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News & ArtsFriday, June 11, 2010
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Milk Made
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Jun 11, 2010 at 1:54 PM
Is prostate milking a myth?Backstory: I'm a submissive male and my wife and I do "orgasm denial"—she gets to choose when I ejaculate, and it's not often. She keeps my cock locked in a chastity cage much of the time to eliminate temptation. Of course, I get intensely horny, so much so that after 7-10 days I can usually manage to ejaculate even when caged, simply by concentrating on a sex fantasy for 10-15 minutes.
BDSM websites far and wide claim that by rythmically stimulating the prostate, a man's semen can be "milked" out of him without triggering an orgasm, and that this can be used to keep him in denial indefinitely, since it relieves the pressure to ejaculate but without the enjoyment of orgasm. Sounds awesome, right? The problem is, I've been trying to accomplish this for months and months, but I can never get more than a drop or two of precum. I've used an Aneros and a variety of dildos, some vibrating. My wife has tried this on me and I've tried it myself, up to 20 minutes at a time. I'm sure we've located my prostate—the feeling of hitting it is quite distinct—but I've never produced a drop of anything that looks like semen by stimulating it. We've tried slow and fast, hard and soft. Nothing. The idea of this being possible is a huge turn-on for me, but I simply can't make it happen.
Are we just doing it wrong, or is prostate milking just a hyped-up BDSM fable? Do you know for a fact that this can work if performed properly? Does it only work for some guys? Is this even a real thing?
Unmilked
Sent from the Savage Love App for iPhone
Monday I responded to a letter submitted via the new "Savage Love" iPhone App and the tech-savvy, at-risk youth have insisted that I respond only to questions submitted via the new "Savage Love" iPhone App all this week. The "Savage Love" iPhone App got Unmilked's question to top of the pile—but my response is still after the jump.
••••••••
You can make yourself come locked in a cock cage/chastity device just by thinking about sex—and you're seriously worried about your inability to successfully milk your prostate? Gee, U, don't look your gift junk in the mouth there. Being able to come just by fantasizing is a superpower—some would kill for that power—so who cares if you can't be successfully milked?
Sorry, sorry: you do, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. I've read about prostate milking but I've never seen a prostate milked successfully or met anyone who claims/admits to have milked/been milked successfully. It does seem like a BDSM fable, frankly, something that spurted from the fertile imagination of a submissive husband somewhere who wanted to have his orgasm and his orgasm denial too.
But I could be wrong—hell, I'm frequently wrong. So I'm tossing this one out there to the SLLOTD-reading masses because, hey, I don't know everything. Any successful milkers out there? Got some tips for Unmilked?
Spill.
1
...
Dan, I'm usually one of the first ones to defend you against cries of sexism when well-meaning feminists lash out against you for joking about your aversion to all things vaginal.
So please, please forgive me if this whole letter left me far too squicked out to care whether "milking" is a real thing. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Dan, I'm usually one of the first ones to defend you against cries of sexism when well-meaning feminists lash out against you for joking about your aversion to all things vaginal.
So please, please forgive me if this whole letter left me far too squicked out to care whether "milking" is a real thing. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
2
This is mentioned in QB VII by Leon Uris. Do a "look inside the book" on Amazon and search for "broom." It does not sound pleasant.
3
I most enjoy the letters discussing things that would never in a million years cross my mind on their own.
4
Good question. No, I don't know the answer. And no, I'm not "squicked-out," even though this is really, really, really, really not my cup of tea. But as a friend of mine says, "the only place normal exists is as a setting on your washing machine," so live and let live.
6
If it's not possible, how do they extract sperm from comatose people? And what about all the sperm donor scenes in movies where a nurse offers to "help out" ? That's always portrayed as a rather unpleasant experience.
7
I believe this letter is real, but someone inevitably will call this a fake. Who wants to be first?
8
This very thing was discussed on the latest Sex Is Fun podcast. But I can't give any first-hand proof of milking.
Link: http://media.libsyn.com/media/sexisfun/S…
Link: http://media.libsyn.com/media/sexisfun/S…
10
@6 They get comatose-sperm the same way they get it post-vasectomy: by syringe. I always assumed the unpleasantness of the "helpful sperm bank nurse" was about embarrassment, rather than physical pain.
