Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, December 8, 2009
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Don't Tell Mama
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 2:35 PM
I'm a 28-year-old straightish female, married 4 years. Our sex life is a bit kinky, he's very submissive and I like it that way. Bondage, bootlicking, flogging, pegging, verbal humiliation and a few other activities make it a normal week for us. We do however keep our activities to ourselves, we're not a 24-7 Mistress-slave sort of thing, but he's still my bitch. :-)And on to the part where I'm hoping you have some advice. His parents are almost done with a pretty ugly divorce, and while they sell and split the house, his mother will be coming to stay with us for a while—whether it turns out to be a month or so or longer, we don't know yet. This I don't mind, she and I have gotten along great. But neither my husband nor I want to forgo our play time and our BDSM activities. And I have to confess, the thought of exposing him as a submissive little slut to his mom turns me on immensely. We've discussed it a few times, and his reactions have been either enthusiastic or very reluctant, depending on his state of arousal when the subject came up. Either way, he's agreed (naturally) that my decision on how open we are is final. I've been running things through my mind from letting her see him in his collar and leash and harness, all the way to her walking in on us while he's bent over the dining room table getting flogged or worse. So can I show off what we do, or is it something we should just put on hold while she's staying with us?
Husband Bent Over Or Not?
My response—and Judi Dench singing "Don't Tell Mama" from the original London production of Cabaret—after the jump...
For the love of God... hasn't your husband's mother suffered enough, HBOON? She's just been through an ugly divorce, she's essentially homeless, and now you're contemplating involving her in her son's sex life? Look, HBOON, the idea of your husband's mother knowing that her son is your bitch may turn you on, and it may turn your husband on intermittently, but 1. when someone witnesses your husband's submission that person is participating in his erotic humiliation, that person is playing an active role in the sex you're having with your husband, and 2. THIS WOMAN IS HIS MOTHER and 3. his mother may feel violated—and rightfully so—by having a quasi-incestuous (incestu-ish?) involvement in her son's sex life foisted on her.
So for the duration of her stay, HBOON, keep your sex games private, put a lock on your bedroom on the door, and save the harnesses, dog collars, leashes, and pegging for those times when you have a reasonable expectation of privacy.
And if you want people to see what a little bitch your husband is, HBOON, you have other options. Join your local BDSM club or come out to an adventurous friend or game ex who may be intrigued enough to want to see for himself or herself just what a little bitch your husband is. But this isn't something you can spring on someone—your mother-in-law or anyone else—without obtaining explicit (in the case of a friend) or implicit (in the case of other folks at a BDSM club) consent in advance. Allowing your mother-in-law to walk in on you flogging-or-worse her son is a non-consensual sex act that violates everything BDSM is supposed to be about. DO NOT GO THERE. It could forever damage your son's relationship with his mother, to say nothing of your relationship with your MIL, and it's not exactly a bell you can unring.
And, no, I'm not saying that kinky couples have to go to great lengths to hide their kinks from their family members or that kinksters should be ashamed of their pleasures or themselves. But you have to respect other peoples' feelings and boundaries, HBOON, and, as my mother liked to say, there are things that a mother as a right not to know. If your MIL snoops and pries while she's living under your roof, HBOON, it'll be her own fault if she finds out and gets squicked out. But otherwise leave her out of it.
And now Judi Dench singing "Don't Tell Mama" from the original London production of Cabaret...
1
Please, please, LISTEN TO DAN. He's 100% right on this. Your mother-in-law is in need of your kind, compassionate attention; treat her as you would a friend who needs your support. All the fun things you do with your husband are fine, but what you're proposing is not only terribly selfish and callous, but it doesn't acknowledge that she's in enormous pain right now. So it turns you on for her to find out about the kinks? That makes it allllllllll about you, not about her. If I were newly divorced and miserable, finding out that the people I came to for love and support wanted only to show off their terrific sex life to me would make me run to the nearest motel asap, feeling like I was an intruder, and even more wretched. Consider compassion.
4
Whoa. It's appalling that she would even consider involving other people in their sex life without consent, much less his own mother.
You give sound advice here, Dan. HBOON has apparently had a full judgmentectomy.
