Thursday, July 8, 2010

Regarding Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock's Possible Hunger for Cock

Posted by on Thu, Jul 8, 2010 at 11:48 AM

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Unlike Dan, I do not believe it exists. Here's why: As the NYT notes, back in May, the well-groomed, pastel-clad, eternally single, distressingly fuckable Schock provided Politico with a list of the ten most-played songs on his iPod.

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This is not the playlist of a man who wants to have sex with other men.

 

Comments (47) RSS

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1
That is so goddam funny. What a great post, David.

"Life is a Highway" indeed. Twice!
Posted by gloomy gus on July 8, 2010 at 11:50 AM · Report this
Toasterhedgehog 2
I respectfully disagree that a man's playlist has anything to do with desire for cock.
Posted by Toasterhedgehog on July 8, 2010 at 11:56 AM · Report this
3
That is not the playlist of a man who wants to be face-first in a vagina, either.

It IS the playlist of a man who craves cock but wants to appear to be straight, however.
Posted by Dave M on July 8, 2010 at 11:57 AM · Report this
You Look Like I Need A Drink! 4
No, but it is the playlist of a man who doesn't want you to think he is a man who wants to have $ex with other men...

P.S. One of my favorite albums of all time is Pink Floyd- Dark Side of The Moon, & I hate Madonna. And although you might think it, my music choices to not define my sexual preferences...
Posted by You Look Like I Need A Drink! on July 8, 2010 at 11:57 AM · Report this
David Schmader 5
1 & 2: I grudgingly agree with you both.
Posted by David Schmader on July 8, 2010 at 11:57 AM · Report this
SpecialBrew 6
I think what we're seeing here with the first Milennial in Congress is that Gen Xers are trying to sniff out the gay using their generational yardsticks.

Remember that old queen who asked you about "Barbara" when you were hitting the bars in the early 90s? And you just kind of stood there uncertain if he was talking about his mom or what? That's us Xers now.
Posted by SpecialBrew on July 8, 2010 at 12:01 PM · Report this
Callie 7
@ 3 & 4: I willingly agree with you both.
Posted by Callie http://www.facebook.com/Klosetnerd on July 8, 2010 at 12:02 PM · Report this
8
Although this is clearly the playlist of a man who goes home to Peoria every weekend, I do not think it says anything conclusive about who he wants to have sex with while he's there. Early exposure to the music of the heartland will stunt your taste for the rest of your life. Take it from another Central Illinois native who switches the radio from KEXP to KMPS every time she leaves Seattle city limits.
Posted by giantladysquirrels on July 8, 2010 at 12:03 PM · Report this
9
OT, but I bet Storm Large could tear a new asshole into "Life is a Highway".
Posted by gloomy gus on July 8, 2010 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Callie 10
Don't take no credit card to ride this train.
Posted by Callie http://www.facebook.com/Klosetnerd on July 8, 2010 at 12:07 PM · Report this
The Max 11
I wonder what y'all would say bout my most played. But, yeah, I read Schlock's playlist as either the playlist of a talking pile of poo or that of a cocksmoker deeply closeted down to his iPod. Sad, really.
Posted by The Max on July 8, 2010 at 12:07 PM · Report this
very bad homo 12
David Bowie is kinda bi.
Posted by very bad homo on July 8, 2010 at 12:10 PM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 13
This is a beard playlist.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on July 8, 2010 at 12:11 PM · Report this
StillNon 14
LOL 13
Posted by StillNon on July 8, 2010 at 12:12 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 15
@3, 4, 13 AGREED.

There's a reason Let's Dance is in at #9.

My questions are: "How many iPods does he have, and what are his ten most-played songs according to the iTunes he has on his personal computer?"
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 8, 2010 at 12:17 PM · Report this
gttim 16
George Thorogood and Huey Lewis? Did we see this guy doing the White Boy Dance in the Duran Duran video "Reflex?"
Posted by gttim on July 8, 2010 at 12:20 PM · Report this
Banna 17
Were you thinking he'd publicly admit to having Scissor Sisters, The Village People and Judy Garland MP3s?
Posted by Banna http://www.ucp.org on July 8, 2010 at 12:21 PM · Report this
Toasterhedgehog 18
It was picked for the titles.

Life is a highway x2 says, I'm thoughtful, but in a slogany shallow sort of way that most Americans can connect with.

O Happy Day - I just Lerv Jesus. (You can do anything in America if you say you love Jesus)

Brown Eyed Girl - I like girls (really!)

