Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, December 30, 2009
Film Sherlock Holmes, Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, Avatar...
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Dec 30, 2009 at 8:08 PM
...blah blah giant blue alien babes blah.
I saw both movies. The barely concealed homoeroticism of Sherlock Holmes, the crazed mashup of enviro-racial-political themes in Avatar—yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. The most interesting thing about both films were the FREAKING PREVIEWS! Some action flick with Tom "No Sexual Chemistry" Cruise and Cameron Diaz, some cop picture starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan (they break the rules!), some bad breakup/action movie starring Jennifer Aniston with that guy from 300 as her ex-boyfriend/bail bondsman/WTF. All three previews felt like those fake previews for fake movies that sometimes appear in real movies about people who make movies. You know, like that fake preview for the fake Adam Sandler baby movie that ran in the real Adam Sandler movie Funny People?
All three trailers looked so cheaply made, so cliché-packed, that they looked like parodies of Cruise/Willis/Aniston flicks, not real Cruise/Willis/Aniston flicks. But they weren't fakes. These are actual movies that are actually coming soon to theaters near you and you and you.
6
Take the wife and the kid to "Mr. Fox", you won't be sorry (Fosse "I'm just different!" hands and all).
8
i can't wait to see cop out... because im almost as big a kevin smith fan as i am a dan savage fan.
and i think its a modern day lethal weapon which most kevin smith fans will also dig.
and i think its a modern day lethal weapon which most kevin smith fans will also dig.
9
"that they looked like parodies of Cruise/Willis/Aniston flicks, not real Cruise/Willis/Aniston flicks. But they weren't fakes."
I think I'm following what you are saying. I had a weird similar epiphany today. Listening to the blasé radio they play at my temp job, Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds came on. Awful, when I thought about it, but when i listened to it, it sounded like an amazing straight guy version who was making a super gay parody, because in some realities of perception, his opinion of John Lennon may have been that he was a super gay-like fart, a growing opinion of mine.
Since you've become quite the cine/phile lately, please give Charles a week or two of answering your stupid sexy mailbag.
I think I'm following what you are saying. I had a weird similar epiphany today. Listening to the blasé radio they play at my temp job, Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds came on. Awful, when I thought about it, but when i listened to it, it sounded like an amazing straight guy version who was making a super gay parody, because in some realities of perception, his opinion of John Lennon may have been that he was a super gay-like fart, a growing opinion of mine.
Since you've become quite the cine/phile lately, please give Charles a week or two of answering your stupid sexy mailbag.
11
Kevin Smith is hardly a great director but I'll see anything he make, producer or puts out. But his podcasts are far more entertaining then any movie he's made.
12
If you grew up a closeted-gay in the '60s, "A Single Man" is your movie - a moving set piece celebrating the gay milieu before the gay milieu could be celebrated. Sadly, I read down before posting this to note "A Single Man" has already been diminished by Annie Wagner who's neither gay nor sixty - great credentials except when reviewing "A Single Man". Colin Firth would seem to have an inside track for the Best Actor Oscar and his fag hag, Julianne Moore, for a Best Supporting Actress nom, but M'onique will snatch the precious Oscar away from her.
13
When I saw that Cruise/Diaz movie preview (at Avatar in 3D, which I enjoyed but didn't go hysterical over like my companions), I couldn't help but think the same thing. It seems like so much rote Hollywood action movie bullshit that it can't be real.
Also, please stop bringing up Adam Sandler. The sooner we all just ignore him, the sooner he'll implode in upon himself and his career will come hurtling down like a plane crash. As well as Rob Schneider, by extension.
Also, please stop bringing up Adam Sandler. The sooner we all just ignore him, the sooner he'll implode in upon himself and his career will come hurtling down like a plane crash. As well as Rob Schneider, by extension.
15
@14
the trailer sure, watch it - my wife got hip to this months back through her sewing group. the movie is fool's diamond. amazing throughout - Deborah's brief romance with the asian scientist, everything, pretty funny.
the trailer sure, watch it - my wife got hip to this months back through her sewing group. the movie is fool's diamond. amazing throughout - Deborah's brief romance with the asian scientist, everything, pretty funny.
16
Adam Sandler is not so bad actually. He was brilliant in Spanglish.
As for homoeroticism, it was obviously intentional, a la House/Wilson etc.
As for homoeroticism, it was obviously intentional, a la House/Wilson etc.
17
What you describe is the natural result of letting a bunch of MBAs run Hollywood studios. Why do you think there are so many 2: the unnecessary sequel? Profit, profit, profit.
