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News & ArtsThursday, March 11, 2010
Homo / News High School in Mississippi Cancels Prom to Prevent Lesbian Student from Bringing Female Date—and Potentially Incites Violence Against Lesbian Student
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Mar 11, 2010 at 11:50 AM
Originally posted at 9:41 AM. Updated and moved up.
A Mississippi county school board announced Wednesday it would cancel its upcoming prom after a gay student petitioned to bring a same-sex date to the event. "Due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events, the Itawamba County School District has decided to not host a prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School this year," school board members said in a statement.
The school told Constance McMillen, an 18-year-old senior, that she couldn't bring a female date, couldn't arrive with another girl, couldn't wear a tuxedo, and warned her that even if she and her girlfriend arrived separately and wore dresses, they would be asked to leave if their presence made other students "uncomfortable." Now McMillen, the 18-year-old senior who wanted to bring her girlfriend to prom, doesn't just have to worry about being the only out lesbian at her small town's high school, she also has to worry about her classmates blaming her for the cancellation of their prom:
"Oh, my God. That's really messed up because the message they are sending is that if they have to let gay people go to prom that they are not going to have one," she said. "A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this."
But, hey, there may still be a prom! The school board has invited "private citizens" to host a prom—because a group of private citizens, unlike a public school, can bar McMillen and her girlfriend from prom without risking a lawsuit.
To recap: McMillen asked to bring her girlfriend to prom and the school said no, which prompted the ACLU to get involved, which prompted the school board to cancel prom and invite private citizens to host a straights-only restricted prom, and now "Bigots Cancel Prom" is a national news story. It seems to me that if anyone is guilty of creating a "distraction" here it's the school and the school board, not Constance McMillen. Allowing McMillen and her date to attend prom would've been the much less distracting option.
Now it's our job to make discriminating against (and retaliating against) vulnerable gay students a much bigger distraction for the Itawamba County School District understand than allowing Constance McMillen to attend prom ever would've been. Let's start here: Teresa McNeece is the superintendent of Itawamba County School District. She needs to hear from you:
Teresa McNeece — superintendent
tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
phone (662)862-2159 Ext. 14
Keep it respectful, Sloggers, but let her have it. CC me on any e-mails you send to McNeece. I will compile and post 'em to Slog.
UPDATE: Mmoffatt nails it in comments:
The school district is punishing this girl for being a lesbian. Anyone with half a brain could foresee the fallout this girl will receive from them canceling Prom. She will be tormented from now until graduation because it was "her fault" prom was cancelled. This is an extremely petty act on the the part of the school district and I just hope that nothing truly horrible happens to this girl in the next few months. If it does, the school will be to blame.
UPDATE 2: I think the whole school board needs to hear from you:
Eddie Hood
a082315@allstate.comJackie Nichols
jnichols@itawamba.k12.ms.usHarold Martin
hmartin@itawamba.k12.ms.usClara Brown
cbrown@network-one.comTony Wallace
twallace@nexband.com
Keep it respectful, but let them hear from you.
UPDATE 3: E-mails are bouncing back from some of the board members listed above. They seem to have been disabled—anyone care to do a little internet sleuthing and see if you can't dig up current or alternate e-mail addresses and phone numbers for these board members? There are only 23K folks in that town, so it shouldn't be hard. I'm going to record a podcast, so offline for an hour or so. Will check back in the comments thread when I'm done. Let's make this sure the board is very, very distracted by the fallout from their bigoted decision to retaliate against a vulnerable student and put her at risk of physical and emotional violence.
UPDATE 4: The principal of the school that Constance McMillen attends also needs to hear from you:
Principal Trae Wiygul11900 Hwy 25 S
Fulton, MS 38843(662)862-3104
Send e-mails and call. Keep it respectful but very, very distracting.
UPDATE 5: Gee, it looks like canceling prom didn't make this distraction go away—far from it. The ACLU just sent out this press release:
The American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit today against a Mississippi High School that has canceled prom rather than let a lesbian high school student attend the prom with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo to the event. In papers filed with the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Mississippi, the ACLU asks the court to reinstate the prom for all students at the school and charges Itawamba County School District officials are violating Constance McMillen’s First Amendment right to freedom of expression.“All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student. But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly,” said McMillen, an 18-year-old senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi. “This isn’t just about me and my rights anymore — now I’m fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom.”
Today’s filing comes after Itawamba County School District issued a statement yesterday saying they were canceling prom, following a letter from the ACLU and the Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition demanding that they reverse their decision. McMillen said that before that happened, school officials had told her that she could not arrive at the prom with her girlfriend, also a student at IAHS, and that they might be thrown out if any other students complained about their presence at the April 2 event.
“Itawamba school officials are trying to turn Constance into the villain who called the whole thing off, and that just isn’t what happened. She’s fighting for everyone to be able to enjoy the prom,” said Kristy Bennett, Legal Director of the ACLU of Mississippi. “The government, and that includes public schools, can’t censor someone’s free expression just because some other person might not like it.”
UPDATE 6: They knew this would happen:
Constance McMillen didn't believe her Mississippi school district would really call off her senior prom rather than allow her to show up with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo. On Thursday, a day after the Itawamba County school board did just that, the 18-year-old lesbian high school senior reluctantly returned to campus to some unfriendly looks, she said. "Somebody said, 'Thanks for ruining my senior year.'" McMillen said.
The students at Itawamba Agricultural High School are blaming McMillen for the cancellation of their prom—not the school board that cancelled their prom, but McMillen. Another report:
The school board met Wednesday and announced it was canceling the prom after McMillen challenged the same-sex date ban.... Mississippi ACLU legal director Kristy Bennett said school officials are trying to make a villain out of McMillen. Bennett said McMillen attended school today, but was "a little stressed out.""She left early and said that it is pretty tense. A lot of students won't look her in the eye," she said.
Today she's being glared at and ostracized. What's going to happen to McMillen tomorrow? And next week? And the week after that? What's going to happen to her as the date of the cancelled prom approaches?
This is from an open letter written by Superintendent Teresa McNeece that's posted to the Itawamba County School District website:
Our mission statement of "Striving to Provide a Quality Education to Every Child" is the sincere goal of each and every employee of this school district. Whether it is a bus driver, lunchroom worker, maintenance staff, teacher, administrator, secretary, aide, or volunteer, we all have that passion in our hearts to make sure each student can reach their potential while in the care of ICSD.
Unless a student is an uppity lesbian, of course, in which case Superintendent McNeece and the Itawamba School Board will do as much damage as they can to any student unlucky enough to be left in their dubious and conditional "care."
The Itawamba County School Board claims they cancelled prom to end this "distraction." Let's make sure that abusing vulnerable gay teenagers creates a much bigger distraction—and much bigger headaches—for the Itawamba Country school system than tolerance would have. Keep those emails, phone calls, and faxes coming:
Superintendent Teresa McNeece
tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
phone (662) 862-2159 Ext. 14Principal Trae Wiygul
twiygul@itawamba.k12.ms.us
(662) 862-3104School Board Member Eddie Hood
a082315@allstate.com
YOU CAN ALSO SEND HIM A MESSAGE VIA HIS FACEBOOK PAGE.School Board Member Jackie Nichols
jnichols@itawamba.k12.ms.usSchool Board Member Harold Martin
hmartin@itawamba.k12.ms.usSchool Board Member Clara Brown
cbrown@network-one.comSchool Board Member Tony Wallace
twallace@nexband.com
YOU CAN ALSO SEND HIM A MESSAGE VIA HIS FACEBOOK PAGE.
Join the Facebook group "Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom" here. Make a tax-deductible donation to support Constance's ACLU LGBT Project team here.
UPDATE: Bryanrust in comments says...
Here's Teresa McNeece's facebook profile. Go write on her wall.
I just sent McNeece a message via her Facebook profile. You should too.
UPDATE 2: Two school board members also have Facebook pages: Tony Wallace's is here, Eddie Hood's is here. Send them a distracting-but-respectful message via Facebook.
5
This was a brilliant move by the bigots. Now they can blame gays for canceling prom. Many of those high school students will grow up to blame gays for the rest of their life for ruining one of the fondest memories of childhood. Damn those bigots are a bunch of crafty bastards.
6
Wow - I was really surprised that I got through on the phone. I left about a 1.5 minute voice mail asking how this was in the best interest of the students, and reminding her that this was discrimination, and would promote bullying and hate against gay students in her district, and that we would figure out a way to sue here in spite of her tricks.
Come on....call....it is totally worth it to hear her crazy southern accent on the voice mail ;D
Come on....call....it is totally worth it to hear her crazy southern accent on the voice mail ;D
7
The school district is punishing this girl for being a lesbian. Anyone with half a brain could foresee the fallout this girl will receive from them canceling Prom. She will be tormented from now until graduation because it was "her fault" prom was canceled. This is an extremely petty act on the the part of the school district and I just hope that nothing truly horrible happens to this girl in the next few months. If it does, the school will be to blame.
9
The message I sent
Dear Superintendent McNeece:
I offer my applause in regards to your school district's decision to cancel prom in order to prevent the "distraction" of a lesbian student bringing a female date, and the request that a private group sponsor a prom instead. But do you go far enough? I don't think so. I would like to make a few suggestions.
First, many people would consider inter-racial couples a distraction. Please ensure that any private proms will be racially distraction-free.
Second, even within racial and ethnic groups, further distractions can ensue. Please ensure that any African-American private proms will be arrayed along color lines, so that darker and lighter-skinned students don't mix.
Third, as someone with your surname should surely be aware, many people hate the Irish and Catholics. Please ensure that any private proms will maintain WASP purity and allow Papists and other distractions their own private space.
Sincerely,
Bill
Dear Superintendent McNeece:
I offer my applause in regards to your school district's decision to cancel prom in order to prevent the "distraction" of a lesbian student bringing a female date, and the request that a private group sponsor a prom instead. But do you go far enough? I don't think so. I would like to make a few suggestions.
First, many people would consider inter-racial couples a distraction. Please ensure that any private proms will be racially distraction-free.
Second, even within racial and ethnic groups, further distractions can ensue. Please ensure that any African-American private proms will be arrayed along color lines, so that darker and lighter-skinned students don't mix.
Third, as someone with your surname should surely be aware, many people hate the Irish and Catholics. Please ensure that any private proms will maintain WASP purity and allow Papists and other distractions their own private space.
Sincerely,
Bill
10
See this would be a great chance for gay rights groups to throw a kick ass prom for her and other students who aren't bigots. Make it better than the "private citizens" one. Seems with the 50-100 students often pay to go to prom it should not cost the groups all that much. Hell I'd kick in 20.
11
That's just pathetic. Seriously, what are people afraid of? WHAT?!!! Why do people care so much who has sex with whom? I don't get it.
14
Came to say what #10 said: There should be enough caterers, party planners, bands, etc who care enough about this issue to throw the largest/best prom int he history of the US. Even if just two local people show up, make sure that pictures and video make it on to the web to demonstrate that things don't have to suck, if you're not a bigot.
15
What 10 said. A better distraction would be if the group of private citizens that ended up hosting the prom were sane, non-bigots. The student's sympathies would probably switch sides, too. Would it really be that hard, given the press this story is getting, to find support (or even funding) for this option?
16
Better than complaining: start a fund to get these two girls out of Mississippi. The superintendent and those who think as she does surely deserve to live in America's Cloaca, but these girls obviously do not. So bring them to Seattle.
18
@13: You disgust me.
Saying the people of the city are right in tormenting the girl for her own personal expression, endorsing the likely violence that will be heaped upon her, excusing the scorn and petty blame being lobbed at her by the school... you're sick in the head.
I guess with your being a white male in Washington State, you don't even care about things like this.
Saying the people of the city are right in tormenting the girl for her own personal expression, endorsing the likely violence that will be heaped upon her, excusing the scorn and petty blame being lobbed at her by the school... you're sick in the head.
I guess with your being a white male in Washington State, you don't even care about things like this.
23
Giffy is right! Let's throw these kids (all are welcome) the best fucking prom EVA! Through private donations and some big-hearted celebrities, let's roll out the red carpet for these kids.
Can we, Dan? Oh, can we?!
Can we, Dan? Oh, can we?!
24
The only good thing about Alabama is that it keeps Mississippi from touching Georgia. Of course, with tattooing kids and such, Mississippi may like that Alabama keeps Georgia from touching them.
Small towns in the south are seriously backwoods. Most people in that town support what is being done.
Small towns in the south are seriously backwoods. Most people in that town support what is being done.
26
Those who want to know why she asked permission: Some schools have their students register dates if they go to another school, even in the same school system. I think ours you had to register if your date wasn't a senior, since it was a senior prom.
27
Those that want to know why she need permission: I know at our high school seniors had to register or ask permission for dates who weren't from the same school (even if in the same school district) or even same grade (it was a senior prom).
28
Hmmmmm what if a 'private citizen' local to the school organized a prom, someone who would support the young lady in bringing her girlfriend? I'd donate to make that happen..
30
Timothy @3, At my high school, you had to submit the name of your date to the school prom committee, I think so they could create placecards or something like that. This was a Catholic high school that did allow same-sex dates (under the guise of friendship, natch).
31
@ 2: you think being polite will? The point of "let them have it" isn't to get the cunt superintendant & asshole school board to suddenly start loving gay peole. The point is to hold their feet to the fire & force them to realize that their hatred hurts people in real ways...
32
CALL HER. EMAILS JUST GET IGNORED / DELETED. CALL. IT'S WORTH IT. LOAD HER VMAIL WITH THOUSANDS OF MESSAGES.
33
We had almost exactly the same issue just outside of Toronto with a catholic school board. Marc Hall, the student in that case, eventually won based on the fact that the school recieves public funds and must therefore follow anti-discrimination laws.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Hall
Could a similar argement be made here?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Hall
Could a similar argement be made here?
34
This girl will have standing to sue this school district into the fiscal ground for the next 10 years. I hope she violates them repeatedly up and down the legal system.
35
Dan, Morgan Freeman made a documentary recently about trying to get a Mississippi high school to desegregate prom night (they still throw separate black and white proms - seriously). He offered to pay for an integrated prom if they students would attend it. It was shocking way to expose bigotry. After the documentary, this news is hardly surprising to me.
Start a fund, Dan. The Stranger is a "private citizen" and I bet you could throw a better party than anyone in Mississippi.
Start a fund, Dan. The Stranger is a "private citizen" and I bet you could throw a better party than anyone in Mississippi.
37
I think this is a good idea that we need to seize upon. If we are not included, then nothing. People don't like it when institutions, and especially traditions, in the south are taken away. They will accept change if the bones of the institution remain.
Instead of trying to get into marriage, why don't we try to invalidate marriage. Instead of having a prom. whey don't we get rid of the prom.
I think they would rather let us in than lose it.
