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Monday, February 8, 2010

SL Letter of the Day: The Toilet Brush Off

Posted by on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 5:57 PM

My boyfriend and I have agreed to abide by whatever decision you make. Resolve this dispute for us.

We've been together for nine months. We are gay. Neither of us is hung up on monogamy so that's not the issue. We live in a college town. We both found jobs here after we graduated so we stayed. Since his sophomore year my boyfriend has had an "arrangement" with an older man, a professor at the university. Did I say older? I meant old. We are in our mid-20s, this man is in his late 60s. There is no sex. The old man comes to my boyfriend's apartment once a week and cleans it. Does his laundry too. Washes his dishes. He actually pays my boyfriend for the privilege of cleaning his apartment. It's not much, $50, and the old perv says it's for my boyfriend's "time," since a part of their deal is that my boyfriend has to be in the apartment while the old perv cleans it because that's what the old perv gets off on. He's particularly pervy about how he cleans my boyfriend's bathroom. Dan, the old perv cleans my boyfriend's toilet bowl with his own toothbrush, which he uses to brush his teeth the rest of the week!

There is no sex. (Presumably the old perv goes home and beats off after cleaning my boyfriend's apartment.) None of this would matter if—you had to see this coming—my boyfriend and I weren't talking about moving in together. I want this "arrangement" to stop. I don't feel comfortable using a toilet that a man old enough to be my grandfather cleaned with his toothbrush. This has been going on for six years. The old perv has been cleaning up after my boyfriend since he was living in student housing. My boyfriend says likes the clean apartment more than he needs the money and that's true—at least it's true now—but I say all good things must come to an end and if I'm moving in we'll have to clean up after ourselves or pay a real cleaning lady to come around once a week, like regular people.

But we agreed to leave it up to you. Dan: The old perv stays? The old perv goes?

Toothbrushes Are For Teeth

My response after the jump.

The old perv stays.

By allowing this man to clean his apartment, TAFT, your boyfriend is making an old man very, very happy, and that makes the world a more joyful place generally (and his apartment a tidier place particularly). Your boyfriend also isn't taking advantage of the old perv—$50 is a much more reasonable fee than most sex workers would charge for the same service (and, yes, your boyfriend is doing a kind of sex work here)—and while the toothbrush/toilet thing is a bit... creepy... I'm sure you'll get used to it and/or be able to put it out of your mind. (Although I'd be giving the toilet an additional wipe-down if anyone—young, old, hot, not—had cleaned it with his ratty old toothbrush.)

And let's recognize this arrangement for what it really is: a successful long-term relationship. How many relationships—gay or straight, monogamous or open, toilets scrubbed weekly with toothbrushes or cleaned sporadically with toilet brushes—last six years! Sorry, TAFT, but I'm constitutionally disinclined to dissolve a successful six-year relationship in favor of a relationship that has yet to reach the one-year mark. And I think you knew, TAFT, that I would side with the perv and the boyfriend—was there really any question?—which makes me think that you're secretly okay with this arrangement. You just wanted some cover, a little plausible deniability, before you gave the arrangement your blessing. And now you have it.

 

Comments (78) RSS

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1
Would you be more comfy of the prof could marry his toothbrush?
Posted by Good Wipe on February 8, 2010 at 6:05 PM · Report this
2
I recall a similar arrangements discussed in Slouching Towards Gomorrah; is this typical in the gay community, and if so how I do I find a Mr. Clean to both clean my apartment and provide motivation for me to work out?
Posted by LT L on February 8, 2010 at 6:08 PM · Report this
Hyzenthlayk9 3
They could also look for a place with two bathrooms or a 1 and a half bath, that way there could be some compromise about which toilet gets cleaned by the old gent and which one doesn't.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 http://oystermind.blogspot.com/ on February 8, 2010 at 6:09 PM · Report this
4
this is the funniest letter in centuries, as far as i'm concerned. bring on the big lolz!
Posted by Adrian Ryan on February 8, 2010 at 6:10 PM · Report this
5
Or, new boyfriend could just clean the toilet himself, either before or after the toothbrush guy gets to it. That way, it's had a buffer cleaning between regular use and pervy use. Sanitized for your protection.
Posted by pox on February 8, 2010 at 6:12 PM · Report this
attitude devant 6
Wow. How do I set up a similar situation for myself?
Posted by attitude devant on February 8, 2010 at 6:13 PM · Report this
7
Skipping, SKIPPING, SKIPPING, SKIPPING, SKIPPING!!!

