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Saturday, March 20, 2010

News Morning News

Posted by Unpaid Intern on Sat, Mar 20, 2010 at 7:41 AM

Posted by news intern Erika Broad

Nothing New Here: Confronting a sex abuse scandal spreading across Europe, Pope Benedict XVI on Saturday apologized directly to victims and their families in Ireland. The pope failed to mention any penalty for this violation.

The Sky is Falling: Plane crashes in front yard of Lewis County house, leaving one dead and one injured.

Local Tragedy: Missing boy's death ruled accidental drowning; mother still missing.

The Perversion Files: Portland lawsuit claims Boy Scouts have hidden extensive documents that chronicle the sexual abuse of young boys by Boy Scout leaders over the years

Abortion: Something We Can All Compromise On: House Democratic leaders late Friday were exploring the possibility of a deal with abortion opponents that would clinch the final votes to pass major health care legislation.

Local Woman Possible Victim: Serial killer's victim may have been from Seattle area; her identity has yet to be revealed.

Southern Segregation: Mississippi ends segregation of HIV-positive prisoners, leaving Alabama and South Carolina as the only states that continue the practice.

Slipping Through the Cracks: As disasters often do in poor countries, Haiti’s earthquake has exposed the extreme inadequacies of its mental health services just at the moment when they are most needed.

Marriage Counseling: Not For Everyone: Man shoots wife five times during a counseling session at a Federal Way Lutheran church after she refused to reconcile.

Movie Night!: Iraqis gather to watch Oscar-winning film "The Hurt Locker" to commemorate the 7th (!!!) anniversary of the war in Iraq; it was the first public showing of the movie.

Get Your Hands Off My Gender Identity: For the first time, an individual has eschewed gender identity and legally become a person without a gender.

Dutch Gays Responsible for Massacre: A former American general blamed "open homosexuality" in the Dutch army for the failure to prevent the Srebrenica massacre in 1995.

Bad Romance: Lady Gaga's ex-boyfriend is suing her for 30 million dollars.

Comments (24) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Normally, I try not to be a grammar nazi, but there's a lot of typos this morning:

Tagedy/Tragedy
Segragation/Segregation
Masacre/Massacre

Posted by Urgutha Forka on March 20, 2010 at 9:37 AM

You beat me to it, Urgutha.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on March 20, 2010 at 9:47 AM

violtation/violation
$30 million dollars/$30 million OR 30 million dollars

Sieg heil.

What the Pope is really saying is "we are terribly sorry for allowing these stories to become public". Covering up the rape of children is a worse crime than raping children.

Posted by Fnarf

on March 20, 2010 at 9:47 AM

@1 Those are now rare typos indeed to add to one's stamp-book. This because nearly every possible input device has some rudimentary spell check on it. I'm thinking UNPAID INTERNS are forced to use a keypunch as a sort of hazing ritual.

Posted by theophrastus on March 20, 2010 at 9:51 AM

"It's Airborne, Right?"

haha!

very funny!!

really.

You've never been in prison,
have you little girl...

Posted by Ben Dover on March 20, 2010 at 10:05 AM

If the Boy Scouts would simply install homosexuals as Scout Masters all abuse would cease.
In fact, right there in Portland, I'll bet the Mayor would be glad to take a crew of 17 year olds camping....

Posted by Is there a French Kissing Merit Badge? on March 20, 2010 at 10:07 AM

They said ask the Generals how they feel about homosexuals in the service and now you know.

Posted by what's a massacre or 3 in the interest of political fashion? on March 20, 2010 at 10:11 AM

There are literally millions of people who have eschewed gender identity, right now and throughout history. This is just the first time in modern Australia. It's fairly common in many cultures without Christian/Muslim/Jewish traditions. For example - India, with over a billion people, has three gender categories on their census: "Female," "male," and "other."

Posted by misha99 on March 20, 2010 at 10:17 AM

Those who trumpet the many nations that allow open homosexuality in their military conveniently forget that none of those nations can actually wage war....

"Gen Sheehan said that after the end of the Cold War, European militaries changed and concluded "there was no longer a need for an active combat capability."
He said this process included "open homosexuality" which resulted in "a focus on peacekeeping operations."
"The case in point that I'm referring to is when the Dutch were required to defend Srebrenica against the Serbs," he said, referring to the UN peacekeeping force deployed to protect Bosnian Muslim civilians.
"The battalion was understrength, poorly led, and the Serbs came into town, handcuffed the soldiers to the telephone polls, marched the Muslims off and executed them."

"Did the Dutch leaders tell you it (the fall of Srebrenica) was because there were gay soldiers there?" asked an incredulous Levin.
"Yes," Sheehan said.

