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Friday, March 26, 2010

??!! Murder vs. Poop

Posted by Lindy West on Fri, Mar 26, 2010 at 11:25 AM

In the comments on this post, commenter emilythehaikubot wonders...

What does Lindy care more about: murder or poop?

Ho. Ly. Shit. You just blew my mind up, emilythehaikubot. That is the best question in the history of curiosity (in brief: curiosity was invented by Benjamin Franklin in 1735 and originally intended as a cure for rickets).

I mean, there are such compelling arguments on both sides! Like, I definitely spend more time thinking about poop, but i think harder about murder. Okay. Let me think.

POOP: It's hilarious, it comes from buttholes, dinosaurs eat it, it looks like chocolate but instead it is the worst, it's poop, it's hilarious, ha ha ha poop.

MURDER: It's terrifying, it's the most interesting thing ever, look at this lady's face, sometimes animals are the murderer, you're alive and then you're not alive and somebody else did it to you on purpose, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm still undecided. This is like asking me to choose between my children. What about you guys? Who's your favorite child? Murder or poop? MURDER OR POOP!?

What do YOU care more about?

I have to go lie down.

Comments (23) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

She called the shit "poop."

Posted by T on March 26, 2010 at 11:41 AM

I'm obsessive about poop.

Posted by Faber on March 26, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I voted for murder. I mean, poop's great and all but would it be accurate to say that you "care" about it? Also, seriously, look at that lady's face.

Posted by Meags on March 26, 2010 at 11:55 AM

Did you know that people often poop themselves while they're being murdered? I mean, how much better can it get?

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on March 26, 2010 at 11:56 AM

Please tell me you read the poop bubble article, Lindy:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/26…

Posted by jnmend on March 26, 2010 at 12:01 PM

Have I mentioned that I <3 Lindy recently? This might just be the best SLOG post in the history of posts. Or at least posts that were posted today between 11:24 and 11:26.

Posted by Canadian Nurse on March 26, 2010 at 12:04 PM

I think we need to find a way to marry your interests: murderpoop or poopmurder.

They both sound terrorfyingly hilarious!

Posted by Soupytwist

on March 26, 2010 at 12:18 PM

This is the most nail-biting poll since earth vs. space!

Posted by Fistique on March 26, 2010 at 12:31 PM

Dude, of course the answer is poop. What the hell is wrong with all you murder-obsessed freaks? Let's break it down:

-Poop never killed anyone, orphaned innocent children, etc.
-Serial pooping never paralyzed a community with fear.
-Getting up in the morning and having a good murder is probably not very satisfying.

I could go on, but you see where I'm going with this.

Posted by Hernandez

on March 26, 2010 at 12:39 PM

@9, poop has killed plenty of people. Just ask Jack in the Box.

Posted by poo poo on March 26, 2010 at 1:02 PM

@ 9 - Regarding your point about serial pooping never paralyzing a community with fear.. To invoke a prior Democratic prez: It depends on your definition of 'community'.

I could say more, but it's lunchtime and people may be eating...................

Posted by merry on March 26, 2010 at 1:17 PM

I know the intelligence bar isn't very high for this post, but for some reason I'm miffed that you implied that sharks are reptiles.
Dinosaurs: The latest and greatest reptile evolution, soon to be birds.
Sharks: The very oldest form of fish, still lacking the evolution for bone.

Posted by paleontology on March 26, 2010 at 1:20 PM

im looking to meet a girl who will let me watch her poop

Posted by aardvark on March 26, 2010 at 1:25 PM

Hernandez, you are so wrong. Poop is hilarious, but it's hard to build a whole STORY around it. Lizzie Borden killing her parents? You could totally get absorbed in a book about it! Whereas some 19th-c. chick pooping, not so much.

Posted by leek on March 26, 2010 at 1:41 PM

You can totally build a whole story around a good poop. It just takes a very skilled storyteller.

Posted by Hernandez

on March 26, 2010 at 1:46 PM

Ok, I'll give you that. But the unlikelihood of it happening means murder deserves more of Lindy's attention.

Posted by leek on March 26, 2010 at 1:47 PM

I care more about dead crows on the sidewalk.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on March 26, 2010 at 2:05 PM

now i am left thinking about poopmurder. or murderpoop. i can't decide which.

Posted by Josh Bomb

on March 26, 2010 at 2:34 PM

@ 15 - Celine was pretty good: http://tinyurl.com/ye2yqye

Posted by merry on March 26, 2010 at 2:43 PM

The Stranger is more like poop these days. Poop.

Posted by oldmanandthesea

on March 26, 2010 at 3:25 PM

I poop a few times a day I only ever murder things like once a month, so I am going to go with poop.

Posted by notoriouskeith on March 27, 2010 at 9:43 AM

poop has killed. a man fell into a vat of manure. though he was only in waste deep - he could not get out of the vat and the methane gas killed him. poop kills. (and don't tell me poop doesn't kill, methane kills. no poop, no methane.)

Posted by stella on March 28, 2010 at 8:23 AM

murder is intense; to see, to hear about, to think about, to do etc. poop is also intense in all of those ways. i mean sometimes you think you've pooped your last poo and suddenly an emergency poo creeps up on you... when you are trying to make a first good impression for example. poop kills like murder but murder doesnt explode from your rear end. thank you.

Posted by boozeyshytz on May 2, 2010 at 5:13 PM