Instead of trying to get into marriage, why don't we try to invalidate marriage. Instead of having a prom. whey don't we get rid of the prom.
I think they would rather let us in than lose it.
39
I googled Mississippi sodomy law and was helpfully informed that "Oral sex with a woman in which her sexual organs were sucked did not establish penetration and there for the offense of sodomy was not committed". Girl on girl = ok. BJ's on anyone = illegal and punnishable by 'not more than 10 years' in prison. I'm working on an argument for Superintendant McWhatever to point out this fact in a way that does not discriminate against any gay boys that might be attending the school...
Let's have a drink and dial party!
Let's have a drink and dial party!
42
We should start a prom fund, yes!
I bet we could convince The Gossip to play the prom, this kind of BS is the reason Beth writes what she writes. Listen Up!
I bet we could convince The Gossip to play the prom, this kind of BS is the reason Beth writes what she writes. Listen Up!
43
I got a delivery failure message thus far to 3 of the board members. I bet the IT people blocked their email addresses. Bet you MONEY.
44
did anyone else's emails bounce? i had 3 return failed delivery, and i copied and pasted directly from dan's post.
45
@33, I doubt that Mississippi considers being gay a protected class and there is no federal law to help either.
46
I sent an email but got undeliverable messages from a082315@allstate.com, hmartin@itawamba.k12.ms.us and jnichols@itawamba.k12.ms.us . I CC'd you though and since they like to rely on Christ to justify their actions I gave them some scripture to salivate over.
48
Yes, some of those emails seem to have been disabled -- anyone care to do some Internet sleuthing and see if you can't dig up current emails and phone numbers for these people? There are only 23K folks in that town, so it shouldn't be hard.
I'm going to record a podcast, so offline for an hour or so. Will check back in the comments thread when I'm done.
Let's make this distracting for 'em, very, very distracting.
I'm going to record a podcast, so offline for an hour or so. Will check back in the comments thread when I'm done.
Let's make this distracting for 'em, very, very distracting.
50
If this story makes you angry and you want to help Constance and others in MS who are trying to help her, consider supporting the Mississippi called the Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition (MSSC), which is devoted to combating the bullying and mistreatment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth in Miss. schools.
To support the work of this important organization on the front line of the gay civil rights struggle, visit their website at http://mssafeschools.org/
To support the work of this important organization on the front line of the gay civil rights struggle, visit their website at http://mssafeschools.org/
51
@33 - If Mississippi is anything like Louisiana (and my guess is that it is actually more backward), there are no laws protecting people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. In fact, when they tried to introduce that legislation into the Louisiana legislature, a whole bunch of business leaders spoke out against it, convinced that if they were forced to not discriminate against gays, the next thing you know all their male employees would be wearing dresses and scaring away their customers. Frighteningly enough, that argument worked.
54
for chrissakes -- from their own website:
Statement from Mrs. McNeece
Our mission statement of "Striving to Provide a Quality Education to Every Child" is the sincere goal of each and every employee of this school district. Whether it is a bus driver, lunchroom worker, maintenance staff, teacher, administrator, secretary, aide, or volunteer, we all have that passion in our hearts to make sure each student can reach their potential while in the care of ICSD.
Statement from Mrs. McNeece
Our mission statement of "Striving to Provide a Quality Education to Every Child" is the sincere goal of each and every employee of this school district. Whether it is a bus driver, lunchroom worker, maintenance staff, teacher, administrator, secretary, aide, or volunteer, we all have that passion in our hearts to make sure each student can reach their potential while in the care of ICSD.
55
To all those who've suggested getting this girl out of Mississippi, I'd like to respectfully say let her leave only if she wants to. I know that no one who's suggested she should move to another part of the country would really make her go against her will, but bigotry is like beautiful scenery: you're gonna find it almost anywhere. If she moves to Seattle or Sausalido or Singapore I hope she'll do so because she likes the scenery there better, and not because small-minded people are intent on driving her out of where she lives now.
And if she does choose to stay there in spite of the challenges I hope she's got the strength to face 'em down. I'm sure she's not the only person in that state facing the same challenges, and I admire her for being willing to set an example. Hopefully she'll help make Mississippi a better place.
And if she does choose to stay there in spite of the challenges I hope she's got the strength to face 'em down. I'm sure she's not the only person in that state facing the same challenges, and I admire her for being willing to set an example. Hopefully she'll help make Mississippi a better place.
56
My cc'ed emails to Mr. Hood, Ms. Nichols, and Mr. Martin came back as "failures". Either they are rejecting emails or their boxes were crashed by volume of correspondence. The others appear to have gone through.
Here is the text of my letter:
Ladies and gentlemen:
Please re-consider your decision to cancel the 2010 Itawamba Agricultural High School prom. I'm certain that your district has received quite enough negative publicity already as regards this ill-considered decision, so I will not belabor the obvious. I'm sure you, as superintendent, and as school board members, did not mean to portray yourselves and your school district as backwards, homophobic caricatures of what so many people in this country and the world over already look at as "redneck Southerners". Reversing your decision before legally obligated to do so (as you most certainly will be) would be a very positive public relations move to salvage what little you can from this already quite unfortunate situation (as well as, more importantly, being the right thing to do). Thank you in advance for reading and considering my letter and for your kind attention in this matter.
Respectfully,
Kevin R. Mills
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Here is the text of my letter:
Ladies and gentlemen:
Please re-consider your decision to cancel the 2010 Itawamba Agricultural High School prom. I'm certain that your district has received quite enough negative publicity already as regards this ill-considered decision, so I will not belabor the obvious. I'm sure you, as superintendent, and as school board members, did not mean to portray yourselves and your school district as backwards, homophobic caricatures of what so many people in this country and the world over already look at as "redneck Southerners". Reversing your decision before legally obligated to do so (as you most certainly will be) would be a very positive public relations move to salvage what little you can from this already quite unfortunate situation (as well as, more importantly, being the right thing to do). Thank you in advance for reading and considering my letter and for your kind attention in this matter.
Respectfully,
Kevin R. Mills
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
58
I just skipped without reading any of the comments, but in case no one else has tried just calling....
I just called the phone number listed for the superintendent. A receptionist answered, so there wasn't an option to select the extension. She said the superintendent was busy, so I asked for her voicemail and left a message. I can't recall verbatim what I said, but I gave my name, let her know that I live in Denver (it's only fair that she know I'm not in that school district), told her that they were making a terrible decision and that the rest of the kids were doubtless going to blame her for the district's actions, and left my phone number in case she wants to talk to me. (Of course that won't happen, but it's all about keeping it professional, right?)
I just called the phone number listed for the superintendent. A receptionist answered, so there wasn't an option to select the extension. She said the superintendent was busy, so I asked for her voicemail and left a message. I can't recall verbatim what I said, but I gave my name, let her know that I live in Denver (it's only fair that she know I'm not in that school district), told her that they were making a terrible decision and that the rest of the kids were doubtless going to blame her for the district's actions, and left my phone number in case she wants to talk to me. (Of course that won't happen, but it's all about keeping it professional, right?)
65
Dan: I hope you've connected Rachel Maddow to this imbroglio so that she may properly embrocher this alleged group of educators with her acid-tipped rapier. "Thou shalt not shabbily treat persons under your aegis" should be the 11th Commandment. Do unto others - even if they're gay - etc.
66
Where oh where do I contribute to Fabulous Alterna-Prom? Half the price of the Bigot Prom and proceeds go to GLAAD.
School board:
Eddie G Hood
2115 Walker Levee Rd
Fulton, MS 38843-6223
(662) 585-3760
Clara Brown
3418 Hardins Chapel Rd
Fulton, MS 38843-9592
(662) 862-780
Tony L Wallace
333 Guntharp Rd S
Fulton, MS 38843-6108
(662) 862-3988
School board:
Eddie G Hood
2115 Walker Levee Rd
Fulton, MS 38843-6223
(662) 585-3760
Clara Brown
3418 Hardins Chapel Rd
Fulton, MS 38843-9592
(662) 862-780
Tony L Wallace
333 Guntharp Rd S
Fulton, MS 38843-6108
(662) 862-3988
67
Dan & co,
Shorten the headline! When you share this story on Facebook, they truncate the headline so it reads:
High School in Mississippi Cancels Promp to Prevent Lesbian From Bringing Female Date - and Pot
Shorten the headline! When you share this story on Facebook, they truncate the headline so it reads:
High School in Mississippi Cancels Promp to Prevent Lesbian From Bringing Female Date - and Pot
68
The letter I sent along:
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I'm startled and horrified by the news that your school has decided to cancel prom, rather than have a lesbian student attend with a female date. I was under the impression that the South was looking to get out from under its historic reputation for bigotry. Apparently you are not part of this effort.
By canceling prom, you have created a potential lawsuit. You have opened the lesbian student to a world of harassment and blame. You have advanced the cause of hate and bigotry, and you've hurt multiple reputations: those of your town, your school, and yourself. You've missed a substantial opportunity to model tolerance, kindness, and perspective--all Christian values, last I checked. And you've ruined a traditional part of high school for hundreds of students, who will remember your idiotic decision instead of the dancing and fun they could have had on prom night.
And for what, exactly? You're not going to change this girl's sexual preference. It's part of how God made her. You are, apparently, going to spare other students the sight of a girl in a tuxedo--because heaven knows, no girls wear pantsuits or tuxedos otherwise. You've forbidden a girl to arrive at a dance with another girl--because of course girls never arrive at dances together, and teenagers don't flock with their friends. And you've saved us all from the possibility of a girl dancing with another girl--an activity that is occurring, even as I write, at dances and dance classes and weddings across the country, where girls are dancing with their friends by choice, out of shyness, or because there aren't enough boys to go around.
It seems to me that you're paying a high price for not much.
You've still got time to change your mind. Show your students that adults have been known to make mistakes, and that classy, moral grownups own up and change course when they realize they've made an error. I'm waiting. So are they.
In case you're wondering, I am a nice white lady in my forties, a wife, a mother, and a Christian. And I am absolutely appalled by the mess you've made of this.
Very sincerely,
Ingrid Case
Minneapolis, MN
More...
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I'm startled and horrified by the news that your school has decided to cancel prom, rather than have a lesbian student attend with a female date. I was under the impression that the South was looking to get out from under its historic reputation for bigotry. Apparently you are not part of this effort.
By canceling prom, you have created a potential lawsuit. You have opened the lesbian student to a world of harassment and blame. You have advanced the cause of hate and bigotry, and you've hurt multiple reputations: those of your town, your school, and yourself. You've missed a substantial opportunity to model tolerance, kindness, and perspective--all Christian values, last I checked. And you've ruined a traditional part of high school for hundreds of students, who will remember your idiotic decision instead of the dancing and fun they could have had on prom night.
And for what, exactly? You're not going to change this girl's sexual preference. It's part of how God made her. You are, apparently, going to spare other students the sight of a girl in a tuxedo--because heaven knows, no girls wear pantsuits or tuxedos otherwise. You've forbidden a girl to arrive at a dance with another girl--because of course girls never arrive at dances together, and teenagers don't flock with their friends. And you've saved us all from the possibility of a girl dancing with another girl--an activity that is occurring, even as I write, at dances and dance classes and weddings across the country, where girls are dancing with their friends by choice, out of shyness, or because there aren't enough boys to go around.
It seems to me that you're paying a high price for not much.
You've still got time to change your mind. Show your students that adults have been known to make mistakes, and that classy, moral grownups own up and change course when they realize they've made an error. I'm waiting. So are they.
In case you're wondering, I am a nice white lady in my forties, a wife, a mother, and a Christian. And I am absolutely appalled by the mess you've made of this.
Very sincerely,
Ingrid Case
Minneapolis, MN
69
I'm a broke-ass single mom college student, but I am ready with my checkbook to donate $200 cash money to a private prom right now. Just set it up, Dan, and you've got my money. (Paypal maybe?)
Mmoffatt was right- they are punishing this girl by staking her out and releasing the lions; let's give all those other students the best prom ever, so then they will grow up thinking "Wow! Gays are awesome- we had the most kickass time thanks to that lesbian in high school!"
Mmoffatt was right- they are punishing this girl by staking her out and releasing the lions; let's give all those other students the best prom ever, so then they will grow up thinking "Wow! Gays are awesome- we had the most kickass time thanks to that lesbian in high school!"
72
I'm also all for helping fund a kick-ass, bigot-free prom! please, Dan, help us make this happen!!
74
For those who care, my letter to the board/principal/superintendent:
Dear Principal Wiygul and Members of the School Board:
It is with dismay that I read of the recent decision to cancel a high school prom in Itawamba County School District because of "distractions to the educational process" caused by the desire of one of your students to bring her girlfriend to that prom. The decision is ridiculous on its face, disingenuous in its justification, meritless in its substance, and harsh in its result. Specifically:
First, the so-called "distraction" is entirely of your own making and compounded by your obstinacy. Although it may have escaped your notice, people of Ms. McMillen's generation, whether they be in Mississippi, California, or Alaska (or anywhere else), are remarkably more tolerant of their gay peers than their elders are. It is almost certainly the case that a) Ms. McMillen's peers know her to be gay, b) have no problem with that fact, and c) would not be made uncomfortable by her presence with her girlfriend at the Prom. Indeed, the circumstances suggest that the only people who are and would be "uncomfortable" are the people who made the decision. Ms. McMillen's attendance with her girlfriend would certainly have been a complete non-issue, had you not now foisted this "distraction" upon her. I suspect that when her generation reach adulthood, they will look back on your generation with amazement at how such dark-age ideas could have been so prevalent.
Next, the ensuing outcry--the "distraction"--flow in their entirety from the decision to bar her from the Prom, and then your continued obdurate refusal to back down. Had the initial decision not been made, there would be no "distraction." Had you relented, there would be no "distraction." Had you thought the decision through and shown even the slightest iota of compassion and understanding (and acceptance of difference), there would be no "distraction." Yet now you have managed to foist the blame for the cancellation entirely on Ms. McMillen's shoulders when the fault is entirely yours and that of your equally-blinkered colleagues.
You perhaps by virtue of your lofty station remember the fact that being a teenager is hard, no matter where you are growing up, no matter what your gender or your sexual orientation. By way of example, I spent my teenage years in attending a private school in a liberal city, with loving and supportive family and friends, and I nevertheless found both figuring myself out generally and coming to terms with my sexual orientation specifically to be very difficult. I can only imagine how much more difficult that process has been for Ms. McMillen, given that she is the only out lesbian in her town (though no doubt many remain closeted, and one wonders how many more will be afraid to come out thanks to your actions), and given that she is in a rural district in a state that is not known nationwide for its acceptance of gays and lesbians (or any other minority, for that matter.) You should be applauding her courage, not punishing it. I would never had had the courage to bring a same-sex date to my high school Prom (or to any similar event at university), and indeed it took me nearly eight years to summon up the bravery to do so, in my first year of law school. That you punish her for doing the same is despicable.
