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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Best Sentence I Have Read All Year

Posted by on Wed, Jun 16, 2010 at 3:54 PM

A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

From the good folks at the BBC.

 

Comments (39) RSS

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Urgutha Forka 1
Sounds like a passage straight out of Mad Libs
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 16, 2010 at 4:02 PM
gloomy gus 2
@1 you've read my mind!
Posted by gloomy gus on June 16, 2010 at 4:03 PM
3
No meds, needs a rush what to do?
Posted by wl on June 16, 2010 at 4:05 PM
Josh Bomb 4
fingers crossed that puppy-hurling doesn't become the next big thing amongst impressionable teenagers.
Posted by Josh Bomb http://www.satanosphere.com on June 16, 2010 at 4:07 PM
Will in Seattle 5
I'm shocked that they couldn't catch up to the dozer.

Even in gear, those things don't move fast, even the mid-range ones, unless it was a dozer sans blade.

At least the ones I've operated.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on June 16, 2010 at 4:07 PM
Chaparringes 6
Oh...my sides hurt, and my co-workers are looking at me funny.

I now know what to do next time I see a motorcycle gang.
Posted by Chaparringes on June 16, 2010 at 4:20 PM
The Striking Viking 7
@5, I guess they didn't give chase, since he caused a traffic jam during his getaway because the dozer was going so slow...
Posted by The Striking Viking on June 16, 2010 at 4:25 PM
madadam 8
You had me until the puppy hurling.
Posted by madadam on June 16, 2010 at 4:29 PM
9
But was it a pit-bull puppy?
Posted by beaugirl on June 16, 2010 at 4:33 PM
Andrew_Taylor 10
Quick, somebody submit it to the Bulwer-Lytton contest:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

No, wait, that's a fiction contest.
Posted by Andrew_Taylor on June 16, 2010 at 4:40 PM
smade 11
God damn Johnson-chopping nihilists!
Posted by smade on June 16, 2010 at 4:42 PM
TheMisanthrope 12
I want to know if this was a planned one-two of incidence. Like, Moon-turn-throw puppy-run. Or was like more Moon-Run-OMGTHEY'RECHASINGMELETSSLOWTHEMDOWNBYTHROWINGPUPPYATTHEM?
Posted by TheMisanthrope on June 16, 2010 at 4:44 PM
care bear 13
@12 Thank you, thank you, thank you. I haven't laughed that hard all week.
Posted by care bear on June 16, 2010 at 4:54 PM
Will in Seattle 14
Could have been worse.

He could have mooned the puppy and then thrown a biker at the dozer, before strolling away more quickly.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on June 16, 2010 at 5:01 PM
15
You'd never get away with that as the opening sentence of a novel, even The Bulwer-Lytton contest.

Ain't reality great?

That sentence has doomed fiction for all eternity, nothing you could dream up would come close.
Posted by judybrowni on June 16, 2010 at 5:01 PM
jasonzenobia 16
@ 11 Smade:

Say what you will about the tenets of puppy-hurling, at least it's an ethos.
Posted by jasonzenobia http://jasonzenobia.blogspot.com/ on June 16, 2010 at 5:18 PM
venomlash 17
Google Image Searched the following: "hells angels puppy bulldozer germany" (no quotes) and got a very amusing spread. http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&sourc…
Posted by venomlash on June 16, 2010 at 5:35 PM
18
Oh man Brendan!!! I sent that to a bunch of people at the office yesterday I was laughing so hard. OMG. Loved seeing it again on slog!!
Posted by Michelle in Canada on June 16, 2010 at 5:53 PM
19
Damit der Kunst erreicht eine neue Hoehe.
Posted by Zander on June 16, 2010 at 8:51 PM
Timmytee 20
I first read it as a German SHEPARD mooned/hurled/etc.LOL!
Posted by Timmytee on June 17, 2010 at 3:41 AM
The Striking Viking 21
Some friends and i were discussing how if this were in a movie, what would the sound track be...i decided it most closely resembled an episode of "Sir Digby Chicken Caesar" from Mitchell and Webb...complete with him singing his own theme song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QACSo5xk3…
Posted by The Striking Viking on June 17, 2010 at 9:33 AM
22
That. Was. Epic.
Posted by Mango on June 18, 2010 at 4:55 PM
23
Judd Apatow, are you taking notes?
Posted by duhknees on June 18, 2010 at 6:25 PM
24
i can do that. 1st learn to steal a dozer 2nd learn to drive one 3rd wait till there is full moon 4th paint dozer black 5th learn to paint a cougar black 6th throw the cougar and run like hell ! " forgot" 51/2 put dozer in gear and then go to 6
Posted by simba1000 http://lwdduck@aol.com on June 18, 2010 at 7:50 PM
25
Now listen here fellas, a puppy is a little finger which implies that their motor bikes are merely compensation for their small dicks. A bull-dozer may not outrun some small dicked bikie, but it sure can pirouette them into heaps of smoking leather.
Posted by Freckles on June 18, 2010 at 11:01 PM
26
I swear to God i thought the same thing after reading it on BBC or some such site.Talk about coincidences.
Posted by Snake on June 19, 2010 at 3:14 AM
27
A (nationality) student (verb)-ed a group of (noun- plural) and hurled a (noun) at them before escaping on a stolen (vehicle), police have said.
Posted by tar on June 20, 2010 at 12:47 AM
28
Yea, then he woke up & the covers were off...
Posted by DDogbreath on June 20, 2010 at 11:02 AM
29
oh..puppy where are you??
Posted by Adelard56 on June 23, 2010 at 8:43 AM
30
Bravo! I am crying with joy here.

Better than cow tipping , or doing lines by yourself while alternately watching porn and Monthy Python.

Yet another hurdle crossed in the continuing refinement of German culture, and , for that matter, of Homo Sapiens . The man should be knighted.

And the way it is described- sheer poetry. I awe at the immense emotions caused in spite of the sparsity of words describing this mind-altering event. Such journalism. Oh brave new world, that has such things in it!

Alas, Shakespearean rhyme is not enough for this world-changing event. Give me a moment to compose myself and I will create a epic in the style of Homerus, an epic in which I shall laud the man who ventured to Moon the Angels, to surpass the brave Ulysses..All of this in pentameters of course.
Posted by Maartje on June 27, 2010 at 12:21 AM
31
You find the thought of throwing a puppy entertaining? What a retard.
Posted by Spiro on August 21, 2010 at 6:21 AM
32
oh man i was so high that night idk what we were doing
Posted by German Student on September 18, 2010 at 3:34 PM
33
Is this "For Real"
?. Whaooooooow!! what a story, Can I by the Book?
Tommy.
Posted by bart555 on November 5, 2010 at 7:32 AM
34
Who throws puppies! Why not a rock? How did this man come too have a puppy and a bulldozer in the same location as a pack of H A? did he sneek up on them or viceversa? They couldn't have got him out of the dozer if he knew wht he was doing with it, but still very lucky they forgot about guns.
Posted by smoothoperator8 on November 14, 2010 at 10:39 AM
35
Found the actual article
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10333211
Posted by Nudebaldy on December 18, 2010 at 4:17 AM
36
I live near Daytona Fl. I'm gonna stock up on puppies xD
Posted by iammacha on January 16, 2011 at 11:48 AM
37
So the legend of Testicor Fantastiballs were true.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18646_the…
#1
Posted by Xidphel on March 4, 2011 at 8:30 PM
38
OMG did the bikers catch him (on a dozer) lol
Moon-turn-puppy-RUN-don't get caught by police!!
LOL
Posted by Maddog$1 on March 21, 2011 at 1:56 PM
39
Here are some more details from a Bavarian newspaper:

He drove there in his own car, parked, mooned them, threw the puppy(which was his own) and set off by foot heading for a highway building site. There he entered a wheeled bulldozer and drove onto the Autobahn. He caused a 5km long traffic jam because he couldnīt operate the gearshift. After a few kilometers he stopped a truck, and hitchhiked some more kilometers to his home, where the police later arrested him and brought him to a mental hospital. He had ceased tp take his pills, what led to this outburst of awesome!

Here is the link to the original article:
http://www.merkur-online.de/lokales/land…
Posted by Krolas on June 25, 2011 at 9:11 AM

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