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News & ArtsWednesday, March 31, 2010
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch, Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch, Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch...
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Mar 31, 2010 at 12:15 PM
I am a big fan of your column and have a question that I have never seen addressed. The back story: married with a new child. Before I got pregnant my husband would tell me not to flush my tampons down the toilet because it can clog it. Makes sense since we live in a house built in the 60's. So I started to wrap it in TP and place in the waste basket in the bathroom. Fast forward a year, baby is now has arrived, and my period is back to normal. The first time I was able to wear tampons I forgot about flushing them. My husband gently reminded me to not flush them and I felt bad about forgetting. Well I am on my period now, and this is where my question comes in.I came home yesterday from work with the baby and heard the radio in the bathroom so I knew my husband was about to take a shower. I put the baby down and went to pop my head in to let him know we were home, and saw him getting ready to turn the shower on with a string hanging from his mouth. I didn't have time to register what it was when he spit it out from being startled and it was my bloody tampon. I freaked!! I shut the door and just sat on the couch in shock. He took a really long time to come out so I know he was freaked out that I saw what I saw. I am a very GGG kinda girl but I have to admit I was taken back. After I finally got him to sit and talk he told me he had been doing this for a few years with the women he was dating and now me, his wife. I am sure you have heard of this and I Googled it and know it is a real fetish, but I am curious if it is safe. Never thought about the tampon once I disposed of it but now I have vested interest to know if it is okay to do. I can't ask anyone I know so I went to my favorite expert. :)
I'm His Blood Type
My response after the jump.
1
Even after reading this wonderful column for years it has just now become clear to me just how little I am aware of.
4
@1: Ditto. Every time I say to myself, "Now I've heard everything!" after a Savage Love ... destiny strikes the very next week.
9
Well I'll say this. I'm glad as hell I took that headline to heart because that hot dog with ketchup I had for lunch never would have stayed down.
11
Eh this is pretty tame IMO. This doesn't squick me out considering some of the really crazy stuff out there. Why are people more ok with the possibilities of anal (poop) than vaginas (blood)?
13
My response is "no, this is not safe." Those things have tons of toxic chemicals in them, regardless of whether they're in the cunt or mouth.
14
@11: Your analogy doesn't fly. This guy is putting (old, stale, already-briefly-disposed) blood in his MOUTH. The proper poo comparison would be coprophilia or coprophagia, which definitely squicks out a lot of people.
16
@11 um, yeah. Gloria is right. If this guy was sucking on a piece of poop, I would be equally, if not more grossed out. Putting something in your mouth is way different than putting your dick in something.
17
umm, I think she really was looking for an answer, Dan.
IHBT, if you're reading this, good for you to not have had the same reaction as Dan's. Yes, I'm squicked out, but as far as safety, it's probably the same risk as if he were orally exposed to any other blood of yours. Think blood-borne pathogens. So, if you have something, he's likely to catch it. There is the harm of what else is in the garbage getting through the tp you wrap it in, so maybe if you two work it out somehow, you 1) may want to choose a different receptacle and 2) wear non-chemically treated tampons. There's also the risk of bacteria and the like also finding it's way to the tampons over time, so I think you can infer from that what I mean without having to spell it out for you.
You are a bigger woman than I, I would react in a way which would be utterly destructive to the relationship. I think you get the GGG award.
IHBT, if you're reading this, good for you to not have had the same reaction as Dan's. Yes, I'm squicked out, but as far as safety, it's probably the same risk as if he were orally exposed to any other blood of yours. Think blood-borne pathogens. So, if you have something, he's likely to catch it. There is the harm of what else is in the garbage getting through the tp you wrap it in, so maybe if you two work it out somehow, you 1) may want to choose a different receptacle and 2) wear non-chemically treated tampons. There's also the risk of bacteria and the like also finding it's way to the tampons over time, so I think you can infer from that what I mean without having to spell it out for you.
You are a bigger woman than I, I would react in a way which would be utterly destructive to the relationship. I think you get the GGG award.
20
@16: "Sucking on a piece of poop" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I will say that eating poo is way worse. I think half the shock here is because we just haven't heard it before and not *necessarily* because it's "worse" than eating poo.
Can I stop saying "poo" for today? Please?
I will say that eating poo is way worse. I think half the shock here is because we just haven't heard it before and not *necessarily* because it's "worse" than eating poo.
Can I stop saying "poo" for today? Please?
21
Honey, could you, uh, switch to OB? These Playtex Sports are, uh, I dunno, I just don't like 'em.
24
The big question is whether he's ever gotten mysteriously ill in the time he's been doing it. If not, then it doesn't appear to be immediately unsafe, but he may be doing long-term damage if they are indeed chemically-treated tampons as some other commenters have suggested.
With that said, I'm going to give myself a corkscrew lobotomy now.
With that said, I'm going to give myself a corkscrew lobotomy now.
27
No. They're lightly bleached to remove impurities. The toxic chemical claim is pure urban legend.
Those things have tons of toxic chemicals in them, regardless of whether they're in the cunt or mouth.
No. They're lightly bleached to remove impurities. The toxic chemical claim is pure urban legend.
29
This is like the back-alley abortion of the menstrual fetish world.