So you have a young woman who has against all the odds stacked against her managed to come to terms with herself, to find a companion, and to summon the courage and fortitude to dare to ask to bring her as her date to what should be one of the most memorable and celebratory events of her entire high school career, and you have, to put it mildly, kicked her to the curb. You have sent her a message that not only is she less-equal and less-worthy than her peers, and not only should she be excluded from the cynosure of high school social life by virtue of nothing more than who she is, but you now also have the temerity to cancel the Prom and point a finger at her for being the cause of the cancellation. Do you think this will not have an impact on her final month of high school? While no doubt some of her peers will see that the Prom was cancelled through no fault of Ms. McMillen, there will certainly be a group that do blame Ms. McMillen.
I urge you to reconsider. Ms. McMillen is no doubt a remarkable and exceptionally-brave young woman. She should be allowed to celebrate the ending of her high school years the same way that every other student is--by attending the Prom with the date of her choice. If you reconsider, no doubt the distractions will swiftly vanish, and perhaps you will also learn something yourself: That for students of Ms. McMillen's age, sexual orientation is simply a non-issue. They know that gays and lesbians are their classmates, their friends, their teachers, the people they buy clothes and food and electronics from; they see them on TV, they know that they works as firefighters, police, soldiers, lawyers, janitors, and every other possible profession. They will have know problem with Ms. McMillen and her date attending the Prom. And by allowing her to attend, you will send a message to other students who do not have the courage that Ms. McMillen possesses--the message that your school district does accept and tolerate differences, and that it's okay to be who you are.
An opposite result will lead to nothing more than those yet-closeted gay and lesbian students in your school district endure more years of hiding, of fear, of being ashamed of who they are, and of being sent the message by school authorities that their differences are something to be hidden and to be repressed, rather than to be celebrated.
Judge yourselves accordingly.
Very truly yours,
More...
Dear Principal Wiygul and Members of the School Board:
It is with dismay that I read of the recent decision to cancel a high school prom in Itawamba County School District because of "distractions to the educational process" caused by the desire of one of your students to bring her girlfriend to that prom. The decision is ridiculous on its face, disingenuous in its justification, meritless in its substance, and harsh in its result. Specifically:
First, the so-called "distraction" is entirely of your own making and compounded by your obstinacy. Although it may have escaped your notice, people of Ms. McMillen's generation, whether they be in Mississippi, California, or Alaska (or anywhere else), are remarkably more tolerant of their gay peers than their elders are. It is almost certainly the case that a) Ms. McMillen's peers know her to be gay, b) have no problem with that fact, and c) would not be made uncomfortable by her presence with her girlfriend at the Prom. Indeed, the circumstances suggest that the only people who are and would be "uncomfortable" are the people who made the decision. Ms. McMillen's attendance with her girlfriend would certainly have been a complete non-issue, had you not now foisted this "distraction" upon her. I suspect that when her generation reach adulthood, they will look back on your generation with amazement at how such dark-age ideas could have been so prevalent.
Next, the ensuing outcry--the "distraction"--flow in their entirety from the decision to bar her from the Prom, and then your continued obdurate refusal to back down. Had the initial decision not been made, there would be no "distraction." Had you relented, there would be no "distraction." Had you thought the decision through and shown even the slightest iota of compassion and understanding (and acceptance of difference), there would be no "distraction." Yet now you have managed to foist the blame for the cancellation entirely on Ms. McMillen's shoulders when the fault is entirely yours and that of your equally-blinkered colleagues.
You perhaps by virtue of your lofty station remember the fact that being a teenager is hard, no matter where you are growing up, no matter what your gender or your sexual orientation. By way of example, I spent my teenage years in attending a private school in a liberal city, with loving and supportive family and friends, and I nevertheless found both figuring myself out generally and coming to terms with my sexual orientation specifically to be very difficult. I can only imagine how much more difficult that process has been for Ms. McMillen, given that she is the only out lesbian in her town (though no doubt many remain closeted, and one wonders how many more will be afraid to come out thanks to your actions), and given that she is in a rural district in a state that is not known nationwide for its acceptance of gays and lesbians (or any other minority, for that matter.) You should be applauding her courage, not punishing it. I would never had had the courage to bring a same-sex date to my high school Prom (or to any similar event at university), and indeed it took me nearly eight years to summon up the bravery to do so, in my first year of law school. That you punish her for doing the same is despicable.
So you have a young woman who has against all the odds stacked against her managed to come to terms with herself, to find a companion, and to summon the courage and fortitude to dare to ask to bring her as her date to what should be one of the most memorable and celebratory events of her entire high school career, and you have, to put it mildly, kicked her to the curb. You have sent her a message that not only is she less-equal and less-worthy than her peers, and not only should she be excluded from the cynosure of high school social life by virtue of nothing more than who she is, but you now also have the temerity to cancel the Prom and point a finger at her for being the cause of the cancellation. Do you think this will not have an impact on her final month of high school? While no doubt some of her peers will see that the Prom was cancelled through no fault of Ms. McMillen, there will certainly be a group that do blame Ms. McMillen.
I urge you to reconsider. Ms. McMillen is no doubt a remarkable and exceptionally-brave young woman. She should be allowed to celebrate the ending of her high school years the same way that every other student is--by attending the Prom with the date of her choice. If you reconsider, no doubt the distractions will swiftly vanish, and perhaps you will also learn something yourself: That for students of Ms. McMillen's age, sexual orientation is simply a non-issue. They know that gays and lesbians are their classmates, their friends, their teachers, the people they buy clothes and food and electronics from; they see them on TV, they know that they works as firefighters, police, soldiers, lawyers, janitors, and every other possible profession. They will have know problem with Ms. McMillen and her date attending the Prom. And by allowing her to attend, you will send a message to other students who do not have the courage that Ms. McMillen possesses--the message that your school district does accept and tolerate differences, and that it's okay to be who you are.
An opposite result will lead to nothing more than those yet-closeted gay and lesbian students in your school district endure more years of hiding, of fear, of being ashamed of who they are, and of being sent the message by school authorities that their differences are something to be hidden and to be repressed, rather than to be celebrated.
Judge yourselves accordingly.
Very truly yours,
75
Three of the email addresses are not working. Time to pick up the phone and call....give em hell, people.
76
My personal motto of "Expect More, Do More and Achieve More" is what I want each individual associated with our district to adopt. Holding high expectations with a strong work ethic cannot help but yield high achievement levels for our district. We know that with the support of our parents and communities that goal is within our reach.
Teresa McNeece
Superintendent of Education
Itawamba County School District
If she gets fired do they get to keep the motto?
Teresa McNeece
Superintendent of Education
Itawamba County School District
If she gets fired do they get to keep the motto?
78
Ms. McNeece, Superintendent; School Board Members Mr. Hood, Ms. Nichols, Mr. Martin, Ms. Brown, and Mr. Wallace:
I urge you to consider the message of your actions in first cancelling the school prom in order to prevent a lesbian student from attending with her same-sex date, also a student, and then inviting private parties to organize their own proms with exclusionary rights protected by law. The first lesson is that protection of the law applies only if and when the community approves. We may call ourselves a nation of laws not men, we may say we are governed by the Constitution, but the lesson of the Itawamba County School District is that lesbians do not have citizenship rights, and if a student suffers harm, whether physical or psychological, resulting from the cancellation of the school prom, it is just punishment for being lesbian. Are these truly the lessons you are trying to instill in the young people entrusted to your care? Can you do so and consider yourselves defenders of the Constitution?
Respectfully,
Graduate 1956, Melrose, MA, High School
I urge you to consider the message of your actions in first cancelling the school prom in order to prevent a lesbian student from attending with her same-sex date, also a student, and then inviting private parties to organize their own proms with exclusionary rights protected by law. The first lesson is that protection of the law applies only if and when the community approves. We may call ourselves a nation of laws not men, we may say we are governed by the Constitution, but the lesson of the Itawamba County School District is that lesbians do not have citizenship rights, and if a student suffers harm, whether physical or psychological, resulting from the cancellation of the school prom, it is just punishment for being lesbian. Are these truly the lessons you are trying to instill in the young people entrusted to your care? Can you do so and consider yourselves defenders of the Constitution?
Respectfully,
Graduate 1956, Melrose, MA, High School
79
So, I've been looking at other news sites, and specifically, Yahoo News's coverage of this. The comments section is pretty horrifying. Here are just a few quotes taken from their comments board.
"Many of you people posting comments about this circus are sicker than these girls. THERE IS NO REASON OR RATIONAL TO HOMOSEXUALITY, PERIOD. It is obviously a mental condition exhibited by one percent of the population, and they will not overrule the majority. They must be told, POINT BLANK RANGE that their affliction needs immediate attention. For you scientific types: If homosexuality were "normal", then on a Bell-shaped curve, there would be an EQUAL DISTRIBUTION OF BOTH HOMO AND HETERO POPULATION. There is not and therefore the curve will be massively skewed. WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE'S COMMON SENSE?"
"They should let the dyke take her girl friend to the prom if she promises to put on a diving show for the boys after the prom. See how easy it is to work out a compromise instead of all this fighting?"
Those are some of the worst examples. On the plus side, there are many encouraging posts as well, and under the comment ratings, the homophobic comments are almost uniformly rated negatively. They are loud, but few.
"Many of you people posting comments about this circus are sicker than these girls. THERE IS NO REASON OR RATIONAL TO HOMOSEXUALITY, PERIOD. It is obviously a mental condition exhibited by one percent of the population, and they will not overrule the majority. They must be told, POINT BLANK RANGE that their affliction needs immediate attention. For you scientific types: If homosexuality were "normal", then on a Bell-shaped curve, there would be an EQUAL DISTRIBUTION OF BOTH HOMO AND HETERO POPULATION. There is not and therefore the curve will be massively skewed. WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE'S COMMON SENSE?"
"They should let the dyke take her girl friend to the prom if she promises to put on a diving show for the boys after the prom. See how easy it is to work out a compromise instead of all this fighting?"
Those are some of the worst examples. On the plus side, there are many encouraging posts as well, and under the comment ratings, the homophobic comments are almost uniformly rated negatively. They are loud, but few.
81
What this girl wants is a prom with her girlfriend. She probably doesn't give a shit about lawsuits and the media, etc etc. #10, et al. have it right, let's throw her a prom where she can be safe and be herself and have fun. That is a memory she will have forever, long after the phone calls and emails calling out the administration are forgotten.
83
@79: "They should let the dyke take her girl friend to the prom if she promises to put on a diving show for the boys after the prom."
That is just all kinds of gross and creepy.
That is just all kinds of gross and creepy.
85
I sent the following email to superintendent, principal (although you have mixed contact info for the principal) and each of the board members. Only 2 of the board members addresses were bounced back:
I don't know why I was shocked to read in USA Today about the hatred, bigotry and ignorance happening in your school. I guess it should come as no surprise considering many of the most heinous civil rights crimes have happened in Mississippi; but this 2010 after all, those were problems of the past. Clearly not.
I guess I should thank you though, at least you didn't put a sack over her head, hustle her into a van in the dead at night and imprison her in a "scared straight" indoctrination camp. Although, I suspect that is not a thing of the past either.
Then to read further that you are blaming this poor high school girl for all of the ruckus caused, obviously, by your own leaders. I guess I should thank you for that too. If you hadn't decided to show your school board's hate and ignorance, then I (and hundreds of others) wouldn't have known and you may have been allowed to get away with your illegal and immoral actions.
I don't know why I was shocked to read in USA Today about the hatred, bigotry and ignorance happening in your school. I guess it should come as no surprise considering many of the most heinous civil rights crimes have happened in Mississippi; but this 2010 after all, those were problems of the past. Clearly not.
I guess I should thank you though, at least you didn't put a sack over her head, hustle her into a van in the dead at night and imprison her in a "scared straight" indoctrination camp. Although, I suspect that is not a thing of the past either.
Then to read further that you are blaming this poor high school girl for all of the ruckus caused, obviously, by your own leaders. I guess I should thank you for that too. If you hadn't decided to show your school board's hate and ignorance, then I (and hundreds of others) wouldn't have known and you may have been allowed to get away with your illegal and immoral actions.
86
Sometimes being an asshole is the only way to get people to listen, frankly. And nobody asked that everyone "love the lesbians", all we want is for things to be fair, equitable- no discrimination based on anything- now if we could assess stupidity and discriminate against that- and by stupidity I mean fear-based ignorance- I would totally rally against that demographic.
89
I'm all for throwing a prom, but in the meantime sent a check to:
Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition
P.O. Box 3442
Jackson, MS 39207
Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition
P.O. Box 3442
Jackson, MS 39207
90
My email:
This email is in regards to Ms. Constance McMillen, and the lawsuit filed against your school by the ACLU.
I just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for your hard work and diligence in ensuring that the issue of civil liberty is still alive and relevant.
A school should support all of their students. Not just the ones with whom they identify socially, religiously, or sexually. It is not my hope that you are all asked to resign. It is my hope that you will use this event as a way for you to realize that segregation isn't only a racial issue. You should be defending Ms. Constance McMillen in her fight against segregation and hatred. You should be using this event as a way to educate your students against the dangers of hate, discrimination, and prejudice. As an educational institution, it is your duty to provide all of your students with the tools they need to survive and flourish in the world outside of the classroom.
Would you cancel the prom because a Jewish girl and a Catholic boy wanted to attend together? Or a girl of Irish descent and a boy of African descent? Perhaps a girl of money and a boy whose family can only afford a one room apartment?
Your charge is to stand up for your students in the face of adversity! Not to bow to controversy and prejudice like cowards. If you fail one student, you have failed all of your students. You can still salvage this situation. You can still do the right thing.
It's time to be the mature, responsible, wise educators that were appointed to bolster our youth and teach them to be leaders and changers of the world. It's time to dig up the seeds of hate that you've sewn and cultivated, and burn them. Now is the time for action.
The world is watching.
More...
This email is in regards to Ms. Constance McMillen, and the lawsuit filed against your school by the ACLU.
I just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for your hard work and diligence in ensuring that the issue of civil liberty is still alive and relevant.
A school should support all of their students. Not just the ones with whom they identify socially, religiously, or sexually. It is not my hope that you are all asked to resign. It is my hope that you will use this event as a way for you to realize that segregation isn't only a racial issue. You should be defending Ms. Constance McMillen in her fight against segregation and hatred. You should be using this event as a way to educate your students against the dangers of hate, discrimination, and prejudice. As an educational institution, it is your duty to provide all of your students with the tools they need to survive and flourish in the world outside of the classroom.
Would you cancel the prom because a Jewish girl and a Catholic boy wanted to attend together? Or a girl of Irish descent and a boy of African descent? Perhaps a girl of money and a boy whose family can only afford a one room apartment?
