I’m always trying to better myself by reading books about zombies, in order to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse. So I was eager to read every single path in Chooseomatic’s first choose-your-own-adventure-style release, Zombocalypse Now.

Unfortunately, I did not feel that author Matt Youngmark took the subject seriously, so I can’t say I really picked up very much new information that will help in the Zombie Uprising (The main character is an anthropomorphic stuffed animal. I mean, seriously? Please). This book actually took a really long time to read in its entirety, partly because I had a whole tracking system to follow, and partly because I quickly found that this was a far more interesting book to read while under the influence of my favorite mind-altering substance, which made it harder to follow said tracking system.

In the spirit of the disjointed nature of Zombocalypse Now, these are the thoughts on surviving the zombie apocalypse that I scribbled in the book while reading, in no particular order (warning: may contain spoilers):

• Follow the stuffed pelican on his yacht and start a new civilization that is created entirely from giant stuffed animals. This new civilization will be just as destructive, but it will be adorable, which is a step up.

• There could always be other, unconnected paranormal activity going on. Don’t confuse the two; don’t try to make two pieces of different puzzles fit together. The Zombie Apocalypse is what is important.

• The enemy of your enemy is not necessarily your friend (e.g., the militaristic, evil cocker spaniels).

• Oral hygiene may be a key factor in the Zombie Apocalypse, but squirting any old toothpaste at the undead generally do not stop them.

• Though it makes no logical sense, undead animals don’t seem to be as cannibalistic as zombie humans. They will eat both humans and giant, sentient stuffed bunnies. Also, they are fast.

• Seeking low ground may work if you have explosives.

Overall, Matt Youngmark is no Max Brooks. But this is a good book to have around, either in your bathroom or next to your bong.