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News & ArtsFriday, December 18, 2009
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Um... Stop Sticking Your Dick In Her?
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Dec 18, 2009 at 3:10 PM
I am a 22 year old straight guy who is having considerable trouble leaving a girl I am with. Last winter we broke up because I determined she just wasn't right for me. The sex is boring and vanilla and I'm up for having much more casual sex. She's great and everything, and I feel horrible for saying this but she isn't emotionally mature enough for me, and is also quite unintelligent. I require intelligence. Other than that she's sweet as a button, very funny, and random, which is totally my style. After I broke up with her a year ago, we slowly got back into a relationship without officially designating it as such. Basically, we're fucking again, and we're a couple, but she is definitely not somebody I plan on marrying and I think she sees me as a future husband. How do I let her down gently, and ensure that I don't get back into the same old shit. Wicked, thanks!About A Girl
My response after the jump...
Have you tried telling her that you think she's immature, stupid, and a lousy lay?
Or, hey, how about this: stop sticking your dick in her. It's a good idea to refrain—generally speaking—from repeatedly sticking your dick in someone who you know is interpreting said dick sticking quite differently than you intend said dick sticking. It's just meaningless sex for you, and not very good meaningless sex at that, but for her it's deeply meaningful sex. She regards the resumption of your sexual relationship as the resumption of your commitment—your commitment to an open-ended future with her (marriage!)—and as you know that to be the case, AAG, you have a responsibility to end this relationship, such as it is, so that she can go find someone else.
As for letting someone down gently, AAG, the longer you hesitate to dump someone the more it hurts once you dump 'em. Concerned for her feelings? Dump her now.
3
"She isn't emotionally mature enough for me." From the rest of what he writes it's clear the reverse is true.
5
He sounds like a bit of a POS. I'm sure he's a nicer person than this, but way to be a jerk. They should definitely break up.
7
There's no way he didn't already know the fucking answer to his problem, he was just hoping Dan had a better one that didn't involved, you know, growing a pair.
9
whoa whoa WHOA.
sometimes you might hurt someone if you stop fucking them and thats sort of part of the deal?!? NOBODY TOLD ME THIS!!!!!!
sometimes you might hurt someone if you stop fucking them and thats sort of part of the deal?!? NOBODY TOLD ME THIS!!!!!!
10
@7 FTW.
@9- I guess you'll have to stop stopping fucking people. If you continue to start fucking people, your apartment will quickly become quite crowded.
@9- I guess you'll have to stop stopping fucking people. If you continue to start fucking people, your apartment will quickly become quite crowded.
12
All the comments seem much more enlightening and to the point than the verbiage dispensed by the author. I'm certainly no Miss Sexuality Manners, so I can fuck off and die.
My two cents would be, "let her down gently - ease off on the sex, drop hints of other interests, then in a short time just cut it off, or drop the bomb, so to speak. And ask someone in person for advice next time, family, social worker, Rabbi, prostitute, anyone. A true caring person wouldn't exploit your tale inflating his ego for all of us-know-nothings to waste our time with."
My two cents would be, "let her down gently - ease off on the sex, drop hints of other interests, then in a short time just cut it off, or drop the bomb, so to speak. And ask someone in person for advice next time, family, social worker, Rabbi, prostitute, anyone. A true caring person wouldn't exploit your tale inflating his ego for all of us-know-nothings to waste our time with."
13
Alternatively, AAG, you could fake your own death. The phone will stop ringing and she'll live the rest of her life remembering you as the one who got away.
15
This guy obviously wants to keep fucking this girl until someone he's actually interested in comes along, so Dan's advice isn't gonna fly.
He wasn't asking for a way to get rid of her (because, as @7 said, the answer to that is obvious), he was asking for a way to keep fucking her without her thinking they're in a relationship.
He wasn't asking for a way to get rid of her (because, as @7 said, the answer to that is obvious), he was asking for a way to keep fucking her without her thinking they're in a relationship.
18
Am I the only one who read this letter and pictured some guy quietly typing at a computer desk underneath a Dave Matthews poster, collar popped and hair thoroughly gelled, sipping a can of Natural Ice while Vampire Weekend plays in the background?
