Another 1200+ word story about Mexicans growing pot in our national forests for shits and giggles and the heroic efforts of underfunded law enforcement agencies to save our national forests from Mexicans.

Caldwell and Valdes interviewed "law enforcement officials across the country" but they couldn't be bothered to get a single quote from anyone on the other side of this issue. And yes, stupid fucking credulous hacks everywhere, there are two sides to "law-enforcement stories" about the War on Drugs.

Caldwell and Valdes blaze on for 38 fucking paragraphs without pausing to ask anyone—not the dozens of law-enforcement agents they're so busy fellating, not a single advocate for marijuana reform—the obvious question: WHY ARE PEOPLE GROWING POT IN OUR NATIONAL FORESTS? The answer: for the same reasons people are growing pot in suburban homes and smuggling countless tons of pot across our borders every day. Because it's illegal to grow pot on farms, in our gardens, in planters on our balconies. We've spent billions and billions in a futile and ridiculous effort to stamp out the production, importation, and distribution of marijuana... and what do we got?

Pot is cheaper, more plentiful, and more powerful than it has ever been.

Once again: I'm not asking for daily papers to write pro-legalization screeds. That's what we're here for. All I'm asking is for is a little of that objectivity and balance stuff—just one lousy quote from a reform advocate—that, according to "real" journalists, distinguishes mainstream journalism from, say, the blogging and screeding we do around here. SFCH Caldwell and SFCH Valdes's story is more than 1200 words long. Surely there was room in the piece for these 19 words: "If we don't want people growing pot in our forests, legalize pot so they can grow it on farms."

They couldn't fit that in. Nope. But Caldwell and Valdes found room for this:

Many of the plots are encircled with crude explosives and are patrolled by guards armed with AK-47s who survey the perimeter from the ground and from perches high in the trees.... Because of the tree cover, armed pot farmers can often take aim at law enforcement before agents ever see them. "They know the terrain better than we do," said Lt. Rick Ko, a drug investigator with the sheriff's office in Fresno, Calif. "Before we even see them, they can shoot us."

Have any Mexicans actually taken "aim at law enforcement" from their perches in trees? Have any "law enforcement" been shot and killed by these tree-dwelling Mexicans? Presumably not. Because if any had, if this happened routinely, if Mexicans were taking on "law enforcement" the way the Na'vi took on the Marines in Avatar, we'd be hearing about it. Where are the names of the dead? Where are the photos? Where are the memorial issues Time magazine profiling all the DEA agents who've died protecting our national forests from tree-dwelling Mexicans marijuana farmers?

But, hey, they don't say Mexicans have shot at law enforcement, only that they could shoot at law enforcement. I suppose that's true. Mexicans could also "take aim at law enforcement" with lasers cannons from their orbiting space station. And ten-foot-tall blue Mexicans could take aim at law enforcement from their flying dragons. But as the actual evidence presented in the story makes clear, pot growers tend to melt into the woods when they hear agents coming. They don't take aim, they don't shoot, they run away. And yet these two stupid fucking credulous hacks—Alicia A. Caldwell and Manuel Valdes—allow "law enforcement" to make a sensational and unsubstantiated claim about the danger they're in... and a few lines later the same law enforcement officers are griping about not having enough "resources" to really go after the growers.

Golly! How could we deny these guys—our heros!—the resources they need to battle ten-foot-tall-blue Mexicans armed with AK-47s who could start shooting at them from trees at any moment! Think of the danger law enforcement is in! Quick! More billions for the War on Pot!

This isn't journalism. It's propaganda. And Caldwell and Valdes are two more stupid fuckign credulous hacks too busy fellating "law enforcement" to bother with doing their jobs. And if daily papers think this is what their readers want—slanted, biased, one-sided pro-War-on-Drugs screeds—they're wrong. Here are the first three comments that appear on the web version of this story at Seattle Times:

Your readers are way ahead of you, Seattle Times. Your readers are ready for the stupid fucking credulous hackery to end. Get off your knees and pull the DEA dick out of your mouths already.