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Friday, February 5, 2010

Sports Stalking Allen Iverson, Felching for the Mets

Posted by Courtney Kelly on Fri, Feb 5, 2010 at 3:53 PM

Meet newcomer Courtney Kelly, a New York sports freak who'll be joining us for the Super Bowl Live-Slog. Take it away, Courtney. —Eds.

I'm a lifelong sports fanatic who's held fast to my love of Philly teams despite not having lived there in 20 years, or their winning anything that mattered to me in about that long. As a kid, I loved Dr. J, Moses "fo-fo-fo" Malone, Ron Hextall, and Randall Cunningham. Later, growing up in Texas, I wore my Cunningham jersey and a deep scowl to two (two!) Cowboys Super Bowl parades (Troy-Emmit-Michael). Trust me, that was sowing the seeds of discontent.

I've lived in NYC for the past 10 years now and my love of the Eagles has sharpened my loathe of the Giants. Similarly, my loathe of the just-buy-me-a-trophy Yankees has sprouted a love for the hapless, what-will-they-screw-up-now Mets.

A proud Georgetown University grad, I'm a shameless Hoya supporter. I was a freshman with Allen Iverson and I sent him flowers for every home game (and went out of my way to get in a study group with his sophomore year roommate, Boubacar Aw). Let's just say the thank-you notes always got lost in the mail.

I had the chance to live in Melbourne, Australia for two years recently—they are really devoted to sports down there. That's where I learned to love cricket, watch rugby (union, not league) and tolerate "netball." My favorite Aussie sport by a long stretch is their Aussie rules football which has all the hitting of American football and no pads, just 18-on-18 gladiator-style battles.

I'll be slogging from my Ft. Greene, Brooklyn apartment in front of my roommate's huge flat-panel Samsung. I'll be drinking Pacifico and trying to eat my weight in guacamole. Wish me luck.

Ever since that awkward explanation in Melbourne, I don’t "root" for any team, Chicago Fan. The slang is so dirty there, it’s hard to translate, but "rooting" for their rugby team is akin to "felching" for the Mets. I’m not pulling for the Saints or the Colts, per se. I just want a good clean fight, no holding. That said, New Orleans might "deserve" this win as .00001% payback for Katrina. Conversely, if the Colts win, we’ll be subjected to even more GOAT discussions re: Manning/Brady/Montana/Marino. This is a net loss.

I expect the Colt’s mediocre defense to serve up more resistance than the Saint’s non-existent defense and win the Super Bowl 44-27. I expect Reggie Bush to run back one punt or kick-off in a too-little, too-late circumstance that does nothing to ease the acid stomachs of Saints fans realizing an opportunity lost that won’t come around again soon.

I expect, post game, for Peyton Manning to be deemed Sovereign Ruler, and for His Highness to dissolve the legislature directly.

Comments (26) RSS

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AFL isn't just hitting; it's also nonstop leaping. They leap five feet into the air and then hit, followed by lots of seemingly random twirling, kicking and ball-punching (both the football and the the scrotal orbs. It's like a ballet choreographed by violent pub drunks (Rugby is basically just the violent pub drunks). They show it on ESPN 360 fairly often (when it's in season, of course). Carn ya Saints!

Did you ever go see an AFL match? Do you have a regulation scarf and duffle coat covered with badges? I've been to the Telstra Dome or whatever it's called now, but sadly never made it to the MCG.

Posted by Fnarf

on February 5, 2010 at 4:11 PM

Ah, Ron Hextall. That guy was awesomeness embodied. The NHL needs another fighting goalie.

Posted by Hernandez

on February 5, 2010 at 4:21 PM

Ah, Ron Hextall. That guy was awesomeness embodied. The NHL needs another fighting goalie.

Posted by Hernandez

on February 5, 2010 at 4:21 PM

Obligatory fuck you to the Eagles; Go Giants (I'm a Big Blue fan going on 30 years).

Phil was the greatesr QB in history.

Carry on.

Posted by Joe Szilagyi

on February 5, 2010 at 4:22 PM

AFL players are some of the most hardcore/insane athletes ever created; there's the story of one player for the Hawthorn Hawks who broke several ribs during the first half of the 1989 Grand Final (their Super Bowl, but only bigger and cooler).

One of the ribs punctured a lung but he didn't realize it until after he finished the game...that's pretty hardcore.

Posted by Moe on February 5, 2010 at 4:24 PM

"Per say?" Lord, spare me.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on February 5, 2010 at 4:29 PM

@ 6. My fault. I was helping put up the post and biffed that one.

Posted by Brendan Kiley on February 5, 2010 at 4:33 PM

HEXTALL!!! I saw him when some elevator doors opened in front of me at a Kings game a few weeks back. He scowled at me and I think he wanted to throw a punch. It made me happy.

Posted by Frank Rizzo on February 5, 2010 at 4:50 PM

As a Penguins fan, I am obliged to say that Ron Hextall is evil incarnate.

Posted by Sheryl on February 5, 2010 at 4:53 PM

Man, these outrageous high-scoring predictions from both you and Chicago Fan. I assume you're both betting the over.

Posted by Free Lunch on February 5, 2010 at 4:56 PM

I think that graphic should be "Lindy West"

or "Chicago Fanny"

Posted by DCM on February 5, 2010 at 5:04 PM

@10, I predict the Saints will win 3-2, allowing a safety on the last play of the game.

Posted by Fnarf

on February 5, 2010 at 5:50 PM

Hey All – Thanks for the full on welcome to the left coast of the internet! Like the mediocre high school debater I was, I feel compelled to respond to some of these comments.