20
"Last winter we broke up because I determined she just wasn't right for me"
well, I determined this numbnutz is a spineless douche-weasel who is a gonna be getting reacquainted with his hand real soon.
well, I determined this numbnutz is a spineless douche-weasel who is a gonna be getting reacquainted with his hand real soon.
21
I agree that faking your own death is the only honourable way out of this. For verisimilitude, arrange for your car to go screaming off a cliff and explode in a massive fireball. Have a friend with a video camera "conveniently" film the incident, then pan to a crowd of observers who collectively exclaim, "MY GOD! NO-ONE COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT!"
22
I think it's in their best interest that he dump her in a crowded mall or on a crowded street corner.
That way, he can tell his friends "I totally dumped the skank on the street" and they'll be all, "man, she was all over your nutz, man, that's totally wicked" before doing kegstands, and she can tell her friends "he dumped me _IN PUBLIC_, that asshole" before she gets hit on by the overly-sympathetic not-gay incredibly homo waiter who dates her for 9 years before coming out of the closet after sleeping with ARRHG.
That way, he can tell his friends "I totally dumped the skank on the street" and they'll be all, "man, she was all over your nutz, man, that's totally wicked" before doing kegstands, and she can tell her friends "he dumped me _IN PUBLIC_, that asshole" before she gets hit on by the overly-sympathetic not-gay incredibly homo waiter who dates her for 9 years before coming out of the closet after sleeping with ARRHG.
23
@21 the crowd of observers!! that's how the director of Harold and Maude screwed up!! Nicely done.
24
Lordy 18, Dan bang ya and not call the next day or something?
The only problem I have with the advice is not telling the writer of the letter that chances are he ain't all that great of a catch to begin with.
The only problem I have with the advice is not telling the writer of the letter that chances are he ain't all that great of a catch to begin with.
25
All: good advice as to what he SHOULD do.
My guess as to what he WILL do; phrased as the advice he wants to hear:
1) Act moody. When asked what's wrong, say you're feeling kind of trapped, and that you want to see other people. When she cries, heartbroken, hold her, say everything is OK and take it all back.
2) In a couple of days, leave a cryptic text, email, Facebook message, etc (anything but "face to face") about feeling weird about the other night.
3) The next time you talk, bring up the idea of seeing other people, but in a totally different way. Quote some Savage Love articles talking about how monogamy isn't realistic, and say how you think it would strengthen the relationship to open things up. Hold her while she cries, but this time, don't let up. You clearly have control of the situation, so wait until she relents, now believing this is the only way she can keep you.
4) Start seeing other girls immediately, but don't tell her when or where (you wouldn't want to stress her out), and certainly don't tell the new girl you have a serious partner (because you don't, in your mind, really - do you?) Believe me, they'll be happier not knowing about each other and will be happy to hear the arrangement dubbed "Don't ask; don't tell". If you get shot down & your self-esteem takes a blow, be more affectionate towards your fallback girl, proving to her that having an open relationship really IS going to bring you closer together (win/win!).
5) Repeat this process until you find someone you like better.
6) As things start to get more serious with New Girl, start being more distant with Old Girl. Stop calling; make her do all the work and start resenting you, going crazy wondering whether you're getting more serious with someone new.
7) Interpret her emotions and questions as her becoming a needy, crazy bitch, and tell this to your New Girl. Listen to how New Girl spins this information - doesn't it sound much more reasonable than the way you think about it? Use that phrasing when breaking up with Old Girl so you'll sound less crass and more empathetic. That way, she'll be sad, but won't hate you so much that she won't answer your booty call when things get rough with New Girl.
More...
My guess as to what he WILL do; phrased as the advice he wants to hear:
1) Act moody. When asked what's wrong, say you're feeling kind of trapped, and that you want to see other people. When she cries, heartbroken, hold her, say everything is OK and take it all back.
2) In a couple of days, leave a cryptic text, email, Facebook message, etc (anything but "face to face") about feeling weird about the other night.
3) The next time you talk, bring up the idea of seeing other people, but in a totally different way. Quote some Savage Love articles talking about how monogamy isn't realistic, and say how you think it would strengthen the relationship to open things up. Hold her while she cries, but this time, don't let up. You clearly have control of the situation, so wait until she relents, now believing this is the only way she can keep you.