Is the fetish purely with the blood, or does it actually have something to do with the tampon?
If it's the former, put the kibosh on the dumpster diving and switch to muff diving instead.
Is the fetish purely with the blood, or does it actually have something to do with the tampon?
If it's the former, put the kibosh on the dumpster diving and switch to muff diving instead.
30
You didn't give any advice, Dan. That's obnoxious! (And not at all out of character.)
If I were IHBT, I'd ask the spouse to give me cunnilingus during my period. I also suggest a menstrual cup, and you two can negotiate when and how he gets your flow. That would remove the gross saturated cotton part, which is probably the most dangerous part of his behavior.
If I were IHBT, I'd ask the spouse to give me cunnilingus during my period. I also suggest a menstrual cup, and you two can negotiate when and how he gets your flow. That would remove the gross saturated cotton part, which is probably the most dangerous part of his behavior.
31
On a serious (if disgusted) note, I'll give my hand at trying to provide an answer. I'm not a doctor, but I've been having periods and using tampons for 21 years so I know a little about them.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
32
On a serious (if disgusted) note, I'll give my hand at trying to provide an answer. I'm not a doctor, but I've been having periods and using tampons for 21 years so I know a little about them.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
33
Switch to the Moon Cup and there's no toxic chemicals to worry about, nor waste.
If you want to indulge him, there are organic/non-bleached tampons which would probably be safer.
If you want to indulge him, there are organic/non-bleached tampons which would probably be safer.
34
"The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts."
Hey, there's a huge fucking difference between putting something on the body and sticking it IN the body/vag. Like nail polish.
They should buy a moon cup.
Hey, there's a huge fucking difference between putting something on the body and sticking it IN the body/vag. Like nail polish.
They should buy a moon cup.
35
I knew how this was going to end as soon as I read the word "tampon".
Since I long ago watched Stephanie Meyer's "performance art" this did not really bother me. Though for some reason I have a gut reaction of looking down on that guy for some reason, and thinking of him as a little bitch.
I knew how this was going to end as soon as I read the word "tampon".
Since I long ago watched Stephanie Meyer's "performance art" this did not really bother me. Though for some reason I have a gut reaction of looking down on that guy for some reason, and thinking of him as a little bitch.
36
Don't flush the tampons: it's not just bad for your plumbing, it's bad for the whole sewage system.
If you must deprive the spouse of your tissue, just use a menstrual cup and flush the blood itself, instead of giving the cup to your spouse or putting the tissue into a dedicated container in the fridge.
If you must deprive the spouse of your tissue, just use a menstrual cup and flush the blood itself, instead of giving the cup to your spouse or putting the tissue into a dedicated container in the fridge.
37
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
oh god.
oh god.
38
If it's real, the writer should look on the bright side: she's got herself a husband who likely not only doesn't mind cunnilingus during her period, but relishes it.
But if this is too weird, she could switch to using a menstrual cup instead of tampons. Nothing to leave in the trash, then.
But if this is too weird, she could switch to using a menstrual cup instead of tampons. Nothing to leave in the trash, then.
41
I'm surprised no one's beaten me to this, but here goes: A vampire goes into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender serves it up and says, "Hey, I thought you vampires only drank blood."
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "Teatime."
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "Teatime."
42
Please don't use this disgusting discovery as an excuse to throw your trash in the toilet. ANY person knows not to do that, and it's not just something you "forget" after a year of not doing it.
46
#22's comment reminded me of something from my high school days. Guys would ask if you had "earned your red-wings?" I later found out that to mean eating out a girl, while she was on her period. Hence, the red on your cheeks being red-wings.
Maybe it was just something the idiot guys I went to school with thought up.
Maybe it was just something the idiot guys I went to school with thought up.
47
I don't know if their relationship will survive after this, but if it does, she should never, EVER kiss him again! Bleh!
49
I actually find this hilarious - the image of a man with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth and a look of guilt on his face sitting on the edge of a bathtub is making me giggle.
Also: yeah, don't ever flush a tampon down a toilet, regardless of plumbing age. Nothing but waste and toilet paper goes down the toilet, ever. Even those "flushable" wet butt wipes are dangerous for plumbing. Like #42 said, it seems unlikely that someone would "forget" this, when every public women's room in the country has a sign reminding you not to do it. That little detail is what makes me think the letter is fake.
...and back to giggling.
Also: yeah, don't ever flush a tampon down a toilet, regardless of plumbing age. Nothing but waste and toilet paper goes down the toilet, ever. Even those "flushable" wet butt wipes are dangerous for plumbing. Like #42 said, it seems unlikely that someone would "forget" this, when every public women's room in the country has a sign reminding you not to do it. That little detail is what makes me think the letter is fake.
...and back to giggling.
51
i am squicked out by this too, but do you all you folks assume she now needs to use a moon cup? as g r o s s as this is, continuing to use tampons and tossing them in the trash seems like the best way to a) allow tampons to do the function they're made for, b) make the husband happy, and, as long as he's also ggg for her, c) have a happy marriage.
53
I vote for fake as well.