You give sound advice here, Dan. HBOON has apparently had a full judgmentectomy.
6
What a mean, nasty, stupid, inconsiderate bitch.
If this twat was unfortunate enough to ever inflict her shitty mothering on her own son, would SHE like to see HER son in ANY kind of sexual situation with another person?
Deliberately and intentionally forcing anyone to witness a sexual act they don't want to see is an act of molestation...this bitch wants her mother-in-law to participate, against her will, in a sex act with her own child.
Fuck that shit.
If this twat was unfortunate enough to ever inflict her shitty mothering on her own son, would SHE like to see HER son in ANY kind of sexual situation with another person?
Deliberately and intentionally forcing anyone to witness a sexual act they don't want to see is an act of molestation...this bitch wants her mother-in-law to participate, against her will, in a sex act with her own child.
Fuck that shit.
9
Does she get a kick out of the neighbors knowing her husband is her little bitch? Would she peg him on the front lawn to make sure they know?
Your mother-in-law accidentally finding your strap on rig? Embarrassing. Pegging the shit out of her son in the living room for her to walk in on? Borderline sexual assault.
Your mother-in-law accidentally finding your strap on rig? Embarrassing. Pegging the shit out of her son in the living room for her to walk in on? Borderline sexual assault.
10
Who knew Judi Dench was such a hot babe back in the day?
But her advice is spot on. DON'T TELL MOMMA!!! Like everyone else has said -- that would be a cruel violation at a time when she really needs your love, compassion and support.
But her advice is spot on. DON'T TELL MOMMA!!! Like everyone else has said -- that would be a cruel violation at a time when she really needs your love, compassion and support.
13
Is it wrong that I have never seen Cabaret? Or is it the fault of my gays that they haven't forced me to watch it?
14
Sometimes it amazes me the questions people send you, even though they - one would imagine - are readers of your column. I knew pretty much exactly what you (or any sane person) would say as soon as I realized where she was going with this question. She should have been able to figure out the answer to this one by the time she finished typing the question.
16
Gaahhh! Listen to Dan. Please.
Have all the kinky sex you want, but don't foist it on a very vulnerable mother during one of the lowest moments in her life. Are you insane?
Have all the kinky sex you want, but don't foist it on a very vulnerable mother during one of the lowest moments in her life. Are you insane?
18
And now we know what kind of asshole it takes to unite all the commenters of SLOG together in hatred. Good job, HBOON!
19
Estoy de acuerdo. What's hot is not necessarily the power she has over her bitch, but that she has that power and chooses when to (not) use it. Besides, his mom would lose her friggin' mind. Keep these two realms apart, yo.
20
I cannot stress enough how wrong it is to involve someone in your sex life without their consent. It actually happened to me a few years ago- I had an acquaintance who I later learned was into the Sir/Boy leather scene. He was a extreme submissive, to the point of having a "Sir" who would literally tell him when to do EVERYTHING. That was all well and good until one occasion when we were part of a group road trip together, and before we left his "Sir" asked me to look after him- which I didn't know apparently made me a substitute "Sir". Didn't take long to figure it out however, and I was quick to put a stop to it.
21
There should be one addendum to this.
Dan's advice is correct...unless the mother is Loveschild. Then by all means mentally scar the fuck out of her.
Dan's advice is correct...unless the mother is Loveschild. Then by all means mentally scar the fuck out of her.
22
@12 Ha! I'd throw in tattoo enthusiaists too but that is off-topic.
Who brought you up, HBOON? Any morals in sight? Ethics?
Of course writing to Dan about something so obviously squicky and getting it published is part of the game, so I guess it was worth it to you.
Who brought you up, HBOON? Any morals in sight? Ethics?
Of course writing to Dan about something so obviously squicky and getting it published is part of the game, so I guess it was worth it to you.
23
She's one sick puppy, thru and thru. People like that seldom can control themselves, so i think Dan's correct advice here will not be heed.
24
Absolutely right.
But Dan, I have to get out the red pen again. I think you mean to put an H in your mom's quote: "there are things that a mother has a right not to know."
