Gee... I suppose this Garrison Keillor column is supposed to be satire—you know, like the column Keillor wrote attacking gay parents. But that was then. Keillor's target now are all those Jews and Unitarians out there who are attacking Christmas:
If you don't believe Jesus was God, OK, go write your own damn "Silent Night" and leave ours alone. This is spiritual piracy and cultural elitism, and we Christians have stood for it long enough. And all those lousy holiday songs by Jewish guys that trash up the malls every year, Rudolph and the chestnuts and the rest of that dreck. Did one of our guys write "Grab your loafers, come along if you wanna, and we'll blow that shofar for Rosh Hashanah"? No, we didn't.
Christmas is a Christian holiday—if you're not in the club, then buzz off. Celebrate Yule instead or dance around in druid robes for the solstice. Go light a big log, go wassailing and falalaing until you fall down, eat figgy pudding until you puke, but don't mess with the Messiah.
Um... gee. Would some of the same folks who thought I was being an insufferable, satire-impaired douche for calling Keiller out on his blatant homophobia—gay families were under attack and Keillor when slammed gay parents using hoary anti-gay stereotypes—like to unpack this column for me? I fail to see the humor in it. And it's not just me this time.
No doubt Keillor will claim that he intended to make fun of the war-on-Christmas rhetoric spewed by O'Reilly types and all those aggrieved American Christians with their carefully cultivated persecution complexes. And the folks that Keillor upset with this column? They're a lot like the folks Keillor delighted with this column: they just don't get it. It's satire, people! Satire that—like his column about gay parents—has to be carefully explained and walked back after it sees print! Satire that introduces a delightful new strain of explicit anti-semitism into America's now-annual War-On-Christmas-palooza.
Christ what an asshole.