/sorry Dan
Posted by LT L on February 8, 2010 at 6:14 PM · Report this
8
If you do give the toilet a fresh wipe-down (with the proper implement) after Old Pervy is gone, make sure to use some sort of natural, non-chemical cleaner. Or even just baking soda and vinegar. Don't want to poison the old goat.
Posted by The Cap'n on February 8, 2010 at 6:20 PM · Report this
kim in portland 9
I'm with Dan on this. And, I think the suggestion of a place with an extra toilet or scrubbing the thing yourself after he is finished is viable as well.

Having scrubbed the toilets today, I'd happily hand that job over. Just my $0.02.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on February 8, 2010 at 6:21 PM · Report this
Timmytee 10
I'd bet that as soon as you guys move in together, the old dude won't come around any more. The dynamic of his relationship with your boyfriend will have been dramatically disrupted. You'll both be using the same toilet, but he likely won't feel the same link with you.
Posted by Timmytee on February 8, 2010 at 6:24 PM · Report this
tjc 11
Or the old guy doesn't actually use the toothbrush to brush his teeth and instead just j/o's to the IDEA of doing so.

And even if he doesn't (I think it likely that he doesn't actually use it for brushing his teeth), TAFT, why the fuck don't you just pretend he does and be done with it?

I'm really pissed at TAFT's age and kink bias and wish Dan had called him out on it more. By calling the guy over and over again "an old perv" it demonstrates a distinct lack of maturity that TAFT's BF should seriously keep in mind while the negotiations continue for their future living arrangements.

Fuck you, TAFT.
Posted by tjc on February 8, 2010 at 6:24 PM · Report this
kristinbell 12
Wow! Sounds like a dream! The old man cleans, he doesn't require sex AND he pays for it! GAH!!! How awesome is that?!?
Posted by kristinbell http://kristinbell.org on February 8, 2010 at 6:24 PM · Report this
tjc 13
@6: You can come over and clean my place, toothbrush or not (I don't care), any time you like.
Posted by tjc on February 8, 2010 at 6:25 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 14
GAH! @ 12, when will you change your avatar? That, or just say something intelligent. I could take the avatar if it came with smart comments.
Posted by Matt from Denver on February 8, 2010 at 6:33 PM · Report this
Lee 15
I can't get over the fact that the toothbrush will be placed in his mouth after it scrubs the toilet. I mean, that must be a pretty serious health risk, right? And I am definitely not a germophobe: I laugh at people who won't touch the handles on public restroom doors with their bare hands. But come on!
Posted by Lee on February 8, 2010 at 6:34 PM · Report this
Mattini 16
Add me to the list of jealous people. If only I'd gone to school in a college town and gotten to know my pervy clean-freak profs instead of being one face of hundreds in UW's lecture halls.
Posted by Mattini on February 8, 2010 at 6:35 PM · Report this
17
Another reason to love New Haven!