Follow Through - This is what I'm going to do if you vote for me! Vote for me!

Power of Love - You can identify with me because I am a romantic

Love in This Club - I may be a white Republican, but I can listen to music by a colored. I'm down! Michael Steel! NOT RACIST!

Let's Dance - I'm secretly gay, I mean I like to have fun!

Born in the USA - USA! USA! USA!

Someone in his staff sat down and picked the image they wanted to create with this list. Schock probably doesn't listen to music ever.
Posted by Toasterhedgehog on July 8, 2010 at 12:23 PM · Report this
19
Regardless of whether or not he wants cock, why do the American People manage to elect the least interesting people to make laws? The nature of the business, I guess, but the sheer lack of anything. . . good on this list is not shocking or surprising, but is disappointing.
Posted by JakeM on July 8, 2010 at 12:30 PM · Report this
Bub 20
This list was put out by his PR guy. Mr. Schock winks at those in-the-know by insisting that David Bowie make the list.
Posted by Bub on July 8, 2010 at 12:33 PM · Report this
sirkowski 22
It's not the playlist of a normal straight man either.

Probably a zoophile.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on July 8, 2010 at 12:39 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 23
anydangways.... the giveaways are 'oh happy day' , bad to the bone,'let's dance' , and love in this club ..it's the other songs that are the beards.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on July 8, 2010 at 12:39 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 24
Once again proving how clueless Republicans are. Most of these songs are by people who consider themselves social liberals. It's like when W's campaign used The Who's "We Won't Get Fooled Again" and snapped their oh-so-clever fingers while brain-blocking the line:

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

Not to mention the first stanza:

We'll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgment of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

Pretty antithetical to what they stand for, no? See what I mean? Clueless.
Posted by Bauhaus I on July 8, 2010 at 12:39 PM · Report this
Telsa 25
@18: Never minding the point of information that "Life Is a Highway", much like "American Woman" and "Rockin' in the Free World", are decidedly Canadian.
Posted by Telsa on July 8, 2010 at 12:43 PM · Report this
Fnarf 26
What confuses me is not the terribleness of this playlist, which is no surprise, but the age of most of the entries. Our hero was born in 1981; why is he listening to the pop of his parents?
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on July 8, 2010 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Vince 27
Schlock for the shmuck.
Posted by Vince on July 8, 2010 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 28
@26 cause he's a cock-hungry perv.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on July 8, 2010 at 1:17 PM · Report this
29
Because he knows his constituency?
Posted by gloomy gus on July 8, 2010 at 1:19 PM · Report this
Fistique 30
@26, I'm younger than him and 80s music also dominates my playlist. Briefly, we listen to our parents' music because our generation's music, whether produced by Big Record or by sensitive indie artists, is utterly wretched.
Posted by Fistique on July 8, 2010 at 1:20 PM · Report this
Hepworth 31
This reads almost exactly like my playlist during the time I was discovering music, right after I moved out of my parents' place. I don't know if I can reliably extend the comparison, but we may be dealing with a bisexual guy, like myself. Don't overlook the not-exclusively gay option.
Posted by Hepworth http://somethingaweek.wordpress.com on July 8, 2010 at 1:27 PM · Report this
Lose-Lose 32
#18- excellent analysis.
Otherwise, I'm with #3 & 4 and all the others: this playlist is as carefully orchestrated as Ted Haggard's "I've been saved!" campaign. It screams suspicion and points to the obvious: pandering, hypocritical, cock-hungry Republican.
Posted by Lose-Lose on July 8, 2010 at 1:27 PM · Report this
Fergalito 33
I have nine of those songs on my ipod and I am an outrageous and proud gay man. The way to tell someone's sexual orientation is to ask him or her. With the caveat that this person knows his or her own feelings.
Posted by Fergalito on July 8, 2010 at 2:17 PM · Report this
michael strangeways 34
I like most of the songs on that list and I"m gayer than Schmader's picnic basket...
Posted by michael strangeways http://www.seattlegayscene.com/ on July 8, 2010 at 2:18 PM · Report this
35
@34, only a boor or a hoor could doubt your gayness, of course, but could you imagine these being the ten most-played songs on your ipod? That's the telling detail for this fellow.
Posted by gloomy gus on July 8, 2010 at 2:28 PM · Report this
36
The reason you know this is a bullshit list is because it doesn't have the same artist twice (plus "artist unknown" would be attributed to someone). What kind of person doesn't have a favorite musical act? I'm guessing they scrubbed out the Gaga, and this was left.
Posted by ryno on July 8, 2010 at 2:37 PM · Report this
37
and some of the schock logic goes both ways. concerning his picnic outfit, people said that fratty guys from the midwest mistake that look as preppy. well, i know people who listen to this music who are probably closeted. straight people listen to to"life is a highway" on repeat. straight people listen to "let's dance" on repeat. i posit that the same straight person would not listen to both on repeat.
Posted by ryno on July 8, 2010 at 2:42 PM · Report this
38
Power of Love is is the song that Patrick Bateman (in American Psycho) loves more than anything else. Therefore it is a song indicating that one is a delusional mass murdering psychopath from the 80's.
Posted by Michael Wells on July 8, 2010 at 2:43 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 39
@38 Patrick Bateman also rambled on about Whitney Houston, which explains Schock's love of both gospel and Usher.

