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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Animals / Sex / The Ladies "The Classification Board have determined that female ejaculation is not a real event and therefore all issue from a women’s vagina is piss."

Posted by on Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 4:15 PM

In my Inbox today: Two more reasons to GET THE FUCK OUT OF AUSTRALIA.

I have weighed in on the subject of this country-shaped sack of poison before. (To be fair, not all of my feelings are negative!)

Then today, here comes this:

Im under ur pillow.
  • GETTY IMAGES
  • I'm under ur pillow.
Killer funnel-web spiders invade Sydney

Forget sharks and crocodiles: the real menace at this time of year, at least for surburban Sydneysiders, is a backyard spider whose bite can kill you in the space of two hours.

Insect experts have warned that the city is being invaded by funnel-webs, considered one of the world's most aggressive and poisonous spiders. A reptile park north of Sydney where people can drop off captured specimens, and where they are milked of their venom to make antidote, has received more than 40 males in recent weeks. Males are deadlier than females.

And then, not to be outdone, the human beings come along with THIS stupid shit (via "Ms Naughty's Porn for Women Blog"):

Im in ur mouth.
  • BATMAN, I THINK
  • I'm in ur mouth.
Female Ejaculation Films To Be Banned In Australia

Thanks to shit stirring by a fundamentalist Christian group, the rules have been tightened as to what adult films can be imported into Australia.

The Classification Board has explicitly stated that films featuring female ejaculation will now be seized and considered RC — refused classification. Effectively banned. This also means that female ejaculation sites will be considered RC (prohibited) for the purposes of the internet filter planned to be introduced here this year.

The Classification Board have determined that female ejaculation is not a real event and therefore all issue from a women’s vagina is piss and therefore covered under the parameters in the Guidelines for ‘golden showers’. This means that if the shower happens to land on the body or in the mouth it is determined to be an offensive fetish and goes RC.

I'm glad someone finally founded a board to let women know, once and for all, what is issuing from their vaginas. JESUS CHRIST, FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS ARE WORSE THAN SPIDERS.

Thanks to wisepunk and Matt Hickey for the tips.

 

Comments (38) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Fnarf 1
You're kidding me -- internet filters? That ought to be good for a laugh. When they fail.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 21, 2010 at 4:20 PM
Geni 2
Piss comes from vaginas, eh? Someone needs an anatomy lesson. The bladder is not connected to the vagina.
Posted by Geni on January 21, 2010 at 4:23 PM
emma's bee 3
@2 beat me to it. Do these fuckwads have even the slightest hint about female anatomy? Do they think babies issue from the urethra?
Posted by emma's bee on January 21, 2010 at 4:27 PM
4
You see? Withdrawing from the Commonwealth has its advantages. To wit: the Bill of Rights.
Posted by George Washington on January 21, 2010 at 4:29 PM
pissy mcslogbot 5
oh crap, I guess this means I have to scrap my plans to introduce the Sham-Wow dildo to the Australian market.
Posted by pissy mcslogbot on January 21, 2010 at 4:33 PM
6
@4 TOLD you we should have included cannabis alongside arms... but, who KNEW they would outlaw it?
Posted by Benjamin Frank1in on January 21, 2010 at 4:35 PM
Fifty-Two-Eighty 7
We should just nuke Australia and be done with it. Fuck 'em.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on January 21, 2010 at 4:36 PM
8
Non C section babies = piss
Posted by T-Bone on January 21, 2010 at 4:37 PM
balderdash 9
It's funny how people who've clearly never experienced female ejaculation - from any perspective - always seem to have the strongest (and not coincidentally wrongest) opinions about what it is.

Okay, I lied. It's not funny. It's stupid and repetitive and annoying and goddammit I wish they would shut up and mind their own damn business.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on January 21, 2010 at 4:37 PM
10
@4, The American Bill of Rights was based on the English Bill of Rights of 1689.
Posted by Reg on January 21, 2010 at 4:41 PM
11
How can I get a job on the Classification Board? I have a lot of strong opinions on subject I know nothing about.
Posted by six shooter on January 21, 2010 at 4:43 PM
12
@8,

Blood = piss
Posted by keshmeshi on January 21, 2010 at 4:49 PM
Arsenic7 13
Actually female ejaculation DOES come from the urethra.

But it's also been analyzed and found not to be piss.

I mean, male ejaculate comes from the urethra as well.
Posted by Arsenic7 on January 21, 2010 at 4:55 PM
MarkyMark 14
I understand that those incredibly nasty spiders can also bite right through light shoes...
Posted by MarkyMark on January 21, 2010 at 5:08 PM
15
I dunno about that comparison. I'd prefer to avoid the censorship, too. But given the choice, I'd definitely rather someone tell me I can't watch female ejaculation and/or golden shower porn than be bitten by a deadly spider.
Posted by David Wright on January 21, 2010 at 5:13 PM
16
That's not a spooge -- THIS is a spooge!