I've been thinking seriously about hiring a cleaner on a regular basis. Guess I should check the classifieds first.
Posted by BABH on February 8, 2010 at 6:38 PM · Report this
18
*A bit* creepy?
Posted by Confluence on February 8, 2010 at 6:45 PM · Report this
e.strange 19
OMG I would be ECSTATIC if someone wanted clean my place once a week for free. Perhaps I'm biased by my own distaste for housework, but I have a hard time believing that TAFT is really upset about the old perv cleaning the toilet. It's not like he has to use the toothbrush himself and it wouldn't be difficult to clean the toilet afterward, anyway (and I also can't believe it hadn't already occurred to him to do so). Maybe the real problem is that TAFT is jealous of this arrangement? As Dan pointed out, TAFT's boyfriend's relationship with Mr. Clean has been going on much longer than his own.
Posted by e.strange http://wtfontbook.blogspot.com/ on February 8, 2010 at 6:51 PM · Report this
Aly 20
Where does one acquire a "pervy old man" (How rude is that?) at their local university to do this service?

I honestly don't see what the problem is, assuming that the situation is exactly as described. The boyfriend is fully clothed, no (physical) sexual connection is there (and the sexual connection there is solely on the side of the older man), and the older man is paying the boyfriend to clean his apartment.

I do agree with @10, though. Chances are, things will change for the man once TAFT is in the picture. Or it might not, in which case, there isn't a problem.
Posted by Aly on February 8, 2010 at 6:51 PM · Report this
21
14
damn son you with your Burger King avatar you've taken all the intelligent classy ideas....
Posted by Ronald fucking McDonald on February 8, 2010 at 6:53 PM · Report this
22
@15
Homos are disgusting perverts.
Deal with it.
The old geezer is getting no more germs that someone rimming.
And way less germs than your typical doorknob licker...
Posted by eating shit is 100% safe natural normal good clean fun! on February 8, 2010 at 7:00 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 23
Old guy stays, but tell him from now on he has to wear a tutu while he's cleaning. Don't worry, he's not gonna refuse.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on February 8, 2010 at 7:02 PM · Report this
24
There are no kinky straight people. None. When straight people have sex, it's always love and bunnies. No props, costumes, or kinks for straight people. None! It's amazing!
Posted by Dan Savage on February 8, 2010 at 7:10 PM · Report this
sirkowski 25
The old guy is gonna murder them both in their sleep.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on February 8, 2010 at 7:14 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 26
@23
Totally, wearing a tutu while cleaning a toilet is something a dumb guy from Poland would do............ah, a Polish Joke!

Which guidebook does Noah consult while sailing down a river?
(hint: Polish novelist Joseph Conrad)
Posted by dnt trust me on February 8, 2010 at 7:14 PM · Report this
27
Dan, please settle a bet between me and 5280-
did you wear a tutu while polishing those Bauer HQ doorknobs? I heard it was a French maid outfit.
Posted by I bet you Did refuse the tutu... on February 8, 2010 at 7:14 PM · Report this
28
@24
Fucking bunnies is actually kinkier than it might initially seem.
Posted by although they do scream like bloody hell on February 8, 2010 at 7:18 PM · Report this
29
I had a friend once, a professional dominatrix. She had a slave who once cleaned my bathroom. Cleaning the tub is a chore that I particularly hate and said slave had my tub sparkling. I was amazed. I never asked what cleaning agent was involved but I've never had a prettier, whiter, cleaner bathtub. It made me immeasurably happy. So to me the real issue is - does he do a good job? If so, priceless...
Posted by Michael Wells on February 8, 2010 at 7:18 PM · Report this
kim in portland 30
Don't look Dan.

Lady bits and NSFW (http://www.dlisted.com/node/35985) straight people can be pervy, too. This makes me shake my head as much as using a toothbrush on the loo does. No, I think it makes me shake my head even more.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on February 8, 2010 at 7:22 PM · Report this
Lurleen 31
TAFT, what makes you so sure that the "regular cleaning lady" doesn't use her toothbrush on the potty too?
Posted by Lurleen on February 8, 2010 at 7:25 PM · Report this
32
30
are you #4?
Posted by shake it on February 8, 2010 at 7:26 PM · Report this
33
TAFT, what makes you so sure that the "regular cleaning lady" doesn't use your toothbrush on the potty?
Posted by Not that there's anything Wrong with that... on February 8, 2010 at 7:27 PM · Report this
Badger 34
I prefer my houseboys to be young, lithe and exotic. Perhaps you could get the old perv to dress as a butler. Who doesn't want a butler?
Posted by Badger on February 8, 2010 at 7:29 PM · Report this
35
If that cleaning service really bother you that much, you can either:

1. Replace him with yourself, meaning clean the place up and give your boyfriend $50; or
2. Not move in with your boyfriend.
Posted by YvesPaul on February 8, 2010 at 7:30 PM · Report this
igub 36
As long as TAFT doesn't have to use the toothbrush or kiss anybody who has, who the hell gives a fuck what this old guy does with the toothbrush? Old guy's issue. Old guy's problem. Nobody else is affected. Move on to worrying about a real problem.
Posted by igub on February 8, 2010 at 7:30 PM · Report this
37
Jeans and a t-shirt, I think. That was such a long time ago... but I am so deeply, deeply ashamed of my doorknob escapades. I tried to cover it up, to keep it quiet, to make it go away... but you keep bringing it up, because you know that deep, deep down I'm so very, very ashamed of my actions in Iowa... which is why I wrote this:

I was in Iowa in January 2000 to write about the Republican caucuses when I came down with the flu. Gary Bauer, a Republican candidate, had been running around the state comparing gay marriage to terrorism. Annoyed, I decided that if Mr. Bauer was going to call me a terrorist, well, I would act like one -- a biological terrorist. (I know, I know, but this was pre-9/11, when terrorism was still a cheap bit of hyperbole for the likes of Mr. Bauer and me.) So I hung out at Bauer headquarters in Des Moines, where I worked the phones, masqueraded as a volunteer, and tried to give Gary Bauer the flu. To that end, I may or may not have licked a few doorknobs at Bauer HQ.


For the New York Times op-ed page. Because it so pains me so to see my Iowa actions this in print/pixels. Oh, how your frequent mentions wound me!

The rest of my op-ed is here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/07/opinio…
Posted by Dan Savage on February 8, 2010 at 7:33 PM · Report this
38
Sure, like he said, there's no sex.

That's why he's always cleaning up all the stuff...like just before you get back to the apartment.

Especially the bathroom. He cleans that real well.

But there's no sex.

Really.

Posted by I Know What Pervs Like...Pervs Like Me! on February 8, 2010 at 7:33 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 39
I agree @36. My real problem is that i fear real problems, not worry about them. Yet I prefer fear to worry. Itsa Catch-22 - Joseph Heller / @36 Art of Arkness - Josef Conrad
Posted by dnt trust me on February 8, 2010 at 7:45 PM · Report this
40
37
Darn, looks like we both lost the bet.

Don't be wounded, Dan.
Or ashamed.
It was a courageous principled thing to do.

If Rosa Parks had just licked the hubcaps of that bus Civil Rights would have come 10 years sooner.

And Reagan in Berlin: "Mr Gorbachev- Lick this Wall!"

Gloria Steinem's bra- don't burn it;... well, you get the idea.
Posted by maybe Bono will write a song about it on February 8, 2010 at 7:54 PM · Report this
41
@37

Wait a minute-
are you saying the whole
'Savage licked toilet seats to give Gary Bauer's ass a rash' thing is just an urban legend?
Posted by 'cause That's not illegal in Iowa either... on February 8, 2010 at 8:00 PM · Report this
42
I would add two rules:

1. TAFT doesn't have to be there when this happens. In fact, if TAFT wants, he can never be there when this happens...and if he goes to a movie or something, what he spends (within reason) comes out of the $50.

