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News & ArtsThursday, January 7, 2010
Transportation / Politics / Sex / Tech / Drunk Lindy West Learns a Valuable Lesson
Posted by Lindy West on Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 12:12 PM
- Eli Sanders
Yesterday, along with 30 or so other media types, I showed up at Qwest Field's north parking lot in order to learn a valuable lesson. To garner support for proposed legislation that would make driving while operating a cell phone a primary offense, State Senator Tracey Eide had arranged an obstacle course and a small fleet of boxy Scions. We were to drive the obstacle course in the Scions whilst text messaging (I upgraded it to sexting, you know, to make it sexier)—a distraction, we were told, equal to driving with a blood alcohol content of .16. WE MIGHT NOT SURVIVE.
(Eli Sanders films.)
As it turns out, Senator Tracey Eide is totally right! It is very, very unsafe to drive a terrifying slalom one-handed at a high speed while a crazy person screams in your face not to brake and you're trying to send hilarious and sexually suggestive text messages to your coworkers.
Thanks for the learnin'!
1
The best comparison is drinking a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster before driving.
Or the equivalent eight vodka shots 15 minutes before.
That's how unsafe driving while talking on a cell phone is.
Or the equivalent eight vodka shots 15 minutes before.
That's how unsafe driving while talking on a cell phone is.
2
I hope this legislation gets wings. As a cyclist (I know - I should just go kill myself now) I noticed a huge increase in stupid, dangerous behavior during the years that cell phones proliferated. Seriously: it was safer to ride on city streets in the early nineties than it is now, solely for that reason.
3
I got hit by a guy on his phone about a year and a half ago. Fucker almost killed me. It was illegal then but it didn't stop him. As I lay bleeding to death from internal injuries, the cop wrote him a ticket. $300 w/ no fine for the cell phone.
4
That shit is RIDICULOUS. It's not like driving and texting at all. What were you going like 30 miles an hour dodging cones and not breaking? That's a LOT different than driving down pine (or anywhere in the city) at thirty miles an hour, breaking constantly because people are idiots, stopping either at a sign or a light every block (often times behind other cars so you're going a lot slower) and glancing down every few seconds to type. And some asshole is telling you not to break and trying to make you carry on a conversation? That situation was not at all like the times when I drive and compose a text message. Not that it isn't unsafe, because, duh, it is, but not AS unsafe as that little test trial was.
5
Callie, what are these things in your car that you're breaking? Bottles? Or do you have an endless supply of phones that you keep breaking in frustration at traffic? The inside of your car must be a mess!
6
@5 Um. Breaking = hitting the breaks. Is that somehow unclear in my comment? Anyway, I wasn't advocating against this law being passed by any means, because texting while driving is not safe. I just think that the senator's obstacle course was totally unrealistic.
12
Doesn't it strike anyone as as a bit of a false argument here?
"Hey look media types, if you are given a car and told to drive a totally difficult road obstacle course in a car you've never driven which requires all your concentration because it's such an unfamiliar driving experience *AND* make you text a lot just to see how how bad it is..." and then surprise surprise, everyone sucked at it. " HEY, TEXTING WHILE DRIVING UNDER ANY CONDITION IS TOTALLY UNSAFE! WE'VE PROVEN IT HERE TODAY IN THIS TOTALLY SCIENTIFIC SETTING, FOLKS!"
Look, I'm against people t/sexting while driving as much as anyone, I think it's a stupid thing to do, but this isn't anything close to how most people text and drive. People text while stopped at stoplights or while driving down the freeway in a calm safe way, or in any other ways in which they *FEEL* safe doing so. Driving down a artificial obstacle course and making them text and showing how badly they do it proves little.
For this education to really work they need to show how texting affects your PERCEPTION of safety. Set up scenarios that look like a piece of cake to do while texting and then document how texting drivers fail at them. Not some 'shocking' obstacle course which everyone would suck at anyway.
This is essentially "This is your brain on drugs" for text driving. Shocking but not particularly convincing.
"Hey look media types, if you are given a car and told to drive a totally difficult road obstacle course in a car you've never driven which requires all your concentration because it's such an unfamiliar driving experience *AND* make you text a lot just to see how how bad it is..." and then surprise surprise, everyone sucked at it. " HEY, TEXTING WHILE DRIVING UNDER ANY CONDITION IS TOTALLY UNSAFE! WE'VE PROVEN IT HERE TODAY IN THIS TOTALLY SCIENTIFIC SETTING, FOLKS!"
Look, I'm against people t/sexting while driving as much as anyone, I think it's a stupid thing to do, but this isn't anything close to how most people text and drive. People text while stopped at stoplights or while driving down the freeway in a calm safe way, or in any other ways in which they *FEEL* safe doing so. Driving down a artificial obstacle course and making them text and showing how badly they do it proves little.