12
I have a feeling the person who came up with "prostate milking" was mistaking precum for actual ejaculate. I dated a guy that produced insane amounts of precum- to the point that if I had first experienced it while giving him a prostate message, I probably would have mistakenly believed I was "milking" it out of him.
13
Here is a story from the early days of the Internet where a young man seems to be successfully milked just prior to a surgical procedure for an anal fissure named Bob. It's about 3/4 of the way down the page in a paragraph beginning, "The doctor wastes no time..."
http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/analbo…
http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/analbo…
14
@13:
I did not know that they named anal fissures, but surely they could come up with something better than 'Bob'.
I did not know that they named anal fissures, but surely they could come up with something better than 'Bob'.
16
To my knowledge, 'milking' will result in the release of prostate fluid along with some other fluids, most likely not sperm. I have never heard of anyone reaching a full on, blow-your-load, orgasm from just prostate massage. I have read that you can cause comatose and even...dead people...to release semen if a small electrical charge is used to stimulate certain nerve groups around the prostate.
17
I thought I had fairly broad knowledge, sexually, but this is a new one on me.
From my limited knowledge of things prostate, my guess is that if milking is real at all, it probably only works for a small percentage of men. I do know that different guys are aroused to different degrees by prostate stimulation. To some guys it feels really really good. Other guys barely notice it. So it stands to reason that not all guys could be milked by prostate stimulation alone (if indeed any can).
I have my doubts, though I'm by no means certain. I've never known any guy who could be "milked", whether by prostate stimulation, or any other sort of stimulation. Guys generally either come, or they do not come. Biologically, it goes against natural selection to be able to discharge semen without orgasm. So if it can happen at all, I would guess that it would be pretty rare.
From my limited knowledge of things prostate, my guess is that if milking is real at all, it probably only works for a small percentage of men. I do know that different guys are aroused to different degrees by prostate stimulation. To some guys it feels really really good. Other guys barely notice it. So it stands to reason that not all guys could be milked by prostate stimulation alone (if indeed any can).
I have my doubts, though I'm by no means certain. I've never known any guy who could be "milked", whether by prostate stimulation, or any other sort of stimulation. Guys generally either come, or they do not come. Biologically, it goes against natural selection to be able to discharge semen without orgasm. So if it can happen at all, I would guess that it would be pretty rare.
19
It's a real thing, though it's hard to pull off.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_mi…
Do a search on Xtube and find the following:
http://xtube.com/video_search.php?search…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_mi…
Do a search on Xtube and find the following:
http://xtube.com/video_search.php?search…
20
@10 is right. They can get sperm with a hypodermic, by jabbing it right into the testicle. It' doesn't sound pleasant, and it's the very reason my husband and I decided to spend about $10,000 on a vasectomy reversal instead, but it's possible and (I've heard) highly effective.
My guess is that if "milking" is possible, it's probably a lot like squirting is for women. Some can do it but not all, and probably only easily after lots of practice.
My guess is that if "milking" is possible, it's probably a lot like squirting is for women. Some can do it but not all, and probably only easily after lots of practice.
22
My anal fissure is named "Tom", so I guess there COULD be one named "Bob" (though I remain skeptical).
23
Okay, I am a fem Domme and I also keep my boy in chastity. We have tried prostate milking and we can do it but it required 1. a hard dildo (not a soft jelly one and the Aneros might even be too soft) and 2. some pressure. When I say pressure I mean go-to-town-hard-fucking with something that will hit your prostate (the first time my boy did this, in his teens, it was with a hammer handle--no joke. And don't think I didn't tell him to cut that shit out!)
However, even after this we only get a few teaspoon fulls-about the average amount of a male orgasm and it is clear, like pre-cum, rather than milky. So...I'm inclined to believe that it's a myth.
Sorry. I think your Mistress is just going to have to take you out and have you cum every few weeks on her own terms (I assume the reason you're asking is so that these "accidents" don't occur?). However, if she wants to get really creative, she can still make sure it's 'medicinal' rather than recreational...
