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Friday, December 4, 2009

Media / Books / Film Glenn Beckwatch: Watching The Christmas Sweater

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 3:07 PM

I almost went to this, but then I just couldn't do it: Last night was the world premiere of the Fathom Events live simulcast of Glenn Beck's reading of The Christmas Sweater, his (bestselling!) children's book about Christmas.

However! We are lucky, because Dave Holmes over at My Year of Everything went to see The Christmas Sweater, and his review is required reading for the morbidly curious:

I went with my hilarious friend Brendan McLoughlin, who bought the crucial pre-show drinks. That put me in charge of the tickets, which I purchased like a teenager buying porn. “Two for the Glenn Beck thing,” I whispered into the microphone. We were a minute or two late, so in the dark I couldn’t tell who was there for real and who for fun. But out of courtesy to both parties, there really should have been an open mockery section.

Glenn Beck starts crying almost immediately. Like, in his introductory comments. Like, very early in his introductory comments. Like, literally fifteen seconds into the show. And his tears are the tears of someone who’s trying very, very hard to produce tears. Is there anything more uncomfortable than being in the presence of someone who’s trying to make himself cry? As it happens, yes: being in a movie theater full of people who are eating it the fuck up. The open mockery section, we learned right away, held exactly two people.

Please go read the whole thing. If this review (and your self-loathing) inspires you to want to see this movie, you're in luck: There will be an encore performance of Glenn Beck's Christmas Sweater on Thursday, December 10th.

Comments (18) RSS

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This thing sold moer tickets in Seattle than in New York City (17 sold), Boston (17 sold), and Washington DC (30 sold). What gives?

Posted by levide on December 4, 2009 at 3:19 PM

Someday, this will be the holiday film to finally dethrone "A Christmas Story" as the 24-hour seasonal fetish, much as that movie once broke the powerful reign of "It's A Wonderful Life."

Here's hoping Michael Bay remakes it with explosions.

Posted by Ackham on December 4, 2009 at 3:23 PM

That writeup is hilarious.

Posted by Anthony Hecht on December 4, 2009 at 3:35 PM

Between the post yesterday about outraged CHRISTmas shoppers and this travesty, Mr. Paul Constant has won the weekly "appallingly funny" award. Congratulations.

Posted by -ink on December 4, 2009 at 3:40 PM

@ 1 - The nearest screening to Seattle was Lynnwood. That it was less than a quarter full(I would have expected more), speaks well of our north suburban neighbors.

Posted by SoSea Resident on December 4, 2009 at 3:48 PM

@rudepundit's live tweeting was pretty good too.

Posted by w7ngman

on December 4, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Wow, that sounds absolutely terrible/hilarious. I can't believe they weren't cracking up the whole time.

Posted by boxofbirds on December 4, 2009 at 4:04 PM

Here in Utah, they referred to this as a "heartwarming holiday parable". I think they mistook that for heartburn.
http://www.heraldextra.com/entertainment…
And if you can stand it, the "Mormon Times" has an article and interview of the freak about this from last year.
http://www.mormontimes.com/mormon_voices…
I can't wait to get the hell out of this state.

Posted by StuckInUtah on December 4, 2009 at 4:09 PM

Wow, the only thing that would make that better would be a walk-on/singing narration from R. Kelly.

Posted by Levislade

on December 4, 2009 at 4:23 PM

Beck's mom didn't commit suicide. She died in a boating accident. What type of person makes up this type of lie and then endlessly promotes it? The only person close to that crazy is Sarah Palin.

Posted by stevema14420

on December 4, 2009 at 4:58 PM

I wonder how many of you dickweeds have ever published anything let alone having it on a bestseller list!

You people are a bunch of pukes!!!

Posted by Wyatt on December 4, 2009 at 5:23 PM

@11 "You people are a bunch of pukes!!! "

hilarious!
Totally reminded me of that scene from Stand By Me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STB4s7Qhf…

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on December 4, 2009 at 5:59 PM

Now none of you be mean to wyatt. Let him catch his breathe and wipe tears.

It is ok wyatt, it is ok.

Maybe you can get a free copy of man baby beck's book if you ask one of the conservative book buying outfits nicely.

Posted by Senor Guy on December 4, 2009 at 6:04 PM

There was a screening in Lynnwood? Was it in a movie theater?

How could I possibly have missed this. And yes a near empty screening does speak wonders for Seattle's urban neighbors to the north.

Posted by Simone on December 4, 2009 at 6:23 PM

I went to a movie today at the new Northgate cinemas and there was an ad for this Glenn Beck sweater shit in the previews, implying one could still plan to see it here sometime soon. I did notice one scene in the ad in which Beck's face was sopping wet with tears (or Vick's Vapo-Rub).

I felt slimed, I looked it up when I got home and see that Regal Cinemas owns Fathom Events, the promoter of the Glenn Beck travesty sweater show. They're based in Tennessee, so go figure.

Posted by Jakey on December 4, 2009 at 7:11 PM

Wow.

...and this is the man some people think can give an honest and clear accounting of what happened to that young girl rumored to have been raped and killed?

Walk through your storm, indeed.

Posted by You'll put your eye out. on December 4, 2009 at 9:59 PM

Rachel Maddow is such a dyke...hilarious!!!

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