The coincidences stack themselves too neatly. "Forgetting" to throw the tampons away, conveniently popping your head in at the precise moment to see what's going on, plus the odd side-facts of the radio, putting the baby down, etc, tells me this is someone trying to make a convincing story, not someone who is looking for help.
The coincidences stack themselves too neatly. "Forgetting" to throw the tampons away, conveniently popping your head in at the precise moment to see what's going on, plus the odd side-facts of the radio, putting the baby down, etc, tells me this is someone trying to make a convincing story, not someone who is looking for help.
54
I was fortunate enough to date a guy who was into red wings. I cannot begin to express how joyful an experience that was, if a bit on the messy side. Those days are gone and I'm no longer on the West Coast, but if the husband is into a nasty bit of cotton, I'd guess he'd prefer his wife.
The benefits are indescribable - this could be a GOOD thing! Go for a chat about it... you may be more than pleasantly surprised.
C'mon folks - it's not as if she's trying to talk him into it - he's into it already. Just channel it to more mutually pleasurable ends.
The benefits are indescribable - this could be a GOOD thing! Go for a chat about it... you may be more than pleasantly surprised.
C'mon folks - it's not as if she's trying to talk him into it - he's into it already. Just channel it to more mutually pleasurable ends.
55
my advice is to change your tampon often throughout the day so it's not sitting too long, deposit the used tampons in a little glass dish by the sink, and ring a bell when you do so, so your husband knows to come get his treat before it goes off. and yes to mouthwash before kissing.
56
I know nothing of the health concerns, but my guess is that the hubby has already determined that he can manage them.
As a gay man, I certainly wouldn't be interested in this fetish, but I am not squicked by it at all. The only problem I see is that society is so hung up on fetishes that the hubby couldn't tell his wife about it.
Who knows where this will lead them. More power to them.
As a gay man, I certainly wouldn't be interested in this fetish, but I am not squicked by it at all. The only problem I see is that society is so hung up on fetishes that the hubby couldn't tell his wife about it.
Who knows where this will lead them. More power to them.
59
Wait a minute...he's been doing this for years with other women he dated? Has he been tested for STD's? What about hepatitus?
I think the main issue here is the age of the blood/tissue, and the risk of cross contamination. Any kind of meat that has been lying around for awhile is going to attract bacteria. This is why we keep steaks in the refrigerator rather than in the kitchen drawer. Eating blood or meat that has been improperly stored can cause everything from
If his wife is willing to support him in his fetish, she may want to think about using a washable fabric pad which she can bleach and sterilize between uses.
Another concern is cross-contamination from whatever else is in the trash can.
If his fetish is tampon specific (rather than just menstrual blood specific), she could put her used tampons into a ziplock bag rather than the trash.
Either way, I'm glad that reading this crap is Dan's job (or that of a designated minion) and not mine.
I think the main issue here is the age of the blood/tissue, and the risk of cross contamination. Any kind of meat that has been lying around for awhile is going to attract bacteria. This is why we keep steaks in the refrigerator rather than in the kitchen drawer. Eating blood or meat that has been improperly stored can cause everything from
If his wife is willing to support him in his fetish, she may want to think about using a washable fabric pad which she can bleach and sterilize between uses.
Another concern is cross-contamination from whatever else is in the trash can.
If his fetish is tampon specific (rather than just menstrual blood specific), she could put her used tampons into a ziplock bag rather than the trash.
Either way, I'm glad that reading this crap is Dan's job (or that of a designated minion) and not mine.
60
Though, if she puts the kibosh on hubby's activity, she does run the risk of him scavenging the woman's restrooms at work, which ultimately is far more worse.
61
You know, sometimes I really think that sex-negative people are writing Dan to see if they can find something, anything, that makes him freak out.
IHBT, you win the GGG Oscars as far as I'm concerned. I have a hard time seeing myself handling that as well as you do. If you're willing to allow your husband to continue this (or think, probably rightly, that prohibition would lead him to riskier activities on the sly) I would suggest, as others have, natural tampons and also "disposing" of them somewhere other than a trash can that might have actual shit in it (especially with a baby in the house).
I've expended my restraint for the afternoon, so I'm off before I make any off-color jokes.
IHBT, you win the GGG Oscars as far as I'm concerned. I have a hard time seeing myself handling that as well as you do. If you're willing to allow your husband to continue this (or think, probably rightly, that prohibition would lead him to riskier activities on the sly) I would suggest, as others have, natural tampons and also "disposing" of them somewhere other than a trash can that might have actual shit in it (especially with a baby in the house).
I've expended my restraint for the afternoon, so I'm off before I make any off-color jokes.
62
Why is this oh-so-gross? (Relatively speaking, for a Savage letter.) Semen isn't meant to go in your mouth or your digestive tract, either, but that gets a pass.
63
@56 - "The only problem I see is that society is so hung up on fetishes that the hubby couldn't tell his wife about it."
I agree with that. I always feel sad to find out about an intimate relationship in which one (or both) doesn't feel comfortable to share the deepest, darkest (or blood-cravingest, in this case) parts of themselves. Is this particular interest totally weird? Yes. Should he feel comfortable enough with his wife that he doesn't have to be afraid of her running for the hills, new baby and marital commitment be-damned, if he tells her about his long-term fetish? YES.
