope you aren't, whoever you are) has invited them knowing that *this has all been taken out of context* and that, having seen the event in its proper context, the record will be set straight.
Still not sure why any of you feel the need to trash another person based on this. You are in no position to judge and cruelly berate another woman for her decisions about how to run her own goddamned wedding. Show some tolerance, already.
*Disclaimer: I don't know the bride or groom, but I am a part of their larger community. I'm defending them so strongly because I think the treatment they've received here is unjust, particularly at the hands of people who know nothing of our shared culture or lifestyle. And because I just don't want to live in the kind of society you guys are creating here with your intolerance, and your bizarre insistence that people who do things differently from you deserve to be publicly berated and shamed into conformity. I don't want to be relegated to the fringes of society anymore, where tolerant, compassionate, creative, and thoughtful people have to create their own subcultures and community for the sake of embracing a mindset that people have been fighting to advance the rest of humanity towards for ages now. Fucking evolve already.
There's room for more than one kind of person in this world. They all deserve to be treated with your compassion and respect. A couple who wanted to turn their wedding into a huge shindig asked the participants to help offset the costs, if they are able to. Surely you can all still sleep well, even knowing this SCANDALOUS bit of gossip? Stop bashing these folks and get on with your lives.
More...
Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP'd, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private.
What made the event public is a disgruntled invitee not having the balls to approach their "friends" about their displeasure, instead sending their complaint to The Stranger. And you all having a field day bashing the choices of a person you've never met.
On the bride's response: obviously emotional, unedited, and indeed a poorly constructed letter. I'm sure she's bummed that she hit send so quickly. She mangled some sentences and misspelled some words. QUICK JUMP ALL OVER THAT AND USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW!!! HURRY! YOU ARE MISSING THE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL SMUG AND SUPERIOR! For the record, I strongly doubt the journalistic integrity of publishing her unedited reply. It's one thing to lay into people seeking to achieve power or public spotlight (like politicians and celebrities), but quite another to be so careless with the privacy of an individual.
As for inviting the Stranger Party Crasher, I really don't see how doing so magically makes it okay for you all to be assholes. The PC's have been invited to more than one party I've been involved with, and it's generally considered a fun element to introduce into the fray. I'm sure the bride (sorry for speaking for you, if you're still reading all this, which I hope you aren't, whoever you are) has invited them knowing that *this has all been taken out of context* and that, having seen the event in its proper context, the record will be set straight.
Still not sure why any of you feel the need to trash another person based on this. You are in no position to judge and cruelly berate another woman for her decisions about how to run her own goddamned wedding. Show some tolerance, already.
*Disclaimer: I don't know the bride or groom, but I am a part of their larger community. I'm defending them so strongly because I think the treatment they've received here is unjust, particularly at the hands of people who know nothing of our shared culture or lifestyle. And because I just don't want to live in the kind of society you guys are creating here with your intolerance, and your bizarre insistence that people who do things differently from you deserve to be publicly berated and shamed into conformity. I don't want to be relegated to the fringes of society anymore, where tolerant, compassionate, creative, and thoughtful people have to create their own subcultures and community for the sake of embracing a mindset that people have been fighting to advance the rest of humanity towards for ages now. Fucking evolve already.
There's room for more than one kind of person in this world. They all deserve to be treated with your compassion and respect. A couple who wanted to turn their wedding into a huge shindig asked the participants to help offset the costs, if they are able to. Surely you can all still sleep well, even knowing this SCANDALOUS bit of gossip? Stop bashing these folks and get on with your lives.
153
@152: Are you seriously playing the "don't marginalize us" card to a cacophony of faggots, dykes and enablers? Fuck off with that shit.
155
Baconcat, I Love you more each day.
Heatherly - Nope. Public event. The very definition of a public event is one which you can attend without an invitation. I sure do hope the bride filed for a Special Occasion License with the liquor control board. Someone should look into that.
Heatherly - Nope. Public event. The very definition of a public event is one which you can attend without an invitation. I sure do hope the bride filed for a Special Occasion License with the liquor control board. Someone should look into that.
156
I've been following this kerfuffle for some time now on both threads, and as a Burner must weigh in. No one objects to the theme of their wedding or the type or variety of the entertainment provided, or will, one imagines object to the undoubtedly unique self written vows they will exchange. I certainly take no issue with their culture or lifestyle, because remember, I too have seen the Man burn more than once and, as corny as it may sound, it changed my life. What is objectionable is asking people to pay for the privilege of attending a private event. And it doesn't matter if the people asked don't mind. That's not the point. The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling. It is crass. It is insulting. Doubly so by virtue of the VIP tent, the inhabitants of which are the only true guests at this wedding. Every one else is a customer.
159
"The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling."
156
what wedding have you gone to that didnt have gifts requested?
I have yet see this happen out of a long list...
156
what wedding have you gone to that didnt have gifts requested?
I have yet see this happen out of a long list...
161
I have received wedding invitations with the request that a donation be made to a charity in lieu of gifts, and I have received invitations containing a card indicating where the couple might be registered. I have never in my long years, attended a wedding, or received an invitation to one, which included a price of admission. Again, ?156, I point out, the issue is not receiving gifts (be they cash or small household appliances) freely given by one's guests, the issue is requiring that they pay a fee to attend your wedding and to purchase the food and drink they might wish to consume. This is not the behavior of a Host. It is the behavior of a Vendor.
163
I'm begging you. Send Baconcat and Kelly O. I'm begging you. It'll be the best Party Crasher ever.
