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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sex / Religion Certifiable.

Posted by Mary Traverse on Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 12:29 PM

That's right, you can CERTIFY your virginity. Look! 176 certified virgins so far!

At least it's nice that some of the proceeds go to AIDS research. Of course it's probably researching how to stop teh gays from spreading their gay gay cooties.

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Issued by Saddleback University

Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 28, 2010 at 12:30 PM

nitty gritty - is this just for women or can they "certify" that a man is a virgin? if so, HOW?

Posted by onion on January 28, 2010 at 12:33 PM

"Certify Your Friends"? The possibilities are endless.

Posted by Grant Brissey, Emeritus

on January 28, 2010 at 12:34 PM

@3 Tell me about it, Grant. Look out friends, everybody's getting certified for Valentine's Day! WOOT!

Posted by Mary P. Traverse

on January 28, 2010 at 12:36 PM

@2, the site has photos of men and women, old and young... apparently you just have to "feel" like a virgin or "want to be" a virgin in order to be certified.

Posted by Mary P. Traverse

on January 28, 2010 at 12:37 PM

They spelled CERTIFIED wrong on their website!

Posted by YO STOOOPID on January 28, 2010 at 12:39 PM

I got shafted. I paid my $1, and all I got was a receipt. There was no certificate.

-Jon Brock

Posted by Unpaid Intern on January 28, 2010 at 12:39 PM

i'm signing up.. i mean umm..i don't have it anymore..i lost it some time ago, but i'll sleep better knowing it's certified.

Posted by reverend dr dj riz on January 28, 2010 at 12:40 PM

It's like Who's Who for sexphobics

Posted by Jamie in Pittsburgh

on January 28, 2010 at 12:45 PM

This isn't really appropriate for me. I need a site that will certify that I am a lousy lay.

Posted by Fnarf

on January 28, 2010 at 12:53 PM

Has anyone else noticed the box that says "I know this certificate is for humor purposes only. It does not certify that my friends are real virgins"?

Posted by Qaraghandy on January 28, 2010 at 12:56 PM

Are you sure this isn't a joke?

@10,

Can't Mrs. Fnarf provide some sort of certification?

Posted by keshmeshi on January 28, 2010 at 12:56 PM

@11, 12 yes, I think it's a joke. But it's not like it couldn't be real.

Posted by Mary P. Traverse

on January 28, 2010 at 1:01 PM

@5, Mary, remember, you made me do this with that " 'feel' like a virgin."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKIqGhqMv…

Posted by Semi-hirsute anthropoid on January 28, 2010 at 1:03 PM

I know what I'm putting in the office gift exchange this Christmas.

Posted by giantladysquirrels on January 28, 2010 at 1:07 PM

@ 10, 12, maybe you two could get together next Slog Happy and then Kesh can do the certifying. I think Mrs. Fnarf might be too prejudiced to make that call.

Posted by Matt from Denver on January 28, 2010 at 1:11 PM

Most likely inspired by this: www.eternal-earthbound-pets.com

Posted by bob2 on January 28, 2010 at 1:13 PM

Come on everybody, lets bring the number of certified virgins to 666.

Posted by Simone on January 28, 2010 at 1:14 PM

That is a pic of a boy and his fag hag if I ever saw one.

Posted by Irena on January 28, 2010 at 1:19 PM

Funny stuff, but I'm leery about giving even one dollar when I don't really know where it's going. Someone should step up and take ownership of this clever site. The "part of all proceeds will be going to AIDS research" makes it even worse if we don't know for sure - I'd probably prefer a link through saying "we hope you love the certificate - we're going to go buy beer with your money now!"

Posted by Jaymz on January 28, 2010 at 1:21 PM

And the fact that this is a joke makes it even better. It's a good one.

Posted by Irena on January 28, 2010 at 1:22 PM

By the way, the certificate (if you actually get one - see @7) seems to be signed by Woodrow Wilson, who I just found out from Wikipedia had his portrait on the $100,000 Gold Certificate. I guess your virginity is worth $100,000!

Posted by Jaymz on January 28, 2010 at 1:33 PM

one of these could come in handy if you happen to get knocked up by God, you could say:

"See, nobody but the Holy Spirit been up in here...what?"

Posted by pissy mcslogbot on January 28, 2010 at 1:42 PM

As a gay male that has never had sex with a female, do I qualify as a "virgin?" If so, then I guess I'll die a virgin too.

However, if it requires that I have a hymen, well, I lost that years ago.

Posted by Frau Blucher on January 28, 2010 at 1:54 PM

Any one notice the mega gayface on the boy in the ad?

Posted by poton754 on January 28, 2010 at 2:11 PM

Don't worry, your hymen grows back every time you take a bath. I'm sure that's in the Bible, somewhere.

Posted by Jim98122x on January 28, 2010 at 2:11 PM

$50 says neither of the two people in that screengrab are virgins.

Posted by Dee on January 28, 2010 at 2:15 PM

I'd rather be a Certified Slut.

Posted by merry on January 28, 2010 at 2:27 PM

Nah, I don't need to get tested girl... look I'm a certified virgin.

Posted by Karl The Pagan on January 28, 2010 at 2:56 PM

Betcha it's a dating site.

Posted by TeaHag on January 28, 2010 at 2:57 PM

So, what are the certification exams like? Is there an automatic retest if you fail the first time?

Posted by Geni on January 28, 2010 at 3:08 PM

It certified virgin the same thing as confirmed bachelor?

Posted by Gus on January 28, 2010 at 4:02 PM

I'm going to frame my certificate and hang it right next to my International Star Registry cert.

Posted by linda with a y on January 28, 2010 at 4:55 PM

it's cheaper to just check to see if they make the same face those two are making. it's caused by virginity or douchebaggery, either way, sensible adults should move along.

Posted by cranky on January 28, 2010 at 5:59 PM

@Unpaid Intern

Hi John, i am one of the creators. You did not get shafted. If you did not receive your certificate, it is because you receive a confirmation email that provides you with a link to your own personal certified virgin page where you can print it out.

or maybe its because you are not really a virgin... you stud you...

Posted by Woodrow Wilson on January 28, 2010 at 6:22 PM

I think that's her "speculum" face.

Posted by Zygote on January 28, 2010 at 6:34 PM

Do all certified virgins walk around with big "hey I wanna blow you" open-mouthed smiles (like the ones in the photo)? If so, Imma hafta start /taking/ some virginities - hubba hubba. XD

Posted by fred34000 on January 28, 2010 at 11:35 PM