Sunday, November 22, 2009
Homo / News Your Wife Died Alone...
Posted by Dan Savage on Sun, Nov 22, 2009 at 10:06 AM
...sorry about that.
Several nurses at Jackson Memorial Hospital have personally apologized to Janice Langbehn, a lesbian from Washington state who said that a Jackson social worker wouldn't allow her to be with her dying partner in 2007. "We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt," said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of Service Employees International Union Local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 healthcare professionals at Jackson, which is in Miami.Langbehn, whose lawsuit against Jackson was dismissed in September by a federal court in Miami, welcomed the nurses' gesture. But she still wants the hospital to apologize formally. "The management has to do it," Langbehn said.... [Langbehn's] longtime partner Lisa Pond, who suffered a fatal brain aneurysm on Feb. 18, 2007, shortly before they were to sail with their three children on a Caribbean cruise. At Jackson, Langbehn said, a social worker would not let her visit Pond because Florida is "an anti-gay state." Pond, 39, died the next day.
Does that social worker still have a job?
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2
Your headline implies that the apology is not a valid response, and writes it off ("sorry about that") as meaningless and trite. It's not an official response and isn't nearly enough, but maybe the nurses themselves hate what happened and don't want to be associated with such actions - isn't that a good thing?
3
The hospital and social worker have denied the allegations.
A journalist would have included that, and gotten a response from them.
An editorial director would insist on it.
A journalist would have included that, and gotten a response from them.
An editorial director would insist on it.
4
Why should the hospital apologize?
Why should anyone be fired?
The lesbian got her day in court and did not have a case.
All she has now are her unsubstantiated accusations and a credulous Dan to parrot them.
Why should anyone be fired?
The lesbian got her day in court and did not have a case.
All she has now are her unsubstantiated accusations and a credulous Dan to parrot them.
6
"The court determined that the hospital had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient."
Wow. So even someone who is opposite-married, or a biological parent or child, could be barred from a hospital room because some social worker is in a bad mood. Nice.
@1 - I didn't read it that way. It may be you inferring rather than Dan implying.
Wow. So even someone who is opposite-married, or a biological parent or child, could be barred from a hospital room because some social worker is in a bad mood. Nice.
@1 - I didn't read it that way. It may be you inferring rather than Dan implying.
9
Slog: "Janice Langbehn, a lesbian from Washington state who said that a Jackson social worker wouldn't allow her to be with her dying partner"
Fact: Langbehn was allowed in to the Jackson Memorial’s Ryder Trauma Center hospital quarters to say her final farewell while standing next to a priest performing the last rites on 39-year-old Lisa Marie Pond.
Fact: Langbehn was allowed in to the Jackson Memorial’s Ryder Trauma Center hospital quarters to say her final farewell while standing next to a priest performing the last rites on 39-year-old Lisa Marie Pond.
10
Dan, have you pointed out to Langbehn that if her partner had not been fat she wouldn't have had a stroke? Was Langbehn an enabler?
11
Does the social worker have a name?
It seems that whenever we read of this sort of abuse, the name of the abuser is missing.
It seems that whenever we read of this sort of abuse, the name of the abuser is missing.
12
@9:
Source, please.
And thanks everyone for filling my hot, steaming cup o' hate to overflowing this a.m. I think I'll chase it with a big ole' plate of schadenfreude and some vitriol, over-hard.
What a great way to start the "Lord's day"!
Source, please.
And thanks everyone for filling my hot, steaming cup o' hate to overflowing this a.m. I think I'll chase it with a big ole' plate of schadenfreude and some vitriol, over-hard.
What a great way to start the "Lord's day"!
13
I'd like to know if the social worker actually said Florida is "an anti-gay state". I mean, everyone knows it is, but was it put that bluntly, and used as the official excuse?
This particular story is heartbreaking for Ms. Langbehn, and I hope enough facts are on her side that she can change minds about the necessity of equal marriage rights by telling it. But rather than investigate or present any kind of journalistically sound overview, Dan chooses to go troll-hunting and comment-fishing.
It's pretty clear that one guy has been logging in and out to post numerous times here, and bitter as he may be he's got a point. SLOG certainly isn't written (or, maybe, intended?) as real news, otherwise there'd be some standard of fact-checking or editorial oversight going on. Anything anti-fat or anti-pit bull is posted as fact, as is anything even remotely homophobic.
