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News & ArtsWednesday, January 20, 2010
Sports Whites-Only Basketball (Honkyball?)
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Jan 20, 2010 at 11:57 AM
A new professional basketball league called the All-American Basketball Alliance (AABA) sent out a press release on Sunday saying that it intends to start its inaugural season in June, with teams in 12 U.S. cities. However, the AABA is different from other sports leagues because only players who are “natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.” AABA commissioner Don “Moose” Lewis insists that he’s not racist, but he just wants to get away from the “street-ball” played by “people of color” and back to “fundamental basketball.” Lewis cited the recent incidents of bad behavior by NBA players, implying that such actions would never happen with white players
There is nothing I can add to this. But I do have some advice for the internet: If you ever find yourself having to say "I'm not racist, but...", you're almost definitely being racist.
2
Why do I think this might be a hoax? I do not believe professional sports teams can, as EMPLOYERS, have a policy for hiring that discriminates on the basis of race. Kind of illegal, yes?
4
In sports news, the Salt Lake City Albinos defeated the Louisville, KY Xenophobes by a score of 15-21. Kirk O'Donnell of the Albinos scored a triple-single, with two points, one rebound and three assists. The Xenophobes' Diggar Johnson set a league record going four-for-four from the free-throw line.
5
Haha, wow, I'm disqualified by both parents.
THANKS A LOT, MOM AND DAD, I REALLY WANTED TO PLAY SEGREGATIONBALL.
THANKS A LOT, MOM AND DAD, I REALLY WANTED TO PLAY SEGREGATIONBALL.
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@4 The Albinos, who won the NE WASP division last year, move on to play the Minnesato Polar Bears. The Polars are coming off a last second victory over the North Dakota Cottons thanks to the play the league MVP Kent Hamilton III. A man more known for his crips bounce passes than his flashy ability to do lay ins.
I also assume the three point line doesn't exist in this league. The only reason it's in the NBA is to keep whites in there so if the blacks go, so does that feature of the game.
I also assume the three point line doesn't exist in this league. The only reason it's in the NBA is to keep whites in there so if the blacks go, so does that feature of the game.
9
@6 Bullshit that's enough said. Apparently you haven't heard about the newest breed of white NBA players: Birdman.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Ander…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Ander…
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This can't be true. But if it is, what TV station would dare broadcast it? Which arenas would risk hosting it?
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The video was kind of funny to watch. Was that guy really wearing tennis shoes with a suit on TV? Busted.
12
Are you sure you didn't pull this one off the Onion? I can't wait to see them play some interleague games.
20
This sounds like a Mr. Show sketch.
and A+ for this not being posted on Mudede. I left feeling awed by the stupidity of the posts subjects rather than the author.
and A+ for this not being posted on Mudede. I left feeling awed by the stupidity of the posts subjects rather than the author.
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And in last night's AABA action: The Columbus Honkies beat the Memphis Crackers 43-41, the Jacksonville Kluxers outlasted the Shreveport Whities 51-50, and the Arizona Master Race blew away the Boise Ayrans 56-36. Yes, those are the actual scores.
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This reminds me of the old SNL skit about the first black Harlem Globetrotter. Before he came along, the games consisted of nothing but bounce passes between each player.
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The deeper irony here is that this "All-American" group want to go back to "fundamental basketball". This means they'd have to do something that is utterly impossible for them: become born Canadians and play it the way Canadians invented it: with a soccer football.
Now it's my go at a possible match-up:
Chattanooga Dip-n-Chew (mascot: filthy paper cup) vs. Nacogdoches Bumper-Draggers (a bloodied chain).
Now it's my go at a possible match-up:
Chattanooga Dip-n-Chew (mascot: filthy paper cup) vs. Nacogdoches Bumper-Draggers (a bloodied chain).
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"I'm not racist, but..." is the functional equivalent of "I don't want to sound gay..." or "No homo..."
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I call bullshit. Apparently all we have is a press release, which triggered the standard local-reaction story from the podunk TV station.
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i say let it happen! why not, right? a self imposed "whites league"? not too different from the negro leagues in baseball years ago.
maybe they won't take 5 steps for every layup. maybe refs will actually call the game based on the actual RULES of the game, and maybe defense will make it's triumphant return to the sport!
they should go a little further though. all players should be forced to attend college for at least three years before they are recruited into the AABA. the NBA only recently said their recruits had to go to ONE year of college first. the average college football player actually graduates college, check out the numbers for basketball... it's pretty sad.
maybe they won't take 5 steps for every layup. maybe refs will actually call the game based on the actual RULES of the game, and maybe defense will make it's triumphant return to the sport!
they should go a little further though. all players should be forced to attend college for at least three years before they are recruited into the AABA. the NBA only recently said their recruits had to go to ONE year of college first. the average college football player actually graduates college, check out the numbers for basketball... it's pretty sad.
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Clutch Caucasians:
A Brief History of Snowball
http://www.vimeo.com/8651160
This video is dedicated to Chuck Cooper, Nat Clifton, and Earl Lloyd, the NBA's first African American players.
A Brief History of Snowball
http://www.vimeo.com/8651160
This video is dedicated to Chuck Cooper, Nat Clifton, and Earl Lloyd, the NBA's first African American players.
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