But Dan, I have to get out the red pen again. I think you mean to put an H in your mom's quote: "there are things that a mother has a right not to know."
26
HBOON, everything Dan and the rest of the comments said, and I'm going to be less generous. Family or not, the MIL is a GUEST in your house. Maybe my intersection of BDSM players and pagans is higher than it should be, but you have serious obligations in this scenario.
Plan a romantic weekend or two away (at the cheap hotel one exit down the freeway if you can't afford to splurge on a vacation involving travel). Get your membership in the nearest dungeon playspace updated. Offer to cat-sit for a friend going to Berlin for New Year's. Whatever. But your first responsibility is the care of your guest and your family, not your own sex life.
Or perhaps more briefly, grow the fuck up. By your late twenties, you're supposed to be moving towards acting like an adult.
Plan a romantic weekend or two away (at the cheap hotel one exit down the freeway if you can't afford to splurge on a vacation involving travel). Get your membership in the nearest dungeon playspace updated. Offer to cat-sit for a friend going to Berlin for New Year's. Whatever. But your first responsibility is the care of your guest and your family, not your own sex life.
Or perhaps more briefly, grow the fuck up. By your late twenties, you're supposed to be moving towards acting like an adult.
28
Oh my gosh, what an inconsiderate, selfish thing to do to someone in such a vulnerable position. What did she think her answer would be?
#21 -- Bahahahaha, agreed.
#21 -- Bahahahaha, agreed.
30
@26,
It appalls me that this person has already been married for four years. At this point I'm just happy that she hasn't reproduced... yet.
It appalls me that this person has already been married for four years. At this point I'm just happy that she hasn't reproduced... yet.
31
@13
Get new Gays...they have failed you.
Here's what you need to do:
Read the original stories by Christopher Isherwood.
You can skip the so-so straight play adaption (I am a Camera) by John Van Druten, for now...you can always follow up later for extra credit...same with the film adaption, which is hard to find/see.
Listen to the original cast album.
See the Fosse movie.
Listen to the 1998 Broadway revival album with Alan Cummings and Natasha Richardson (r.i.p). (it's better than the original).
Read Isherwood's memoir, "Christopher and His Kind" which is the REAL story behind the creation of the original Berlin Stories...it's a lot sexier, seedier and very, very gay unlike the adaptations.
Repeat as needed.
Get new Gays...they have failed you.
Here's what you need to do:
Read the original stories by Christopher Isherwood.
You can skip the so-so straight play adaption (I am a Camera) by John Van Druten, for now...you can always follow up later for extra credit...same with the film adaption, which is hard to find/see.
Listen to the original cast album.
See the Fosse movie.
Listen to the 1998 Broadway revival album with Alan Cummings and Natasha Richardson (r.i.p). (it's better than the original).
Read Isherwood's memoir, "Christopher and His Kind" which is the REAL story behind the creation of the original Berlin Stories...it's a lot sexier, seedier and very, very gay unlike the adaptations.
Repeat as needed.
34
I have a lot of friends in "the scene." (Friends who are surprisingly uneducated about "the scene", but that's mostly irrelevant.) And I think I've discovered the main distinction between "kinksters" and (perceived) "vanillas": vanillas don't run around telling everyone about their motherfucking sex lives!!!! I'm not saying all kinky folks go around telling people about their sex lives - at least I assume I'm not the only person with a mildly kinky side that doesn't feel the need to advertise - but I have never had a conversation with my not in-your-face-kinky friends detailing what they did the night before in bed. I do not care. I do not care if you do it missionary, I do not care if you're a pain slut. Please. Shut the fuck up and keep it behind closed doors / in a sex club / in a dungeon. And I ask HBOON, if you were vanilla, would you break off a conversation with your MIL to go have your vanilla sex? Or would that be considered rude? Being kinky does not make you above common courtesy. Tact and respect do not make you repressed or inauthentic. It makes you polite!
Oh, and one last thing to the "look how cool I am, I'm kinky" crowd: you say you have no hang-ups about sex and are sex positive. Except you look down on everyone who doesn't announce their kinks for everyone to hear as "repressed" and "vanilla." And, really, talking about sex isn't a manifestation of a hang-up? Really? Maybe, just maybe, you're trying to convince yourself that it's okay, or show off just a little.
