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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Homo / At Large What I Did on Spring Break

Posted by on Tue, Apr 20, 2010 at 1:27 PM

palmsprings.jpg

Highly recommended: Skipping Mexico, going to Palm Springs instead (shorter, cheaper flight), spending a week in the 87-degree California sunshine doing nothing except reading, listening to music, eating ceviche, drinking, and swimming. Also, being in a hammock. The Ace Hotel and Swim Club is one of the few non-depressing, not-filled-with-old-people places in Palm Springs, and people drive out from LA just to spend the day by this pool, and bring their dogs and tattoos and facial hair with them. (It's just the fashion, guys. Don't hate.) I admit a huge reason I went to Palm Springs is because the ad for the Ace that's been appearing in The Stranger worked its magic on me. Also, friends were going. Heterosexuals. I'm probably the first gay human in history to spend five days in Palm Springs and not get laid.

Not so recommended: Discussing one's not-getting-laid with one's friends by saying, "What I need is an iPhone so I can get Grindr," which will inevitably prompt your female friend to say, "I have an iPhone—what's Grindr?" For the non-gays: Grindr is an app that shows you thumbnail photos of all the gay dudes closest to you, and when you click on a photo tells you exactly how many feet from you they are, using GPS. Within moments your friend will have downloaded Grindr, taken a photo of you, and begun chatting with random guys, trying to get you a date in the hotel bar. Then, when you go out to dinner in a dull restaurant later on, and look over at your friend who's not speaking, you will realize it's because she's chatting on Grindr under the table, still pretending to be you. There is no straight-person equivalent to Grindr, and ladies are fascinated by it. Then, after dinner, back at the hotel, sitting on an outdoor patio by a fire pit, she might finally get lucky—someone's interested. "And it says he's 14 feet away!" There is only a pic of his abs. They are nice abs. But don't get too excited: You're being fucked with. It's just one of the friends of friends from Los Angeles, another woman, and she's been leading on gay guys all day, including your friend pretending to be you. Women are on Grindr now, guys, and they are fucking with you. Just thought you should know.

 

Comments (32) RSS

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The Magic Lemur 1
Well that's awful. I think gay guys should start pretending to be their female friends on dating sites, at least. There should be SOME sort of retribution there.
Posted by The Magic Lemur on April 20, 2010 at 1:37 PM
2
Awww
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle's Enormous Whozeewhatsit on April 20, 2010 at 1:39 PM
slake 3
The most drunk I've ever been was a 5 day spring break in Palm Springs when I was 18. Shower beers, bed shots, 5 days of nonstop drinking and smoking whatever was handed to me. I've never felt worse than the day I had to stop drinking for the ride home. The only thing I remember is throwing up in the grass of a McDonalds parking lot. Good times.
Posted by slake on April 20, 2010 at 1:43 PM
4
OH YEAH. A lesbian friend of a friend decided to do that. Granted she was easy to spot- her picture was of her cats, and her interests were listed as Indigo Girls, Tori Amos, and Vegan Cooking.

Somehow she still got hits though.
Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on April 20, 2010 at 1:45 PM
5
RE Grindr, that is the funniest shit ever. AHAHAHA.
Posted by shaneleopard on April 20, 2010 at 1:46 PM
boxofbirds 6
One of my friends did the same thing to me and was dirty enough to get me promptly kicked off of Grindr.
Posted by boxofbirds on April 20, 2010 at 1:49 PM
Fnarf 7
Dogs by the pool? Ugh. No thanks.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on April 20, 2010 at 1:52 PM
gloomy gus 8
I suspect you would've got laid if the dogs and tattoos and facial hair hadn't turned you off. The people who drive from LA and San Diego to loll around at the Ace don't actually have sex anyway, they just reenact their favorite amateur porn clips.
Posted by gloomy gus on April 20, 2010 at 2:03 PM
Will in Seattle 9
If you get drunk enough, the dogs, tattoos and facial hair won't matter.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on April 20, 2010 at 2:17 PM
Urgutha Forka 10
I remember being in Palm Springs in Feb. a few years ago for a conference. There was only one interesting bar in the whole city. It was some trashy dive that had regular bar fights resulting in the cops showing up every night. Every. Night.
Even the first time we went there, some lazy Wed. evening, sure enough, there was a drunken brawl that could have come straight out of Road House (nobody nearly as good looking as Swayze was there though).
Posted by Urgutha Forka on April 20, 2010 at 2:23 PM
StillNon 11
So that's why "This Week in The Stranger" didn't go up ;)
Posted by StillNon on April 20, 2010 at 2:24 PM
Baconcat 12
In my experience, Grindr is better for avoiding people than finding them.
Posted by Baconcat on April 20, 2010 at 2:28 PM
13
The Ace ad was working its magic on me too. I ended up doing the opposite - skipping PS and going to Mexico with friends- but I still need to go. but not on Coachella weekend.
Posted by awaywego on April 20, 2010 at 2:31 PM
Bill W. 14
All Worlds Resort use to have day passes and is clothing optional. I think there are other gay resorts offering day passes if you are willing to strip down to your birthday suit. Trouble with Palm Springs is outside weekends and holidays the average age is about 87-years-old. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Posted by Bill W. http://www.seattlegayscene.com on April 20, 2010 at 2:36 PM
Geni 15
Obviously, you violated the first rule of Grindr.
Posted by Geni on April 20, 2010 at 2:37 PM
Max Solomon 16
you should've headed out to the Slabs. as seen in Into the Wild!
Posted by Max Solomon on April 20, 2010 at 2:40 PM
JimK 17
That was you? ...I mean your girl-friend?