2. If TAFT wants, his boyfriend should do some basic "re-cleaning" after the old man leaves--nothing too heavy, but if it's less creepy that way, let him give the toilet a once-over with a clean brush. It shouldn't be TAFT's job.
Posted by Brett Alan http://digitaldreamdoor.nutsie.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html on February 8, 2010 at 8:22 PM · Report this
43
"I don't feel comfortable using a toilet that a man old enough to be my grandfather cleaned with his toothbrush. "

That has to be one of the best sentences ever written.
Posted by Learned Hand on February 8, 2010 at 8:26 PM · Report this
44
#11 for the win.
Posted by SkyBluePink on February 8, 2010 at 8:35 PM · Report this
45
*ahem* - why cleaning "lady"?
Posted by katesnapdr on February 8, 2010 at 8:51 PM · Report this
46
no thank you. the old perv goes.
Posted by jtchicago on February 8, 2010 at 9:16 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 47
CHRIST GHEEEZUZ CHRIST Young gay pervs are DUMB AS POSTS! Like half the others here have asked, "Where can I find a house cleaner; young, old, perv, kinky, vanilla WHATEVER that will pay me to clean my house?" What did TAFT graduate with, a degree in Gay Air Headedness?
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 8, 2010 at 9:25 PM · Report this
48
Who's to say the "old perv" would necessarily want to continue the arrangement? I mean, sure it's a rather... unique (to put it politely) kink and chances are one can't really find many people who would actually be okay with that arrangement, but after six years that's quite a routine that's been built and, as Dan said, a long-term relationship. Bringing another person into the mix changes everything.

Then again, another person to clean up after might make him want to come over twice a month. I'm grossing myself out.
Posted by eastcoast on February 8, 2010 at 10:04 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 49
This whole thing sounds fishy to me, but assuming it's true, TAFT sounds like your standard issue pain in the ass boyfriend who is rapidly approaching the end of his shelf life.

Since it's much more difficult to find good help than it is to find bitchy boyfriends, I'd tend to side with "the old perv" and tell TAFT to take a hike.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on February 8, 2010 at 10:29 PM · Report this
very bad homo 50
Send the old guy my way. Please.
Posted by very bad homo on February 8, 2010 at 10:33 PM · Report this
51
Agreeeeeed.
Posted by Ghukster on February 8, 2010 at 11:04 PM · Report this
52
TAFT you are leotarded.....
and who in his 20's will use the word "old perv"... which is highly offensive and denotes a mental age of 12. You do not deserve your boyfriend....
TAFT you are leotarded
Posted by chaya760 on February 9, 2010 at 12:17 AM · Report this
watchout5 53
Is there a website where old guy's can apply to clean my apartment? I'd like to get the most money possible.
Posted by watchout5 http://www.overclockeddrama.com on February 9, 2010 at 12:22 AM · Report this
Andy 54
STAY. Oh my god, why the hang up? It seems to me like there is absolutely no question.
Posted by Andy on February 9, 2010 at 12:28 AM · Report this
paisinbah 55
And what the hell is up with the multiple "old perv" and "pervy"?? Grow up dude.
Posted by paisinbah on February 9, 2010 at 1:19 AM · Report this
56
Now THIS makes me want to boil my brain - the fecal oral thing seriously grosses me out. If the old perv uses toothpaste, it probably takes care of any nasty bacteria that he picked up on the cleaning. But, what happens if he comes down with a really nasty virus? Is there a liability issue?
Posted by knitpicker on February 9, 2010 at 5:25 AM · Report this
gttim 57
This reminds me of the letter from the lady who realized her boyfriend was not massaging her feet to be nice, but because he got of on it. Just go with the flow, accept the benefits of the situation and worry about more important stuff. The lady had a great boyfriend and loved the foot massages, until *ick* he was getting off giving them. That is a win for both of you! This letter writer's boyfriend has a guy who wants to clean his house. My Ged, let him! Everybody seems to be winning. Wiping down the toilet with a Clorox bathroom wipe after the guy leaves is much easier than scrubbing the toilet yourself!
Posted by gttim on February 9, 2010 at 5:32 AM · Report this
58
Dan, why do you feed trolls?
Posted by puddles on February 9, 2010 at 6:14 AM · Report this
m.e.graves 59
Does the older man have a key, or does one of the two partners have to be there to let him in? If the former, I would suggest one of two things: get the key back, due to the fact that TAFT doesn't know the older man, or: get to know the older man himself, and maybe the older man will slowly grow on him like the fungus undoubtedly growing on the older man's fecal encrusted toothbrush.
Posted by m.e.graves on February 9, 2010 at 6:41 AM · Report this
Chris in Vancouver WA 60
What a strange and wonderful world we live in.
Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on February 9, 2010 at 7:55 AM · Report this
61
Hide *your* toothbrush.
Posted by Ivan on February 9, 2010 at 7:57 AM · Report this
Chris in Vancouver WA 62
@ 55 - I agree. If this guy was 30 yrs younger, he'd be merely "kinky" (positive connotations, at least here) but, because he's old, he's a "perv". Nice ageism.