Oh, and one last thing to the "look how cool I am, I'm kinky" crowd: you say you have no hang-ups about sex and are sex positive. Except you look down on everyone who doesn't announce their kinks for everyone to hear as "repressed" and "vanilla." And, really, talking about sex isn't a manifestation of a hang-up? Really? Maybe, just maybe, you're trying to convince yourself that it's okay, or show off just a little.
36
I agree with, well, everybody, but also want to ask HBOON if she would be so gung ho about this if it was her own mother or father visiting.
Also: please get this concept of separating your sex life from family before you have children.
Also: please get this concept of separating your sex life from family before you have children.
37
Oh yes, Hboon, by all means DO tell his mother! First thing at the door! Before she even puts down her suitcase. If she's crying, better yet!! And while you're at it, why not include a little note about your bitch-sex in the Christmas cards you send to friends and family? And are you thinking U-tube, Facebook and Twitter, dearie....?
38
Yeah, this is all pretty f**cked up right here... I say that as a very kinky person myself, also, so it's not me being judgmental. I would never trust my boyfriend with that kind of power, even if he's the most considerate dom in the world (which he is). It just ain't cool...
40
Dan, uh, pegged it on this one.
No way, no how should anyone subject PARENTS to their child's sex life. Nope. Bad, bad news.
Plus: Divorce. You wanna push her over the edge? Please don't. Thx.
No way, no how should anyone subject PARENTS to their child's sex life. Nope. Bad, bad news.
Plus: Divorce. You wanna push her over the edge? Please don't. Thx.
41
HBOON, Dan is absolutely right here.
Look, your MIL isn't stupid, she knows she's staying in a married couple's house and that you two need private time. I'm sure it won't be hard to get her to make herself scarce for a few hours (regularly, if she's going to stay for a long time) so you can bang the christ out of your husband. And keep the whole "outing him to his mom" thing as a really hot fantasy to send him over the edge. Don't screw up your husband's relationship with his mom, please, she's already in a vulnerable place.
Look, your MIL isn't stupid, she knows she's staying in a married couple's house and that you two need private time. I'm sure it won't be hard to get her to make herself scarce for a few hours (regularly, if she's going to stay for a long time) so you can bang the christ out of your husband. And keep the whole "outing him to his mom" thing as a really hot fantasy to send him over the edge. Don't screw up your husband's relationship with his mom, please, she's already in a vulnerable place.
42
Good God. I've not read Dan's response or the comments yet, but my knee-jerk reaction is that this bitch is a low-class asshole for wanting to expose her mother-in-law to what her kid does in the bedroom. She must really hate her mother-in-law.
This isn't kinky; it's thoughtless.
Jesus Christ, some people have no boundaries at all.
This isn't kinky; it's thoughtless.
Jesus Christ, some people have no boundaries at all.
43
34, That is a mighty broad brush you're wielding there. Did it ever occur to you that you aren't aware of all the discreet kinky people you know because, well, they are discreet?
44
Any time you involve people in your sex life without their consent, you are, guess what? Engaging in non-consensual sex. NOT COOL. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's BDSM folks who insist on continuing their "scenes" around people who are uninterested in their play - the ones who have to tell you, at length, about what they did with their sub last night, when you have indicated no interest in the topic and are not in an appropriate venue, etc. It's kind of akin to having your playtoy strip and put on a humbler in the middle of the street. And it being his mother just makes it that much more unacceptable.
Make sure people WANT to be part of your sex life before you involve them in it.
Make sure people WANT to be part of your sex life before you involve them in it.
45
The only thing I have to add to the outcry here is that while outing him to his mom might damage his relationship with his mom, it will end your relationship with her. Forget Christmas and Thanksgiving, she will hate you forever. You will permanently be the woman she pesters her son to leave. Your relationship will be toxic for all time. And you know what, she will be the one in the right.
46
Ugh! Does this question seriously need to be ASKED? That poor mother-in-law!!! I am so disgusted...