This particular story is heartbreaking for Ms. Langbehn, and I hope enough facts are on her side that she can change minds about the necessity of equal marriage rights by telling it. But rather than investigate or present any kind of journalistically sound overview, Dan chooses to go troll-hunting and comment-fishing.
It's pretty clear that one guy has been logging in and out to post numerous times here, and bitter as he may be he's got a point. SLOG certainly isn't written (or, maybe, intended?) as real news, otherwise there'd be some standard of fact-checking or editorial oversight going on. Anything anti-fat or anti-pit bull is posted as fact, as is anything even remotely homophobic.
14
11
maybe that's because you get all your "news" from biased advocate rumor-mongers
12
google it yourself
maybe that's because you get all your "news" from biased advocate rumor-mongers
12
google it yourself
16
The social worker is Garnett Frederick, a PhD who has 16 years experience and denies he ever barred Janice Langbehn from seeing her partner Lisa Pond.
17
p.s. All of this information is readily available on the Langbehn-Pond family website http://thelpkids.com/
18
As several have pointed out this post is full of (actually nothing but) half-truths and unsubstantiated rumor and baseless accusation and vicious innuendo.
Does the Stupid Fucking Credulous Hack who vomited it onto Slog still have a job?
Does the Stupid Fucking Credulous Hack who vomited it onto Slog still have a job?
20
@6, I read it that way because "sorry about that" is something you say about a minor transgression. To equate the nurses' apologies to "sorry about that" paints them as insincere and trite to my eye/ear. They came to a town hall meeting about this issue and volunteered their apologies - seems obvious they don't agree with the hospital.
One of the actual apologies:
"I apologize," said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union's gay Lavender Caucus. "I can't imagine what you went through."
But yeah, this whole situation is fucked up. And this is pretty hard to swallow: "The court determined that the hospital had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient." WTF?
One of the actual apologies:
"I apologize," said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union's gay Lavender Caucus. "I can't imagine what you went through."
But yeah, this whole situation is fucked up. And this is pretty hard to swallow: "The court determined that the hospital had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient." WTF?
21
19
it's not a claim, mattie-pie.
it's a fact.
it's not our job to write dan's posts for him.
relish your ignorance.
wallow in it.
it's not a claim, mattie-pie.
it's a fact.
it's not our job to write dan's posts for him.
relish your ignorance.
wallow in it.
22
@ 21, I win because you can't prove your post. Sucks to be unregistered, and it sucks to be you.
*victory lap*
*victory lap*
23
That is one sorry-ass apology! "We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt" puts it all on her. How about, "We apologize for the pain we caused these spouses and have enacted policies that assure that such mis-management never happens again." Now THAT would be an apology.
24
I haven't read the anonymous trolling comments, but I'm guessing they say something like, "this needs more facts and proof."
Even if this particular case has more to it than what Dan wrote, is there any reason to believe shit like this doesn't happen anyway? Are you (anonymous troller) saying "if you can't prove it, then it doesn't exist?"
Open your eyes.
Even if this particular case has more to it than what Dan wrote, is there any reason to believe shit like this doesn't happen anyway? Are you (anonymous troller) saying "if you can't prove it, then it doesn't exist?"
Open your eyes.
25
@23, these are nurses that worked at the hospital, not policy-makers, nor the person who actually barred someone from seeing her spouse. What would you have actually said in this circumstance? I just picked one - there were others in the story, and probably more was said than is reported. But I still don't see how nurses taking it upon themselves to apologize at a public forum, when the hospital officially won't, deserves anything but respect. When's the last time you on your own apologized for your employer doing something bad? You're really going to nit-pick about the phrasing?
26
I notice that the court did not find that her allegation (that she was prevented from visiting her partner) was false or unproven. It found that the hospital had no obligation to allow her to visit.
Sorry, trolls.
Sorry, trolls.
27
@gettingtoknowyoubetter at #1, It's a 'he', not a 'she'. Ms. Langbehn tells her story on American Public Media's radio show 'The Story' which you can hear at: http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_82…
28
@22
@12
The "facts" in @9 come from the family's own website.
http://thelpkids.com/2009/02/06/breaking…
You gentlemen are embarrassing the Slog.
@12
The "facts" in @9 come from the family's own website.
http://thelpkids.com/2009/02/06/breaking…
You gentlemen are embarrassing the Slog.