Personally, I like guys of all ages, and some of the hottest times I've ever had was with guys over 60.

I hate the gay community sometimes. More than sometimes, actually.
Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on February 9, 2010 at 8:07 AM · Report this
Greg 63
#30: Oh, Japan.
Posted by Greg on February 9, 2010 at 8:20 AM · Report this
STJA 64
@14 - I generally appreciate your comments, but pot-kettle, here. See 21.
Posted by STJA on February 9, 2010 at 8:27 AM · Report this
65
@58

Why?

Shame.

Wounding, Painful Shame.

I'm a sad sad man.....
Posted by Dan Salvage on February 9, 2010 at 8:34 AM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 66
Christ, TAFT, you don't know a good thing when you have it.

Once a week, a guy PAYS YOU to come clean your apartment for you.

If this arrangement has been going on for 6 years, that means he's paid your boyfriend over $15,000!

And you want to turn this down? Are you crazy?
Posted by Reverse Polarity on February 9, 2010 at 9:33 AM · Report this
michael strangeways 67
uh, no.

Dude has the right to ask his boyfriend to END this relationship if it's making him uncomfortable and unhappy.

And, the boyfriend has the right to say no.

Also, the dude IS being a bit of an ageist prick...and a hypocrite. Almost everyone has an odd kink or two...something that seems relatively vanilla to you, might scream disgusting to someone else.
Posted by michael strangeways http://www.seattlegayscene.com/ on February 9, 2010 at 10:34 AM · Report this
68
I dunno, I can get why TAFT finds this weird. Parking my bare ass on my toilet knowing some person out there is jerking off to the thought of (cleaning) it does give me the shivers. I also have a general problem with strangers going through the nooks and crannies of my home; I don't think I could ever pay anyone to clean my toilet. Partly because my mother would smack me upside the head for not being able to clean up after myself.

Ditto with the laundry. I would not be able to *stand* the idea of some stranger doing my laundry and handling my dirty clothes. Blah. But clearly that's not TAFT's problem, since he's OK with hiring a regular housekeeper.

Like some others, I think TAFT is just weirded out by someone being that close to his BF -- in terms of time (6 years) and in terms of context. I mean, this man has been doing laundry and cleaning the toilet, like his mother or his wife. And he makes a point of centring it around TAFT's BF -- that he's gotta be there or no deal. So I can understand his consternation.

But still, can't argue the logic of other commentators. $50 a week over 6 years is serious money.
Posted by Gloria on February 9, 2010 at 10:41 AM · Report this
69
*sigh*...whatever gay men...let the guy clean your house and pay you... that all this is... the perv part technically ain't none of your damn business...geez...
Posted by embarrassed in kentucky on February 9, 2010 at 11:35 AM · Report this
70
Whatever happened to GGG Taft? If you can't handle this you must be one vanilla lay.