I agree with that. I always feel sad to find out about an intimate relationship in which one (or both) doesn't feel comfortable to share the deepest, darkest (or blood-cravingest, in this case) parts of themselves. Is this particular interest totally weird? Yes. Should he feel comfortable enough with his wife that he doesn't have to be afraid of her running for the hills, new baby and marital commitment be-damned, if he tells her about his long-term fetish? YES.
64
I find it hilarious that he convinced her their 60's plumbing couldn't handle tampons, when really he just wanted to suck on 'em. Pretty sure it's a relatively harmless fetish, on the grand scale of things, so long as he's not fermenting them for later...
65
@49 "I actually find this hilarious - the image of a man with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth and a look of guilt on his face sitting on the edge of a bathtub is making me giggle."
Scene
Wife: "What you got in your mouth?"
Husband (closed mouth with string hanging on the right side of hi mouth): "Nunin"
/Scene
Next week on a very special Blossom.....
Scene
Wife: "What you got in your mouth?"
Husband (closed mouth with string hanging on the right side of hi mouth): "Nunin"
/Scene
Next week on a very special Blossom.....
68
#60 there's actually no guarantee that he wouldn't do that the other 25 days of the month anyway.
69
Some gays make popsicles out of the loads of 50 or 40 men and suck them down to the stick! No really you can look it up on xtube. I guess I'm not sure whats all that different about this one! Yeah, it's coagulated vaginal blood on a cotton swab! Other people cook (there is a cook book) with mixtures of fructose, sperm, and white blood cells that come out of mens' dicks!
70
Why are some people so grossed out/shocked by this?
Like 5280 said, I'm glad it's not my thing either, but acting like it's gross or icky is exactly the same reason that homophobes don't want gays to get married and exactly the same reason so many people are in unfulfilling marriages.
Chill out and let people do whatever floats their boat (with consent of course), just be happy that others can find happiness in whatever their crazy kinks are.
Like 5280 said, I'm glad it's not my thing either, but acting like it's gross or icky is exactly the same reason that homophobes don't want gays to get married and exactly the same reason so many people are in unfulfilling marriages.
Chill out and let people do whatever floats their boat (with consent of course), just be happy that others can find happiness in whatever their crazy kinks are.
71
You flush your tampons down the toilet?!?! You are the asshole I've been yelling at for years. I don't care if you are in a brand new building with a brand new toilet, you NEVER FLUSH TAMPONS OR KOTEX down the toilet. What did you do in high school? How often did your parents have to call a plumber? Do you have any idea how many public restrooms you ruined in your carelessness?
Words cannot contain my anger. I honestly thought all women were smarter than this.
Words cannot contain my anger. I honestly thought all women were smarter than this.
74
@62 Because that isn't a fair comparison. I think a lot of people would be similarly grossed out if the husband caught his wife sucking ejaculate out of used, pulled-from-the-trash condoms.
75
@62 Because that isn't a fair comparison. I think a lot of people would be similarly grossed out if the husband caught his wife sucking ejaculate out of used, pulled-from-the-trash condoms.
76
Okay, I'm a gay man, so this is utterly beyond me. But I couldn't help thinking about it.
I have to chime in on the sanitation issue. People screaming about toxic chemicals in tampons are crazy.
If a tampon is sanitary enough to stuff inside a vagina, or sanitary enough to be used as an emergency battlefield dressing, it is sanitary enough to put in your mouth.
If going down on a woman during her period is safe, then the blood/tissue should be safe afterward too (at least for a while).
Probably the most unsanitary part of this whole scenario is the fact that it's been sitting in a trash can for a while. The germs in the trash can are more likely to make hubby sick than anything else.
I have to chime in on the sanitation issue. People screaming about toxic chemicals in tampons are crazy.
If a tampon is sanitary enough to stuff inside a vagina, or sanitary enough to be used as an emergency battlefield dressing, it is sanitary enough to put in your mouth.
If going down on a woman during her period is safe, then the blood/tissue should be safe afterward too (at least for a while).
Probably the most unsanitary part of this whole scenario is the fact that it's been sitting in a trash can for a while. The germs in the trash can are more likely to make hubby sick than anything else.
78
I have been flushing tampons all of my life, I have never had a plumbing problem. Pads, no, tampons, FINE.
79
Being a gay man and having no sisters, I never realized that public restrooms will often have a receptacle in the stall in which women can put their tampons. After buying my first restaurant, I was cleaning the women's restroom after closing one evening and noticed this receptacle attached to the wall of the stall. When I opened it, I discovered the box was lined with a bag and inside the bag was a used tampon. After shrieking from horror and screaming, "What the hell?", I was informed by one of my female employees that many public restrooms have them so that women won't flush the tampon down the toilet. As the owner, I was willing to do every job that I asked one of my employees to do with one exception. I never again opened or cleaned what I began to refer to as the "magic box". I was quite happy to pay an employee to clean the women's restroom and handle the task of opening the box to see if the liner needed to be changed. Perhaps, this couple could invest in one of these boxes so that the husband doesn't have to dig through the trash anymore.
