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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

News The Morning News: Full Body Scans, Mighty Jellyfish, and Someone at the Door

Posted by Lindy West on Wed, Dec 30, 2009 at 6:55 AM

Thanks for Ruining My Vacation, Fuckers: Obama calls security failures unacceptable.

Yemen? I Hardly Know Men! (That Works, Right?): Yemen's status as a "well-organized terror hub" complicates Guantanamo situation.

The Last Step Is a Finger in Your Dike: Dutch airports to implement full body scan.

But What of Funfetti Uranium?: Please do not give your yellowcake uranium to Iran.

Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It): 23 die in Iraqi suicide blast.

God Save the Queen: As long as she's not a bewildered, mentally ill drug mule!

Oh, Dear. 70 die in clashes in northern Nigeria.

Filigree, Apogee, Pedigree, Perigee: Afghans burn Obama in effigy.

Can We Abandon that Poisonous Goddamn Continent Yet!? Australian beach caretaker, claiming "world's best job," stung by invisible jellyfish of doom.

Zombie Mom! It's okay to joke about it, because everyone lived.

I Tell You Everything, Baby. Obama declares that “no information may remain classified indefinitely."

Get More Rapey! Knife More Ladies! More! More! TV viewers just can't get enough of Charlie Sheen's wacky antics.

Wait, So Magic Doesn't Exist? What About Centaurs? Gingko Biloba doesn't grow you a new brain.

"Unfortunately, here in Western Washington, we're really good at putting on police funerals." Memorial service for slain Pierce County officer to be held ~~yesterday~~ next Tuesday.

Knock knock...

Comments (14) RSS

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Jellyfish are assholes, Lindy, ignore them. They just want attention and we shouldn't give it to them.

Posted by Baconcat on December 30, 2009 at 7:04 AM

Deputy's memorial service wasn't yesterday. They were just getting his body from the ME's office down to the funeral home. Memorial is next week.

Posted by pony on December 30, 2009 at 7:10 AM

That Bert Parks clip freaked me out so bad. Thank you.

Posted by gloomy gus on December 30, 2009 at 7:40 AM

I'm not a doctor; but I suspect that zombie mom had broken heart syndrome. Christmas plus having a baby is extremely stressful. Here's a brief description of it:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/broken-…

Basically you have transient swelling of the heart leading to symptoms similar to heart attacks. Such symtoms in women can be simple tiredness.

All in all, a happy story, but a miracle is not the only explaination.

Posted by SpookyCats on December 30, 2009 at 8:52 AM

You know what DOES slow Alzheimer's progression? That's right kids, Marijuana!
http://www.livescience.com/health/061018…

Posted by More, I Say! on December 30, 2009 at 8:58 AM

That Bedknobs and Broomsticks references means I love you.

Posted by NaFun

on December 30, 2009 at 9:25 AM

The sooner Obama recognizes that we’re at war with radical Islamic jihadists and not isolated extremists and treats them as enemy combatants instead of run-of-the-mill criminals and keeps them locked up in Guantanamo, the safer the world will be.

Posted by raindrop on December 30, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Want to help your brain?

Low-dose aspirin.

No, seriously.

So long as you're not allergic to it, it's the wonder drug of brain health.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on December 30, 2009 at 9:32 AM

The Bedknobs and Broomsticks reference means I love you and ALSO that I want to bear your first-born.

Posted by The Cap'n on December 30, 2009 at 9:53 AM

@6: ah, thanks for clearing that up. My Trivial Pursuit brain socks away all kinds of dreckish bits, but logical links? ...not so much.

Posted by rob!

on December 30, 2009 at 10:04 AM

@5 - sorry, don't believe everything you see. It might help if it makes you more social and reduces stress, but caffeine probably does more.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on December 30, 2009 at 2:02 PM

It's nice to know that Dick Cheney is a Strangercrombie Donor.

Posted by The Amazing Jim

on December 30, 2009 at 2:42 PM

I thought I had a fairly high tolerance for '70s kitsch, but I could not watch that Parks clip all the way through. Whoa.

Posted by gkb on December 30, 2009 at 3:40 PM

It seems like the flags have been at half-mast for months now. I wonder how long it will take criminals to figure out the best time to commit a crime is during a police officer's funeral.

Posted by Free Lunch on December 30, 2009 at 5:46 PM