4) Start seeing other girls immediately, but don't tell her when or where (you wouldn't want to stress her out), and certainly don't tell the new girl you have a serious partner (because you don't, in your mind, really - do you?) Believe me, they'll be happier not knowing about each other and will be happy to hear the arrangement dubbed "Don't ask; don't tell". If you get shot down & your self-esteem takes a blow, be more affectionate towards your fallback girl, proving to her that having an open relationship really IS going to bring you closer together (win/win!).
5) Repeat this process until you find someone you like better.
6) As things start to get more serious with New Girl, start being more distant with Old Girl. Stop calling; make her do all the work and start resenting you, going crazy wondering whether you're getting more serious with someone new.
7) Interpret her emotions and questions as her becoming a needy, crazy bitch, and tell this to your New Girl. Listen to how New Girl spins this information - doesn't it sound much more reasonable than the way you think about it? Use that phrasing when breaking up with Old Girl so you'll sound less crass and more empathetic. That way, she'll be sad, but won't hate you so much that she won't answer your booty call when things get rough with New Girl.
27
@18 the author of that latest Ayn Rand: Goddess of the Market book just wrote an article for a town paper back east. she definitely leans right, despite the glowing praise she got on Jon Stewart and the rest of the showtalk circuit. to tell the truth, Rand's philosophy is way too complex and smart for me to even muster a comment. like most, i'll settle for the fanciful movie version.
or were you emphasizing maxim mag?
or were you emphasizing maxim mag?
28
@6
Yes, most men are dopey fuckbots, but it makes it soooooooo easy to figure them out. Shit, 25 even has a realistic script for this dipshit - it's that easy. If it weren't for that magic wand between their legs, it'd be hard to justify putting up with them.
Yes, most men are dopey fuckbots, but it makes it soooooooo easy to figure them out. Shit, 25 even has a realistic script for this dipshit - it's that easy. If it weren't for that magic wand between their legs, it'd be hard to justify putting up with them.
29
"stop sticking your dick in her" - That's the morally correct and obvious answer, of course, except his real question is this:
"How can I keep sticking my dick in this girl AND let her down gently?"
"How can I keep sticking my dick in this girl AND let her down gently?"
30
@29,
That's exactly what I read too...
He should break up with this girl already, so she can find someone who isn't an ass.
Then he should go looking for an NSA partner. Either that, or hire a pro sex worker (although at 22, even as a complete ass he should still be able to find plenty of NSA women at the nearest college campus).
That's exactly what I read too...
He should break up with this girl already, so she can find someone who isn't an ass.
Then he should go looking for an NSA partner. Either that, or hire a pro sex worker (although at 22, even as a complete ass he should still be able to find plenty of NSA women at the nearest college campus).
33
"I require intelligence. Other than that she's sweet as a button, very funny, and random, which is totally my style"
this guy is really a pos mf biatch..
this guy is really a pos mf biatch..
35
Been there done that.
He's probably feeling guilty because she's willing to have sex with him, is nice, and might be enjoying it way more than him, but he's realized it's just not working for him.
Do both of you a favor and stop torturing her by staying with her.
That said, even if they are intelligent and the sex is great, doesn't mean it works out either. But sometimes you have to realize there's no future in it and move on, for the good of both of you.
He's probably feeling guilty because she's willing to have sex with him, is nice, and might be enjoying it way more than him, but he's realized it's just not working for him.
Do both of you a favor and stop torturing her by staying with her.
That said, even if they are intelligent and the sex is great, doesn't mean it works out either. But sometimes you have to realize there's no future in it and move on, for the good of both of you.
36
@22 for the likely win. But they have to blog about it afterwards, preferably with long winded vid from both of them that makes you realize how unsuited each was for the other.
37
No wait, he is just 'mercy fucking' her again and again and again...because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Later he'll assert his emotional and intellectual superiority by clearing out her bank account because people at her 'level' are not competent and responsible enough to have money.
I'll bet he thinks that he is a saint by being so charitable in spending time with this waif. Maybe he can teach he to properly say 'the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.'
I'll bet he thinks that he is a saint by being so charitable in spending time with this waif. Maybe he can teach he to properly say 'the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.'
38
pissymcblog32,
??? if it were petitioned that Rand be included in any curriculum, whole classes, even whole semesters, I'd vote Yea.
