Slog
News & ArtsSaturday, January 30, 2010
Savage Love Florida State University
Posted by Dan Savage on Sat, Jan 30, 2010 at 9:10 AM
Some of the questions put to me last night by the students at Florida State University:
How do you prevent the gag reflect during oral?
Is GAY contagious?
What's the strangest thing you've ever heard of getting stuck in a human orifice?
What advice would you give to a woman who's sex life is negatively affected by a past physical and/or emotional trauma?
What are some of the biggest challenges you face raising your son?
What happens if a straight girl falls in love with a gay guy?
Your thoughts on guy-in-girl buttsex are...
Why are we gays so judgmental of each other?
Has Ira Glass ever asked you for sex advice?
I only want to suck/go gay on weed. This has only happened two times in seven years. Ever hear of this?
Chocolate milk?
Some of my answers: firmly grip the back of the head; the Christian right thinks so; Charlie Crist in his wife; get a therapist first, a boyfriend second; now that he has access to the Internet we can't lie to him with impunity (he recently discovered that I'm not a lawyer); nothing; mine are irrelevant, hers are paramount; that has to be the single dumbest question I've ever been asked in life; Ira Glass is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life and he's never asked me for sex advice; no, but let's get stoned after the talk and you can fill me in; please!
Also, happy birthday to Danie B.—"Goddess of the Gays, Nubian Mocha," and the wonderful straight girl/gay ally who heads of the Pride Student Union at Florida State—and a shout out to Sparkles.
1
The gag reflex in general can be at least partially suppressed by squeezing your thumb in your fist until it hurts a little bit.
2
"Firmly grip the back of the head" is absolutely the correct answer as far as I'm concerned, though my ex-wife would probably disagree with you.
3
"firmly grip the back of the head?"
Who's gripping whose?
Please explain----is this some kind of (not-funny) joke?
Who's gripping whose?
Please explain----is this some kind of (not-funny) joke?
4
Nice job. To the woman with abuse riddled past, I would add a support group and your book "Savage Love, Straight Answers From America's Most Popular Sex Columnist" as a reference. Both are invaluable for me and those women who life keep bringing as they walk this path.
It's good to be in the world with you. You're a treasure.
It's good to be in the world with you. You're a treasure.
5
Actually a useful (and correct) answer it to concentrate on exhaling through your nose----sets up some kind of neurologic inhibition of the gag reflex (my neuroanatomy class was too many years ago to remember the exact details). Also works wonders during dental procedures.
6
AD@3,
Joke. Nice grip on the jewels and practice is the answer, but closing the space does help with the angle. Just my $0.02.
Joke. Nice grip on the jewels and practice is the answer, but closing the space does help with the angle. Just my $0.02.
7
Hi Kim---
Maybe my brain is just not caffeinated enough to get it this very gray and foggy PNW morning. I found it jarring, particularly since Dan is usually so woman-positive (cf. the answer to the "buttsex" question).
Oh, and Dan, I refer patients to your columns and books all the time. They find them immensely helpful. FWIW
Maybe my brain is just not caffeinated enough to get it this very gray and foggy PNW morning. I found it jarring, particularly since Dan is usually so woman-positive (cf. the answer to the "buttsex" question).
Oh, and Dan, I refer patients to your columns and books all the time. They find them immensely helpful. FWIW
8
Yeah, maybe your gag answer was funny but it wasn't all that helpful (and this is from a woman who quite enjoys a hand on the back of the neck.) Concentrating on breathing between strokes is the key for me. It's easy to accidentally hold my breath too long if I'm not concentrating and that's always makes me gag.
9
Hi AD,
Don't forget the cock sucker is not necessarily a lady. And often the best solution is a ... um... less passive roll ... put the cock owner to work, the enthusiasm can bless the sucker. Win-Win.
Don't forget the cock sucker is not necessarily a lady. And often the best solution is a ... um... less passive roll ... put the cock owner to work, the enthusiasm can bless the sucker. Win-Win.
12
that's so sweet. dan is in love with ira. dan and the rest of the world. i'm going to smile all day. all in all, great answers.
13
Thanks for coming down to Tally, Dan, and answering my question last night! You do a great service :)
14
What happens if a straight girl falls in love with a gay guy? Nothing.
Good one!
Is GAY contagious? The Christian right thinks so.
I know they use that as a scare tactic, but I wonder how many of them truly believe that?
Good one!
Is GAY contagious? The Christian right thinks so.