@36- This times 1,000. What's next? HBOON thinks it'd be sexy for little Timmy to "accidentally" catch Mommy flogging Daddy? Good fucking lord.
@36- This times 1,000. What's next? HBOON thinks it'd be sexy for little Timmy to "accidentally" catch Mommy flogging Daddy? Good fucking lord.
47
A solid rule, HBOON is to keep your sex-life activities (including D/S play) from everyone except those who expressly consent to it in advance. (I feel compelled to add the qualifier while sober.)
That said, as one who harbors plenty of incest fantasies, I personally don't get the social taboo of incest when it comes to non-procreative, consensual sex. Folks who are sex positive enough to allow room in their worlds for caning with riot wands, full-time submission, breath control and scat play (whether or not these squick them) still will regard incest as worse than bestiality and necrophilia, even though beasts and dead things can't consent, yet adults can.
Is incest emotionally dangerous? Absolutely. But so is marital love at its ideal. Is incest batshit insane? Likely. Westermarck imprinting is so strong an instinct that it takes a lot of internal compulsion to override it. Most incest incidents (again, regarding consenting adults) of which we hear are ones in which the adults were separated as children, so imprinting didn't take place. But a lot of kink falls into the truly-gone-fishing category. What makes incest so special?
Until the early 20th century, indirect incest (cousins, uncle/niece and the rare aunt/nephew) relationships were often legally valid for marriage, whereas siblings and parents by marriage (i.e. in-laws) were also forbidden. Cousins still are marriageable in most states.
Also, when it comes to musical numbers about Mama, may I also recommend When You're Good to Mama in Chicago. No connoisseur of musical numbers, I, I am fond of the Queen Latifah version.
More...
That said, as one who harbors plenty of incest fantasies, I personally don't get the social taboo of incest when it comes to non-procreative, consensual sex. Folks who are sex positive enough to allow room in their worlds for caning with riot wands, full-time submission, breath control and scat play (whether or not these squick them) still will regard incest as worse than bestiality and necrophilia, even though beasts and dead things can't consent, yet adults can.
Is incest emotionally dangerous? Absolutely. But so is marital love at its ideal. Is incest batshit insane? Likely. Westermarck imprinting is so strong an instinct that it takes a lot of internal compulsion to override it. Most incest incidents (again, regarding consenting adults) of which we hear are ones in which the adults were separated as children, so imprinting didn't take place. But a lot of kink falls into the truly-gone-fishing category. What makes incest so special?
Until the early 20th century, indirect incest (cousins, uncle/niece and the rare aunt/nephew) relationships were often legally valid for marriage, whereas siblings and parents by marriage (i.e. in-laws) were also forbidden. Cousins still are marriageable in most states.
Also, when it comes to musical numbers about Mama, may I also recommend When You're Good to Mama in Chicago. No connoisseur of musical numbers, I, I am fond of the Queen Latifah version.
48
icky icky icky icky icky!!! Absolutely DO NOT EVER tell his mother ANYTHING about your sex life! That is incredibly destructive and insensitive, and the fact that your husband gets icked out (half the time) about the fantasy should tell you that he isn't OK with his MOTHER knowing about the kind of sex you like having with your husband. It is private. Like Dan's mom said, "there are some things a parent has a right NOT to know."
49
Since the cruelty and idiocy of HBOON's main question has been addressed, I'd like to also address this bit:
"Either way, he's agreed (naturally) that my decision on how open we are is final."
No, not "naturally". Domination and sadism are lovely ideas "in the bedroom"; that is, when they're for the enjoyment and ultimate benefit of all parties. If you both want to move "out of the bedroom" and into you controlling more of his real life, there are harmless ways you can do that - tell him what to wear, tell him what he should cook for supper, etc.
But if you think pegging him or tying him up or making him do all the housework gives you the right to destroy his other relationships, you've taken a serious wrong turn away from BDSM fun and into emotional abuse. And he needs to stand up for his best interests - there's no contradiction between that and enjoying being flogged or bossed around.
"Either way, he's agreed (naturally) that my decision on how open we are is final."