Nearly 8,000 Bosnian Muslim men and boys were killed after Serb forces captured the eastern town on July 11 1995, in the worst massacre in Europe since World War II.

Posted by Hitler was homosexual, too, btw... on March 20, 2010 at 10:17 AM

Grisly Murder Victim Photo humor is a neglected genre....

Posted by somebody's mother on March 20, 2010 at 10:21 AM

@4: No, it's just laziness. No real pride in their work, just going through the motions.

Posted by raindrop on March 20, 2010 at 10:24 AM

That serial killer thing is stupid.

The photos are on the website - publicly available - on the Orange County police. Why are police here waiting to show it to the family? They can go see it RIGHT NOW. More likely some distant relative is going to call them and say "Is this so-and-so?" and they will be caught off-guard instead of the police, who have family notification professionals, telling them now.

Posted by SchmuckyTheCat on March 20, 2010 at 10:26 AM

A gang of cowardly murdering thugs with handcuffs are all it takes to defeat the mighty Dutch "army"?

Posted by SunTzu on March 20, 2010 at 10:37 AM

@9 -- Israel you fucking idiot. Also the ENTIRE ROMAN AND GREEK ARMIES THAT DEFEATED HORDES OF BARBARIANS FOR A FEW THOUSAND YEARS. God damn you're fucking ignorant. A handful of Greeks defeat the might persian empire helping lay the foundation for our entire western civilization based on freedom, individual rights, rationality, democracy, art and culture, they're full of gay relationships openly practiced, my god the spartans all had an older buddy to teach them arms, they win the biggest fucking upset military of all time against a massive empire about 100,000x bigger then them and you're so fucking stupid and ignorant you say armies with gays are weak and passive. What kind of ignoramus are you?

(Same as all the other right wing morons and idiots who believe all kinds of foolish trash, and can't defend it).

Posted by Leonides, Alciabades, et alia on March 20, 2010 at 10:41 AM

Alcabiades.

Posted by scary tyler moore

on March 20, 2010 at 10:57 AM

Considering how gender is not an identity but an articulation of behaviour (like accents articulated in someone's voice, unintentional but malleable), I find it revealing to hear of any nation-state contemplating the idea of having "gender identity" to be nixed entirely from legal documentation. It leaves sex alone and makes comprehension of other people a bit clearer.

Posted by Telsa Grills on March 20, 2010 at 11:06 AM

@14-- Oh, you forgot the entire Roman Empire whose legions kicked ass pretty much anywhere they went. Yeah, Tutenborgwald, Cannae, but they kept coming back, like Joe Pesci, and didn't stop until they ran everything. Or at least took a few ears as trophies. And they did this for century after century after century. Yeah, there were some straights who signed up, but they sure weren't straight when they left, if ya get my meaning.

The Romans had a functioning government for over a thousand years, and ran an empire for over 500 years. That's pretty bad-ass.

Oh, and after they converted to Christianity, they fell. Hard.

Just sayin'.

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on March 20, 2010 at 12:22 PM

@ 9,

So what explains the fact that our homo-hating military has lost every major conflict it's been involved in since WWII?

Posted by Original Andrew on March 20, 2010 at 2:26 PM

@17,

The Roman Empire was not gay friendly. They sneered at the Greeks and Egyptians for being homos.

@18,

Was the first Persian Gulf war not a major conflict?

Posted by keshmeshi on March 20, 2010 at 2:57 PM

@19, not really. It was overwhelming force against a poorly trained, poorly equipped Iraq army that never stood a chance and knew it. Sort of like Panama or Grenada.

Sort of like the Serbs marching into Srebrenica with only a handful of Dutch peacekeepers with light arms to try and stop them -- which they couldn't have, not in a million years. Which is what really happened in Srebrenica; which is what General Sheehan was told by the Dutch when he asked them. Homosexual troops had fuck-all to do with it, and Sheehan is a lying moron who should be censured for his bullshit.

Posted by Fnarf

on March 20, 2010 at 3:28 PM

@theophrastus

It is "stamp book" not "stamp-book." Maybe your keypunch has a faulty hyphen key?

Posted by JJJJ on March 20, 2010 at 3:28 PM

14
Those Spartans you admire had a society based on slavery, oppression and brutality.
And, funny thing, they never instituted homosexual marriage.
All of them flaming homos and running the whole show but never saw any reason, purpose or advantage to marrying each other.

There's got to be a lesson in there some where.....

Posted by Abracadabiades on March 20, 2010 at 10:32 PM

18
Also explains why the world cowers at the feet of the Mighty Dutch....

Posted by I've got a pair of Handcuffs and I'm not afraid to use them on March 20, 2010 at 10:35 PM

The Dutch army was pussified long before they let gays into it....

Posted by Homey the Clown on March 21, 2010 at 1:26 PM