80
While certainly I don't see the appeal, I also don't get the extreme disgust. Hasn't everyone had a dog or cat who scavenged "treats" out of the trash like this? Usually in front of company? If other mammals clearly enjoy it, well, there's bound to be a segment of the human population that does as well.
I think almost everyone calls it red wings, @46. It's a relatively common term. And no guy I've ever dated has really had that much of a problem with it. None have ever had a fetish for it, as far as I know, but they weren't freaked out by menstruation, either.
I think almost everyone calls it red wings, @46. It's a relatively common term. And no guy I've ever dated has really had that much of a problem with it. None have ever had a fetish for it, as far as I know, but they weren't freaked out by menstruation, either.
82
@70: There's a pretty big difference between being personally squicked out and *legally stopping people from marrying their loved ones.* It's tolerance at its best -- "sorry, yeah, it's pretty gross to me, but you know, cool if you want to do it."
I'm honestly not sure what you were getting at with the unfulfilling marriages bit. I guess you mean pretending you're not grossed out in order to encourage openness and comfort? Well, to an extent. I don't pretend my boyfriend's farts smell good, but that's far from saying, "Ew, never touch me again, you smelly freak."
Still, yes, I admit it's probably not great for someone's self-esteem to have a bunch of internet strangers saying how icky his fetish is. But I think the best part is if he sees that the people who think it's gross STILL THINK IT'S OK for him to keep it up (as long as he works out an agreement with his wife and takes precautions against disease, etc). I mean, ideally, yes, everyone would just shrug and say, "That's totally normal!" but if somebody's honestly grossed out, but supportive anyway, that has its own value.
I'm honestly not sure what you were getting at with the unfulfilling marriages bit. I guess you mean pretending you're not grossed out in order to encourage openness and comfort? Well, to an extent. I don't pretend my boyfriend's farts smell good, but that's far from saying, "Ew, never touch me again, you smelly freak."
Still, yes, I admit it's probably not great for someone's self-esteem to have a bunch of internet strangers saying how icky his fetish is. But I think the best part is if he sees that the people who think it's gross STILL THINK IT'S OK for him to keep it up (as long as he works out an agreement with his wife and takes precautions against disease, etc). I mean, ideally, yes, everyone would just shrug and say, "That's totally normal!" but if somebody's honestly grossed out, but supportive anyway, that has its own value.
83
If she used a menstural cup such as the mooncup she could collect it all for him and reduce the cost of buying tampons. I guess the plus side to his fetish is that he will be more than happy to give her oral sex while she has her period.
84
@41 great joke lol. This is definitely not my cup of tea, but as long as some common sense was used, I don't think that there's any problem with it as long as you're ok with it IHBT.
85
I'm too grossed out to read any of the responses so maybe other people have suggested it. but I have two words for this woman: Diva Cup
86
@40 - not true. You CAN catch blood-borne pathogens by mucous membrane exposure.
While it's not quite my thing, I don't see it as all that disgusting either. My husband and I have both earned our red wings more than a few times and this is is just a more indirect way to get the same thing. If I discovered that my husband liked sucking on used tampons I think my only reaction would be to put them in a plastic bag instead of wrapping them in TP.
I do wonder what he'll do once she reaches menopause and can't provide what clearly gives him so much pleasure.
While it's not quite my thing, I don't see it as all that disgusting either. My husband and I have both earned our red wings more than a few times and this is is just a more indirect way to get the same thing. If I discovered that my husband liked sucking on used tampons I think my only reaction would be to put them in a plastic bag instead of wrapping them in TP.
I do wonder what he'll do once she reaches menopause and can't provide what clearly gives him so much pleasure.
87
@ 40,
Considering 50% of Americans over the age of 13 have some form of gum disease, open sores in the mouth must be pretty common. See pink on your tooth brush? Bleeding gums = open sores. I would definitely suggest the lady get herself (and the kid too) to a doctor so they can be tested for any unpleasant blood-born "gifts" from Mr Menstrual Vampire.
Considering 50% of Americans over the age of 13 have some form of gum disease, open sores in the mouth must be pretty common. See pink on your tooth brush? Bleeding gums = open sores. I would definitely suggest the lady get herself (and the kid too) to a doctor so they can be tested for any unpleasant blood-born "gifts" from Mr Menstrual Vampire.
88
It is advised that tampons be changed every 4 hours because harmful bacteria build up on them when they're soaked in blood for longer. So I would assume that sucking on a long discarded tampon is not the best idea.
Also, my obgyn told me tampons are generally not ideal for maintaining vaginal health, so I would suggest a menstrual cup maybe? If the husband is specific about tampons, u can always soak one in the blood from the cup and hand it to him fresh from the source. Much safer for both of you. That's what I would do if my bf wanted me to use tampons, it's nice to be GGG but not if it goes against your doctor's recommendations.
Also, my obgyn told me tampons are generally not ideal for maintaining vaginal health, so I would suggest a menstrual cup maybe? If the husband is specific about tampons, u can always soak one in the blood from the cup and hand it to him fresh from the source. Much safer for both of you. That's what I would do if my bf wanted me to use tampons, it's nice to be GGG but not if it goes against your doctor's recommendations.
90
I will point out that some of us guys don't want tampons flushed down the toilet because we really don't want to pay a plumber to unclog the line from the house to the sewer again.