I know they use that as a scare tactic, but I wonder how many of them truly believe that?
15
Entertaining stuff.
Serious question though - any blowjob artists out there who have managed to overcome the gag reflex through practice? Or is deep-throating one of those things where you either have the gene or you don't.
Serious question though - any blowjob artists out there who have managed to overcome the gag reflex through practice? Or is deep-throating one of those things where you either have the gene or you don't.
16
Ummmmmm, that would be me, 15. Lots of practice, enthusiasm, the exhalation thing, and the appreciation of partners does the trick.
17
@ 14, while some of those assholes undoubtedly know better, I believe most of them, including many of the powerful and influential ones, don't.
19
Matt, I actually think it's the powerful and influential ones in the Christian right who likely know that homosexuality isn't "contagious" but they'll use that as one of their scare tactics to fire up their followers. On the other hand, you may be right. I mean, if you believe in God creating "Adam and Eve" then I suppose you can believe anything.
20
LOL @ the third response. What little respect people could have for him should be totally done away with now that he's refusing to let Haitian medical evacuees come to Florida. A total disgraceful little thing he is.
22
@8: Um... I'm not reproducing my complete responses here. These are condensed versions of my responses. I had more to say, for the record. Schools don't keep me coming back because I'm unhelpful and uninformative.
xo
Dan
xo
Dan
23
@8 and @ Sean @15,
Get the book. Excellent advice on how to get beyond the gag. And, yes they work.
@AD,
Have a great day. You're great.
Get the book. Excellent advice on how to get beyond the gag. And, yes they work.
@AD,
Have a great day. You're great.
24
Gay people should be allowed to have children. Not so sure sex advice columnists should be allowed to have children. But, under no circumstances should we punish the youth by allowing lawyers to have children!
26
@20: WTF? Are you trying to say that Dan is stymieing evacuation efforts? Your post made no sense and is completely off-topic. You, my bigoted cuntwhorebitch acquaintance, are the disgraceful one here.
I'd say that things can happen if a straight girl falls for a gay guy, but only if the gay guy is either bi-curious to some degree or VERY deeply closeted.
What's with chocolate milk? I mean, I know we all like chocolate milk...
I'd say that things can happen if a straight girl falls for a gay guy, but only if the gay guy is either bi-curious to some degree or VERY deeply closeted.
What's with chocolate milk? I mean, I know we all like chocolate milk...
27
@26: Not that LC isn't a bigoted cuntwhorebitch, but I think he/she/it was referring to Charlie Crist.
28
Uhhh 26, she's talking about Florida Governor Charlie Crist, not Dan. NYTimes says he halted medical evacuations from Haiti to Florida. If it's true it IS disgraceful.
(not that I'm a big fan of 20, but it was actually a reasonable thing for her to post----so completely out of character with her usual posts that it lends credence to the Loveschild-is-a-group-project assertion)
(not that I'm a big fan of 20, but it was actually a reasonable thing for her to post----so completely out of character with her usual posts that it lends credence to the Loveschild-is-a-group-project assertion)
29
@28 - Have only been on this site for a few weeks so I hadn't read the "group-project assertion" before. But, that would explain a lot.
30
Re: Charlie Crist, NYTimes does NOT report he's the one that halted the flights. I hate the fucker on principle and practice, but reporting is that he and other governors said to the feds, hey, we're financially strapped so would you please find a way to help pay for some of the care while we keep accepting patients and also maybe send some airlifted patients to nearby states other than ours because our hospitals are getting saturated.
The feds - HHS says the military - couldn't figure out how to respond to the request and decided in the meantime to suspend all airlifts to Florida. Stupid.
Crist is a fuckwad, but nothing I've seen suggests he suspended the airlifts.
The feds - HHS says the military - couldn't figure out how to respond to the request and decided in the meantime to suspend all airlifts to Florida. Stupid.
Crist is a fuckwad, but nothing I've seen suggests he suspended the airlifts.
31
Ah jeez, I know the thread is dead but need to correct myself re airlift story. It's not that other governors requested help paying, but instead that the military suspended even flights to other states than Florida in response to Florida's request for assistance. That's the scope of the military's poor decisionmaking. Geniuses. Okay, off to nap.
32
@26 Potty-mouth, I was actually lauding Dan's response about Charlie Crist.
