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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Certifiable.

Posted by on Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 12:29 PM

VirginSite.jpg

That's right, you can CERTIFY your virginity. Look! 176 certified virgins so far!

At least it's nice that some of the proceeds go to AIDS research. Of course it's probably researching how to stop teh gays from spreading their gay gay cooties.

 

Comments (31) RSS

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Urgutha Forka 1
Issued by Saddleback University
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 28, 2010 at 12:30 PM · Report this
onion 2
nitty gritty - is this just for women or can they "certify" that a man is a virgin? if so, HOW?
Posted by onion on January 28, 2010 at 12:33 PM · Report this
Grant Brissey, Emeritus 3
"Certify Your Friends"? The possibilities are endless.
Posted by Grant Brissey, Emeritus http://www.grantropolis.com/ on January 28, 2010 at 12:34 PM · Report this
Mary P. Traverse 4
@3 Tell me about it, Grant. Look out friends, everybody's getting certified for Valentine's Day! WOOT!
Posted by Mary P. Traverse http://dinosaurnews.tumblr.com on January 28, 2010 at 12:36 PM · Report this
Mary P. Traverse 5
@2, the site has photos of men and women, old and young... apparently you just have to "feel" like a virgin or "want to be" a virgin in order to be certified.
Posted by Mary P. Traverse http://dinosaurnews.tumblr.com on January 28, 2010 at 12:37 PM · Report this
7
I got shafted. I paid my $1, and all I got was a receipt. There was no certificate.

-Jon Brock
Posted by Guest Author on January 28, 2010 at 12:39 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 8
i'm signing up.. i mean umm..i don't have it anymore..i lost it some time ago, but i'll sleep better knowing it's certified.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on January 28, 2010 at 12:40 PM · Report this
9
It's like Who's Who for sexphobics
Posted by Jamie in Pittsburgh http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/strawberry.limonade?ref=name on January 28, 2010 at 12:45 PM · Report this
Fnarf 10
This isn't really appropriate for me. I need a site that will certify that I am a lousy lay.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 28, 2010 at 12:53 PM · Report this
11
Has anyone else noticed the box that says "I know this certificate is for humor purposes only. It does not certify that my friends are real virgins"?
Posted by Qaraghandy on January 28, 2010 at 12:56 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 12
Are you sure this isn't a joke?

@10,

Can't Mrs. Fnarf provide some sort of certification?
Posted by keshmeshi on January 28, 2010 at 12:56 PM · Report this
Mary P. Traverse 13
@11, 12 yes, I think it's a joke. But it's not like it couldn't be real.
Posted by Mary P. Traverse http://dinosaurnews.tumblr.com on January 28, 2010 at 1:01 PM · Report this
Semi-hirsute anthropoid 14
@5, Mary, remember, you made me do this with that " 'feel' like a virgin."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKIqGhqMv…
Posted by Semi-hirsute anthropoid on January 28, 2010 at 1:03 PM · Report this
15
I know what I'm putting in the office gift exchange this Christmas.
Posted by giantladysquirrels on January 28, 2010 at 1:07 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 16
@ 10, 12, maybe you two could get together next Slog Happy and then Kesh can do the certifying. I think Mrs. Fnarf might be too prejudiced to make that call.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 28, 2010 at 1:11 PM · Report this
Simone 18
Come on everybody, lets bring the number of certified virgins to 666.
Posted by Simone on January 28, 2010 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Irena 19
That is a pic of a boy and his fag hag if I ever saw one.
Posted by Irena on January 28, 2010 at 1:19 PM · Report this
Jaymz 20
Funny stuff, but I'm leery about giving even one dollar when I don't really know where it's going. Someone should step up and take ownership of this clever site. The "part of all proceeds will be going to AIDS research" makes it even worse if we don't know for sure - I'd probably prefer a link through saying "we hope you love the certificate - we're going to go buy beer with your money now!"
Posted by Jaymz on January 28, 2010 at 1:21 PM · Report this
Irena 21
And the fact that this is a joke makes it even better. It's a good one.
Posted by Irena on January 28, 2010 at 1:22 PM · Report this
Jaymz 22
By the way, the certificate (if you actually get one - see @7) seems to be signed by Woodrow Wilson, who I just found out from Wikipedia had his portrait on the $100,000 Gold Certificate. I guess your virginity is worth $100,000!
Posted by Jaymz on January 28, 2010 at 1:33 PM · Report this
pissy mcslogbot 23
one of these could come in handy if you happen to get knocked up by God, you could say:

"See, nobody but the Holy Spirit been up in here...what?"
Posted by pissy mcslogbot on January 28, 2010 at 1:42 PM · Report this
Frau Blucher 24
As a gay male that has never had sex with a female, do I qualify as a "virgin?" If so, then I guess I'll die a virgin too.

However, if it requires that I have a hymen, well, I lost that years ago.
Posted by Frau Blucher on January 28, 2010 at 1:54 PM · Report this
26
Don't worry, your hymen grows back every time you take a bath. I'm sure that's in the Bible, somewhere.
Posted by Jim98122x on January 28, 2010 at 2:11 PM · Report this
Dee 27
$50 says neither of the two people in that screengrab are virgins.
Posted by Dee on January 28, 2010 at 2:15 PM · Report this
merry 28
I'd rather be a Certified Slut.

Posted by merry on January 28, 2010 at 2:27 PM · Report this
29
Nah, I don't need to get tested girl... look I'm a certified virgin.
Posted by Karl The Pagan on January 28, 2010 at 2:56 PM · Report this
30
Betcha it's a dating site.
Posted by TeaHag on January 28, 2010 at 2:57 PM · Report this
Geni 31
So, what are the certification exams like? Is there an automatic retest if you fail the first time?
Posted by Geni on January 28, 2010 at 3:08 PM · Report this
Gus 32
It certified virgin the same thing as confirmed bachelor?
Posted by Gus on January 28, 2010 at 4:02 PM · Report this
linda with a y 33
I'm going to frame my certificate and hang it right next to my International Star Registry cert.
Posted by linda with a y on January 28, 2010 at 4:55 PM · Report this
34
it's cheaper to just check to see if they make the same face those two are making. it's caused by virginity or douchebaggery, either way, sensible adults should move along.
Posted by cranky on January 28, 2010 at 5:59 PM · Report this

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