29
Also from the family website's account of the meeting mentioned in the post (The Miami Herald reports the same facts)
"Several Jackson Memorial Hospital nurses personally apologized to Janice Langbehn, a Washington state lesbian who said a Jackson social worker wouldn’t allow her to be with her dying partner in 2007.
“We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt,” said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of SEIU local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals at Jackson.
Baker, a lesbian who has worked at Jackson for nearly a quarter century, said she is heartbroken the hospital has been accused of being antigay.
“It’s a shame that the public hospital that delivers care [here] is the focus of her pain,” said Baker, also a Lavender Caucus member. “Is Jackson homophobic? Oh, no. I’d say 30 percent of our staff is gay or lesbian. A lot of us work here because it is considered a safe space here in Miami-Dade County.”
From the beginning, Jackson has said Langbehn was not discriminated against and defended social worker Garnett Frederick, who denied making the offensive comment.
“We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care,” Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release after the case was dismissed in September.
“At Jackson Health System, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve.”
Added Piedra: “Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care.”
More...
"Several Jackson Memorial Hospital nurses personally apologized to Janice Langbehn, a Washington state lesbian who said a Jackson social worker wouldn’t allow her to be with her dying partner in 2007.
“We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt,” said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of SEIU local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals at Jackson.
Baker, a lesbian who has worked at Jackson for nearly a quarter century, said she is heartbroken the hospital has been accused of being antigay.
“It’s a shame that the public hospital that delivers care [here] is the focus of her pain,” said Baker, also a Lavender Caucus member. “Is Jackson homophobic? Oh, no. I’d say 30 percent of our staff is gay or lesbian. A lot of us work here because it is considered a safe space here in Miami-Dade County.”
From the beginning, Jackson has said Langbehn was not discriminated against and defended social worker Garnett Frederick, who denied making the offensive comment.
“We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care,” Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release after the case was dismissed in September.
“At Jackson Health System, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve.”
Added Piedra: “Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care.”
31
For those too lazy to read @29-
The nurse who apologized (and is President of the union) is a Lesbian.
She denies the hospital is hostile to gays and said 30% of the work force is gay and work there because it is a friendly welcoming supportive environment for homosexuals.
I bet Dan doesn't know that....
The nurse who apologized (and is President of the union) is a Lesbian.
She denies the hospital is hostile to gays and said 30% of the work force is gay and work there because it is a friendly welcoming supportive environment for homosexuals.
I bet Dan doesn't know that....
33
Dan, did you know that Martha Baker, the nurse whose apology you mocked and belittled, is a Lesbian and advocate for gay rights?
34
@ 28, I am aware of the facts; hell, if I were so inclined, I would post the news link that supports the post @ 9 myself.
The fact itself isn't important because it doesn't change anything; Langbehn was still denied access to her partner for unjust reasons, and five minutes to watch a priest administer last rites doesn't refute Langbehn's allegations. The troll @ 9 is trying to disingenuously state that this fact is proof that this post is factually wrong, but it isn't.
My own point, however, is that the troll is ignoring basic blogging rules, and I'm calling him out on it. Someone has to, so it might as well be me.
The fact itself isn't important because it doesn't change anything; Langbehn was still denied access to her partner for unjust reasons, and five minutes to watch a priest administer last rites doesn't refute Langbehn's allegations. The troll @ 9 is trying to disingenuously state that this fact is proof that this post is factually wrong, but it isn't.
My own point, however, is that the troll is ignoring basic blogging rules, and I'm calling him out on it. Someone has to, so it might as well be me.
35
The story this posts references is actually a positive and affirming one. Dan manages to wrench his usual serving of spite, gall and venom out of it.
37
@32: Exactly. In the South, seething malice may as well be the air you breathe. People assume that Southerners are simply xenophobic or homophobic, when in fact they secretly despise everyone, even other Southerners. Don't be fooled by their saccharine hospitality, it's merely the thinnest veneer of civility necessary to prevent their society from collapsing into bloody chaos. Your first and only sign that you've offended a Southerner will be the knife in your back.
38
A dying person is brought to hospital. Accompanying her are someone claiming (and having legal documentation) that she is the person's spouse, and 3 children who say she is their mother. The hospital refuses to allow any of them into the dying person's room. "We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt" is not much of an apology, and isn't worth a damn in light of the suffering caused to those people.