Concerning little thing Crist, this is what he has said and which has halted at least adult evacuees from Haiti in need of medical treatment from coming into Florida:
"Recently we learned that federal planning is under way to move between 30-50 critically ill patients per day for an indefinite period of time,'' Crist told Sebelius, saying Florida could not handle such an endeavour."
http://washingtontimes.com/news2010/jan/…
Concerning little thing Crist, this is what he has said and which has halted at least adult evacuees from Haiti in need of medical treatment from coming into Florida:
"Recently we learned that federal planning is under way to move between 30-50 critically ill patients per day for an indefinite period of time,'' Crist told Sebelius, saying Florida could not handle such an endeavour."
http://washingtontimes.com/news2010/jan/…
33
Anyone who links to the Washington Times deserves to not be taken seriously. What's the matter, World Net Daily didn't have an article with the right spin? Or did you become a Moonie lately?
35
@32: Ooh, you called me "potty-mouth". Now I'm really, really offended, right?
It's just that when you said "third response", it was a little bit ambiguous as to whether you were referring to the response Dan gave to the third listed comment or to the third response in the comments section. And yeah, the Washington Times is a little bit out there.
It's just that when you said "third response", it was a little bit ambiguous as to whether you were referring to the response Dan gave to the third listed comment or to the third response in the comments section. And yeah, the Washington Times is a little bit out there.
36
Dan, why would you tell your son that you were a lawyer? Do you actually really have a J.D. and your readers just don't know it?
38
lol about the lawyer comment. I once wondered how you sheltered the kid from Slog.
On a completely different tangent, has anyone read about the Missouri State Highway Patrolman that was killed on duty, and his partner did not receive any benefits or support? He was not even mentioned in his partner's obituary! The Justice Department commented that the partner could be owed $311,000 if he can prove he is the partner's legal beneficiary, but thus far he hasn't received anything. Of course, the patrolman and his partner were a same-sex couple, and if same-sex people received equal rights, this wouldn't be an issue.
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/st…
It must really suck, I can't even imagine. Oh well, lets go to Chillies, everyone!
On a completely different tangent, has anyone read about the Missouri State Highway Patrolman that was killed on duty, and his partner did not receive any benefits or support? He was not even mentioned in his partner's obituary! The Justice Department commented that the partner could be owed $311,000 if he can prove he is the partner's legal beneficiary, but thus far he hasn't received anything. Of course, the patrolman and his partner were a same-sex couple, and if same-sex people received equal rights, this wouldn't be an issue.
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/st…
It must really suck, I can't even imagine. Oh well, lets go to Chillies, everyone!
39
@37: I shall refute your implications one at a time.
I am 6'3" and weigh 185-190 pounds.
I, without studying for the tests at all, received a 36 on the ACT and a 2310 combined score on the SAT. I am currently a student with a B+ average at the University of Chicago.
If you don't like how I talk, you can fuck yourself in the ass, you shit-for-brains dumb cunt.
If you had quoted directly from the movie rather than trying to be funny, you would at least be partly right; I enjoy a good drink here and there. You know what happened to Dean Vernon Wormer, right?
I am 6'3" and weigh 185-190 pounds.
I, without studying for the tests at all, received a 36 on the ACT and a 2310 combined score on the SAT. I am currently a student with a B+ average at the University of Chicago.
If you don't like how I talk, you can fuck yourself in the ass, you shit-for-brains dumb cunt.
If you had quoted directly from the movie rather than trying to be funny, you would at least be partly right; I enjoy a good drink here and there. You know what happened to Dean Vernon Wormer, right?
44
@41: Only one of the best universities in the world. NOT UIC. We have a saying here: "If I wanted an 'A', I'd have gone to Harvard."
Suck it.
@43: Yeesh, can't you tell when someone's being a little bit facetious and sarcastic? I'll eat my hat if you can find a single person who considers that book a holy text. By the way, "Ernest" is a name. The word you're looking for is "earnest". It strikes me that you'd probably be waitlisted by community colleges.
Suck it.
@43: Yeesh, can't you tell when someone's being a little bit facetious and sarcastic? I'll eat my hat if you can find a single person who considers that book a holy text. By the way, "Ernest" is a name. The word you're looking for is "earnest". It strikes me that you'd probably be waitlisted by community colleges.
45
Kim @ 40: I <3 that book. I've written long buzzed fan letters to Dan, which I'm sure he's used to, but one of the things I asked for is another bound collection of Savage Love. I know with the 'net being the dominant form of distribution, it's almost like why bother w/ print. But the book form of Savage Love has been my fave travel & bedtime book for a long, long, time. Also handy to lend to friends w/ issues or leave bookmarked for someone yer dating, if applicable.