Self absorbed idiot wank material 101 would be a two week semester break writing 100 words on the Stranger.
??? if it were petitioned that Rand be included in any curriculum, whole classes, even whole semesters, I'd vote Yea.
Self absorbed idiot wank material 101 would be a two week semester break writing 100 words on the Stranger.
40
@38: ok then fine, let that happen in a Philosophies Refuted by Reality Course.
Whatever, it is crap, whose negligible influence is already waning.
Whatever, it is crap, whose negligible influence is already waning.
41
25, you forgot the parts that come even after, when Old girl finally gets over it all and starts seriously dating someone else, then AAG misses the ego boost of her having been into him, thinks omg I was in love with her all along!, so then he chases her about trying to say he made a mistake and get her back, all up until she breaks it off with the new guy, then AAG promptly says "just kidding"
42
Why is everyone so harsh on the writer's of these advice questions? They don't know what to do, regardless of how clear-as-day the answer is to you. Not only that, but the situations that the people write about, relationships, involve at least one person getting their feelings hurt (usually) and that makes it much harder to come to a reasonable answer yourself. (Hence you write to someone who can potentially help you)
Also, this is the first time I've ever seen someone stereotyped from one word they TYPED.
Maybe I'm missing the point of these and it's actually to rip the writer to shreds and leave them in a deeper state of confusion and with much less self confidence.
Wicked, thanks.
Also, this is the first time I've ever seen someone stereotyped from one word they TYPED.
Maybe I'm missing the point of these and it's actually to rip the writer to shreds and leave them in a deeper state of confusion and with much less self confidence.
Wicked, thanks.
43
@41 - Sure, he'll certainly be doing that, but he can handle that part on his own - in his question, he just wanted to know how to get OUT of the relationship gracefully.
But now that you've brought it up, anticipating a follow-up advice request about how to get back together with that girl after realizing you've made a terrible mistake (again, not what he SHOULD do, which is to take a serious look at his motivations & intentions, but what he WANTS to hear, to justify what he's going to do anyway...)
------------------
So you want to get back with your old girl, do you? Of course you do! That feeling you had of her adoring you so completely with you not having to do a thing in return? Your new girl is cute, but she's always expecting things from you. Not like your old girl. She was perfect, that memory you had of her, and that makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy, don't you? So how do you make it happen?
First off, you can't try the same approach twice. If you started seeing someone else to get away from the first girl, she's going to be able to tell when you start pulling the same trick on HER. This time you have to do everything undercover - even to yourself. Remember how great it was when Old Girl was "Just A Friend" (who would sleep with you and adore you but since you didn't exchange Goin' Steady rings there was no commitment)? You need to go back THERE. Start out by being "just friends" again. How do you do that?
1) Send an email to Old Girl, apologetic about how things turned out, reminisce about some specific good times you had, and end on a "talk to you soon?" note. Do NOT bring up getting back together.
2) When she replies, start a long, drawn-out conversation over email before calling. Each time she responds, drop everything and write back immediately, showing what a good friend you are (and implying what a caring lover you'd now be). Tell her about new experiences you've had, implying that this has made you a changed person. Let her bring up the question of whether or not you're still seeing "her". When you answer, don't lie, but only mention the bad things about your relationship - this will encourage her to do the same about hers.
3) Sometime when she mentions her boyfriend will be away, offer to take her out "as friends" to a movie. When you do, hold her hand in the dark of the theater, but don't acknowledge it. Hug afterward and say you had a nice time. (Note: If she offers to watch a movie "in" instead, skip to step 6.)
4) In your next email, tell her how much seeing you brought everything back and how hugging her made you remember how right it felt and you had to hold yourself back from kissing her. She will likely admit the same.
5) Start to flirt more and more shamelessly. Send sexy messages. Late-night drunken phone-calls. If she hasn't started the process of breaking up with her boyfriend yet, the next time he's going to be away, ask her to another movie, then at the last minute say that it's sold out, but that you have another movie by that same actor/director on DVD...
6) Bowmp-chicka-bow-wow.
7) Text her how perfect last night felt. How you now know it was her you wanted all along. Pressure her to break up with her boyfriend by saying that you're breaking up with yours to be with her.