But yes, the censorship laws here are way puritan. And the state laws are even tighter -- you can't even buy X-rated porn legally in Sydney! Of course that law is outright ignored by shops and the police 99% of the time. Or of course, you can visit Canberra, home of legions of federal bureaucrats and politicians and federally administered, where by an enormous coincidence all kinds of freaky shit is legal.
Posted by FeralTurnip on January 21, 2010 at 5:26 PM
pissy mcslogbot 17
"the viscous issuance of the hairy whizzer raises sticky questions down under."
Posted by pissy mcslogbot on January 21, 2010 at 5:40 PM
Aussie Steve 18
I'm convinced. In fact, Lindy, will you marry me so that I can get a Green Card?

I hate to be pushy, but would you mind getting back to me quickly with an answer? I need to get over there before Fifty-Two-Eighty lets loose with the nukes...
Posted by Aussie Steve on January 21, 2010 at 5:40 PM
19
As long as there are kangaroos, dingos, and cassowaries(?), there will never be a sufficient reason to abandon Australia.
Posted by boatman on January 21, 2010 at 5:42 PM
20
@7 Is this how it went down in Road Warrior?
Posted by boatman on January 21, 2010 at 5:45 PM
MichaelPgh 21
"Heave an egg out any Pullman window and you're bound to hit a Fundamentalist." --H.L. Mencken
Posted by MichaelPgh http://www.facebook.com/michael.west.pgh on January 21, 2010 at 5:49 PM
22
But do the spiders ejaculate?
Posted by Nodz on January 21, 2010 at 6:04 PM
23
what is going on with idiots and morons (read Australians, Brits and Republicans) making declarations that the G spot doesn't exist and that female ejaculation is piss? What prompted this sudden iterest in fucking up my sex life? I DO have a G spot, I DO ejaculate, it DOES NOT come from my vagina, and it IS NOT piss. Tristan Taormino gives a very good seminar on Gspot orgasm and female ejaculation. Pick up her book on the subject, it's well worth reading.

Back to Australia. The classification board appears to be much like the Motion Picture Association of America--giving this organization's assessment of the nature of female ejaculation any weight would be like calling Tipper Gore a sex expert.
Posted by catballou on January 21, 2010 at 6:07 PM
Andy 24
@13, shhh... Don't want them to ban movies with facials, do you?
Posted by Andy on January 21, 2010 at 6:09 PM
25
For a cool photo of the Funnel Web Spider check out http://www.flickr.com/photos/sharkjames/…

:)
Posted by apres_moi on January 21, 2010 at 6:13 PM
26
@14- That's why they wear boots with their corduroy shorts and orange Ocean Pacific shirts.
Posted by dwight moody on January 21, 2010 at 6:26 PM
27
From the country that brought you "Jarate" comes...

"Jarate For Her"

Hey, it comes out from between her legs, it must be piss! Or a baby.
Posted by iflurry http://newsflurry.livejournal.com/ on January 21, 2010 at 6:48 PM
28
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/services_f…

whoa
Posted by pffft on January 21, 2010 at 8:33 PM
Teslick 29
14 & 26: From the article:

"Found mainly in eastern Australia, they are said to be able to leap 18 inches [!!!!!!], and their fangs can penetrate soft shoes and fingernails."

I'm going to hope and pray our climate here is much too cold for these things.
Posted by Teslick on January 21, 2010 at 8:52 PM
seandr 30
Wow.

On the bright side, it seems Australia has replaced the US as the planet's stupidest nation.
Posted by seandr on January 21, 2010 at 9:01 PM
Urgutha Forka 31
God is not a real event, therefore all issue from church is piss.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 21, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Fifty-Two-Eighty 32
Hmph. God is a real event. Perhaps the only real event, in fact. It's religion that's bogus. Don't confuse the two.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on January 21, 2010 at 9:24 PM
Urgutha Forka 33
In my humble opinion, 5280, it was religion that created god, not the other way around. Therefore, god is just as fake as religion is. But this is an old argument and isn't going to be won in blog, of all things, so with that, I'll retire.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 21, 2010 at 11:14 PM
HellboundAlleee 34
Wow, I must be kinkier than I thought!

@32, I am interested in your controversial views. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. It may be much like reading tabloids at the checkout counter.
Posted by HellboundAlleee http://hellboundalleee.blogspot.com on January 22, 2010 at 2:49 AM
Fnarf 35
Your honor, I have done extensive research into this subject, and I can report that the substance in question is, let me just check my notes, yes. Tahini sauce.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 22, 2010 at 5:09 AM
Greg 36
If the Australian government wants to get rid of all the FE porn in the country, they could just send it my way. I'll dispose of it for them.
Posted by Greg on January 22, 2010 at 8:24 AM
onion 37
19 has a very good point.
Posted by onion on January 24, 2010 at 11:25 AM
onion 38
and on further consideration, so WHAT if it is piss? if a woman orgasms so hard that she pees, it's gotta be pretty freakin good.
Posted by onion on January 24, 2010 at 11:26 AM

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