However, even after this we only get a few teaspoon fulls-about the average amount of a male orgasm and it is clear, like pre-cum, rather than milky. So...I'm inclined to believe that it's a myth.
Sorry. I think your Mistress is just going to have to take you out and have you cum every few weeks on her own terms (I assume the reason you're asking is so that these "accidents" don't occur?). However, if she wants to get really creative, she can still make sure it's 'medicinal' rather than recreational...
24
In total agreement with #1. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Semen is yucky. I've really been wondering recently whether straight women think so too. Like, I know many gay men love it (since they also produce it), but do the hetero women? Is it a turn on? For some? For most? Or is it something a lot of them just put up with, like balls?
Ps. ew ew ew gross
Ps. ew ew ew gross
25
the wildly popular Bob the Anal Fissure stop-motion animated series now has a spin-off: Ready Steady Ooze... but plans for further merchandising, such as the Bob the Anal Fissure lunchbox were grudgingly scrapped at great pains to the producers.
26
I was once anally stimulating a man's prostate and he leaked quite a bit - about as much as a normal ejaculation. Was there sperm involved, or just pre-cum? I dunno, because I wasn't about to whip out the microscope right then. But my thought at the time was, "hey, it DOES exist!"
28
@24, I think there are probably lots of straight women out there who find semen hot. I don't think I would say most do, though. To me, the idea of a man reaching orgasm and ejaculating is sexy, but I don't particularly want to witness his penis ejaculating. I don't *mind* if I see it happen, it just doesn't do anything for me. I'd just rather it all go into and stay in a condom. So, I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it "yucky," (and I definitely wouldn't call balls yucky), but I also don't get excited at the thought of it. I just see it as part of biology, I guess? Like I said, though, I'm sure there are plenty of straight women out there who do find it really hot!
30
I have also seen a fair amount of discussion about "ruined orgasms" on a cum control list I subscribe to. That generally involves prostate milking with some form of additional stimulation that's removed at the last second to interrupt the orgasm cycle. Guys describe having full on ejaculations without any satisfaction of orgasm at all, and they're stuck in a long refractory period and can't get off (sometimes for hours). Kind of blue balls you can't solve by jacking. If you're into that sort of thing, it's apparently the bee's knees.
Prostate milking orgasm: Yes, it's real, but it's rare. I'll go so far as to say most men can't ejaculate only from prostate massage, but some can.
OVERSHARE WARNING:
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Personally, it's totally position dependent. Up against a wall, on my back, in the shower, massage away. You'll get higher than average pre-cum, but that's it. BUT, face down, body weight of a guy I think is hot on top of me humping my prostate and there is nothing that'll stop the orgasm (believe me, I've tried--it is a hard-wired sexual response for me and circumvents any rational thought I try to throw in the way to block it). There's probably an element of friction between the mattress and my cock involved, but in the moment, that seems utterly trivial (and once he's hit that spot, I can lift up and try slow things down, but the train isn't stopping).
Prostate milking orgasm: Yes, it's real, but it's rare. I'll go so far as to say most men can't ejaculate only from prostate massage, but some can.
OVERSHARE WARNING:
......
.....
....
...
..
.
Personally, it's totally position dependent. Up against a wall, on my back, in the shower, massage away. You'll get higher than average pre-cum, but that's it. BUT, face down, body weight of a guy I think is hot on top of me humping my prostate and there is nothing that'll stop the orgasm (believe me, I've tried--it is a hard-wired sexual response for me and circumvents any rational thought I try to throw in the way to block it). There's probably an element of friction between the mattress and my cock involved, but in the moment, that seems utterly trivial (and once he's hit that spot, I can lift up and try slow things down, but the train isn't stopping).
33
She keeps my cock locked in a chastity cage much of the time to eliminate temptation.
And to keep these guys from getting to it.
And to keep these guys from getting to it.
34
I think "Anal Fissure" would be a great name for a band.