Your charge is to stand up for your students in the face of adversity! Not to bow to controversy and prejudice like cowards. If you fail one student, you have failed all of your students. You can still salvage this situation. You can still do the right thing.
It's time to be the mature, responsible, wise educators that were appointed to bolster our youth and teach them to be leaders and changers of the world. It's time to dig up the seeds of hate that you've sewn and cultivated, and burn them. Now is the time for action.
The world is watching.
91
I think that a whole bunch of queers and their supporters should descend upon this town and take the school up on its offer for private citizens to host a prom. A gay pride through their dirt main street might be very distracting, ineed.
92
To the esteemed members of the Itawamba school board -
As a pediatrician, former high school teacher, and medical school faculty member, I am appalled and disappointed you would choose to cancel prom at the high school in your district after a student at your school wanted to bring a female date. Not only are your discriminatory practices abhorrent, you are promoting potential retribution on this student by other students who see her as the reason for this cancellation. Instead of acting as an adult, you have pushed the blame to a child. This is administrative sanctioned bullying. Shame on you.
Kristin Wennerstrom Guilonard, DO MPH
As a pediatrician, former high school teacher, and medical school faculty member, I am appalled and disappointed you would choose to cancel prom at the high school in your district after a student at your school wanted to bring a female date. Not only are your discriminatory practices abhorrent, you are promoting potential retribution on this student by other students who see her as the reason for this cancellation. Instead of acting as an adult, you have pushed the blame to a child. This is administrative sanctioned bullying. Shame on you.
Kristin Wennerstrom Guilonard, DO MPH
94
This thread is giving me deja vu... didn't this exact thing happen somewhere a year ago? And I don't mean the Canadian Marc Hall case that was pointed out in 33 (where the gay guy was forbidden to attend prom, but prom wasn't cancelled). Wasn't there another school in the US that cancelled prom last year, and I think the central characters were girls too?
95
I work at one of the top 5 largest school boards in North America and we have some amazing policies in place to protect the rights of our LGBTTQI2(xrluyhv) students! We are also currently working on a new Gender Based Violence policy.
So... I am going to do what I can to get my school board to speak up again this. Unfortunately the Board meeting was last night... but hopefully I can get my board to do something about this! Perhaps our Equity committee can help me out.
So... I am going to do what I can to get my school board to speak up again this. Unfortunately the Board meeting was last night... but hopefully I can get my board to do something about this! Perhaps our Equity committee can help me out.
97
I want to email them and be serious about it, but I can't, because this is what I'd say:
I'm a red blooded Bush voting American, and you know who else hates the gays. THE TERRISTS HATE THE GAYS! ARE YOU A TERRISTS!?!?!?
Incorrect grammar and spelling intentional.
I'm a red blooded Bush voting American, and you know who else hates the gays. THE TERRISTS HATE THE GAYS! ARE YOU A TERRISTS!?!?!?
Incorrect grammar and spelling intentional.
99
Found it: this happened at Tharptown High School, Alabama, in November 2009, also with a couple of girls and the prom cancellation gambit. And there was a happy ending: after the outcry and ACLU involvement, the prom was on and the girls were in.
http://www.examiner.com/x-17183-Birmingh…
http://www.examiner.com/x-17183-Birmingh…
100
For anyone interested, here's what I wrote. It was bounced back by Eddie Hood, Jackie Nichols, and Harold Martin's email accounts:
Greetings Superintendent McNeece and Greetings to the Itawamba County School Board!
As I understand it, certain "distractions" have led you to invite private citizens to host the annual Itawamba Agricultural High School Prom this year! I am indeed a private citizen of the United States, and though I may have the facility, alas, I lack the monetary means to host such an event. I write to you not to offer my services by way of staging your prom for you. I write merely to ask one simple question:
Where are your heads at?
You say that the prospect of having a young lady bring her girlfriend to prom would be so distracting that it would be better to cancel the whole thing.
Here's a thought: I'm assuming that this email is only one of hundreds that you've already received in regards to this issue. I don't doubt that you've also received phone calls. Perhaps you've even been approached by one or two news agencies.
How distracted are you now?
Actually, enough about you. Let's think of the senior students who have had what should have been one of the most memorable nights of their lives suddenly taken away from them by adults who were upset by the inevitable backlash of a prejudicial and bigoted decision on their part.
How distracted do you think they are now?
In fact, let's think for a moment on one single student, who wished to make that night as memorable for herself as possible by following through on the perfectly natural desire to share it with the person she happens to be dating, only to be demonized and singled-out by the organization that should make it its duty to support and defend all its students, regardless of sex, race, religion, or sexual identity.
How distracted do you think she is right now?
I remember my own high school experiences very well and I know that even for a white, heterosexual male, adolescence can be traumatizing time. Teenagers are capable of incredible grace, but they are equally capable of casual cruelty. I still remember the bullies that picked on me and lowered my own measure of humanity. I remember them every day.
But it wasn't until I had read about what you did to Constance McMillen that I remembered that educators can often be just as cruel as their students.
Frankly, I'm not worried about Ms. McMillen. She is in for a very hard time in the immediate future, certainly. She will be blamed by her peers for something that is in no way her fault and will be made the subject of constant ridicule. But in the end, she will move on. Indeed, she will most likely move to a place far away from you where she will not be made to feel shame for who she is, but rather embrace it.
My worry is for you, your school district, and the other gay students who reside in it (and be sure, you do have other gay students. Ms. McMillen is simply the only one being open about it). In fact, I worry for all your students, straight and gay. Your backward decision is leading them down a path of fear and hatred that is in no way a part of the future of this country. Fifty years from now, future generations will not understand why this country was so distracted by the question of homosexual equality. It will be as alien to them as the question of segregation is to the current newest generation. All your discriminatory policy has done is to hold back one small subset of that group by forcing them to adhere to a mindset that is, quite rightfully, dying out. If they are unable to cope with how things work in the real world, the fault will be on your heads, wherever they are at this moment.
Sincerely,
Zachary Green
More...
Greetings Superintendent McNeece and Greetings to the Itawamba County School Board!
As I understand it, certain "distractions" have led you to invite private citizens to host the annual Itawamba Agricultural High School Prom this year! I am indeed a private citizen of the United States, and though I may have the facility, alas, I lack the monetary means to host such an event. I write to you not to offer my services by way of staging your prom for you. I write merely to ask one simple question:
Where are your heads at?
You say that the prospect of having a young lady bring her girlfriend to prom would be so distracting that it would be better to cancel the whole thing.
Here's a thought: I'm assuming that this email is only one of hundreds that you've already received in regards to this issue. I don't doubt that you've also received phone calls. Perhaps you've even been approached by one or two news agencies.
How distracted are you now?
Actually, enough about you. Let's think of the senior students who have had what should have been one of the most memorable nights of their lives suddenly taken away from them by adults who were upset by the inevitable backlash of a prejudicial and bigoted decision on their part.
How distracted do you think they are now?
In fact, let's think for a moment on one single student, who wished to make that night as memorable for herself as possible by following through on the perfectly natural desire to share it with the person she happens to be dating, only to be demonized and singled-out by the organization that should make it its duty to support and defend all its students, regardless of sex, race, religion, or sexual identity.
How distracted do you think she is right now?
I remember my own high school experiences very well and I know that even for a white, heterosexual male, adolescence can be traumatizing time. Teenagers are capable of incredible grace, but they are equally capable of casual cruelty. I still remember the bullies that picked on me and lowered my own measure of humanity. I remember them every day.
But it wasn't until I had read about what you did to Constance McMillen that I remembered that educators can often be just as cruel as their students.
Frankly, I'm not worried about Ms. McMillen. She is in for a very hard time in the immediate future, certainly. She will be blamed by her peers for something that is in no way her fault and will be made the subject of constant ridicule. But in the end, she will move on. Indeed, she will most likely move to a place far away from you where she will not be made to feel shame for who she is, but rather embrace it.
My worry is for you, your school district, and the other gay students who reside in it (and be sure, you do have other gay students. Ms. McMillen is simply the only one being open about it). In fact, I worry for all your students, straight and gay. Your backward decision is leading them down a path of fear and hatred that is in no way a part of the future of this country. Fifty years from now, future generations will not understand why this country was so distracted by the question of homosexual equality. It will be as alien to them as the question of segregation is to the current newest generation. All your discriminatory policy has done is to hold back one small subset of that group by forcing them to adhere to a mindset that is, quite rightfully, dying out. If they are unable to cope with how things work in the real world, the fault will be on your heads, wherever they are at this moment.
Sincerely,
Zachary Green
102
Why don't we start a fund so that Constance can host her own prom and invite the rest of her classmates. I'll put $100 in immediately.
103
"But, hey, there may still be a prom! The school board has invited "private citizens" to host a prom—because a group of private citizens, unlike a public school, can bar McMillen and her girlfriend from prom without risking a lawsuit."
I for one would donate money so that McMillen and her girlfriend can be the hosts of the "private prom." Anyone with me? Anyone who would know how to set such a thing up?
I for one would donate money so that McMillen and her girlfriend can be the hosts of the "private prom." Anyone with me? Anyone who would know how to set such a thing up?
104
My letter to the superintendent.
To Superintendent McNeece,
How incredibly heartbreaking it was to hear that Constance McMillen was not allowed to bring her girlfriend to her own schools prom, nor were either her or her date allowed to wear a tuxedo to her own prom. But it was downright enraging to hear that rather then let her bring her girlfriend or wear whatever she pleases to her own prom, you chose to cancel the entire affair. And it was further enraging that the reasons given was she might make other students uncomfortable. Other students, or just you?
To have a student like Constance, an honor student, a young woman so confident in herself and so happy in her relationship, is a wonderful thing. To not only prevent her from enjoying such a important high school experience, but to also blame her for others lack of opportunity of the same thing is immature, ignorant and morally wrong.
I sincerely hope there is a private citizens prom thrown. One without bigotry, one where harmful influences such as yourself are not allowed to chaperone or crown the king and queen, or hopefully, the queen and queen, as clearly Constance deserves it.
Respectfully yours,
Alexandra Burke
To Superintendent McNeece,
How incredibly heartbreaking it was to hear that Constance McMillen was not allowed to bring her girlfriend to her own schools prom, nor were either her or her date allowed to wear a tuxedo to her own prom. But it was downright enraging to hear that rather then let her bring her girlfriend or wear whatever she pleases to her own prom, you chose to cancel the entire affair. And it was further enraging that the reasons given was she might make other students uncomfortable. Other students, or just you?
To have a student like Constance, an honor student, a young woman so confident in herself and so happy in her relationship, is a wonderful thing. To not only prevent her from enjoying such a important high school experience, but to also blame her for others lack of opportunity of the same thing is immature, ignorant and morally wrong.
I sincerely hope there is a private citizens prom thrown. One without bigotry, one where harmful influences such as yourself are not allowed to chaperone or crown the king and queen, or hopefully, the queen and queen, as clearly Constance deserves it.
Respectfully yours,
Alexandra Burke
105
Public Servants of Itawamba County:
You have decided to cancel the 2010 Itawamba Agricultural High School prom based on your personal bigotry against a student. You are public servants and your personal bigotry may not infect your role as such. What you have done is not only apalling and illegal, it is completely UN-AMERICAN. This is the 21st century in the USA where all humans have equal and inalienable rights. Your personal opinions are nowhere in this equation. You must apologize and reverse your decision immediately, if not because you fail to see the err in your ways, (you should), then because of the very ugly portrait of yourselves you are painting to the rest of America. I suggest you consult the Gospels for some better guidance in your future decisions.
You have decided to cancel the 2010 Itawamba Agricultural High School prom based on your personal bigotry against a student. You are public servants and your personal bigotry may not infect your role as such. What you have done is not only apalling and illegal, it is completely UN-AMERICAN. This is the 21st century in the USA where all humans have equal and inalienable rights. Your personal opinions are nowhere in this equation. You must apologize and reverse your decision immediately, if not because you fail to see the err in your ways, (you should), then because of the very ugly portrait of yourselves you are painting to the rest of America. I suggest you consult the Gospels for some better guidance in your future decisions.
109
Am trying to send to them, but both their and your boxes seem to be over quota. Anyone else having that problem?
110
blueelephant3 - I'd be happy to donate something to the cause. how does one set that sort of thing up?
114
I love the alternate prom idea. Anyone contacted a party planner in the area? I bet one could get some big name entertainment, cheap. "Yeah, we could go to the Upright Citzens' Prom and have punch and crepe paper decorations, or we could go across the street to the Everyone is Welcome Prom and see [whomever the kids dance to these days]!"
115
Yes, it's surely a big problem for women to be putting on traditionally male clothing. I certainly hope none of the women on the school board own any jeans or pants suits.
116
I'd be interested in hearing what the other kids have to say. Hopefully, they're disgusted with their redneck elders.
117
I hope the following gets through (I've gotten bounces from a few e-mail addresses):
Dear Superintendent McNeece, Principal Wiygul, and Itawamba School Board:
I read of the cancellation of the prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School in USA Today. I would like to express my displeasure to all of you, and to strongly encourage you to reverse this mean-spirited, shortsighted, bigoted, and hateful decision.
Having grown up in the south I have witnessed discrimination and hate towards the gay and lesbian population first hand, and have seen the effects of such bigotry on a close friends. However, the cancelation of prom because a lesbian student wanted to attend with her girlfriend is particularly egregious. Not only does it send the message to Ms. McMillen that she is not welcome at your school, it also sends a message to any other gay and lesbian students in your school district that they are not welcome, and may further harm the ability of such students to gain a sense of self-acceptance, which given the environment in the south, must be difficult already. Additionally, the fact that the board has encouraged the community to organize a private prom further points to the fact that prom was not cancelled out of concern for any disruption, but was rather cancelled out of spite, bigotry and hatred for Ms. McMillen and any other homosexual students. This further reenforces the message that your school board is sending that gays and lesbians are not welcome in your school or community, and that they are viewed by you and the community as second class citizens.
I'm glad that Ms. McMillen had the courage to go public with the outrageous way in which she was treated by your school board. I'm sure that in speaking out about your discrimination Ms. McMillen has created a far larger disruption to your school, and your community than would have otherwise occurred had you simply allowed Ms. McMillen to do what you allow everyone else in school to do, that is take their significant other on a date to prom.
We live in a society that's becoming more and more tolerant, and this tolerance extends to the gay and lesbian community. I hope you realize that you are not only on the losing side of this battle, but you are on the morally indefensible side. A book of superstitions that is thousands of years old does not reflect morality and what is permissible in an open, tolerant, and pluralistic society.
I sincerely hope that you reconsider your decision, or that if you don't the ACLU's suit forces you to do the right thing.
More...
Dear Superintendent McNeece, Principal Wiygul, and Itawamba School Board:
I read of the cancellation of the prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School in USA Today. I would like to express my displeasure to all of you, and to strongly encourage you to reverse this mean-spirited, shortsighted, bigoted, and hateful decision.