@ Dan: Can we has book plz? Savage Love II, Electric Boogaloo?
@ Dan: Can we has book plz? Savage Love II, Electric Boogaloo?
48
@46: Wow, you're grasping at straws. In case you're a different person from #43, I think that you too would be waitlisted by community colleges.
I should probably buy a copy of Savage Love...eventually.
I should probably buy a copy of Savage Love...eventually.
49
The only fault I've ever found with the University of Chicago is that its needlessly defensive students and alum take a little too much trouble to be certain everyone grasps its significance.
Those of us who get resumes across our desks have a saying: "If he didn't enjoy lecturing rubes about his alma mater so much, he might have gone to Harvard - or stayed in the midwest."
Those of us who get resumes across our desks have a saying: "If he didn't enjoy lecturing rubes about his alma mater so much, he might have gone to Harvard - or stayed in the midwest."
50
@49: Yeah, I think we're a little bit touchy about it. Possibly we're self-conscious about not being part of a club like the Ivy League, or maybe we're emotionally scarred from being confused with UIC here and there. Go figure.
51
Since you're still a student, avoid that touchiness while you still can. After graduation it becomes "I'm not looking down on you, but we both know I'd be right to". Get rid of it now or face a lifetime of therapy.
52
Getting a B in university is pretty much failing, and that's the truth. University is A-or-fail, no matter where you go, which I think is absolutely stupid and unrealistic. I was an A average student at the University of Big Cash, and I graduated with a 3.7 CGPA. Any recognizable law school will require you to pretty much have a 4.0 CGPA (or higher), and any graduate program will demand the same. To the academics, a B is never good enough. I had friends from high school graduate with a higher CGPA than me; however, they went to a much, much, much less prestigious school than I did, yet they got into law school. A real fucking pain in the ass realization, especially considering how much extra money I paid to go to that school. I really should have considered going somewhere cheaper.
Several years after working in a related field, I got accepted into a graduate program at a pretty Shitty Fucking University, if I may say so, but I like it. I like the atmosphere, it's much less cocky, and much more "get me out of here so I can start living the real life". Plus, the profs enjoy smoking pot with me, which is always a bonus.
Anyway, let me tell you right now, so the blow will not be as traumatic for you later on. University is a business. The most prestigious schools are the worst in terms of being a business. Employers care very little about where you graduated; however, they do care how many lovely letters of reference you can muster up, and from what I recall, most professors do not give out letters of reference, even if you volunteer for them for over a year. On the other hand, many of those students attending community college are probably working two or three jobs, and their employers will probably all give them lovely references. From what I understand, most profs at community colleges are far more modest, and give a shit about their students, so they'll probably write up a letter of reference as well. Don't get too upset when they get a job, and you won't.
Think about it. How many lower level courses did you have to take, and how many of them overlapped each other? Did you really need to take them all? Nope. They're just trying to make things expensive for you. University = business. You should have just joined the army.
More...
Several years after working in a related field, I got accepted into a graduate program at a pretty Shitty Fucking University, if I may say so, but I like it. I like the atmosphere, it's much less cocky, and much more "get me out of here so I can start living the real life". Plus, the profs enjoy smoking pot with me, which is always a bonus.
Anyway, let me tell you right now, so the blow will not be as traumatic for you later on. University is a business. The most prestigious schools are the worst in terms of being a business. Employers care very little about where you graduated; however, they do care how many lovely letters of reference you can muster up, and from what I recall, most professors do not give out letters of reference, even if you volunteer for them for over a year. On the other hand, many of those students attending community college are probably working two or three jobs, and their employers will probably all give them lovely references. From what I understand, most profs at community colleges are far more modest, and give a shit about their students, so they'll probably write up a letter of reference as well. Don't get too upset when they get a job, and you won't.
Think about it. How many lower level courses did you have to take, and how many of them overlapped each other? Did you really need to take them all? Nope. They're just trying to make things expensive for you. University = business. You should have just joined the army.
54
Thanks Mr.Savage! It was an incredible event, and it was a pleasure meeting you!
Love,
Daniel "Sparkles" Scarantino
Love,
Daniel "Sparkles" Scarantino
55
@53: No, I'm just looking for some advice because YOUR MOM'S BJ TECHNIQUE NEEDS WORK.
Yes, I went there.
Yes, I went there.
56
Wow, searching for blogs about Florida State and I found this. Oh well, since I am here may as well mention my site! http://www.americanautomovers.com/florid…
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