The Bash is coming, the Bash is coming—and you can buy a ticket now! And if you're single and bitter about a recent break-up, divorce, de-collaring-ceremony—whatever—look around for a memento of that failed relationship and bring it to the Bash. Wedding rings, china, sex toys—whatever it is, I will personally destroy it for you live onstage in an amazing ritual packed with healing power. You will love again! And since the Bash is on Valentine's Day Eve this year, and since Neumos will be packed with single people, you could wind up with a date for Valentine's Day! Come to the Bash!

The details: The Valentine's Day Bash, Saturday, February 13th, at Neumos (925 E. Pike). Doors at 8, show at 9:30. $6 advance, $8 at the door. Advance tickets here.