Having grown up in the south I have witnessed discrimination and hate towards the gay and lesbian population first hand, and have seen the effects of such bigotry on a close friends. However, the cancelation of prom because a lesbian student wanted to attend with her girlfriend is particularly egregious. Not only does it send the message to Ms. McMillen that she is not welcome at your school, it also sends a message to any other gay and lesbian students in your school district that they are not welcome, and may further harm the ability of such students to gain a sense of self-acceptance, which given the environment in the south, must be difficult already. Additionally, the fact that the board has encouraged the community to organize a private prom further points to the fact that prom was not cancelled out of concern for any disruption, but was rather cancelled out of spite, bigotry and hatred for Ms. McMillen and any other homosexual students. This further reenforces the message that your school board is sending that gays and lesbians are not welcome in your school or community, and that they are viewed by you and the community as second class citizens.
I'm glad that Ms. McMillen had the courage to go public with the outrageous way in which she was treated by your school board. I'm sure that in speaking out about your discrimination Ms. McMillen has created a far larger disruption to your school, and your community than would have otherwise occurred had you simply allowed Ms. McMillen to do what you allow everyone else in school to do, that is take their significant other on a date to prom.
We live in a society that's becoming more and more tolerant, and this tolerance extends to the gay and lesbian community. I hope you realize that you are not only on the losing side of this battle, but you are on the morally indefensible side. A book of superstitions that is thousands of years old does not reflect morality and what is permissible in an open, tolerant, and pluralistic society.
I sincerely hope that you reconsider your decision, or that if you don't the ACLU's suit forces you to do the right thing.
119
I sent Dan Savage an email to see if he might be interested in helping put together a prom fund. I don't think that I myself have the connections to put it together, and realistically I wouldn't expect anyone to send money to a stranger on the internet.
121
Oh, and before anyone screams "see, the gays take your jobs if you disagree with them!!", remember that the School District canceled the prom and blamed this girl for it. I don't know about you guys, but setting a kid up to take the fall because of animus is pretty heinous.
122
A funny thought just occurred to me, two minutes after seeing the lawsuit was a go in Federal court.
What if this case does set the legal precedent in Federal court that you can't discriminate over whether someone is straight or not?
All over a high school dance, which has (as of today) only a long shot chance... but a chance, nonetheless, of changing the entire legal course of a country.
Maybe I'm just being too hopeful. Make for a hell of a teen movie.
What if this case does set the legal precedent in Federal court that you can't discriminate over whether someone is straight or not?
All over a high school dance, which has (as of today) only a long shot chance... but a chance, nonetheless, of changing the entire legal course of a country.
Maybe I'm just being too hopeful. Make for a hell of a teen movie.
123
i'm thinking that some high profiled out gays ..ellen, rosie o'... etc. might also be game for getting the alterna prom..
but yeah i'd love to scratch up some nickels to send their way.
but yeah i'd love to scratch up some nickels to send their way.
124
My letter to the Superintendant,
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I find your actions ill advised, as well as personally distasteful. You have placed a young woman in an untenable position, as being responsible for the cancellation of prom, a major event for high school students. She is now the scapegoat, and you know nothing good happens to the scapegoat, especially in high school. You have also shown yourself to be a bigot by not allowing her to attend prom in the first place.
My daughter and her then girlfriend attended Homecoming at their Monroe, Louisiana high school together. Her girlfriend wore a suit, my daughter a lovely formal gown. They were a charming couple.
And guess what, Ms. McNeece, the world did not end, the dance went on as usual. Pictures were taken. They danced, drank punch, and had fun with their classmates. No one complained. No one felt uncomfortable.
My daughter and her girlfriend are no longer together, but her girlfriend continues to be like a daughter to me. My daughter considers herself bisexual and is now married to a man. But that was her decision, just as it was her decision to attend Homecoming.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century, Ms. McNeece. Relationships should be about love, caring, and attraction, not about the established social order.
Most sincerely and truthfully,
Lisa Teague
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I find your actions ill advised, as well as personally distasteful. You have placed a young woman in an untenable position, as being responsible for the cancellation of prom, a major event for high school students. She is now the scapegoat, and you know nothing good happens to the scapegoat, especially in high school. You have also shown yourself to be a bigot by not allowing her to attend prom in the first place.
My daughter and her then girlfriend attended Homecoming at their Monroe, Louisiana high school together. Her girlfriend wore a suit, my daughter a lovely formal gown. They were a charming couple.
And guess what, Ms. McNeece, the world did not end, the dance went on as usual. Pictures were taken. They danced, drank punch, and had fun with their classmates. No one complained. No one felt uncomfortable.
My daughter and her girlfriend are no longer together, but her girlfriend continues to be like a daughter to me. My daughter considers herself bisexual and is now married to a man. But that was her decision, just as it was her decision to attend Homecoming.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century, Ms. McNeece. Relationships should be about love, caring, and attraction, not about the established social order.
Most sincerely and truthfully,
Lisa Teague
126
My email:
Dear superintendant, principal, & school board members:
Prom is considered by most students to be a rite of passage. In this day and age, the 21st century, why is it acceptable to you (regardless of YOUR beliefs) to disallow a lesbian from attending with the date of her choice?
You can't very well cite religious beliefs (that homosexuality is a sin, or, to use the word from the worn out passage of Leviticus, an abomination to the Lord), because yours is a public school, receiving federal funding, which means you can't discriminate for religious reasons.
And really, religion and morality (based ON religion) are the only reasons to discriminate against gays and lesbians (by the way, what happened to love and tolerance?). They're no different from you or me. They laugh, love, hope, hurt, dance, and even pray. They bleed red when cut, they cry when they're hurt. Same as I do. Same as you.
One of your students wanted to attend this rite of passage, with a person of her choosing (same as all of your straight students), and now, because of the actions of your district, will be the target of other students' displeasure, and likely excoriated.
I will say one thing: Congratulations. You've certainly made your school's 2010 prom something that will never be forgotten!
Dear superintendant, principal, & school board members:
Prom is considered by most students to be a rite of passage. In this day and age, the 21st century, why is it acceptable to you (regardless of YOUR beliefs) to disallow a lesbian from attending with the date of her choice?
You can't very well cite religious beliefs (that homosexuality is a sin, or, to use the word from the worn out passage of Leviticus, an abomination to the Lord), because yours is a public school, receiving federal funding, which means you can't discriminate for religious reasons.
And really, religion and morality (based ON religion) are the only reasons to discriminate against gays and lesbians (by the way, what happened to love and tolerance?). They're no different from you or me. They laugh, love, hope, hurt, dance, and even pray. They bleed red when cut, they cry when they're hurt. Same as I do. Same as you.
One of your students wanted to attend this rite of passage, with a person of her choosing (same as all of your straight students), and now, because of the actions of your district, will be the target of other students' displeasure, and likely excoriated.
I will say one thing: Congratulations. You've certainly made your school's 2010 prom something that will never be forgotten!
128
Here's my letter:
Dear Superintendent Teresa McNeece & Principal Trae Wiygul,
Your actions against 18 year-old Constance McMillen are unbelievable. How can you possibly think that cancelling the entire prom because you think that a lesbian couple would be "distracting" would be the best course of action? It is no wonder that your school is ranked 115th out of 251 MISSISSIPPI schools, where Mississippi ranks to be 45 out of 47 counted. http://www.usnews.com/articles/education… Please try to catch up with the rest of the country. Not only in learning to accept others and NOT discriminate, but also to perform better in education. How is this a useful expenditure of your time? Instead of spending time and resources spreading hate, try finding solutions to better education in your state. You are a lousy excuse for a school district and a shining example of why Mississippi continues to sink further down in the rankings of education. How about valuing freedom and equality, American principles that seem to have escaped you? How about teaching kids acceptance rather than discrimination? What an example you set. Have you never heard of the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated?
Here is what Ms. McMillen has to say:
All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student. But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly,” said McMillen, an 18-year-old senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi. “This isn’t just about me and my rights anymore — now I’m fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom.”
Listen to your students, grow out of this hate, start understanding the world as it is, not as you assume it should be. The real world has gay people in it, lots of gay people who are doing good things for this country and good things for the world.
Sincerely,
Megan Simpson
More...
Dear Superintendent Teresa McNeece & Principal Trae Wiygul,
Your actions against 18 year-old Constance McMillen are unbelievable. How can you possibly think that cancelling the entire prom because you think that a lesbian couple would be "distracting" would be the best course of action? It is no wonder that your school is ranked 115th out of 251 MISSISSIPPI schools, where Mississippi ranks to be 45 out of 47 counted. http://www.usnews.com/articles/education… Please try to catch up with the rest of the country. Not only in learning to accept others and NOT discriminate, but also to perform better in education. How is this a useful expenditure of your time? Instead of spending time and resources spreading hate, try finding solutions to better education in your state. You are a lousy excuse for a school district and a shining example of why Mississippi continues to sink further down in the rankings of education. How about valuing freedom and equality, American principles that seem to have escaped you? How about teaching kids acceptance rather than discrimination? What an example you set. Have you never heard of the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated?
Here is what Ms. McMillen has to say:
All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student. But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly,” said McMillen, an 18-year-old senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi. “This isn’t just about me and my rights anymore — now I’m fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom.”
Listen to your students, grow out of this hate, start understanding the world as it is, not as you assume it should be. The real world has gay people in it, lots of gay people who are doing good things for this country and good things for the world.
Sincerely,
Megan Simpson
129
I spent 7 months of fun in southern mississippi in 91 while in the air force (keesler afb), and the locals down there were bigoted against color, and military, since you don't get much whiter then me (and male). We had to be back at certain times or say where we were going with phone numbers if staying out overnight.
I know this was an issue when I was in high school in the late 80's, and it was brought up from time to time, but prom was never canceled over it.
They are discovering the power of the internet, and just how fast information travels in this day and age. You can't do something that stupid, and get away with it anymore.
Since this is a public school, it falls under local, state, and federal laws. Also if anything happens to her, the school is going to be the first one sued, and they will be sued hard. There is going to be millions that will have to be payed out, but only as long as the case gets out of the local courts.
I know this was an issue when I was in high school in the late 80's, and it was brought up from time to time, but prom was never canceled over it.
They are discovering the power of the internet, and just how fast information travels in this day and age. You can't do something that stupid, and get away with it anymore.
Since this is a public school, it falls under local, state, and federal laws. Also if anything happens to her, the school is going to be the first one sued, and they will be sued hard. There is going to be millions that will have to be payed out, but only as long as the case gets out of the local courts.
130
My letter to the principal and superintendant:
Dear Superintendent McNeece and Principal Wiygul,
I have a question about the American History offerings in the Itawamba County School System:
Do you teach the students about Jim Crow Laws, and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid blacks equal access to public accommodation? If so, do you tell the students that Mississippi was in the error and stood on the wrong side of history?
Do you teach them about Loving v. Virginia and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid men and women who loved each other the right to get married? If so, do you tell the students that Mississippi was in error and stood on the wrong side of history?
Do you teach them about the female suffrage and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid women the right to vote? If so, do you tell them that Mississippi was in error and stood on the wrong side of history?
And more to the point, in twenty years, what are you going to tell them about a county in Mississippi that ruined a high school tradition for an entire student body, because Mississippi was once again, determined to stand on the wrong side of history?
Do yourselves, your state, and, most importantly, your students a favor: back down from your decision to cancel the prom. Let all the students go with the dates of their choice. Any disturbance Constance McMillen causes will pale in comparison to the disturbance you and your school board members have already caused by a decision that can only be characterized as backwards, hateful and wrong-headed.
The nation is watching, and the nation has a long memory, as History proves.
Sincerely,
Clayton Delery
Natchitoches, Louisiana
More...
Dear Superintendent McNeece and Principal Wiygul,
I have a question about the American History offerings in the Itawamba County School System:
Do you teach the students about Jim Crow Laws, and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid blacks equal access to public accommodation? If so, do you tell the students that Mississippi was in the error and stood on the wrong side of history?
Do you teach them about Loving v. Virginia and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid men and women who loved each other the right to get married? If so, do you tell the students that Mississippi was in error and stood on the wrong side of history?
Do you teach them about the female suffrage and tell them that many states—including Mississippi—used to forbid women the right to vote? If so, do you tell them that Mississippi was in error and stood on the wrong side of history?
And more to the point, in twenty years, what are you going to tell them about a county in Mississippi that ruined a high school tradition for an entire student body, because Mississippi was once again, determined to stand on the wrong side of history?
Do yourselves, your state, and, most importantly, your students a favor: back down from your decision to cancel the prom. Let all the students go with the dates of their choice. Any disturbance Constance McMillen causes will pale in comparison to the disturbance you and your school board members have already caused by a decision that can only be characterized as backwards, hateful and wrong-headed.
The nation is watching, and the nation has a long memory, as History proves.
Sincerely,
Clayton Delery
Natchitoches, Louisiana
131
This is what I wrote:
My name is Mallory Baim. I am twenty four years old. I am bisexual.
In 2003 I asked my girlfriend to go to our high school's prom with me. She said "no," because she didn't want to tell her parents that she was a lesbian. So - a male friend came to prom as my date, and another male friend went to prom as her date. It sometimes still hurts to think about it. That in Scarsdale, New York in 2003 a girl could be scared to attend a high school prom with the person she is in love with, because of how it might affect other people. That was seven years ago. Until today, I truly believed that things were changing. I am sad to find out that I was wrong.
I am proud of Constance McMillen for being brave enough to attend prom with her girlfriend.
I am ashamed that a school would go as far as to cancel the entire prom just to make sure that this wouldn't happen.
I was raised to believe that I should be proud of who I am, no matter what that was. I was raised to believe that I should never hide myself in order to satisfy other people. I was raised to believe that everyone is equal. I was raised to believe that anyone (or any institution) who told me I couldn't be who I am; was wrong. I was raised to believe that I didn't need these people in my life.
Unfortunately, when it comes to high school, you can't exactly choose where you go. But you can, at the very least, expect the high school you attend to nurture you and help you grow. In canceling its prom, because a young woman wants the world to know who she is, Itawamba Agricultural High School is doing the exact opposite. K-12 schooling is supposed to be about giving children the tools they need to grow up and become a successful human being. Scarsdale High School taught me that no matter how many times I failed, there would always be someone there for me, saying "I believe in you." Everybody, absolutely everybody, deserves the chance to be believed in. I am so grateful that the tools I learned in high school didn't involve learning that I could be punished, that I could get a large group of people punished, simply for being who I am.
That is not the kind of lesson that should be taught in any high school. A lot of children are unsure and potentially afraid to stand up for themselves. Anyone who is able to say to the world "Hello! This is who I am!" should be revered, not punished. That is what I've learned in this world and that is what I want my children to learn.