8) If she does, break up with your current girlfriend to be with her (that way, if she doesn't, you can stick with whatshername). Use the excuse that you were always in love with Old Girl, but weren't able to admit it. That will make you sound deep, troubled, and romantic, so that while she'll definitely feel sad and betrayed, she won't turn down your booty calls when things get rough with New Old Girl.
More...
But now that you've brought it up, anticipating a follow-up advice request about how to get back together with that girl after realizing you've made a terrible mistake (again, not what he SHOULD do, which is to take a serious look at his motivations & intentions, but what he WANTS to hear, to justify what he's going to do anyway...)
------------------
So you want to get back with your old girl, do you? Of course you do! That feeling you had of her adoring you so completely with you not having to do a thing in return? Your new girl is cute, but she's always expecting things from you. Not like your old girl. She was perfect, that memory you had of her, and that makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy, don't you? So how do you make it happen?
First off, you can't try the same approach twice. If you started seeing someone else to get away from the first girl, she's going to be able to tell when you start pulling the same trick on HER. This time you have to do everything undercover - even to yourself. Remember how great it was when Old Girl was "Just A Friend" (who would sleep with you and adore you but since you didn't exchange Goin' Steady rings there was no commitment)? You need to go back THERE. Start out by being "just friends" again. How do you do that?
1) Send an email to Old Girl, apologetic about how things turned out, reminisce about some specific good times you had, and end on a "talk to you soon?" note. Do NOT bring up getting back together.
2) When she replies, start a long, drawn-out conversation over email before calling. Each time she responds, drop everything and write back immediately, showing what a good friend you are (and implying what a caring lover you'd now be). Tell her about new experiences you've had, implying that this has made you a changed person. Let her bring up the question of whether or not you're still seeing "her". When you answer, don't lie, but only mention the bad things about your relationship - this will encourage her to do the same about hers.
3) Sometime when she mentions her boyfriend will be away, offer to take her out "as friends" to a movie. When you do, hold her hand in the dark of the theater, but don't acknowledge it. Hug afterward and say you had a nice time. (Note: If she offers to watch a movie "in" instead, skip to step 6.)
4) In your next email, tell her how much seeing you brought everything back and how hugging her made you remember how right it felt and you had to hold yourself back from kissing her. She will likely admit the same.
5) Start to flirt more and more shamelessly. Send sexy messages. Late-night drunken phone-calls. If she hasn't started the process of breaking up with her boyfriend yet, the next time he's going to be away, ask her to another movie, then at the last minute say that it's sold out, but that you have another movie by that same actor/director on DVD...
6) Bowmp-chicka-bow-wow.
7) Text her how perfect last night felt. How you now know it was her you wanted all along. Pressure her to break up with her boyfriend by saying that you're breaking up with yours to be with her.
8) If she does, break up with your current girlfriend to be with her (that way, if she doesn't, you can stick with whatshername). Use the excuse that you were always in love with Old Girl, but weren't able to admit it. That will make you sound deep, troubled, and romantic, so that while she'll definitely feel sad and betrayed, she won't turn down your booty calls when things get rough with New Old Girl.
44
The only part Dan left out was telling the loser that this chick is/was the best he'll ever get (and way better than he deserved)
45
35
"Been there done that.
He's probably feeling guilty because she's willing to have sex with him, is nice, and might be enjoying it way more than him...."
That's the story of your life, eh Will?
All those women who just can't get enough of Big Willie.....
"Been there done that.
He's probably feeling guilty because she's willing to have sex with him, is nice, and might be enjoying it way more than him...."
That's the story of your life, eh Will?
All those women who just can't get enough of Big Willie.....
46
"Dear Dan, I have been fucking someone I don't like all that much. It's cheaper than paying for the NSA sex I really want, but the tiny part of my conscience that hasn't been drowned out by the selfish oinking of my piggish dick is starting to bother me. How do I keep my money and screw a live woman regularly at the same time? Sincerely, Douchehound the First."