You may be on to something...
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 8, 2010 at 3:05 PM · Report this
Dougsf 40
@4 might be right. For whatever reason, he attempted putting together a 'straight guy playlist' from an outsider's perspective. It's possible, however, he just doesn't like music.

He'd have to be in his mid-late 40's, and own a sports bar, to genuinely like those songs.
Posted by Dougsf on July 8, 2010 at 3:15 PM · Report this
Schmapdi 41
If I may speak authoritatively on this (Schock, sadly, is my congressman - no I didn't vote for him).

I'd say it looks like a playlist of someone who doesn't like music really, and tried to pick a broad variety of vaguely "American" sounding music that would appeal to the very redneck-y (sigh) district he currently represents.

Only Usher and Bowie really debunk this, but remember he has a sizeable youth vote appeal (because he's young) and he has a decently-sized college in his district, as well as a few junior colleges. So he has to pick something a little "hip."
Posted by Schmapdi on July 8, 2010 at 3:31 PM · Report this
McGee 42
The more important issue is shouldn't somebody be checking on Bruce Springsteen and making sure this hasn't caused a silent stroke?
Posted by McGee on July 8, 2010 at 4:12 PM · Report this
Fnarf 43
@40, I imagine most owners of sports bars hate songs like "Bad To The Bone" and "Power of Love" with the heat of a thousand suns, having heard them so often.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on July 8, 2010 at 4:30 PM · Report this
44
"This is not the playlist of a man who wants to have sex with other men."

Agreed. He must be a sexually confused psychopath.
Posted by lee harris on July 8, 2010 at 6:52 PM · Report this
Elf Sternberg 45
@fnarf: Because no good music has come out since the 1980s. Seriously. In the US, the bands that are still packing stadiums with post-$100 tickets are dinosaur rock gigs like Rush and Bruce Springsteen. (Okay, Dave Matthews and Phish, which is basically the latest rev of Peter Gabriel and the Grateful Dead.) And there is no modern Elton John.

Lady Gaga is no Madonna, not in terms of cash or capability, and Ke$ha is ... nobody at all.

Best analysis goes to #18.

I pity people who listen to songs. I listen to albums.
Posted by Elf Sternberg http://www.pendorwright.com on July 9, 2010 at 6:39 AM · Report this
46
This is absolutely ridiculous. Considering that Pete Townsend of the Who and David Bowie are admitted bisexuals; great heavy rock bands like Husker Du (Bob Mould) and Judas Priest (Rob Halford) have had big gay lead singers. All of those mentioned have male fans who like having sex with one another (and probably a few sisters of Sappho too). Someone's iPod or specific playlist says nothing about who they feel like sleeping with. How about dropping the "stereo"-typing! ;-)
Posted by RAGGEDT on July 9, 2010 at 8:51 AM · Report this
Karl42 50
It seems to me to be the playlist of a man who PROVIDES a list of songs to a media outlet in order to appear not to be gay.

The only straight shit he's got was stuff his parents listened to.
Posted by Karl42 on July 10, 2010 at 6:20 AM · Report this
Milbury 51
I don't know if he's gay (Hint: he totally knows how to breathe through his nose when solid objects are lodged in his throat!), but I have to say that his taste in music sucks massive hairy closet-case balls. Even his "I'm reaching out to the 'alternative self-chosen lifestyle' youth by picking a song by one of 'them'", safety-song by David Bowie sucks. Obviously, he should have gone with "China Girl" (a song that gets you attention from Asians who are ashamed of being Asian, and unrepentant drug addicts). What an idiot.
Posted by Milbury http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rLkEsoO6t0 on July 14, 2010 at 4:59 PM · Report this

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