Children have brought guns to school, shot, and killed other students because people made fun of them. Because they felt like they didn't fit in. To feel that way because of your peers is one thing. To have the school, the institution itself, flat out tell you that you don't fit in, and take an action that insures the students will feel the same way... I can't imagine how that would feel. It should be the institution's responsibility to make sure that students never feel that way, not to actively make that happen. Constance McMillen may be strong enough to not feel that way. But that doesn't mean that any other student in a similar situation would be that strong. Studies have shows that gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth because they are discriminated against in a way that heterosexual youth wouldn't be able to understand. Is that really something you want to risk? Is that a message you really want to send? In taking such a harsh action, you are setting a precedent. Other schools will see this happening, and they will believe that it is okay for them to take such an action. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have enough being thrown at them, just for being who they are, because ignorant people believe that homosexuality is an aberration. Being told this by an institution is just adding fuel to the fire. No human being has a right to judge another in this way. Passing this kind of judgment is not the reason schools exist. Passing this kind of judgment is not a humane way to treat anyone. Passing this kind of judgment will only propel the bigotry that already exists in this world. Who knows what will happen with the next child who is judged this way. We already went through this with jews, people of color, and almost every minority that exists in a given place. Do we really need to go through it all again in order to remember what happens? I really hope we don't.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I hope you re-assess your decision in order to allow every child to live their own life and be true to themself.
Sincerely,
Mallory Baim
More...
My name is Mallory Baim. I am twenty four years old. I am bisexual.
In 2003 I asked my girlfriend to go to our high school's prom with me. She said "no," because she didn't want to tell her parents that she was a lesbian. So - a male friend came to prom as my date, and another male friend went to prom as her date. It sometimes still hurts to think about it. That in Scarsdale, New York in 2003 a girl could be scared to attend a high school prom with the person she is in love with, because of how it might affect other people. That was seven years ago. Until today, I truly believed that things were changing. I am sad to find out that I was wrong.
I am proud of Constance McMillen for being brave enough to attend prom with her girlfriend.
I am ashamed that a school would go as far as to cancel the entire prom just to make sure that this wouldn't happen.
I was raised to believe that I should be proud of who I am, no matter what that was. I was raised to believe that I should never hide myself in order to satisfy other people. I was raised to believe that everyone is equal. I was raised to believe that anyone (or any institution) who told me I couldn't be who I am; was wrong. I was raised to believe that I didn't need these people in my life.
Unfortunately, when it comes to high school, you can't exactly choose where you go. But you can, at the very least, expect the high school you attend to nurture you and help you grow. In canceling its prom, because a young woman wants the world to know who she is, Itawamba Agricultural High School is doing the exact opposite. K-12 schooling is supposed to be about giving children the tools they need to grow up and become a successful human being. Scarsdale High School taught me that no matter how many times I failed, there would always be someone there for me, saying "I believe in you." Everybody, absolutely everybody, deserves the chance to be believed in. I am so grateful that the tools I learned in high school didn't involve learning that I could be punished, that I could get a large group of people punished, simply for being who I am.
That is not the kind of lesson that should be taught in any high school. A lot of children are unsure and potentially afraid to stand up for themselves. Anyone who is able to say to the world "Hello! This is who I am!" should be revered, not punished. That is what I've learned in this world and that is what I want my children to learn.
Children have brought guns to school, shot, and killed other students because people made fun of them. Because they felt like they didn't fit in. To feel that way because of your peers is one thing. To have the school, the institution itself, flat out tell you that you don't fit in, and take an action that insures the students will feel the same way... I can't imagine how that would feel. It should be the institution's responsibility to make sure that students never feel that way, not to actively make that happen. Constance McMillen may be strong enough to not feel that way. But that doesn't mean that any other student in a similar situation would be that strong. Studies have shows that gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth because they are discriminated against in a way that heterosexual youth wouldn't be able to understand. Is that really something you want to risk? Is that a message you really want to send? In taking such a harsh action, you are setting a precedent. Other schools will see this happening, and they will believe that it is okay for them to take such an action. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have enough being thrown at them, just for being who they are, because ignorant people believe that homosexuality is an aberration. Being told this by an institution is just adding fuel to the fire. No human being has a right to judge another in this way. Passing this kind of judgment is not the reason schools exist. Passing this kind of judgment is not a humane way to treat anyone. Passing this kind of judgment will only propel the bigotry that already exists in this world. Who knows what will happen with the next child who is judged this way. We already went through this with jews, people of color, and almost every minority that exists in a given place. Do we really need to go through it all again in order to remember what happens? I really hope we don't.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I hope you re-assess your decision in order to allow every child to live their own life and be true to themself.
Sincerely,
Mallory Baim
132
This is what I wrote:
My name is Mallory Baim. I am twenty four years old. I am bisexual.
In 2003 I asked my girlfriend to go to our high school's prom with me. She said "no," because she didn't want to tell her parents that she was a lesbian. So - a male friend came to prom as my date, and another male friend went to prom as her date. It sometimes still hurts to think about it. That in Scarsdale, New York in 2003 a girl could be scared to attend a high school prom with the person she is in love with, because of how it might affect other people. That was seven years ago. Until today, I truly believed that things were changing. I am sad to find out that I was wrong.
I am proud of Constance McMillen for being brave enough to attend prom with her girlfriend.
I am ashamed that a school would go as far as to cancel the entire prom just to make sure that this wouldn't happen.
I was raised to believe that I should be proud of who I am, no matter what that was. I was raised to believe that I should never hide myself in order to satisfy other people. I was raised to believe that everyone is equal. I was raised to believe that anyone (or any institution) who told me I couldn't be who I am; was wrong. I was raised to believe that I didn't need these people in my life.
Unfortunately, when it comes to high school, you can't exactly choose where you go. But you can, at the very least, expect the high school you attend to nurture you and help you grow. In canceling its prom, because a young woman wants the world to know who she is, Itawamba Agricultural High School is doing the exact opposite. K-12 schooling is supposed to be about giving children the tools they need to grow up and become a successful human being. Scarsdale High School taught me that no matter how many times I failed, there would always be someone there for me, saying "I believe in you." Everybody, absolutely everybody, deserves the chance to be believed in. I am so grateful that the tools I learned in high school didn't involve learning that I could be punished, that I could get a large group of people punished, simply for being who I am.
That is not the kind of lesson that should be taught in any high school. A lot of children are unsure and potentially afraid to stand up for themselves. Anyone who is able to say to the world "Hello! This is who I am!" should be revered, not punished. That is what I've learned in this world and that is what I want my children to learn.
Children have brought guns to school, shot, and killed other students because people made fun of them. Because they felt like they didn't fit in. To feel that way because of your peers is one thing. To have the school, the institution itself, flat out tell you that you don't fit in, and take an action that insures the students will feel the same way... I can't imagine how that would feel. It should be the institution's responsibility to make sure that students never feel that way, not to actively make that happen. Constance McMillen may be strong enough to not feel that way. But that doesn't mean that any other student in a similar situation would be that strong. Studies have shows that gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth because they are discriminated against in a way that heterosexual youth wouldn't be able to understand. Is that really something you want to risk? Is that a message you really want to send? In taking such a harsh action, you are setting a precedent. Other schools will see this happening, and they will believe that it is okay for them to take such an action. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have enough being thrown at them, just for being who they are, because ignorant people believe that homosexuality is an aberration. Being told this by an institution is just adding fuel to the fire. No human being has a right to judge another in this way. Passing this kind of judgment is not the reason schools exist. Passing this kind of judgment is not a humane way to treat anyone. Passing this kind of judgment will only propel the bigotry that already exists in this world. Who knows what will happen with the next child who is judged this way. We already went through this with jews, people of color, and almost every minority that exists in a given place. Do we really need to go through it all again in order to remember what happens? I really hope we don't.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I hope you re-assess your decision in order to allow every child to live their own life and be true to themself.
Sincerely,
Mallory Baim
More...
My name is Mallory Baim. I am twenty four years old. I am bisexual.
In 2003 I asked my girlfriend to go to our high school's prom with me. She said "no," because she didn't want to tell her parents that she was a lesbian. So - a male friend came to prom as my date, and another male friend went to prom as her date. It sometimes still hurts to think about it. That in Scarsdale, New York in 2003 a girl could be scared to attend a high school prom with the person she is in love with, because of how it might affect other people. That was seven years ago. Until today, I truly believed that things were changing. I am sad to find out that I was wrong.
I am proud of Constance McMillen for being brave enough to attend prom with her girlfriend.
I am ashamed that a school would go as far as to cancel the entire prom just to make sure that this wouldn't happen.
I was raised to believe that I should be proud of who I am, no matter what that was. I was raised to believe that I should never hide myself in order to satisfy other people. I was raised to believe that everyone is equal. I was raised to believe that anyone (or any institution) who told me I couldn't be who I am; was wrong. I was raised to believe that I didn't need these people in my life.
Unfortunately, when it comes to high school, you can't exactly choose where you go. But you can, at the very least, expect the high school you attend to nurture you and help you grow. In canceling its prom, because a young woman wants the world to know who she is, Itawamba Agricultural High School is doing the exact opposite. K-12 schooling is supposed to be about giving children the tools they need to grow up and become a successful human being. Scarsdale High School taught me that no matter how many times I failed, there would always be someone there for me, saying "I believe in you." Everybody, absolutely everybody, deserves the chance to be believed in. I am so grateful that the tools I learned in high school didn't involve learning that I could be punished, that I could get a large group of people punished, simply for being who I am.
That is not the kind of lesson that should be taught in any high school. A lot of children are unsure and potentially afraid to stand up for themselves. Anyone who is able to say to the world "Hello! This is who I am!" should be revered, not punished. That is what I've learned in this world and that is what I want my children to learn.
Children have brought guns to school, shot, and killed other students because people made fun of them. Because they felt like they didn't fit in. To feel that way because of your peers is one thing. To have the school, the institution itself, flat out tell you that you don't fit in, and take an action that insures the students will feel the same way... I can't imagine how that would feel. It should be the institution's responsibility to make sure that students never feel that way, not to actively make that happen. Constance McMillen may be strong enough to not feel that way. But that doesn't mean that any other student in a similar situation would be that strong. Studies have shows that gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth because they are discriminated against in a way that heterosexual youth wouldn't be able to understand. Is that really something you want to risk? Is that a message you really want to send? In taking such a harsh action, you are setting a precedent. Other schools will see this happening, and they will believe that it is okay for them to take such an action. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have enough being thrown at them, just for being who they are, because ignorant people believe that homosexuality is an aberration. Being told this by an institution is just adding fuel to the fire. No human being has a right to judge another in this way. Passing this kind of judgment is not the reason schools exist. Passing this kind of judgment is not a humane way to treat anyone. Passing this kind of judgment will only propel the bigotry that already exists in this world. Who knows what will happen with the next child who is judged this way. We already went through this with jews, people of color, and almost every minority that exists in a given place. Do we really need to go through it all again in order to remember what happens? I really hope we don't.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I hope you re-assess your decision in order to allow every child to live their own life and be true to themself.
Sincerely,
Mallory Baim
135
This is a copy of the e-mail I sent all of them. I kept to the high road.
Dear Ladies & Gentlemen of the Itawamba County School District,
Please reverse your decision to cancel the prom. A reversal of your decision would teach tolerance, character, and that it's never to late to change ones mind and admit one has made a mistake to the kids in your county.
It will also save your county a great deal of money spent on a law suit that could likely go all the way to the Supreme Court. Money, I am sure, that would be better spent on the academic needs of your students.
It's not too late to make this right.
Concerned citizen & mother in Albuquerque, NM,
Dear Ladies & Gentlemen of the Itawamba County School District,
Please reverse your decision to cancel the prom. A reversal of your decision would teach tolerance, character, and that it's never to late to change ones mind and admit one has made a mistake to the kids in your county.
It will also save your county a great deal of money spent on a law suit that could likely go all the way to the Supreme Court. Money, I am sure, that would be better spent on the academic needs of your students.
It's not too late to make this right.
Concerned citizen & mother in Albuquerque, NM,
139
Non-working e-mails: jnichols@itawamba.k12.ms.us, hmartin@itawamba.k12.ms.us, a082315@allstate.com
143
School Board Members, Itawamba County School District, Fulton, MS
It is with great dismay and even greater distaste that I find myself compelled to write to you about the cancellation of Prom for the seniors at Itawamba Agricultural High School. The following definitions come from well known internet references:
“Education is the process by which society deliberately transmits its accumulated knowledge, skill and values from one generation to another.”
Knowledge - acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles
Skill - something that requires training and experience to do well
Values - relative worth, merit, or importance
What knowledge, skill and value are the students of the Itawamba County School District supposed to be learning from your actions?
As educators I call you failures.
As elected board members I call you frauds.
If I were in your voting district I would call for your resignation.
It is with great dismay and even greater distaste that I find myself compelled to write to you about the cancellation of Prom for the seniors at Itawamba Agricultural High School. The following definitions come from well known internet references:
“Education is the process by which society deliberately transmits its accumulated knowledge, skill and values from one generation to another.”
Knowledge - acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles
Skill - something that requires training and experience to do well
Values - relative worth, merit, or importance
What knowledge, skill and value are the students of the Itawamba County School District supposed to be learning from your actions?
As educators I call you failures.
As elected board members I call you frauds.
If I were in your voting district I would call for your resignation.
146
To Whom It May Concern:
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
148
To Whom It May Concern:
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
149
To Whom It May Concern:
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
You are furthering the stereotype of what the rest of the country thinks about the South. It is time you venture beyond your borders and state lines and move beyond your small ways of thinking. Lesbian, gay, black, white - think human beings, all with feelings, emotions, dreams, hopes, goals, and something valuable to offer this country. You have disgraced yourselves and the forward progress of this nation. Do you not follow national news?
~Tim
Seattle, WA
151
unregistered @138, who cares? A lot of 12-year olds think they are straight but turn out to be gay. This particular 12-year-old thought she was gay but is now straight/in a hetero relationship. Doesn't sound like she regrets her involvement in the GSA or has major unresolved identity issues. I don't know what you are trying to prove.
152
When I shared this on my FB page the headline reads "... female date - and pot" which would actually make sense but I doubt a prom would get canceled over a little pot.
154
Here's my e-mail to all of the above:
Dear Superintendent McNeece, Principal Wiygul, and School Board Members-
I recently returned from over a year in Iraq, embedded with our military, and am now preparing for another overseas assignment to protect our nation.
I am frankly surprised to learn that the Itawamba County School Board has cancelled the Itawamba Agricultural High School prom because Constance McMillen wants to bring a female date. I myself don't always understand this younger generation, but I do know that times change and this is not a big deal.
I also think Ms. McMillen is a much better role model for your students than heterosexual Bristol Palin of Wasilla, Alaska.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Karl Olson
Dear Superintendent McNeece, Principal Wiygul, and School Board Members-
I recently returned from over a year in Iraq, embedded with our military, and am now preparing for another overseas assignment to protect our nation.