92
Why do a few people always cry "fake" whenever a letter is weird or unusual? I mean, I assume Dan gets hundreds and hundreds of letters, and many of them probably say scintillating things like, "I really like the missionary position, but my husband prefers doggie style. What should I do?". If he didn't print the weirder ones, it would be a pretty boring feature. And if you don't think human behavior can encompass weird shit, you probably haven't spent much time . . . er . . . anywhere. Just sayin'.
94
@ 42, 49, 53: Um, just because public toilets have little signs saying, "Don't flush tampons," doesn't mean everyone follows the rule. And since her husband is apparently the one who instituted the "no-flushing" rule in their home, it's entirely possible that she was used to flushing her tampons at home prior to getting married. Just because you aren't supposed to flush the things doesn't mean people don't. And yes, that is a habit that I can see one easily falling out of, especially if she had only trashed rather than flushed her used tampons for a brief time.
95
I guess I must be getting jaded - or is that open-minded? - because I'm a lot less grossed out by this than comment consensus seems to suggest I ought to be.
I mean... eh. Whatever. Dude shouldn't have been sneaking around, pulling 'em out of the trash, but if it's his kink, it's his kink. That's fine. I guess. Kinda icky, but fine. He needs to watch out for staph poisoning - no, seriously, that's what causes toxic shock - but even if there's a lot of Staphylococcus growth in one of the tampons, it's probably not going to give him worse than a bellyache.
I mean... eh. Whatever. Dude shouldn't have been sneaking around, pulling 'em out of the trash, but if it's his kink, it's his kink. That's fine. I guess. Kinda icky, but fine. He needs to watch out for staph poisoning - no, seriously, that's what causes toxic shock - but even if there's a lot of Staphylococcus growth in one of the tampons, it's probably not going to give him worse than a bellyache.
96
I think I'm more grossed out by the fact that he was doing this behind her back than that he was doing it at all. I mean, it's kinda nasty, but more cuz the tampon's been sitting in the trash for god knows how long before he sticks it in his mouth. As far as weird and freaky fetishes go, this one is fairly tame. He should've just said "honey...there's this thing that really turns me on, and the good news is I'll always go down on you when you have your period..." How hard is it to be honest about this kind of thing? My current guy knows about all my kinks (and I know all his), and we only just had sex for the first time this past weekend. It's called communication people...if you can't talk about sex you shouldn't be doing it.
97
IHBT is a common acronym for "I have been trolled". So I am going to assume the point was to get Dan to say "I have been trolled".
98
I have been flushing tampons for 20 years, unrepentantly. For years when my first born was a light sleeper and loud cryer, the rule in my house was not to flush for anything during the night. I can tell you for absolutely sure that a tampon will dissolve much better than a turd. As long as people can flush crap, I can flush my tampon. In public restrooms and others' homes I use the trash because for all I know the pipes are full of tree roots, but in my own home I flush them, and have never had a problem, in 13 years in the same house. Hell, the tampons dissolved better than the cheap toilet paper I like.
99
Hey plumbing freaks: if your plumbing will flush a really big turd it will flush tampons. What kind of morons are you anyway? Yes, public restrooms all over the place have those signs. Most women know it's bullshit, unless it is a very small tank toilet that you don't dare take a shit in. I have a 100 year old house with 100 year old plumbing and 4 original bathrooms - no issues with tampons.
100
@97
Well, shit. Now that you mention it...
How did it take 97 posts for someone to recognize that?
Well, shit. Now that you mention it...
How did it take 97 posts for someone to recognize that?
101
@ 97, 100
*smacks head* esp. bc doesn't Dan often come up with the sign-offs himself? Either way, it was, er, a fun letter.
*smacks head* esp. bc doesn't Dan often come up with the sign-offs himself? Either way, it was, er, a fun letter.
102
I know it's a Savage Love column when at the beginning I'm grateful there's no food in my stomach because I'm dry-heaving, but by the end of the comments I'm like, "Well, as long as he brushes his teeth about 10 times then it's cool."
103
True (I swear!) story: A married very Junior League sort of social worker of my acquaintance, mother of one, got assigned to a women's mental hospital where she fell in love with a very schizophrenic biker type who believed herself to be a vampire. The LCSW looted her IRAs and her husband's 401Ks and stole from her out-patient clientele to buy blood (from guys working at the blood bank) to give to her lover. Then, when the object of her affections was released from the hospital moved in with her. Her license was revoked, she lost her family, and now she's into blood and leather.
I will never be surprised by anything after watching that train wreck happen in slo-mo, trust me.
I will never be surprised by anything after watching that train wreck happen in slo-mo, trust me.
104
Stop using tampons and use a menstrual cup instead like me and #'s 33, 34, 36, 38, 45, 83, 85, 88, and 91. Cheaper, better for the environment and less gross. If he really wants it you can pour it into a cup for him or something but personally that would make me throw up. Oh god.
105
@70 - use your brain, son. Eating garbage out of the can is not the same thing. This letter is the single most disgusting thing I have read in a long, long time.
110
lol@ some of the responses.
I could see where this would creep out a homo who's previously mentioned a kind of ick feeling towards the female genitalia.