164
@J242 Yeah, I get that it's $20 if you bring someone and "free" if you were invited. That is still insulting. Weddings are always free if you are invited. It's understood that food and booze are free and prevalent. It's a party for god's sake, the biggest one you'll ever throw probably. BYOB is for movie nights, dinner parties, not freaking weddings.
167
When I was in 5th grade I called a friend of mine by a racial slur while we were having a fight about something. Someone told the teacher, and I got into very very deep trouble. It was a humiliating and horrible experience, and I cried. A lot. It's one of my worst memories, one I couldn't think rationally about for around 10 years.
You know what? It was also really good for me.
Perhaps in 10 years the bride will look back and think, "well, this is one of my worst memories, but it was good for me. I would NEVER think of treating my guests this way now."
Okay, bride, assuming that this can be a moment of epifany:
If you are hosting a party--any party-- that means that those you invite are the guests. This arrangement means, by definition, that you will be paying for all the costs of the party, whatever they may be. Your guests may repay your generosity by bringing you a nice gift, or by inviting you to a party they are paying for, but they never, ever help you pay for the party you are throwing. Any party. If there is any other arrangement, it is not one of host and guest.
Also: if your professional photographer friends wish to photograph your wedding due to their undying love of you, they are perfectly capable of thinking it up all on their own and contacting you to let you know. Then it will be their idea, their choice, and their lovely gesture, instead of your awful entitled demand.
Oh, and to both the bride and #159, no one with any manners requests presents from anyone other than Santa. Presents are freely given, or not. You seem to be confused by the concept of a wedding registry, which is there to let people know, IF they CHOOSE to get a present, what might be most appreciated.
See, 'cause if a wedding guest chooses not to get a present for the couple, that reflects on the guest's manners. But if a couple requests presents, thereby taking away the guest's choice in the matter, it reflects on the manners of the couple.
We can't control the manners of others. Only our own.
In this case, we can control whether we request presents (don't), whether we encourage people other than those we have invited to come to our party (don't), whether we slap those people with a $20 cover charge (don't, but since we're not inviting the uninvited it's moot), whether we ask our friends to work for free (don't), and whether we have a VIP area at our party (holy christ, please don't).
We cannot control, then, if our guests get us presents, or if they bring along a cast of thousands, but, you see, if our guests are rude, then we know what to do next time: leave them off the invitation.
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You know what? It was also really good for me.
Perhaps in 10 years the bride will look back and think, "well, this is one of my worst memories, but it was good for me. I would NEVER think of treating my guests this way now."
Okay, bride, assuming that this can be a moment of epifany:
If you are hosting a party--any party-- that means that those you invite are the guests. This arrangement means, by definition, that you will be paying for all the costs of the party, whatever they may be. Your guests may repay your generosity by bringing you a nice gift, or by inviting you to a party they are paying for, but they never, ever help you pay for the party you are throwing. Any party. If there is any other arrangement, it is not one of host and guest.
Also: if your professional photographer friends wish to photograph your wedding due to their undying love of you, they are perfectly capable of thinking it up all on their own and contacting you to let you know. Then it will be their idea, their choice, and their lovely gesture, instead of your awful entitled demand.
Oh, and to both the bride and #159, no one with any manners requests presents from anyone other than Santa. Presents are freely given, or not. You seem to be confused by the concept of a wedding registry, which is there to let people know, IF they CHOOSE to get a present, what might be most appreciated.
See, 'cause if a wedding guest chooses not to get a present for the couple, that reflects on the guest's manners. But if a couple requests presents, thereby taking away the guest's choice in the matter, it reflects on the manners of the couple.
We can't control the manners of others. Only our own.
In this case, we can control whether we request presents (don't), whether we encourage people other than those we have invited to come to our party (don't), whether we slap those people with a $20 cover charge (don't, but since we're not inviting the uninvited it's moot), whether we ask our friends to work for free (don't), and whether we have a VIP area at our party (holy christ, please don't).
We cannot control, then, if our guests get us presents, or if they bring along a cast of thousands, but, you see, if our guests are rude, then we know what to do next time: leave them off the invitation.
172
I suspect that in addition to having lots of photographer friends, you would also have writer friends. I'm sure that one of them could have helped you write the invitation and this letter in language that wouldn't put people off so much.
Just saying.
Just saying.
173
"Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP'd, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private." - Heatherly
Um...Heatherly? When you charge people who weren't invited admission at the door...THAT IS TECHNICALLY "OPEN TO THE PUBLIC".
"Un-RSVP'd, Uninvited guests" = public. Public is the *opposite* of private.
Um...Heatherly? When you charge people who weren't invited admission at the door...THAT IS TECHNICALLY "OPEN TO THE PUBLIC".
"Un-RSVP'd, Uninvited guests" = public. Public is the *opposite* of private.
175
@167:
Bon, you know what? Your story wasn't heartwarming enough to necessitate that you post it in this forum and in the original IA comments section. You sound like a pretentious loser. So glad that racism ended up, in the end, being "good for you."
Bon, you know what? Your story wasn't heartwarming enough to necessitate that you post it in this forum and in the original IA comments section. You sound like a pretentious loser. So glad that racism ended up, in the end, being "good for you."
176
167
You have seen into the very depths of my soul, and found me lacking.
I will cry tonight. Lonely, desperate tears.
But then I will realize that I can read a string of sentences and actually comprehend their meaning, and I will cheer up, because at least I'm not you.
You have seen into the very depths of my soul, and found me lacking.
I will cry tonight. Lonely, desperate tears.
But then I will realize that I can read a string of sentences and actually comprehend their meaning, and I will cheer up, because at least I'm not you.
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