Fnarf, yeah I went to the MCG all the time. $20 in. 90 thousand people going nuts. Meat pies. What could be better? There are 3 games in that stadium every weekend, which was a short walk from where I lived. Magpie games were always the best. I have a Geelong Cats scarf and I know the song by heart. Yes, taking a ‘specky’ or a mark is a highlight of their game, but I liked the full-on, away from the ball, beat downs that were commonplace. And the Stockton shorts.

Hernandez, Hex goals are the best goals.

Joe, Fuck you too. I live with a raging Ginas fan and the two best days of my year, by far, were beating the Blue in humiliating fashion and getting to see the Eli Face over and over and over. Phil Simms isn’t even the best ever Giants QB. I wanna say Craig Morton. He’s been to two Super Bowls. (My editor would do well to note this deliberate inaccuracy is what we call baiting)

Posted by Courtney Kelly on February 5, 2010 at 6:20 PM

My lust of Phil to this day is due to Superbowl XXI.

I do have to admit you Philly fans amuse me, because you bastards actually booed SANTA off the field. Also, you're a decent human being for taking pity on my sad clown Mets.

Posted by Joe Szilagyi

on February 5, 2010 at 6:26 PM

@5, yeah Moe, they are bad-asses. 100%. The game is 18 on 18 and the team roster is 22 players. Only 4 players are every out at a time, free subbing like hockey. They run about 20 kilometers per game, all they while getting destroyed and jumping. If that game had a forward pass I might move back down there.

@6, yeah I am both dumb and can’t type. Brendan, you don’t have to protect me. I should learn to proofread I guess, or rather, it’s nice to know that Fifty-Two-Eighty will be proof reading for me. Someone should set the over/under on my misspellings, word misuse, and other manner of egregious error during the Super Slog. 42?

Posted by Courtney Kelly on February 5, 2010 at 6:27 PM

Posted by Joe Szilagyi

on February 5, 2010 at 6:28 PM

Man, what's with all the double posting today by everyone?

Tell Dan to give the IT guy a raise! We're the grease that lubes up your public tubes.

Posted by Joe Szilagyi

on February 5, 2010 at 6:29 PM

@ 10 Free Lunch, I’m betting the over, the Colts minus 5, and I’m all over the prop bets. I have a hunch that tails wins the toss, I’m sitting on no for overtime, a safety and the team that scores first wins.

Posted by Courtney Kelly on February 5, 2010 at 6:52 PM

You can all go back to the East Coast now, thank you. Seattle is full.

Posted by joykiller on February 5, 2010 at 7:42 PM

Maybe this was brought up on other posts about the Superbowl but has anyone here considered not watching the Superbowl on CBS in light of their recent advertising decisions? I don't know if there are other ways to watch it. But wouldn't it be great if their rating dipped just a little? I know I'm dreaming here, but.... There's been a lot of noise on the gay news blogs about the Tiebow ad, the pre-game show ads, the fact that CBS actively helped Focus on the Family create the ads... Since the Slog seems to be pretty left leaning on choice & gay issues, I'm curious.

I won't be watching, but that's no suprise. I've only watched once, pretty blasted, and I guess I kept referring to the uniforms as costumes. I don't remember too much of it...

Posted by Michael Wells on February 5, 2010 at 11:19 PM

Can't wait for football to end and America's pastime to begin again in full force!

Posted by Angry Sam on February 6, 2010 at 10:26 AM

@21 - Racial Profiling? Getting fat?

Posted by Courtney Kelly on February 6, 2010 at 10:28 AM

@Courtney:

I cannot take your anti-Aussie slang stance seriously when you're "sewing" the seeds of discontent. . . you reap what you sow, and so it goes. . .

CF

Posted by Chicago Fan on February 6, 2010 at 11:14 AM

So I guess that's a no?

Posted by Michael Wells on February 6, 2010 at 11:28 AM

And someone from Brooklyn with apparently no ties to Seattle and poor writing skills (per say, Emmit, loathe as a noun, Colt's and Saint's as plural possessives) is blogging here about the Super Bowl because???

Posted by bigyaz on February 6, 2010 at 11:43 AM

You guys are good proof-readers and typo finders, and that must be satisfying in some way. Keep your eyes trained here for many more gaffes. I think above I set the O/E at 42, so I’m still waaay under. I guess I expected that kind of scrutiny to be reserved for edited stories or formal writing and I think of public blogging as a conversation that doesn’t require that precision. Still, I know there are some of you that see you’re/your and irregardless and your eyes ‘literally’ *wink* pop out of your head, so by all means continue to set the record straight here in the comments. I think your elementary school grammar teachers would be very proud (and mine ashamed in reverse proportion).

Bigyaz, there are a handful of people blogging the super bowl and I think what I represent is the ‘Joe Six-pack’ sports zealot that watches 8 hours a day of ESPN and listens to sport talk radio all night long. (Shout out to Phil in Bayside on the car phone.) This unvarnished compulsion seems in short supply in Seattle, where either the Seahawks have been bad too long, your storied NBA franchise abandoned you or you have something else to live for than the elaborate charade that is professional sports.

Chicago Fan, let me be clear. I am staunchly pro Aussie slang. However, it was a source of extreme embarrassment when a colleague pulled me aside after 6 MONTHS to suggest that I use ‘barrack’ or ‘support’ as no one in the office was ‘rooting’ for the Collingwood Magpies or the St. Kilda Saints or using the word ‘root’ in a professional setting at all.

@20/24 Michael, I’m with you but CBS has a monopoly on my Sunday evening. The Tebow ad is a disappointment and I’m motivated to respond by making a donation to the organizations that do represent my point of view. I’m not a Nielsen house, so my taking a stand by not watching would only deprive me of the game and accomplish nothing.

More...

Posted by Courtney Kelly on February 6, 2010 at 1:26 PM