18
That Tom Cruise movie actually seems quite canny to me: The first one to cast him not as a likeable all-American leading man, but instead in line with Cruise's commonly accepted public image as a cheerfully charming psychopath.
I really like Tom Cruise, and I always said he could and should take more Johnny Depp roles. (And for the record, Johnny Depp would be a horrible failure in Tom Cruise roles.)
I really like Tom Cruise, and I always said he could and should take more Johnny Depp roles. (And for the record, Johnny Depp would be a horrible failure in Tom Cruise roles.)
19
Awwww, I really enjoyed Holmes.
Entertaining, lots of gay subtext, Jude Law is hot, Robert Downey Jr. is hotter.
I don't think Avatar was supposed to make me laugh as many times as it did.
Entertaining, lots of gay subtext, Jude Law is hot, Robert Downey Jr. is hotter.
I don't think Avatar was supposed to make me laugh as many times as it did.
20
*Wow* do those movies look terrible. Is Tracy Morgan's character supposed to have a traumatic brain injury?
There's somebody in Hollywood who keeps giving Jennifer Aniston leading roles- that someone needs to be stopped.
There's somebody in Hollywood who keeps giving Jennifer Aniston leading roles- that someone needs to be stopped.
21
@18: I kind of got that impression too. It almost seemed like a movie I could see, but Cameron Diaz turns me right off.
22
I saw Avatar last weekend in 3D. While I'm sure my opinion is jaded by the reekage of the guy next to me and the icy hot smelling chew he kept spitting out through out the movie combined with frito-esque socks, not to mention a headache at the end from the 3D, all I could think was "Seriously, Fern Gully/Dances With Wolves much?"
When my husband goes all, "Oh my God, best movie EVAR" it's all I can do to keep from commenting on how I'll never get those hours back.
When my husband goes all, "Oh my God, best movie EVAR" it's all I can do to keep from commenting on how I'll never get those hours back.
23
I got previews for "Salt", Burton's Alice in Wonderland, and the Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe Robin Hood masturbation-fest. It was hot.
24
22
Face it Brooke, your flat chested while the blue chicks are unbelievably firm and perky.
Let your husband enjoy.
Face it Brooke, your flat chested while the blue chicks are unbelievably firm and perky.
Let your husband enjoy.
25
24
Seriously, he can go see it as many times as he wants - I don't care. Just don't tell me that it's the best movie EVER.
Seriously, he can go see it as many times as he wants - I don't care. Just don't tell me that it's the best movie EVER.
27
There's a reason I call him / them Allegedly, Christampa. Multiple reasons, in fact.
Jordan, when Kevin Smith attended the protest of his own movie, he won my heart.
I think Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus would be an awesome Saturday matinee with the right crowd and about a tonne of carmel corn. A friend of mine who watches SyFy and its surfeit of giant rampaging undersea monsters would appreciate MSvGO's refuge in audacity.
Jordan, when Kevin Smith attended the protest of his own movie, he won my heart.
I think Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus would be an awesome Saturday matinee with the right crowd and about a tonne of carmel corn. A friend of mine who watches SyFy and its surfeit of giant rampaging undersea monsters would appreciate MSvGO's refuge in audacity.
28
You forgot the fake-Gladiator-low-budget-300-remake-with-more-sex-and-hotter-chicks-and-slight-lezzy-action-starring-a-bunch-of-no-names-and-a-younger-hotter-looking-wannabe-Russell-Crow movie trailer, I think it was called Spartacus something.
Advertisement
Most Commented on Slog
-
Hating People Doesn't Make Them Thinner by Jen Graves
-
Los Angeles Gay Bar Bans Bachelorette Parties Until Marriage Equality Is Attained by David Schmader
-
Fill in the Blank by Grant Brissey
-
This Reminds Me of the Great Calculator Scare of the Late '70s/Early '80s by David Schmader
-
Idiot Tries to Defend Bigoted Anti-Gay-Marriage Preacher on Anderson Cooper by Paul Constant
-
Six Moms with Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Shitty Website Decide to Fight Gay Superheroes by Paul Constant
-
Why Mayor McGinn's Wife Canceled Her Family's Seattle Times Subscription by Eli Sanders
-
What the Hell Is Wrong With Seattle's Pride Parade? by Dominic Holden
-
The Saturday Morning News by Unpaid Intern
-
NYC Man Ticketed for Not Riding in the Bike Lane by Jonathan Golob
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (29) RSS