As such, Dan's response was to be expected.
Otherwise, what's the big deal really?
Some blood on a sterile piece of cloth?
*shrug*
This is pretty low on the "ew" scale, really.
Odd, yes, and the image of some dude with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth is pretty funny..... but not not really all that gross.
I could see where this would creep out a homo who's previously mentioned a kind of ick feeling towards the female genitalia.
As such, Dan's response was to be expected.
Otherwise, what's the big deal really?
Some blood on a sterile piece of cloth?
*shrug*
This is pretty low on the "ew" scale, really.
Odd, yes, and the image of some dude with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth is pretty funny..... but not not really all that gross.
113
@86
"Blood in the mouth carries an even lower risk. The lining of the mouth is very protective, so the only way HIV could enter the bloodstream would be if the person had a cut, open sore or area of inflammation somewhere in their mouth or throat (if the blood was swallowed). Even then, the person would have to get a fairly significant quantity of fresh blood (i.e. an amount that can be clearly seen or tasted) directly into the region of the cut or sore for there to be a risk. HIV is diluted by saliva and easily killed by stomach acid once the blood is swallowed."
http://www.avert.org/faq1.htm
"Blood in the mouth carries an even lower risk. The lining of the mouth is very protective, so the only way HIV could enter the bloodstream would be if the person had a cut, open sore or area of inflammation somewhere in their mouth or throat (if the blood was swallowed). Even then, the person would have to get a fairly significant quantity of fresh blood (i.e. an amount that can be clearly seen or tasted) directly into the region of the cut or sore for there to be a risk. HIV is diluted by saliva and easily killed by stomach acid once the blood is swallowed."
http://www.avert.org/faq1.htm
116
@56: Yes, "society." Are there weekly meetings where society gathers and agrees on things to project on themselves? Because I've missed all of them.
119
I keep checking to see if Dan edits this to offer some actual advice, or whether he's opted to continue mocking someone who wrote him in good faith.
120
@118: Yeah, I've already had that pulled on me. Ooh yeah, honey is bee vomit. Milk is cow teat juice.
If a chicken were anything biologically close to a human, I might be grossed out. Maybe.
If a chicken were anything biologically close to a human, I might be grossed out. Maybe.
121
If your plumbing system can't handle a tampon, then it can't handle normal poop either and you should hire someone to replace your worthless pipes/toilet instead of yelling at tampon-users. Also, there are way too many bathroom wastebaskets without bags lining them (though more often in homes than public places) and I would rather not have to wrap a bloody tampon in 20 layers of toilet paper just because your wastebasket is not equipped to receive the gross things that normal people place there. And to all the menstrual cup fanatics, I'm glad it works for you, but the rest of us prefer the less-time-consuming less-messy tampons.
122
an old column of yours immediately comes to mind, where you pointed out that most fake letters you get involve the description of something disgusting, an overabundance of unnecessary details, and then a basic, "gee, is it safe?" question at the end. dude. what happened you your bullshit meter?
124
Very excellent April Fools!!
the best part is the sign off IHBT; I'm His Blood Type; I Have Been Trolled!!
Oh, yeah - and menstrual cups are less messy, easier, and much cheaper than tampons! (Diva Cup is awsome!)
And most plumbing systems can handle tampons just fine... its tampon applicators to which plumbing systems are rather adverse.
And there are organic, bleach-free tampons for the chemically sensitive :)
the best part is the sign off IHBT; I'm His Blood Type; I Have Been Trolled!!
Oh, yeah - and menstrual cups are less messy, easier, and much cheaper than tampons! (Diva Cup is awsome!)
And most plumbing systems can handle tampons just fine... its tampon applicators to which plumbing systems are rather adverse.
And there are organic, bleach-free tampons for the chemically sensitive :)
125
To everyone who is pointing out that this could be fake... I realize it could be fake. I didn't respond to it, did I? Because... it struck me as very likely fake. But... man... it sure was the letter of the day. And it did make my head explode. So... here it is.
126
*Never read Dan's posts while eating dinner… never read Dan's posts while eating dinner… NEVER READ DAN'S POSTS WHILE EATING DINNER!*
127
That's OK, Danny. We understand that you're too busy being George Clooney in Up in the Air to care about shit like this. It's fine by me.
128
Fake, fake, fake. Dan: does April 1 mean nothing to you? It's very well-written, with a lot of detail: got the expected shock from me, but is there really a believable question following the scene of hubby with a string dangling from his mouth? I don't think so: do you think the primary question on the writer's mind would be "is it safe?" No--the intertubes would probably tell you that. Dan: you got punked!
129
#121:
You said "And to all the menstrual cup fanatics, I'm glad it works for you, but the rest of us prefer the less-time-consuming less-messy tampons"
Why does having a legitimate suggestion make us fanatics? Who is this "rest of us" you speak of? I'm sure that some ladies use pads, cloths pads, sea sponges, and other alternatives, so no, everyone who doesn't use a menstrual cup does not prefer tampons. Considering that you have to change a tampon every at least every 4-8 hours, and you only have to empty a cup every 12, that is factually less time consuming, twice a day compared to 3-6 times a day. Considering that you run the risk of overflowing your toilet if you flush them, or having trash cans full of bloody garbage that will go in to a landfill, that sounds a lot more messy to me than maybe getting a little blood on your hands that will come off when you wash them like you should every time you use the bathroom anyway. You get to use and throw away something like 8-16 thousand tampons in your lifetime, and that will eventually cost you thousands. I get to spend $20 on a reusable cup that lasts for years, so my lifetime cost is like, $200. Plus there's no dry vaginas or TSS risk.