I am frankly surprised to learn that the Itawamba County School Board has cancelled the Itawamba Agricultural High School prom because Constance McMillen wants to bring a female date. I myself don't always understand this younger generation, but I do know that times change and this is not a big deal.
I also think Ms. McMillen is a much better role model for your students than heterosexual Bristol Palin of Wasilla, Alaska.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Karl Olson
155
The letter I sent:
I am writing to thank you for canceling prom and putting student Constance McMillen in danger of retribution from the rest of the student body. Now we will have the opportunity to deal openly with whether as a nation we believe it is acceptable to exclude or discriminate against individuals because of their sexuality. You have provided us a valuable opportunity to decide as a nation what acceptable behavior around gender is, to create legislation and and legal precedent based on the outcome of the court decisions in this instance.
Congratulations,
-Amelia
I am writing to thank you for canceling prom and putting student Constance McMillen in danger of retribution from the rest of the student body. Now we will have the opportunity to deal openly with whether as a nation we believe it is acceptable to exclude or discriminate against individuals because of their sexuality. You have provided us a valuable opportunity to decide as a nation what acceptable behavior around gender is, to create legislation and and legal precedent based on the outcome of the court decisions in this instance.
Congratulations,
-Amelia
156
to Supt McNeese
Reading about this situation, I wanted to express my extreme disappointment that your School Board / State will allow this sanctioned discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation in Itawamba County.
While I am sure you and others in similar positions are getting a lot of heat, I'm not writing to beat you up, but to ask that you and your colleagues re-examine the situation.
It is frightening that the next step from here could be barring LGBTQI students from participating in sports--or maybe preventing these students from attending school at all? How can this be okay??
Constance McMillen simply wants to wear clothing of her own choosing that is not obscene and attend with the person of her own choosing as well. This will not do harm to any other person, student, teacher, the school, the district, the county, city or state.
Is it more important to impose one's own beliefs upon students or is it more important to protect these students who need it? Lesbians and other marginalized groups are at your mercy and depend on administrators to stop discrimination, not perpetuate it! These students MUST be able to count on someone standing up for them. It is easy to do the popular thing, but more important to do the RIGHT thing.
I ask that you intervene on behalf of your students that need you to stand up for them. This is not just about a prom, it is about how we value Constance and other minority students. Please reinstate the prom and open it to ALL students, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity, with no restriction on gender of dates or gender specific clothing.
Thank you for reading & I hope you will reply personally.
Sincerely,
Citizen Roe
aka Liz Price
More...
Reading about this situation, I wanted to express my extreme disappointment that your School Board / State will allow this sanctioned discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation in Itawamba County.
While I am sure you and others in similar positions are getting a lot of heat, I'm not writing to beat you up, but to ask that you and your colleagues re-examine the situation.
It is frightening that the next step from here could be barring LGBTQI students from participating in sports--or maybe preventing these students from attending school at all? How can this be okay??
Constance McMillen simply wants to wear clothing of her own choosing that is not obscene and attend with the person of her own choosing as well. This will not do harm to any other person, student, teacher, the school, the district, the county, city or state.
Is it more important to impose one's own beliefs upon students or is it more important to protect these students who need it? Lesbians and other marginalized groups are at your mercy and depend on administrators to stop discrimination, not perpetuate it! These students MUST be able to count on someone standing up for them. It is easy to do the popular thing, but more important to do the RIGHT thing.
I ask that you intervene on behalf of your students that need you to stand up for them. This is not just about a prom, it is about how we value Constance and other minority students. Please reinstate the prom and open it to ALL students, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity, with no restriction on gender of dates or gender specific clothing.
Thank you for reading & I hope you will reply personally.
Sincerely,
Citizen Roe
aka Liz Price
157
Here's one way to reach a board member:
www.allstate.com
Eddie Hood Insurance
2305 West Main Street
Tupelo, MS 38801-3106
(662) 840-1312
www.allstate.com
Eddie Hood Insurance
2305 West Main Street
Tupelo, MS 38801-3106
(662) 840-1312
159
Clara Brown at http://network-one.com/, the telphone number to call is 601-969-0333
Nexband Communications
817 South Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi 39201
Tel: (601) 353-2001
(877) 500-4853
Fax: (601) 353-1924
Support: 888-260-4357
Nexband Communications
817 South Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi 39201
Tel: (601) 353-2001
(877) 500-4853
Fax: (601) 353-1924
Support: 888-260-4357
160
This is my letter:
Teresa McNeece,
I am taking time out of my busy day as a mother of three and homemaker in Seattle, WA in order to let you know of my outrage over the way you and your school board have chosen to treat your student, Constance McMillen. People with as little human decency and compassion as you and your board have shown, have no business being in the business of educating school children. The actions you have taken in canceling the prom in order to further vilify Ms. McMillen with her classmates is simply disgusting behavior which should not be tolerated ~ not in small town America and not anywhere else. You all have shown yourselves to be hateful bigots and you should know that now that this story has been publicized, an entire nation of people who do not believe in your small minded, cruel ways have seen inside your souls and know what you are. For shame.
I sent it to the superintendent with CCs to all the board members and the principal. I also basically read it as a voice message on to the superintendents voice mail.
I wrote a complaint to directors@allstate.com expressing that I'd be watching the media for their reaction to the controversy and then deciding whether or not I'd do business with them now or in the furture. I also asked that they forward my original letter to Eddie Hood since his Allstate email was no longer working and included it.
Teresa McNeece,
I am taking time out of my busy day as a mother of three and homemaker in Seattle, WA in order to let you know of my outrage over the way you and your school board have chosen to treat your student, Constance McMillen. People with as little human decency and compassion as you and your board have shown, have no business being in the business of educating school children. The actions you have taken in canceling the prom in order to further vilify Ms. McMillen with her classmates is simply disgusting behavior which should not be tolerated ~ not in small town America and not anywhere else. You all have shown yourselves to be hateful bigots and you should know that now that this story has been publicized, an entire nation of people who do not believe in your small minded, cruel ways have seen inside your souls and know what you are. For shame.
I sent it to the superintendent with CCs to all the board members and the principal. I also basically read it as a voice message on to the superintendents voice mail.
I wrote a complaint to directors@allstate.com expressing that I'd be watching the media for their reaction to the controversy and then deciding whether or not I'd do business with them now or in the furture. I also asked that they forward my original letter to Eddie Hood since his Allstate email was no longer working and included it.
161
I emailed Nexband too and asked them to pass my letter on to Clara Brown since her email account is no longer working.
I have also sent messages to the superintendent and board members via the their FB pages. You guys are awesome at finding this stuff!
I have also sent messages to the superintendent and board members via the their FB pages. You guys are awesome at finding this stuff!
162
Isn't it ironic that two of the greatest writers in American literature were born in Mississippi?!? I speak of Eudora Welty and Tennessee Williams! Yet, Mississippi today has some of the poorest education statistics in the country. They have one of the highest AIDS rates in the country. Their denial is palpable in so many ways, and this is just another example of their small-mindedness. Is this what they mean when they say "the South will rise again?" Well, if they do, we should just take our collective fists and pound them back down to the ground!!! Until they stay down!
163
Since I sincerely doubt my email will be read (by the recipients whose boxes haven't returned an error message), I'd like to leave my response here as an open letter to the Itawamba County School District:
By now I am sure you have been inundated by emails outraged by the actions that you and the school board have taken in order to keep Constance McMillen from attending her prom with the date of her choice. I am also betting that most of these are going unread and unanswered, but I feel that I need to write you and say that what you have done is deplorable. Not only have you denied a young woman the right to go to her prom, but when challenged about it you decide to cancel the entire thing. I am sure you felt you had the best of intentions, but what you have done is commit social blackmail. Because she chose to fight you, you have made her into a social pariah who will likely be blamed for your actions. In fact, there have already been reports about people treating her unfairly. The reasoning behind your decision (that this is causing a "distraction") is, in my opinion, unsound. What this is doing is causing MORE distraction as people are daily reminded of the fact that they no longer have a prom. Something that may have been discussed at and for a short time after the prom has now become a topic likely brought up daily, now and everyday leading up to the date it was scheduled and likely until graduation.
I understand that in the Bible Belt you must feel that it is your duty to uphold the beliefs and mores of the community at large. After all, these are the people who elect you. But consider the stance that Jesus himself might have taken. He never preached a gospel of exclusion. Love and understanding above all else. How then can you justify canceling the prom just so that you can not have to be subjected to seeing two women dance?
Secondly, look at how history has favored other people who have taken a stand against a policy of inclusion. The Little Rock Nine, nine students who were to be integrated into a Kansas public school, were forcibly stopped by Governor Orval Faubus. This stance turned him into one of the most reviled men in the nation. While I doubt, unlike Governor Faubus, you do not aspire for higher public office, consider the ramifications of your actions in the light of history.
Lastly, consider the good you could do standing up for personal freedom. Ms. McMillen isn't asking for your blessing on her relationship, nor is she asking you to give her the right to someday marry her partner legally. What she is asking is for the right to attend prom like any normal high school student. Taking a stance for basic human liberty, however unpopular, is always the right choice. It makes you a hero and a true Christian.
Sincerely,
Joey Baity
More...
By now I am sure you have been inundated by emails outraged by the actions that you and the school board have taken in order to keep Constance McMillen from attending her prom with the date of her choice. I am also betting that most of these are going unread and unanswered, but I feel that I need to write you and say that what you have done is deplorable. Not only have you denied a young woman the right to go to her prom, but when challenged about it you decide to cancel the entire thing. I am sure you felt you had the best of intentions, but what you have done is commit social blackmail. Because she chose to fight you, you have made her into a social pariah who will likely be blamed for your actions. In fact, there have already been reports about people treating her unfairly. The reasoning behind your decision (that this is causing a "distraction") is, in my opinion, unsound. What this is doing is causing MORE distraction as people are daily reminded of the fact that they no longer have a prom. Something that may have been discussed at and for a short time after the prom has now become a topic likely brought up daily, now and everyday leading up to the date it was scheduled and likely until graduation.
I understand that in the Bible Belt you must feel that it is your duty to uphold the beliefs and mores of the community at large. After all, these are the people who elect you. But consider the stance that Jesus himself might have taken. He never preached a gospel of exclusion. Love and understanding above all else. How then can you justify canceling the prom just so that you can not have to be subjected to seeing two women dance?
Secondly, look at how history has favored other people who have taken a stand against a policy of inclusion. The Little Rock Nine, nine students who were to be integrated into a Kansas public school, were forcibly stopped by Governor Orval Faubus. This stance turned him into one of the most reviled men in the nation. While I doubt, unlike Governor Faubus, you do not aspire for higher public office, consider the ramifications of your actions in the light of history.
Lastly, consider the good you could do standing up for personal freedom. Ms. McMillen isn't asking for your blessing on her relationship, nor is she asking you to give her the right to someday marry her partner legally. What she is asking is for the right to attend prom like any normal high school student. Taking a stance for basic human liberty, however unpopular, is always the right choice. It makes you a hero and a true Christian.
Sincerely,
Joey Baity
165
Here's mine (the usual three addresses bounced, hopefully the others went through):
Superintendent McNeece and members of the Itawamba County School District:
I am writing to express my dismay and disgust at the sheer cussed wrongheadedness of your decision to cancel the Itawamba Agricultural High School prom rather than allow Constance McMillen to wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend to the dance.
You have chosen to punish the entire student population -- WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG -- in order to enforce your will against one student -- WHO ALSO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG. As far as I know, homosexuality is not illegal in Mississippi, nor is wearing a suit and pants. Honestly, considering modern fashions, that tux probably will make her the least scandalously dressed girl in the entire place.
You realize, I hope, that she and her girlfriend could have chosen to bring some random cooperative boys to the dance, and then danced with whomever she liked once she was in the door. (I trust you aren't going to employ monitors to enforce that everybody only "dance with who brung ya.") That would have gotten around your arbitrary and useless rule. Instead, she chose to ask you to treat her fairly, equally, and meaningfully. Rather than be fair, you resorted to the opposite extreme of unfairness, punishing not only her, but the entire school.
You claim that cancelling the dance is to minimize the distraction surrounding this. It should be obvious by now that tactic has utterly backfired. The uproar is literally worldwide (isn't the Internet wonderful?), and you and the rest of the board look like complete idiots. Worse, the other students are blaming Constance for the loss of the dance. She is not the one who cancelled the event. YOU ARE. If anyone ruined the prom for the rest of the kids, it's YOU. Her homosexuality is not to blame; her tuxedo is not to blame; YOU are to blame. You are putting your school district at serious risk of liability, if she suffers violence or other harm in connection with YOUR decision.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your ill-advised course of action. Reinstate the prom, let her wear what she wants, and let her bring the date of her choice. Her presence in a tuxedo will be the least footnote on the night, as will her girlfriend, provided that you finally acquire the good sense to treat this as the non-issue that it truly is.
Regards,
--TL
California
More...
Superintendent McNeece and members of the Itawamba County School District:
I am writing to express my dismay and disgust at the sheer cussed wrongheadedness of your decision to cancel the Itawamba Agricultural High School prom rather than allow Constance McMillen to wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend to the dance.
You have chosen to punish the entire student population -- WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG -- in order to enforce your will against one student -- WHO ALSO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG. As far as I know, homosexuality is not illegal in Mississippi, nor is wearing a suit and pants. Honestly, considering modern fashions, that tux probably will make her the least scandalously dressed girl in the entire place.
You realize, I hope, that she and her girlfriend could have chosen to bring some random cooperative boys to the dance, and then danced with whomever she liked once she was in the door. (I trust you aren't going to employ monitors to enforce that everybody only "dance with who brung ya.") That would have gotten around your arbitrary and useless rule. Instead, she chose to ask you to treat her fairly, equally, and meaningfully. Rather than be fair, you resorted to the opposite extreme of unfairness, punishing not only her, but the entire school.
You claim that cancelling the dance is to minimize the distraction surrounding this. It should be obvious by now that tactic has utterly backfired. The uproar is literally worldwide (isn't the Internet wonderful?), and you and the rest of the board look like complete idiots. Worse, the other students are blaming Constance for the loss of the dance. She is not the one who cancelled the event. YOU ARE. If anyone ruined the prom for the rest of the kids, it's YOU. Her homosexuality is not to blame; her tuxedo is not to blame; YOU are to blame. You are putting your school district at serious risk of liability, if she suffers violence or other harm in connection with YOUR decision.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your ill-advised course of action. Reinstate the prom, let her wear what she wants, and let her bring the date of her choice. Her presence in a tuxedo will be the least footnote on the night, as will her girlfriend, provided that you finally acquire the good sense to treat this as the non-issue that it truly is.