'Dear Douchehound the First, Are you aware that all birth control is less than 100% effective? Because you could easily wind up in a much longer commitment than you bargained for. Get an inflatable woman tomorrow and stop being an asshole. Sincerely, Anyone Who Knows Better Than You, Which is 90% Of The Population of Slog Alone'
'Dear Douchehound the First, Are you aware that all birth control is less than 100% effective? Because you could easily wind up in a much longer commitment than you bargained for. Get an inflatable woman tomorrow and stop being an asshole. Sincerely, Anyone Who Knows Better Than You, Which is 90% Of The Population of Slog Alone'
47
@42 because a lot them, like this one, are asking questions that amount to: How do I keep treating this person like shit, without ever taking responsibility for my actions?
Even fellow shitbags can smell that mess, and pounce.
Even fellow shitbags can smell that mess, and pounce.
50
1. Women are crazy.
2. Men are assholes.
These are my guiding lights of truth in Relationship Land -- when confused, one or the other, and probably both, WILL apply -- and both are beautifully exemplified by this letter.
2. Men are assholes.
These are my guiding lights of truth in Relationship Land -- when confused, one or the other, and probably both, WILL apply -- and both are beautifully exemplified by this letter.
52
AAG, as Dan wrote "you have a responsibility to end this relationship, such as it is", but I disagree that necessitates dumping her.
You want much more casual sex, sex that presumably would include women who are not her should such be offered. Unfortunately, the girl you're with is totally your style, although it seems you've inflated some of her defects, so that you can feel better about not wanting to commit exclusively to her at 22.
What you're wanting is pretty much normal for your age.
Here's the thing, you're being a infected douche-nozzle by not being honest with this girl about what is going on with you.
First and foremost, tell her that that you care for her and don't want to hurt her feelings, but that you're pretty sure you need to have sex with several more women before you'll be ready to settle down.
Maybe she'll dump you. If she does, be kind, after all, we're pretty sure you've let her carry on this relationship under some false presumptions. If she doesn't then you can come to an understanding about what both of you do want.
Once you get in the habit of being honest with the people with whom you're having sex, you'll notice that they seem to develop this amazing ability to know what might make the sex interesting and flavorful.
Anyway, it's not the stinking your dick in her that is the lie, it's the omitting the truth about the relationship, such as it is, that makes you an asshole.
You want much more casual sex, sex that presumably would include women who are not her should such be offered. Unfortunately, the girl you're with is totally your style, although it seems you've inflated some of her defects, so that you can feel better about not wanting to commit exclusively to her at 22.
What you're wanting is pretty much normal for your age.
Here's the thing, you're being a infected douche-nozzle by not being honest with this girl about what is going on with you.
First and foremost, tell her that that you care for her and don't want to hurt her feelings, but that you're pretty sure you need to have sex with several more women before you'll be ready to settle down.
Maybe she'll dump you. If she does, be kind, after all, we're pretty sure you've let her carry on this relationship under some false presumptions. If she doesn't then you can come to an understanding about what both of you do want.
Once you get in the habit of being honest with the people with whom you're having sex, you'll notice that they seem to develop this amazing ability to know what might make the sex interesting and flavorful.
Anyway, it's not the stinking your dick in her that is the lie, it's the omitting the truth about the relationship, such as it is, that makes you an asshole.
56
He doesn't sound like a POS. He is learning the hard lesson most of us learn. If you don't really like your options, just don't stick your dick in anything and put the effort into the things you enjoy. We have ALL been there, and we have all rebounded with our x-s and watch in transgress back to what it was.
I mean it's like alcoholism.
Stop being passive about it, take a stand and cut her off!
I mean it's like alcoholism.
Stop being passive about it, take a stand and cut her off!
57
And if you don't like your options accept that you are probably going to be alone for a while ...
58
Intelligent people don't say things like "quite unintelligent". Just for future reference, if you ever find yourself among them.
59
If this letter was like this:
"I'm having considerable trouble leaving my job. I don't make as much money as I want, I don't work the hours I want, and it's a dead end job with no future for me. I quit last winter, but then I started picking up shifts to pay the bills, and now I'm working there regularly again. How do I quit again, and keep myself from falling back into the same unfulfilling but comfortable routine?"
..would the average response still be some variation of either:
Stupid douche bag, that job is too good for you, and you'll never never get anything better, and you're probably a shitty employee anyway.
or
Oh man, why don't you quit?
