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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lunchtime Quickie: How NOT to Get Outta That Speeding Ticket

Posted by on Thu, Dec 17, 2009 at 12:30 PM

I once fake-cried my way out of a speeding ticket on a lonely two lane highway in Northern Michigan. It was Christmas Eve, I was the only car on the road, and it was snowing like a motherf*cker. Snow or no snow, I wanted to get home. There was a ham with pineapple slices on it waiting for me there. I grew up driving on snow and ice, and going 15 miles over the speed limit was not a problem. The cop pulled me over, and in the time it took him to walk up to my window, I turned on the water-works. I can't remember which family member I told him was in the hospital, but he sympathized and let me go with a warning.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Oh yeah, this video. This woman's technique, um, it rarely works. I think it's probably best to stick to good ole fashioned tears...

 

Comments (40) RSS

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lukeiscool 1
Oh man, I cut to a couple different places in the video and the sound was the same throughout. I'm doing that next time someone takes the last slice.
Posted by lukeiscool on December 17, 2009 at 12:43 PM
Andy_Squirrel 2
wow, that is seriously impressive, .....just.....wow.....
Posted by Andy_Squirrel on December 17, 2009 at 12:44 PM
Matt from Denver 3
I wish that was translated so we could know just what the cop said. She acts like she was just told her children were dead.
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 17, 2009 at 12:48 PM
Julie in Eugene 4
What. The. Hell. I can't imagine anything that would make me act like that other than maybe the death of a loved one.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on December 17, 2009 at 12:48 PM
5
apparently she's not evolved emotionally beyond the toddler stage. god people are so ridiculous!!!
Posted by xina on December 17, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Hyzenthlayk9 6
I'm familar with the expression "sounding like a stuck pig" - but this is the first time I've heard a human (rather than porcine) throat make that sound.
Posted by Hyzenthlayk9 http://oystermind.blogspot.com/ on December 17, 2009 at 12:51 PM
7
Maybe the video posts got mixed up today.

Maybe this is the "Drunken Cross-Dressing Four Year Old."
Posted by Senor Guy on December 17, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Matt from Denver 8
@ 6, you should check out the new crop of deathcore bands. So-called pig squeals are something all their vocalists do.
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 17, 2009 at 12:53 PM
johnyawl 9
A) In todays world here in the good ole USA that kind of response would get her arreasted on obstructing an officer charges.
B) if my wife began acting like that I would drive off and leave her laying alongside the road.

Last summer I was on my way to the hospital in Bremerton where my adult son was about to undergo an emergency appendectomy, and got popped by a Bremerton Cop for 15 over. When I told him my story he let me off, and I didn't even have to cry. I wish I could remember his name, I'd credit him. Nice guy.
Posted by johnyawl on December 17, 2009 at 12:54 PM
10
Warning that people probably won't see until after watching the video: it starts out kinda quiet but gets LOUD.
Posted by Dave M on December 17, 2009 at 12:56 PM
lark 11
Kelly,
That is absolutely surreal. You're right. Tears work much better than that. And, the "coup de grace" was the officer handing the fellow another citation at the end. Hilarious.
Posted by lark on December 17, 2009 at 12:58 PM
12
Taze the bitch.
Posted by steakhaus on December 17, 2009 at 12:58 PM
Buttercup 13
Parents: Let this be a cautionary tale of the danger of not instructing your children that temper tantrums will NOT get them their way.

I'll bet this woman got away with absolute murder as a little girl, just like Veruca fucking Salt.
Posted by Buttercup on December 17, 2009 at 1:00 PM
Mahtli69 14
Blame the parents.

