"If she objects, HH, your mate can blame her for “making” him bisexual—or making him realize it—because he fell on your sword that first time because it was what she wanted."

In your latest column you ended with this advice. Perhaps it was just tiredness or a tight deadline, but that's uncool on so many levels. Firstly you propogate the myth that someone can "make" someone else bisexual, gay or (heaven forbid!) straight. Secondly you advocate someone leaving their partner with a mass of guilt by blaming them for their sexual preferences. Advising this sort of manipulative emotional blackmail just isn't cool. Relationships are complicated enough without adding a mass of guilt to the mix or playing blame games.

Bad columnist, no cookie for you!

Your Puzzled Unofficial Publicist

What can I say? They can't all be gems. I was kinda, sorta teasing as I spun out that elaborate and, to my mind, transparent stratagem. (I thought the suggested manipulation, if attempted, would be transparent to the girlfriend.) But... yeah... my advice to HH—particularly the last few lines—wasn't my best work. I'll forward your advice, and the advice that came in from others, to his email address. And I'll take a few more lumps after the jump.

Long time, first time, blah blah blah.

I'm having some trouble with your advice to Horny Homo, mostly because I am usually impressed by your ability to solve problems with an "honesty is the best policy" approach. I've even sided with you when you've told people to lie in the past (mostly about past indiscretions), because I believe that people (gay, bi, or straight) deserve the freedom to pursue sexual satisfaction as long as they are honest with whatever significant other might be in the picture. And that's where my problem with your advice kicks in. I just can't conceive that the appropriate time for this woman to learn of her boyfriend's bisexuality would be mid-coitus while she's at her most vulnerable. I particularly object to this line of thought: "If she objects, HH, your mate can blame her for “making” him bisexual—or making him realize it—because he fell on your sword that first time because it was what she wanted."

What happened to "GGG", Dan? I don't see this kind of manipulation falling into any of those categories.

Looking for Clarification

I'm usually with you 100% in your advice, Dan, and I give you much thanks for featuring both bi/ bi-curious folks and those into MMF this week. But I can't (ahem) get behind your advice to Horny Homo: the guy in the couple knows full well he's bi and he's being dishonest with his lady. He should just tell her and let her deal with it, without the immediate pressure of her having sex with a third. So many fewer men will admit their bisexuality than women, leading most straight people I know to think that bi men basically don't exist. His suddenly "discovering" his bisexuality may lead her to the all-too-common fear that he will also "discover" that he's really gay; if she knows he's been aware of his sexuality for some time, she'll probably be much more reassured. The whole tone of the letter suggests to me that he may go ahead with his male FWB (or another) behind her back if the threesome scenario doesn't happen, which is good for no one. Where's your usual admonition for the girlfriend to be GGG? Anyway, if she's not ok with it she should be; some of us (raises hand—and it's got nothing to do with sparkle vamps, ew) would love to have her man, there's no reason why he should have to be so cagey.

Kinsey Two