They're playing at next year's Sasquatch, along with Orgasm Denial, Variety of Dildos, Shabazz Chastity Cages and My Morning Prostate Milking,
They're playing at next year's Sasquatch, along with Orgasm Denial, Variety of Dildos, Shabazz Chastity Cages and My Morning Prostate Milking,
35
yes, it's the "tech-savvy, at-risk youth" who "have insisted that [you] respond only to questions submitted via the new "Savage Love" iPhone App all this week." sure, it's not some lame attempt at marketing the app. it's all for those tech-savvy, at-risk youth."
at least make that statement, half correct - the new OVERPRICED Savage Love iPhone App.
at least make that statement, half correct - the new OVERPRICED Savage Love iPhone App.
36
Anal Fissure just sounds like something that requires the special sutures that disolve, a peri bottle next to the toilet, and a whole lot of Neosporin.
24--I love semen. I don't think it's yucky at all. I like to watch a man reach orgasm.
24--I love semen. I don't think it's yucky at all. I like to watch a man reach orgasm.
37
@ 24 - As far as dykes go, I'm actually pretty pro-semen. I mean, I don't partake, but semen, phalli, etc. don't usually gross me out. They just don't do anything for me. Well, usually anyway...weirdly enough, the most recent ex-girlfriend and I occasionally made gay male porn part of the foreplay - I wish I could explain why it worked.
Something about this particular letter, though, just brought out my inner phallophobe.
Something about this particular letter, though, just brought out my inner phallophobe.
38
On the orgasm vs. ejaculation front, I can say that I've experienced ejaculation without orgasm enough times to call it an uncommon, yet annoying, event. I've experienced the reverse (orgasm without ejaculation) only twice. This was quickly followed by a second, distinct orgasm with ejaculation.
The ejaculation without orgasm is annoying in that you do get a release but not the pleasure from the event. You then have to wait for what is your usual refractory period before you can begin again. For me, the second and succeeding events in a session are not as pleasing as the first.
The ejaculation without orgasm is annoying in that you do get a release but not the pleasure from the event. You then have to wait for what is your usual refractory period before you can begin again. For me, the second and succeeding events in a session are not as pleasing as the first.
39
@24:
I really, really, really like a guy I find attractive to come in my mouth, all over me, whatever. I like it. A lot. Yum.
I really, really, really like a guy I find attractive to come in my mouth, all over me, whatever. I like it. A lot. Yum.
40
@24/28
I'm definitely a fan.
Also, to all of the people freaked out by this letter: really? Prostate stim, chastity devices. . . it seems like such middle-of-the-road kink to me. Huh.
I'm definitely a fan.
Also, to all of the people freaked out by this letter: really? Prostate stim, chastity devices. . . it seems like such middle-of-the-road kink to me. Huh.
41
I've never been milked myself, but I manage to milk my boyfriend every once in awhile. It usually happens when we haven't had sex for a few days. I'll be topping him, and all of a sudden, the come just pours out--it doesn't spurt out like an orgasm. We keep going and he orgasms a few minutes later.
42
Hey Unmilked-
Give it up, man. Milking is a way to *obtain* an orgasm from someone unable to touch their penis, NOT for draining a prostate without orgasm.
Yes, it's very possible for many gay men, used to having their prostates stimulated, to have a 'dickless' orgasm. I can't believe more guys haven't spoken up. It depends on length of orgasmless time beforehand, and the hotness of situation and mental imagery to happen, and is not typical.
I liken its occurance to female orgasm without clitoral stimulation just penetration- it happens, but not too much.
Give it up, man. Milking is a way to *obtain* an orgasm from someone unable to touch their penis, NOT for draining a prostate without orgasm.
Yes, it's very possible for many gay men, used to having their prostates stimulated, to have a 'dickless' orgasm. I can't believe more guys haven't spoken up. It depends on length of orgasmless time beforehand, and the hotness of situation and mental imagery to happen, and is not typical.
I liken its occurance to female orgasm without clitoral stimulation just penetration- it happens, but not too much.
43
Re 38 and ejaculation without orgasm... Yes, I do the same thing fairly often, usually during a long edging session. I follow that up anywhere from 5-15 minutes later with a second ejaculation and a mind-blowing orgasm. As for prostate milking, the closest I've come is during my annual physical when my doctor is performing a thorough digital prostate exam. Yikes!
45
I find the discussion of needles into the testicles way more disturbing than anything that came up in the letter. So....commenters FTW?
