Submitted to I, Anonymous:

Gorgeous Runner
I see you run past Cornish a few times a week. You always have a huge smile on your face like you're in on some secret that the rest of us don't know. I want to be let in on that secret. I've thought about trying to stop you, but you seem like you're in your own little world. Lately I've been sitting on the steps just waiting to catch a glimpse of you. My heart flutters every time you pass me. If this keeps up I might have to tackle you and drag you back to my apartment where I can ravage your sexy body. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll start running shirtless as the weather gets warmer.

Possibly topless jogger: clearly male.
Anonymous luster: male or female?