No, not "naturally". Domination and sadism are lovely ideas "in the bedroom"; that is, when they're for the enjoyment and ultimate benefit of all parties. If you both want to move "out of the bedroom" and into you controlling more of his real life, there are harmless ways you can do that - tell him what to wear, tell him what he should cook for supper, etc.
But if you think pegging him or tying him up or making him do all the housework gives you the right to destroy his other relationships, you've taken a serious wrong turn away from BDSM fun and into emotional abuse. And he needs to stand up for his best interests - there's no contradiction between that and enjoying being flogged or bossed around.
50
Don't let mama walk in on you! Too risky.
What if she wants to join in? Are YOU ready for that, HBOON?
I mean, how do you think your man got that way? He's kinked, she and her husband are divorcing for some reason, Lord knows what's going on in her skull. Do you really want to risk things getting freakier than even you had foreseen?
What if she wants to join in? Are YOU ready for that, HBOON?
I mean, how do you think your man got that way? He's kinked, she and her husband are divorcing for some reason, Lord knows what's going on in her skull. Do you really want to risk things getting freakier than even you had foreseen?
52
Don't tell moms. Asides from how sick that would be, it might be better for your own safety. He might be a boot licking bitch, but mama might be an ass whooping broad.
53
Jesus, you even have to ask?
I have sexually active daughters who think it is fun to overshare. I give it back to them, but THAT scenario??? Seriously, as much TMI as we play, that would be a serious I DO NOT NEED OR WANT TO HEAR THAT. IT IS NOT REMOTELY CUTE, FUNNY, FUN, SEXY, OR GOOD.
I don't care how much of bitch he is; if she exposes him to his mother, he should walk and not look back. Selfish uncaring abusive bitch.
I have sexually active daughters who think it is fun to overshare. I give it back to them, but THAT scenario??? Seriously, as much TMI as we play, that would be a serious I DO NOT NEED OR WANT TO HEAR THAT. IT IS NOT REMOTELY CUTE, FUNNY, FUN, SEXY, OR GOOD.
I don't care how much of bitch he is; if she exposes him to his mother, he should walk and not look back. Selfish uncaring abusive bitch.
54
Well, let's see...
1. I could not envision telling my own mother such a thing in a million years, and
2. I simultaneously recoiled in horror and burst into laughter when I read HBOON's letter.
For all the unanimity revealed here, I for one was too freaking stunned to conceive of what advice I would give, or to even imagine what Dan might say. I must have some kind of hysterical paralysis or post-traumatic shock.
Great, now I need therapy. Thanks a lot HBOON!
1. I could not envision telling my own mother such a thing in a million years, and
2. I simultaneously recoiled in horror and burst into laughter when I read HBOON's letter.
For all the unanimity revealed here, I for one was too freaking stunned to conceive of what advice I would give, or to even imagine what Dan might say. I must have some kind of hysterical paralysis or post-traumatic shock.
Great, now I need therapy. Thanks a lot HBOON!
56
If mom overstays her welcome and becomes a dependent mooch, THEN you can expose her to the kinky sex- but just to give her the perfect incentive to look for her own place.
59
Uriel: I heartily second you on the Queen Latifah "When You're Good to Mama". Hot, hot, HOOOOOT.
Exactly like the scene HBOON is describing is not, not, NOOOOOOT. Dan = spot on.
Exactly like the scene HBOON is describing is not, not, NOOOOOOT. Dan = spot on.
60
Wow usually the comments are full of people calling Dan a moron for his advice. I guess it just takes a sick fuck like HBOON to get some agreement around here.
61
Ok, my wife is a submissive, and sometimes when we're playing, she gets turned on by the idea of being a little slut around daddy. But it's FUCKING PLAY (literally). Daddy ISN'T REALLY INVOLVED OR TO BE INVOLVED IN ANY WAY.
And my wife would RIGHTFULLY DIVORCE ME if I did/even wanted to involve him.
All that said, no one is this stupid. This is a fake letter.
And my wife would RIGHTFULLY DIVORCE ME if I did/even wanted to involve him.
All that said, no one is this stupid. This is a fake letter.
62
Advice, whatever, I liked seeing Sally Bowles as she was originally written: a kind of mediocre singer. Liza Minelli is so clearly great that it totally changes the character.