I'm glad you're "glad it works" for me, and if you are truly happy with tampons, embracing the good and bad aspects, that's great, but if you looked at facts and were less condescending you'd probably be better off.
You said "And to all the menstrual cup fanatics, I'm glad it works for you, but the rest of us prefer the less-time-consuming less-messy tampons"
Why does having a legitimate suggestion make us fanatics? Who is this "rest of us" you speak of? I'm sure that some ladies use pads, cloths pads, sea sponges, and other alternatives, so no, everyone who doesn't use a menstrual cup does not prefer tampons. Considering that you have to change a tampon every at least every 4-8 hours, and you only have to empty a cup every 12, that is factually less time consuming, twice a day compared to 3-6 times a day. Considering that you run the risk of overflowing your toilet if you flush them, or having trash cans full of bloody garbage that will go in to a landfill, that sounds a lot more messy to me than maybe getting a little blood on your hands that will come off when you wash them like you should every time you use the bathroom anyway. You get to use and throw away something like 8-16 thousand tampons in your lifetime, and that will eventually cost you thousands. I get to spend $20 on a reusable cup that lasts for years, so my lifetime cost is like, $200. Plus there's no dry vaginas or TSS risk.
I'm glad you're "glad it works" for me, and if you are truly happy with tampons, embracing the good and bad aspects, that's great, but if you looked at facts and were less condescending you'd probably be better off.
130
Maybe the guy would prefer to go down on her while she's on her period, something that seems to me to be more sanitary. I mean, the tampons wrapped in toilet paper can get kind of... crusty? Oh, I don't want to think about it anymore.
Also, I don't flush either. It really is a bad idea to flush them. They do clog the toilet.
Also, I don't flush either. It really is a bad idea to flush them. They do clog the toilet.
131
@121, @129 is absolutely correct-- tampons are way more time consuming and messier than diva/moon cups. I used to use tampons too and thought they were just swell (for over 20 years) then a friend suggested the diva cup and I won't go back. The greatest thing about them is that you always have what you need with you. No having to ask strangers for quarters or if they have a tampon or pad. You might want to try it before condemning something you clearly know nothing about. You could also dial back the anger. Where does that come from?
133
Oh, that's quite OK -- I've myself done that on occasion (a minor fetish, not a fascination, but it can be a turn-on). Not really harmful, I don't think -- blood isn't exactly a poison, and last I checked there is nothing in a woman's menstrual flux that can really be harmful. If I were the guy, I would just make sure not to get it from the wastebasket -- it might get contaminated there.
I suppose one person's fantasy is the next person's disgusting, revolting, my-stomach-can't-take-it perversity. It's surprising to see Dan, who as a gay man actually understands what it means to have others think he is disgusting just because of his sexual orientation (remember that senator who said gay men are 'wriggling their penises in excrements'?) having his head explode at this. Maybe even liberal people will always find some group to despise because of their 'disgusting ways'... it seems we never really learn the lesson.
I suppose one person's fantasy is the next person's disgusting, revolting, my-stomach-can't-take-it perversity. It's surprising to see Dan, who as a gay man actually understands what it means to have others think he is disgusting just because of his sexual orientation (remember that senator who said gay men are 'wriggling their penises in excrements'?) having his head explode at this. Maybe even liberal people will always find some group to despise because of their 'disgusting ways'... it seems we never really learn the lesson.
134
Oh yeah, women think it's SOOOO hot when they read their steamy vampire romance novels, but give them reality and they run crying to Dan.
135
pretty disappointing that you didn't give this poor woman any advice. is this kind of revolting...? sure. all the more reason i would want some advice about what the hell i should do about it.
136
Way to be sex negative, Dan. :/ Seriously. You're okay with piss drinking and rimming, but you find *this* gross? You come accross as being sex positive only when it's something you would personally enjoy.
To the letter writer: Tell your husband to stop sucking on things that come out of the trash!!! Wrap up your used tampons and give them to him immediately after you change them, so he doesn't have to dig through the freaking garbage. If you dislike seeing it, have him do it out of your sight. This should go without saying, but make sure that he doesn't eat the tampons. They are NOT meant for human consumption. It is safest to ingest menstrual blood closer to the time it came out of the body. If you're feeling upto it, you might want to let him go down on you in the shower when you're bleeding.
To the letter writer: Tell your husband to stop sucking on things that come out of the trash!!! Wrap up your used tampons and give them to him immediately after you change them, so he doesn't have to dig through the freaking garbage. If you dislike seeing it, have him do it out of your sight. This should go without saying, but make sure that he doesn't eat the tampons. They are NOT meant for human consumption. It is safest to ingest menstrual blood closer to the time it came out of the body. If you're feeling upto it, you might want to let him go down on you in the shower when you're bleeding.
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