If this letter was like this:
"I'm having considerable trouble leaving my job. I don't make as much money as I want, I don't work the hours I want, and it's a dead end job with no future for me. I quit last winter, but then I started picking up shifts to pay the bills, and now I'm working there regularly again. How do I quit again, and keep myself from falling back into the same unfulfilling but comfortable routine?"
..would the average response still be some variation of either:
Stupid douche bag, that job is too good for you, and you'll never never get anything better, and you're probably a shitty employee anyway.
or
Oh man, why don't you quit?
60
@alarbus
The difference is that she's a person, with feelings, and he knows she's interpreting their relationship as being more serious than he is. If he said, "we both know this is NSA sex, but I still feel like she's not the one for me," I think most of us would have thought, "NSA sex isn't always perfect, but you can keep on with her while still looking for better."
A NSA sex partner knows that you may still be looking for someone else; an office flunky job in corporate america is not expected to be "for life". He knows "she sees [him] as a future husband" and is wondering how to "let her down gently." What we're all saying is sleeping with someone who sees the sex as leading to a deep commitment, while you're using it as NSA sex until you can find someone better is stupid and cruel, and stupid, cruel people often don't end up in healthy, joyful relationships. If he starts choosing to be the 2nd G (giving), he wouldn't have sex with someone unless they're on the same page, because he will care about her heart. Those are the sorts of people that can end up getting into a good relationship.
A more fair comparison for you would be a letter asking about a job that said he played solitaire all day at work, stole office supplies, and refused to take initiative, but wanted a better job than he had. You'd get a lot of "Stupid douche bag, that job is too good for you, and you'll never never get anything better, and you're probably a shitty employee anyway" responses to that.
The difference is that she's a person, with feelings, and he knows she's interpreting their relationship as being more serious than he is. If he said, "we both know this is NSA sex, but I still feel like she's not the one for me," I think most of us would have thought, "NSA sex isn't always perfect, but you can keep on with her while still looking for better."
A NSA sex partner knows that you may still be looking for someone else; an office flunky job in corporate america is not expected to be "for life". He knows "she sees [him] as a future husband" and is wondering how to "let her down gently." What we're all saying is sleeping with someone who sees the sex as leading to a deep commitment, while you're using it as NSA sex until you can find someone better is stupid and cruel, and stupid, cruel people often don't end up in healthy, joyful relationships. If he starts choosing to be the 2nd G (giving), he wouldn't have sex with someone unless they're on the same page, because he will care about her heart. Those are the sorts of people that can end up getting into a good relationship.
A more fair comparison for you would be a letter asking about a job that said he played solitaire all day at work, stole office supplies, and refused to take initiative, but wanted a better job than he had. You'd get a lot of "Stupid douche bag, that job is too good for you, and you'll never never get anything better, and you're probably a shitty employee anyway" responses to that.
62
Economy affects the status of every person. How can I say it? It is because many people want to study but considering the economic situation they tend not to study only for them and for their family to live or let me say so that they have the money to spent for there daily needs. Recent surveys have indicated that a lot of people are lacking much of a finance education. Not necessarily stock instruments and so forth, but a basic understanding of personal finance, like effects of inflation, and the value of saving. Since the early 80s, the government pursued economic policy which created a surplus of credit funds, which has encouraged a culture of debt – which was odd, as generations past saved for everything, and budgeted to put money away, as they wouldn't want to need a payday loan every few months.
63
AAG sounds like a douchebag. I would bet cold hard cash that he wears a baseball cap to the side and is white enough to glow in the dark.
64
Oh god this sounds exactly, to-a-tee, what two of my friends are going through. Wise up dude she's fucking around behind your back and you're a controlling POS in your "notlationship" and you are BOTH. Just fucking eachother because you're BORED and possibly live within 5 minutes of eachother. High school's over kids; just fucking move on. Listen to all the fags who have so far told you to stop fucking and stop fucking. Yeah I know it's a small city but if you ever got off your bleeding ass and moved you'd find someone else.
Yeah I'm willing to give it an 60% that HE would have included how last winter/spring she "cheated" on him when they were going through a non-exclusive period. But still, god, no, you fucking know what to do so do it.
Yeah I'm willing to give it an 60% that HE would have included how last winter/spring she "cheated" on him when they were going through a non-exclusive period. But still, god, no, you fucking know what to do so do it.
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