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News & ArtsTuesday, December 1, 2009
Celeb Ruh-Roh: Tiger Woods Division
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Tue, Dec 1, 2009 at 2:24 PM
A Los Angeles cocktail waitress tells the new Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday) that she had a steamy 31-month fling with Tiger Woods and has a voicemail recording and text messages to prove it.Jaimee Grubbs, now 24, tells Us Weekly she began having an affair with Woods, 33, in April 2007.
She tells Us Weekly they went on to have 20 sexual encounters...
6
Don't tell Charles. It'll generate a whole series of posts about blond hair and Europe's sense of ownership over Africa.
8
Oh good, now that the cop killer fiasco is over we can get back to the Tiger Woods coverage. Whew!
9
What does it mean that we measure the length of an affair in the same increment we measure an infant's age?
That's as Charles as I get.
#8 - I totally read your post in a Chief Wiggum voice.
That's as Charles as I get.
#8 - I totally read your post in a Chief Wiggum voice.
10
The BFD isn't the affairs. It's what made his wife cut up his face and go after him with a golf club. That's kind of a BFD.
I'm glad to see that Woods has the same trashy implant taste in fuck receptacles as I expected he would.
I'm glad to see that Woods has the same trashy implant taste in fuck receptacles as I expected he would.
12
Sounds like a good reason for his wife to take a golf club upside his head ...
oh, wait, she did.
oh, wait, she did.
14
So, an implanted reality-show contestant tells US Weekly she had this affair. That's about as airtight as a story can get.
17
I couldn't care less who he fucks. He's not some hypocrite preacher or politician trying to push abstinence or monogamy on the rest of us. I don't ever recall him making any judgements about anyone else's sex life. Why should we judge his?
18
@16: I believe you misused "whom." "Fuck" is an intransitive verb and therefore doesn't take a direct object. "Whom" is a direct object pronoun, you see, and therefore doesn't match the verb. 17 has it right. It's "who he fucks," not "whom he fucks."
19
I just thought about the whole thing for a bit ... 20 sexual encounters over 18 months?
I mean, heck, over a week ...
Guy must not have a sex drive.
I mean, heck, over a week ...
Guy must not have a sex drive.
20
Of course fuck is (or has become) a transitive verb that takes a direct object. Otherwise there would be no such phrase as "fuck you," which I personally like to throw around like nobody's business.
22
@18: Use 'whom' like you'd use 'him.' You wouldn't say "Jaimee Grubbs fucked he." You'd say Jaimee Grubbs fucked him." Hence, 'whom.'
25
31 month relationship.
20 sexual encounters.
= Less than once a month.
Was she that expensive even for him?
31 month relationship.
20 sexual encounters.
= Less than once a month.
Was she that expensive even for him?
26
While we're on grammar, why does US Weekly capital capitalize the "s" in their name? I swear I thought the magazine was called "U.S. Weekly" until a few years ago when I first heard someone say the title out loud.
27
If the greatest golf player in history isn't allowed a little pussy on the side, then there is no point in playing golf.
31
The name "Grubbs" is a boner killer. Implants are a boner killer. Golf in any form is a boner killer. Lots of dead boners in this sordid tale...
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