Back in the day, she probably got a bowl of ice cream after acting like that. Just look at her now.
Posted by Mahtli69 on December 17, 2009 at 1:02 PM
NaFun 15
French bitch be cray cray
Posted by NaFun http://www.dancesafe.org on December 17, 2009 at 1:04 PM
Irena 16
I don't believe in hitting kids, but an adult who displays that kind of behaviour deserves a good hard slap. And I would happily have given her one, so she might think twice about pulling a fit like this again. What an embarrassment of a human being.
Posted by Irena on December 17, 2009 at 1:11 PM
Scholar of violence 17
Her hystery would have been more convincing if she'd run onto the road directly into traffic. What a poseur! But I bet she's a bobcat in the sack!
Posted by Scholar of violence on December 17, 2009 at 1:13 PM
18
I'm itching to TAZE her just watching the video
Posted by Dallas Swank on December 17, 2009 at 1:13 PM
Urgutha Forka 19
If she does that again, you can shoot her.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 17, 2009 at 1:30 PM
Explorer 20
This woman and Hong Kong Airport Missed Flight Lady should get together for cocktails.
Posted by Explorer on December 17, 2009 at 1:31 PM
21
My Ukrainian is pretty rusty, but it goes something like this...
the woman is shouting "arrest me" over and over to the highway patrol. The patrolman interrupts with "please come over here - there's no need to shout". The second patrolman says "come here and show me your passport (internal ID)", then continues with something I don't totally understand but take to mean "you didn't need to act this way". Screaming ensues. Towards the end, the man (husband?) helping the woman admonishes the patrolmen, saying "see what you've done? how could you".
Posted by DPS on December 17, 2009 at 1:40 PM
TVDinner 22
While I played that, my two cats both woke up from their naps and wandered over to the computer with quizzical looks on their faces. I share their puzzlement.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 17, 2009 at 1:46 PM
23
I once fake cried my way out of a speeding ticket in central Michigan, and told the cop (who I had passed twice before he pulled me over) that my sister was on a suicide watch. Which wasn't strictly true, but she WAS fighting with her boyfriend, and my parents heard her scream at him that he made her want to kill herself.

Cops in Michigan are a lot more susceptible to tears than the ones in Texas. I never got out of one ticket in Texas.
Posted by Hannah in Portland on December 17, 2009 at 1:48 PM
Matt Hickey 24
I'm pretty sure I used to date her.

Also: Her screaming made my dog FREAK OUT. Now he's all riled up and pissed off. Thanks, Kelly!
Posted by Matt Hickey http://www.matthickey.com on December 17, 2009 at 1:49 PM
Reverse Polarity 25
I can see how a few weepy tears might soften up a cop enough to let you off. But this kind of over-the-top hysterics is more likely to get you involuntarily committed than get you out of a measly ticket.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on December 17, 2009 at 1:57 PM
heywhatsit!? 26
Why doesn't one of those cars just run her down? For the love of god.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on December 17, 2009 at 1:59 PM
jimmy 27
Not the most opportune moment to have flashbacks from your primal scream therapy sessions.
Posted by jimmy http://www.mybigfatlazyblog.blogspot.com on December 17, 2009 at 2:00 PM
Julie in Eugene 28
@24 Seriously. My dog thought that someone was being murdered and is now on high alert.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on December 17, 2009 at 2:06 PM
Geni 29
Why not just go to court and get a deferral? Or is that too normal?
Posted by Geni on December 17, 2009 at 2:07 PM
seandr 30
In defense of the crazy banshee lady, there is something about getting a ticket that tends to upset people way more than the situation calls for.

Posted by seandr on December 17, 2009 at 2:20 PM
tjc 31
I had this awesome vision of the line of people from "Airplane!" queued up to slap some sense into her, including the nuns and the guy w/ the pipe.
Posted by tjc on December 17, 2009 at 3:00 PM
Aussie Steve 32
Madder than the maddest person in Madsville on Mad Day.
Posted by Aussie Steve on December 17, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Telsa Grills 33
Method actor.
Posted by Telsa Grills on December 17, 2009 at 3:39 PM
schmacky 34
I would say the person has some kind of psychological ailment, some kind of autism or something, but she's so normal at the beginning. Seems staged...I hope it's staged. Otherwise, yeah, they should have just tased her ass, shot her full of tranquilizers and left her to rot on the side of the road.
Posted by schmacky on December 17, 2009 at 3:49 PM
35
Perhaps she needs to orgasm more often to smooth her out a bit?
Posted by Paulikin on December 17, 2009 at 4:04 PM
36
@34, YES. spectrum!
Posted by LNic on December 17, 2009 at 7:00 PM
watchout5 37
I think he was trying to saw "naw man, you break it you buy it!"
Posted by watchout5 http://www.overclockeddrama.com on December 17, 2009 at 8:09 PM
38
I have to add my vote for tazing the crazy bitch!
Posted by stormblade on December 18, 2009 at 6:26 AM
Frau Blucher 39
Good God. It's a fucking ticket.

It's not like they yanked her unborn fetus from her womb.

Shit Almighty.
Posted by Frau Blucher on December 18, 2009 at 9:05 AM
40
Would it not have been less traumatic for her just to blow the pigs away in a a hale of hot firearm lead?
Posted by g-love on December 28, 2009 at 4:14 PM

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