BTW TAFT: the fellow isn't an "old perv"; he is a senior citizen with an alternative sexual lifestyle.
Posted by thatsnotright on February 9, 2010 at 12:27 PM · Report this
71
My partner and I have been looking for a guy like this FOREVER! Can he move to Ottawa?
Posted by UncutRod on February 9, 2010 at 12:32 PM · Report this
Geni 72
I say dump the young shithead and keep the old perv.

Signed,
--Old Perv Solidarity
Posted by Geni on February 9, 2010 at 12:44 PM · Report this
73
Weird and gross, but what the hell? Doesn't hurt anybody. Two consenting adults. Plus he gets paid. Let it continue, I say...
Posted by GU on February 9, 2010 at 4:36 PM · Report this
Under The Radar 74
It's not like he's scrubbing your sink with his ballsack, for chrissake.
Posted by Under The Radar on February 9, 2010 at 5:17 PM · Report this
75
I think I have to side with the letter-writer here. It's not a question of whether what the "old perv" wants to do is objectively gross or objectively just fine--it's neither, and both. What's really at stake here is that if the letter-writer moves in with his boyfriend, and if the arrangement with the older man continues, the letter-writer will be involved in the older man's sex life in a way he's not comfortable with.

Think of it this way: if letter-writer's boyfriend was, every week, taking a picture of himself naked (or, hell, a picture of himself eating toast, whatever) and giving to the older man to jerk off to, it would be immediately clear why the letter-writer would be hesitant to join in that arrangement by posing in the photos. There are plenty of people that wouldn't mind, but it's fairly intuitive to grasp why some people would. Some people object to the idea of providing jerkoff material for someone they aren't sexually attracted to, and some don't mind. The boyfriend is one of the latter, but the letter-writer is one of the former.

If course, he can't *stop* people from jerking off while thinking about him--each and every one of us has probably been the object of a masturbatory fantasy on the part of someone who would make us shudder if we knew about it--but this arrangement would make him an active participant in the older man's sexual practices, and he doesn't want to be. It seems to me perfectly fair for the letter-writer to say that the arrangement with the older man has to stop when they move in together. Of course, it would also be perfectly fair for the boyfriend to say in that case, they aren't moving in--but we all make choices in life.
Posted by asdjjkl;51324 on February 10, 2010 at 1:47 AM · Report this
76
Okay, I have to admit that this letter caused me to laugh my ass off. TAFT just comes across as so close-minded and prudish that I can't help it. And I'm fairly conservative when it comes to sex.
TAFT's main objection seems to be that the perv who's cleaning his sweetie's place and paying him for the privilege is OLD. If the perv with the toothbrush were also in his 20's, then would it be acceptable?
TAFT needs to find some way to live with the arrangement between these two or split with his boyfriend. Or continue to live in his own place and continue dating his boyfriend. Seems simple enough to me.
Posted by DavidBowieFan on February 10, 2010 at 5:56 PM · Report this
77
Is Edmund White a professor anywhere? Because this pervy old man just sounds too familiar.
Posted by pipharper on February 10, 2010 at 10:35 PM · Report this
Milbury 78
I don't get it. Hell, I *wish* that someone would pay me for the privilege of cleaning my apartment. Hell, I'd accept someone coming over to my apartment if the exchange involved me standing around naked and making myself visible to that person on a regular basis (akin to my walking behind them and asking them if they want some juice, or doing push-ups in the hallway as they vacuum the living room.) I didn't even specify a gender, the person could be a straight man who likes humiliation, a straight woman who wants to see a naked black guy without "being expected" to have sex with him, a gay man who wants to do what the straight woman is doing or a uber-feminist Amazonian "bull-dagger" who wants to feel the same ay that the aforementioned straight man feels. I don't give a fuck who cleans it, my kitchen sink is perennially clogged and my bathroom has stubborn black mold stains. If someone out there is willing to clean up that shit on a weekly basis *and* pay me for the privilege...
Posted by Milbury http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rLkEsoO6t0 on February 11, 2010 at 7:15 PM · Report this

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