Regards,
--TL
California
166
I think it's working! They're definiely bombarded. I called Superintendent McNeece and her voice mailbox was full, so I was rerouted and left a message on their central voice mail. I also called the principal who was "not in" and left a message with the secretary asking what they planned to do to prevent retaliation against Constance and assured her that I expected to hear back from him and would keep calling back if he did not return my call.
168
Why not also send emails to the EMPLOYERS of the members of the board to let them know what kind of people they have working for them?
Tony Wallace works as a pilot for F L Crane & Sons a contractor with 12 locations across the Southeast, headquartered in Pensacola, FL. The owner's name is Chip Crane, and his email address is ccrane@flcrane.com. (http://www.flcrane.com/locations.htm)
Eddie Hood used to work for Allstate in Tupelo, MS, but he is now "retired."
Can't find much on the others... not even a home phone number...
Tony Wallace works as a pilot for F L Crane & Sons a contractor with 12 locations across the Southeast, headquartered in Pensacola, FL. The owner's name is Chip Crane, and his email address is ccrane@flcrane.com. (http://www.flcrane.com/locations.htm)
Eddie Hood used to work for Allstate in Tupelo, MS, but he is now "retired."
Can't find much on the others... not even a home phone number...
169
For all those interested in DONATING TO AN ALTERNATIVE PROM:
I wrote to the MS Safe Schools Coalition, and they are working on one already. Here's part of the email that she sent back to me,
"Yes, absolutely. We have been planning a Second Chance Prom and are heading up efforts to coordinate anything to support the youth at IAHS. We originally planned to hold the event in Jackson, but are now moving to Tupelo in order to most support IAHS.
The MS Safe Schools Coalition's fiscal agent is the ACLU of MS, and so for legal purposes the donations and expenses would be managed through there. Donations would be made out to the ACLU of MS but you can earmark them (in Address 2 line if it's not needed) so that they go in to the MSSC Fund, and the monies will only be used for MSSC purposes, such as the Second Chance Prom. The link to the donation page is: https://co.clickandpledge.com/sp/d1/defa….
The MS Safe Schools Coalition is currently trying to manage all the support and love that individuals are showing from around the country. We are currently working with some donors on a prom already, and we would love to work with you as well. The more support we have the more injustices we can take on, such as the situation at hand in Itawamba."
Hope some of you who wrote about wanting to donate are able to check back on the comments and see this ;)
I wrote to the MS Safe Schools Coalition, and they are working on one already. Here's part of the email that she sent back to me,
"Yes, absolutely. We have been planning a Second Chance Prom and are heading up efforts to coordinate anything to support the youth at IAHS. We originally planned to hold the event in Jackson, but are now moving to Tupelo in order to most support IAHS.
The MS Safe Schools Coalition's fiscal agent is the ACLU of MS, and so for legal purposes the donations and expenses would be managed through there. Donations would be made out to the ACLU of MS but you can earmark them (in Address 2 line if it's not needed) so that they go in to the MSSC Fund, and the monies will only be used for MSSC purposes, such as the Second Chance Prom. The link to the donation page is: https://co.clickandpledge.com/sp/d1/defa….
The MS Safe Schools Coalition is currently trying to manage all the support and love that individuals are showing from around the country. We are currently working with some donors on a prom already, and we would love to work with you as well. The more support we have the more injustices we can take on, such as the situation at hand in Itawamba."
Hope some of you who wrote about wanting to donate are able to check back on the comments and see this ;)
171
The following was sent to Ms McNeece
-----------------
Ms McNeece
Given that your actions as superintendent in canceling the prom have endangered the well being of one of your students, Constance McMillen, I can not see how in good Conscience continue in your position.
If any of the student body acts agressively toward Ms McMillen you will be inevitably responsible. As Ms McMillen is an inteligent woman and is very likely aware that you can legally be held responsible for actions taken against he as a result of your actions, I would suggest you consider hiring a very good lawyer.
Let's hope your actions don't lead to this conclusion. Your ignorance and lack of forth thought is leading you and your board into trouble. All you have done in attempting to shelter your school from Gay and lesbian rights, is to hand Gay activists the means to enstill Gay rights in the school district you serve. In other words you have done no good at all, for your homophobic friends. As for me and my Gay friends would should thank you but we won't because your motives were far from Christian in anyway.
Best of Luck and G-d Bless.
Abdula Al Qrim
-----------------
Ms McNeece
Given that your actions as superintendent in canceling the prom have endangered the well being of one of your students, Constance McMillen, I can not see how in good Conscience continue in your position.
If any of the student body acts agressively toward Ms McMillen you will be inevitably responsible. As Ms McMillen is an inteligent woman and is very likely aware that you can legally be held responsible for actions taken against he as a result of your actions, I would suggest you consider hiring a very good lawyer.
Let's hope your actions don't lead to this conclusion. Your ignorance and lack of forth thought is leading you and your board into trouble. All you have done in attempting to shelter your school from Gay and lesbian rights, is to hand Gay activists the means to enstill Gay rights in the school district you serve. In other words you have done no good at all, for your homophobic friends. As for me and my Gay friends would should thank you but we won't because your motives were far from Christian in anyway.
Best of Luck and G-d Bless.
Abdula Al Qrim
172
Assuming this is a Christian, religious community- the people of God and Jesus who consider themselves open and loving this is as low as it gets. Give me your tired, your weary, your gay....oh wait, no, not you...
Seriously. This country needs to grow. up. This girl is so lucky in that she knows who she is and isn't afraid to be that, when most of us spend the better part of our lives trying to figure that out whether we're gay or not. She deserves a medal for standing up for her God given rights.
Why do such conservative people waste so much time focusing on things like homosexuality when the rest of the world is actually blowing each other up? When we're running out of sustainable food sources and babies are being born with chemical chains of plastic in their DNA since our world is so polluted. When there are people dying from natural disasters by the hundreds of thousands? Think they even know what a prom is? This makes me ashamed to be an upper middle class white person. History repeating itself over and over and over again. A history of entitlement and putting others down, even our own kind, just to seem higher and better.
I'm disgusted.
Seriously. This country needs to grow. up. This girl is so lucky in that she knows who she is and isn't afraid to be that, when most of us spend the better part of our lives trying to figure that out whether we're gay or not. She deserves a medal for standing up for her God given rights.
Why do such conservative people waste so much time focusing on things like homosexuality when the rest of the world is actually blowing each other up? When we're running out of sustainable food sources and babies are being born with chemical chains of plastic in their DNA since our world is so polluted. When there are people dying from natural disasters by the hundreds of thousands? Think they even know what a prom is? This makes me ashamed to be an upper middle class white person. History repeating itself over and over and over again. A history of entitlement and putting others down, even our own kind, just to seem higher and better.
I'm disgusted.
173
Thanks Dan for alerting me to this important story. I've been a huge fan of your real-world sex advice ever since I was a gay youth back in 1993, and I've become a bigger fan over the years that you've continued writing about sexual politics, ignorance and discrimination. In 1993, my Livermore CA high school considered canceling its prom after the Oakland Tribune announced I would be taking a male date. Luckily for the school, my absences and truancies -- I was cutting because of death threats and attacks -- made me ineligible to graduate and attend anyway, so the prom went on without a hitch. Everyone was happy, I got my GED, moved to San Francisco, and became a journalist.
174
I made my donation here: https://co.clickandpledge.com/sp/d1/defa…. It's fast and easy. Be sure to specify in the Address2 field that you want it for "Constance-prom".
175
You know, if everyone who commented on this board contributed $15 toward an alternative prom, we would have $2,550 just like that. Not to mention all of the people not on this board...
Also, I think that idea has the potential to be a way more powerful message than any amount of public shaming on the left-behind-in-the-60s school board and superintendent.
Also, I think that idea has the potential to be a way more powerful message than any amount of public shaming on the left-behind-in-the-60s school board and superintendent.
176
One of my favorite threads, ever. Donated $$ to the alterna-prom, which I hope gets a bunch of cool straight kids too. Also wrote seething (but controlled) letters to school board members and superintendent. I have not been a target of discrimination myself, being a middle-aged, heterosexual, WASPish civil servant with a not-unhappy background, BUT I have Empathy for other human beings, you know? To me this is a big part of what it means to be a Christian. These people are all about hate and ugliness.
177
Letters to the editor of the town? If the sup's v-mail is full, there are other people we could be calling, yes?
178
I know that I will be in the minority on this but I do not feel sorry for Constance Miller. As far as I can tell, when you are talking about attending a school-sponsored event, the school and school district have a right to set the rules for attending such an event. When I went to my prom, my date and I had to sign a document which said, among other things, that we could be put out of the prom if the school chaperones present felt that our clothes, dancing, language or any other conduct was not appropriate for a school sponsored function. With this in mind, it seems to me that the school can therefore tell a female student that she cannot wear a suit to prom if they so choose. Do I believe this is a fair application of clothes not appropriate for a school function idea? No. However, it is still the right of the school to make that determination as far as I can tell. My school did not have regulations about whether a couple had to be heterosexual. Instead, they required that the tickets be distributed in pairs. I went with my boyfriend but I also had a large group of friends who went as a gang of sorts and only paired up to pick up their tickets. There were two lesbian couples at my prom but nothing was made of it because they were our classmates and we expected them to bring their girlfriends. One girl in each couple did show up in a suit but again, nothing was made of it. Those girls and their dates were acting like they did every other day at school. I only have to wonder why Constance Miller felt the need to ask for permission. If she wanted to go to prom, all she had to do was get fitted for her suit, get her lady and come to the dance. It is very likely that she and her girlfriend would have gotten into the dance and had a nice time. The worst that could have happened is that they may have been asked to leave before the end of the dance but at least they would have been able to go. Now with all this legal posturing, no one is having prom. As sad as it is, prom is a privilege not a right.
More...
180
MediaCurves.com conducted a media study among viewers of a news clip about a school’s cancellation of prom due to a lesbian student wanting to take her girlfriend to the dance. Results found that the majority of viewers (77%) believed that the school’s actions were an act of discrimination. Furthermore, the vast majority of viewers (88%) indicated that the actions by the school were not appropriate. More in depth results can be seen at: http://www.mediacurves.com/NationalMedia…
Thanks,
Ben
Thanks,
Ben
181
I'm late to the party, but here is my letter:
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I was sorry to hear about the recent cancellation of your school's prom, and the stated reasons for it. As an educator myself, I know that real life issues of civil rights are not "distractions" from the curriculum. If anything, they enhance the curriculum by allowing students and teachers to apply critical literacy to issues that matter to them and to their lives.
Schools can claim neutrality, and can claim that the choices they make are to preserve the education of their students. However, every choice schools make sends a clear message to students about what that school values. When your school district chose to cancel prom instead of embracing a teachable moment, you communicated to students that you value ease of administration over open discourse, and that the safety of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students and their allies is of little to no importance to you. You have placed those students at risk of bullying and hate crimes from students and community members in your population.
How much time in the past week have you spent deleting messages like mine, erasing voicemails, and talking about this issue? Do you honestly think it was less time than what you would have spent allowing two young people to celebrate the end of their senior year together? Is it less time than what it would have taken to educate yourself, your students and your staff about embracing difference and supporting one another as a community of learners and a community of individuals?
Reverse your decision. Do not encourage community members to host an alternative prom that will shut people out. Make a change that communicates your dedication to the education and growth of every child, no matter whom that child loves.
More...
Dear Ms. McNeece,
I was sorry to hear about the recent cancellation of your school's prom, and the stated reasons for it. As an educator myself, I know that real life issues of civil rights are not "distractions" from the curriculum. If anything, they enhance the curriculum by allowing students and teachers to apply critical literacy to issues that matter to them and to their lives.
Schools can claim neutrality, and can claim that the choices they make are to preserve the education of their students. However, every choice schools make sends a clear message to students about what that school values. When your school district chose to cancel prom instead of embracing a teachable moment, you communicated to students that you value ease of administration over open discourse, and that the safety of gay, lesbian, and bisexual students and their allies is of little to no importance to you. You have placed those students at risk of bullying and hate crimes from students and community members in your population.
How much time in the past week have you spent deleting messages like mine, erasing voicemails, and talking about this issue? Do you honestly think it was less time than what you would have spent allowing two young people to celebrate the end of their senior year together? Is it less time than what it would have taken to educate yourself, your students and your staff about embracing difference and supporting one another as a community of learners and a community of individuals?
Reverse your decision. Do not encourage community members to host an alternative prom that will shut people out. Make a change that communicates your dedication to the education and growth of every child, no matter whom that child loves.
182
A lot of ppl on here are focusing their anger on the whole of the southern US, I think it is hypocritical to lambaste someone for stereotyping and prejudice in the same sentence with a statement like "Typical South..." remember this is about one tiny town in Mississippi, please don't lump every Southerner in with the few relics who are still living in the past. Yes, we all have TV's. No, we don't ride horses to school. And we are appalled by racism, sexism, homophobia and other types of marginalization. For those of you who think the South is like a barbaric third world country, I think YOU are the ignorant ones.
Having said that, I think what really happened was that the event was probably sensationalized by the teachers and staff. I have found that teenagers are much more easily adaptable to differences than adults think. In a small town, gossip and sensationalism are a favorite passtime. I hope this turns out well for Constance.
Having said that, I think what really happened was that the event was probably sensationalized by the teachers and staff. I have found that teenagers are much more easily adaptable to differences than adults think. In a small town, gossip and sensationalism are a favorite passtime. I hope this turns out well for Constance.
183
Eddie Hood wanted to marry Clara Brown, down thar in Itawamba County ..
Eddie: Paw, I wants ter marry Clara Brown.
Paw: Waal thet's just fine, Eddie..we could do with somw new blood in ourn family.
Eddie: Paw, thar's a predikumunt .. Clara's one o' them thar virgins!
Paw: Weddin's off !!! .. If she ain't good enuf fer her family, she ain't good enuf fer ourn!
Eddie Hood wanted to marry Clara Brown, down thar in Itawamba County ..
Eddie: Paw, I wants ter marry Clara Brown.
Paw: Waal thet's just fine, Eddie..we could do with somw new blood in ourn family.
Eddie: Paw, thar's a predikumunt .. Clara's one o' them thar virgins!
Paw: Weddin's off !!! .. If she ain't good enuf fer her family, she ain't good enuf fer ourn!
184
The school district has a right to enforce its policies in order to protect the majority of its students.
Clay Boggess
http://www.BigEventFundraising.com
Clay Boggess
http://www.BigEventFundraising.com
185
The school district has a right to enforce its policies in order to protect the majority of its students.
Clay Boggess
http://www.BigEventFundraising.com
Clay Boggess
http://www.BigEventFundraising.com
186
Whow that is really crazy. I hope that most of the people will learn that we have to respect everyone.
Kind regards Autoverzekering
Kind regards Autoverzekering
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