In terms of the substance of the comments, it seems like what 23 said is evidence in favor of milking rather than against it. Semen is produced by the testicles and is milky white. Seminal fluid is produced by the prostate and is clear. During orgasm the liquids from the two sources mix together and shoot out of the urethra. If milking is going to work, it is going to take the form of emptying the prostate of what it produces, which is the clear seminal fluid. If the product of milking was "milky" that would mean that rather than the prostate itself being milked, an orgasm caused both fluids to be produced.
So it seems to me that the guys who are producing something as a result of being fucked are generally having an orgasm if what is produced looks like normal semen. If it is just pre-come and clear, then that could be a case of milking. In any case, being milked shouldn't take all the edge off because your balls are still going to feel just as full afterward since they weren't involved in any milking.
So really there are two questions here:
1) Can I be milked? The answer is maybe, probably not and in any case it isn't going to really achieve what you want.
2) Can I come when I am being fucked in the ass? The answer is maybe, only you can tell. It seems like many gay guys can, I would assume that some straight guys could. With as much practice as you have had it sounds like you can't though.
In terms of the substance of the comments, it seems like what 23 said is evidence in favor of milking rather than against it. Semen is produced by the testicles and is milky white. Seminal fluid is produced by the prostate and is clear. During orgasm the liquids from the two sources mix together and shoot out of the urethra. If milking is going to work, it is going to take the form of emptying the prostate of what it produces, which is the clear seminal fluid. If the product of milking was "milky" that would mean that rather than the prostate itself being milked, an orgasm caused both fluids to be produced.
So it seems to me that the guys who are producing something as a result of being fucked are generally having an orgasm if what is produced looks like normal semen. If it is just pre-come and clear, then that could be a case of milking. In any case, being milked shouldn't take all the edge off because your balls are still going to feel just as full afterward since they weren't involved in any milking.
So really there are two questions here:
1) Can I be milked? The answer is maybe, probably not and in any case it isn't going to really achieve what you want.
2) Can I come when I am being fucked in the ass? The answer is maybe, only you can tell. It seems like many gay guys can, I would assume that some straight guys could. With as much practice as you have had it sounds like you can't though.
46
Straight woman here. Ejaculation is by far the sexiest thing I can think of (and often do). It's the shooting, and the look on his face more than the semen itself. And balls are delicious and delightful as well. I love that the most powerful (reproductively) and masculine part of a man is also the most tender and vunerable.
47
I have no idea how physiologically similar we are to bovines in this regard, but my understanding is that a standard way to obtain semen from a bull (which is a big business) is to insert an electrical probe into the bull's rectum and deliver a mild shock to its prostate.
That said, I wouldn't let anyone test this out on me...
That said, I wouldn't let anyone test this out on me...
48
I'd never heard of milking before meeting my current Love, but I have since been taught how he likes it done, with nothing more exotic than a gloved finger and rhythmic pressure. Maybe it isn't possible for everyone, and it probably takes a different technique for the various folks who can do it. But it's definitely not a myth, any more than squirting is a myth for women.
49
Gay man, fister, here. It's not unusual at all to have semen come out with no cock stimulation in the course of getting fisted. It's happened to me, and my partners. Not every time, but then again, it's not something I've particularly tried to do -- it's just an extra bonus when it happens.
50
I am a submissive husband and my wife has milked me successfully several times. I love the feeling. It takes a very long time and it feels like a slow motion drip out release. My penis is not hard. Long strings stretch out to the floor.Imagine having to pee and it comes out very thick and slow. We use a hard glass dildo about 1 inch thick. The idea is to angle it so that it hits the front of the anal wall and the prostate. I think I am still having a long painfully slow orgasm that does not satisfy like cumming with spurts. I like this but have asked her to stop because it flares up hemroids. It also was not enough to keep me from cumming later but it did slow me down. The fluid is clear and not milky because there is no semen in it, only prostate fluid. It made me feel incredibly feminine and sexy on my knees with my back arched and my ass in the air as she penetrated me slowly with the dildo and told me that I was her hot little sex slave. The last time she let me lick the jizz from her fingers!!
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