You could have just walked across the street to Koffi and waited. Every gay guy in PS winds up at Koffi (two locations to get you served).
Posted by JimK http://www.jimnote.blogspot.com/ on April 20, 2010 at 2:44 PM
Carollani 18
I'm a girl on Grindr, but I don't pretend to be a boy. My picture is a photo of Robyn and I don't reach out to people. I basically have it so that when I'm with my gays we can all play Grindr. (Playing Grindr includes ogling the hotties and mocking the weirdos.)
Posted by Carollani http://twitter.com/carollani on April 20, 2010 at 2:53 PM
Baconcat 19
With all this gaming of Grindr, it'll pretty much only be bears in the near future since nobody with a swimmer's build will be trustworthy.
Posted by Baconcat on April 20, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Soupytwist 20
Well, as a PS-area resident, straight girl, and frequent customer of Koffi and the Amigo Room, trying to find a spot that isn't full of old people, leotarded SoCal yuckos, bumpkins who come off-base, and/or redneck desert rat skinheads, I can't say enough good things about the afore mentioned establishments. They are the only places in town that don't have TVs blaring constantly.

Sorry you didn't make it up to Pappy & Harriet's Pioneer Town Palace. It is my favorite place in the world to drink beer.

The best weekends to be in town are Dinah Shore and White Party because they are the only time of year when anyone even close to alive and normal is around (aside from the dead heat of summer when the Germans come to town).
Posted by Soupytwist http://twitter.com/katherinesmith on April 20, 2010 at 3:20 PM
21
Not sure how Grindr is meant to work... Does this mean the days of sending a cute guy a drink, walking over to him and actually talking are over? What next? iPhones to suck what's left of the marrow out of your brain...
Posted by Belmont Place Kick on April 20, 2010 at 3:32 PM
Bauhaus I 22
Wow. Imagine going on Grindr and winding up on a date with Christopher Fucking (hopefully) Frizzelle. Imagine.

Yeah, PS was a spring back haven back in the where-the-boys-are era of the 50s and 60s. Now there's Dinah Shore and White Party, but any other time of the year, it's just a 300-degree Republican oven. You know, Sonny Bono, 70-year-old blonds, the Annenbergs.
Posted by Bauhaus I on April 20, 2010 at 3:35 PM
23
I first heard of Grindr on an episode of the British auto show, Top Gear. The utterly awesome Stephen Fry was showing the host how it works.
Posted by Edmund on April 20, 2010 at 3:41 PM
24
I'm glad the girlz are messing with your sex life, dear gay boys! It's about time! I've just about had enough of the alliance between gay boyz hating on straight boyz by siding with the girlz over issues that gay boyz have no real understanding of.

So, the fact that they're now fucking with your fuck? Good! That's what women were put on this earth to do!

I jest…I jest.
Posted by Timothy on April 20, 2010 at 3:43 PM
Fnarf 25
@21, you have marrow in your brain? Oh, wait, you do. I'm sorry.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on April 20, 2010 at 3:46 PM
26
Never be sorry for a misunderstood analogy. What was I thinking - when dura mater was right on the tip of my pons...
Posted by Belmont Place Kick on April 20, 2010 at 3:59 PM
27
I sincerely hope you went to Coachella while you were there. Though I'm sure if you had it would have been noted.
Posted by DJ BJ on April 20, 2010 at 4:08 PM
Original Andrew 28
It's not really a vacation 'till a guy blows his load all over your chest.
Posted by Original Andrew on April 20, 2010 at 4:46 PM
Cook 29
palm springs! hopefully you went to cabazon for outlet shopping, ogling of asian tour groups, and people watching at the giant morongo casino. that was always a fun day trip from school in socal
Posted by Cook on April 20, 2010 at 4:50 PM
30
Then just get your own damned iPhone ;)
Posted by Houston Collins on April 20, 2010 at 6:22 PM
Geni 31
All the straight guys are probably snickering and thinking, "Welcome to our world." They're used to finding out that the hot girl they've been flirting with online is a pasty, flabby, hairy 56-year-old man.
Posted by Geni on April 21, 2010 at 12:27 PM
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