For this education to really work they need to show how texting affects your PERCEPTION of safety. Set up scenarios that look like a piece of cake to do while texting and then document how texting drivers fail at them. Not some 'shocking' obstacle course which everyone would suck at anyway.
This is essentially "This is your brain on drugs" for text driving. Shocking but not particularly convincing.
13
@12 Said exactly what I was attempting to say without making an ass out of themselves. Just read that instead.
14
Do you fuckwits even know why it was an obstacle course? That's right, because they aren't going to send other drivers, pedestrians, cyclists, dogs, horses or Lindy West running out in front of your car for realism.
Do us all a favor and volunteer to make this course more realistic, okay? I'll even give you asphalt-grey jumpsuits.
Do us all a favor and volunteer to make this course more realistic, okay? I'll even give you asphalt-grey jumpsuits.
16
and I agree, for realism, they should have little rag dolls walk out in front of the car as you make the turn at the stop light, one holding up a little stop sign, as you plow through them all in a long line of rag doll carnage.
17
Wait, doesn't the Strangers "no competent drivers need apply" policy kind of skew this result?
Also, in the proposed law, is there that idiotic exception for hands free? That bit kills me.
Also, in the proposed law, is there that idiotic exception for hands free? That bit kills me.
19
Instead of cones, they should have critical mass ride through there and you have to weave between them.
20
its probably representative of real world emergency driving situations, and texting or talking while driving is highly distracting, as are the mispellings by the undereducated under 25 masses of kids on this blog. what were you all doing in grade school watching tons of MTV?
22
@17, yes, hands-free is pretty much exactly as dangerous as hands-on. It's not your hands that cause the danger, it's the lack of attention.
25
That doesn't look like a particularly unnavigable course under normal circumstances. Seems appropriately chaotic to me when you throw texting into the mix. It's not as if they could close a stretch of I-5 to show what happens when you're browsing at 65mph and the person 5 car lengths ahead of you hits the brakes.
26
Oh, give the poor girl a brake! She's owned her mistake, and dog knows we all make 'em sometimes.
Except for me, of course.
Except for me, of course.
27
@20 I'm not uneducated, nor am I under 25. That was a momentary brain mishap, and like I said, I'm extremely embarrassed. If I were an "undereducated under 25" idiot who grew up on MTV, I wouldn't have the wherewithal to even BE ashamed. So take a hike.
28
Callie: accidentally typing "Breaking" instead of "Braking" = Not That Big of a Deal. Everyone knew what you meant. People are just being pedantic. I absolve you of embarrassment!
31
We were in a car waiting at a red light on Pine Street when a guy ran his car into the back of us full-speed. No braking, no attempt to steer away. He was texting, in fact he was still looking down at his phone when I turned around to see what had hit us.
34
@27,
What you should be ashamed of is your callous disregard toward putting your own and others' lives at risk with incompetent and inattentive driving. Cheers!
What you should be ashamed of is your callous disregard toward putting your own and others' lives at risk with incompetent and inattentive driving. Cheers!
35
Callie was evidently asleep when they told her that words that sound alike don't always mean the same thing. It's a funny word called a homophone (which is not a pink Motorola Razr held by some gay guy.)
38
so...if you're drunk (and/or on other illicit substances), driving, AND texting, does it all cancel out, and make everything OK?
41
I just want to state for the record that my jab @ Callie was made purely out of light-hearted jest and the best of intentions.
42
Hey everybody, remember when that commuter train in California crashed into a freight train and killed a bunch of hapless commuters. I'll give you one guess as how the highly trained, professional train driver totally missed all the warnings and fucked up so badly. He's dead now.
Texting while driving is a death-wish -- for those of you who don't think it's so bad, and for the rest of us unfortunate enough to have to share the streets with you.
Texting while driving is a death-wish -- for those of you who don't think it's so bad, and for the rest of us unfortunate enough to have to share the streets with you.
43
What exactly counts as "operating a cell phone?" Talking hands-free is still "operating a cell phone." Using my phone for GPS navigation - it has a specialized cradle that attaches to my windshield, just like a normal GPS, and voice search, so all I do is hit a button and say "navigate to Harris Teeter," for instance, and it goes - is "operating a cell phone." Need a better law, though I don't disagree with its intent...
45
Pretty sure this turned out epic -- I am very very glad I could yell at you Lindy, while you were driving/sexting :) It made my day!
46
now people, don't have a brakedown while brake dancing down pine street in your fine automobile lest someone take you right out of your car and kick your ass even though all your friends have cadillacs and you must make amends, and thus you are asking god to buy you a merecedes benz.
47
I don't think the whole thing was about Callie incorrectly using a verb instead of a noun, i think it was that combined with the fact that most younger people think its okay to text a little bit and drive while most older folks know its not. kinda like drinking and driving. And no one ever called you an idiot Callie, just implied youthfulness, which as you get older you'll want more of, without the lack of experience and intelliegence also implied.
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