63
"But neither my husband nor I want to forgo our play time and our BDSM activities."
Um. Close the door?
I don't get it. You're grown people (apparently) who are doing the humane thing for a very, very close relative in a vulnerable situation. And all you can think of right now is if you're going to get to stick to your fuck schedule?
Yeah, if it turns out it's going to be more than a month, you might want to talk to Mom about you two needing a little space, helping her organize activities or evenings with friends/relatives so you can get some real breathing time. She'll understand; she's a parent. Every parent knows what it's like to have responsibilities encroach on your life.
Now's not the time. You can compromise yourself a LITTLE, for a little while, for the woman who raised your husband.
Don't assume everyone needs/wants to know or will have their life changed by how open and kinky your life is. Your arrogance fucking astounds me.
Um. Close the door?
I don't get it. You're grown people (apparently) who are doing the humane thing for a very, very close relative in a vulnerable situation. And all you can think of right now is if you're going to get to stick to your fuck schedule?
Yeah, if it turns out it's going to be more than a month, you might want to talk to Mom about you two needing a little space, helping her organize activities or evenings with friends/relatives so you can get some real breathing time. She'll understand; she's a parent. Every parent knows what it's like to have responsibilities encroach on your life.
Now's not the time. You can compromise yourself a LITTLE, for a little while, for the woman who raised your husband.
Don't assume everyone needs/wants to know or will have their life changed by how open and kinky your life is. Your arrogance fucking astounds me.
64
I am relieved (and frankly, a little pleasantly surprised) that commenters are in unanimous agreement that this is a bad idea and a violation of the MIL's privacy.
But it doesn't mean you have to avoid sex, or only have quiet vanilla sex, for the length of her stay. As @26 and others have suggested, there are many other options. A romantic get-away weekend, or even a nooner at a local motel with hourly rates. A local dungeon or BDSM play space. A friend who will let you use their place when they're away ... or who may want to watch. Or times when you know the MIL will be away -- but you'd better be SURE that she's really away, like went away for the weekend, not just running out to get groceries.
But it doesn't mean you have to avoid sex, or only have quiet vanilla sex, for the length of her stay. As @26 and others have suggested, there are many other options. A romantic get-away weekend, or even a nooner at a local motel with hourly rates. A local dungeon or BDSM play space. A friend who will let you use their place when they're away ... or who may want to watch. Or times when you know the MIL will be away -- but you'd better be SURE that she's really away, like went away for the weekend, not just running out to get groceries.
68
She needs to invite her grandparents over, and maybe a few work buddies. Perhaps a few passers-by would also like to see the whole thing? After all, as long as you are going to share, share with everyone!
Letter has to be fake. Not even Al Gore is that fucking stupid.
Letter has to be fake. Not even Al Gore is that fucking stupid.
69
It's not so much that the letter is a fake, as what another poster said--writing it is part of her game. She got published, she got attention, she "wins". Creepy.
70
I hope to hell this letter is a fake, though the idea that someone would compose this fucked-up scenario and send it is isn't all that great either.
Advertisement
Most Commented on Slog
-
Hating People Doesn't Make Them Thinner by Jen Graves
-
Los Angeles Gay Bar Bans Bachelorette Parties Until Marriage Equality Is Attained by David Schmader
-
Fill in the Blank by Grant Brissey
-
This Reminds Me of the Great Calculator Scare of the Late '70s/Early '80s by David Schmader
-
Idiot Tries to Defend Bigoted Anti-Gay-Marriage Preacher on Anderson Cooper by Paul Constant
-
Six Moms with Too Much Time on Their Hands and a Shitty Website Decide to Fight Gay Superheroes by Paul Constant
-
Why Mayor McGinn's Wife Canceled Her Family's Seattle Times Subscription by Eli Sanders
-
What the Hell Is Wrong With Seattle's Pride Parade? by Dominic Holden
-
The Saturday Morning News by Unpaid Intern
-
NYC Man Ticketed for Not Riding in the Bike Lane by Jonathan Golob
RSS
Facebook
Twitter
Comments (70) RSS