40
Dan, what is the source for the post's title's assertion that "Your Wife Died Alone..."? We seem to be unable to find that tidbit.
41
The other nurse who apologized-
“I apologize,” said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union’s gay Lavender Caucus. “I can’t imagine what you went through.”
(from the family web site)
“I apologize,” said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union’s gay Lavender Caucus. “I can’t imagine what you went through.”
(from the family web site)
42
39: ER is a fictional TV program; this was real life and death. Where I live it would have been unimaginable for a hospital to do this, besides which she lay dying for hours while they kept her partner and their children away from her, EVEN THOUGH HER PARTNER HAD LEGAL POWER OF ATTORNEY, but when her brother and sister arrived shortly before she died they allowed them to see her immediately solely on their word that they were her siblings.
43
No matter what the details actually are, it's really horrible she was denied access to her dying partner. I know this happens to other people, but it's heartbreaking to think about, and infuriating that someone could tell her that she couldn't be with her. I can't imagine what that would have been like for her and her family.
I don't know how people like that can sleep at night.
I don't know how people like that can sleep at night.
44
@38, again, this wasn't an official hospital apology, this was a nurse apologizing for being a part of the institution where this happened. The nurses apologizing didn't cause the pain. The quote everyone keeps seizing on isn't a satisfying, poetic and emotional quote, but there were other apologies that day that might hit your palate better.
But again, this isn't the hospital's official apology, this is from an individual who regrets that something this painful happened in this hospital. And, therefore, this individual shouldn't be scorned or belittled for taking the initiative to apologize and for the perceived lack of emotion/artistry of that apology.
But again, this isn't the hospital's official apology, this is from an individual who regrets that something this painful happened in this hospital. And, therefore, this individual shouldn't be scorned or belittled for taking the initiative to apologize and for the perceived lack of emotion/artistry of that apology.
45
@ troll, she was already brain dead. She "died" in the meaningful sense of the word before she was granted a five minute quick look-see.
Another gotcha fail from you, troll. I'd stay unregistered too if I had your record.
Another gotcha fail from you, troll. I'd stay unregistered too if I had your record.
47
@9, 21 etc.:
Let's say for a moment you're correct, and "the lesbian" was in fact allowed to be with her partner in her last moments of lucidity. Or for her death. Or whatever. I'll grant this as a fact.
Your implicit suggestion is that if Dan was actually correct, and they did in fact bar her from seeing her loved one, a moral wrongdoing would have occurred.
But because you think Dan is wrong, you think no moral wrong took place. See the problem here? You may not realize it, but by contesting his facts, it seems you must agree that the fundamental bigotry at play in cases like this is MORALLY WRONG.
Otherwise, why would it matter if Dan's wrong and she was allowed to see her partner? I mean, she's a lesbian anyway, she has no right to see her partner in the hospital, right?
(This, by the way, is incorrect; the reports you cite show that she was only admitted AFTER her partner had lost consciousness; but yes, was allowed to watch the priest give her the last rites. She was not, however, permitted to hear the last words of her loved one. Or be there when she fell asleep for the last time. But I'm sure you too can Google that yourself.)
Let's say for a moment you're correct, and "the lesbian" was in fact allowed to be with her partner in her last moments of lucidity. Or for her death. Or whatever. I'll grant this as a fact.
Your implicit suggestion is that if Dan was actually correct, and they did in fact bar her from seeing her loved one, a moral wrongdoing would have occurred.
But because you think Dan is wrong, you think no moral wrong took place. See the problem here? You may not realize it, but by contesting his facts, it seems you must agree that the fundamental bigotry at play in cases like this is MORALLY WRONG.
Otherwise, why would it matter if Dan's wrong and she was allowed to see her partner? I mean, she's a lesbian anyway, she has no right to see her partner in the hospital, right?
(This, by the way, is incorrect; the reports you cite show that she was only admitted AFTER her partner had lost consciousness; but yes, was allowed to watch the priest give her the last rites. She was not, however, permitted to hear the last words of her loved one. Or be there when she fell asleep for the last time. But I'm sure you too can Google that yourself.)
49
...Also I'm still stunned conservative trolls found there way onto this story. This is one of those I feel like they'd just want to ignore and let be.
It's sorta like rolling up on a blog about the Matthew Shepard incident and spouting off about how you think "he deserved it!" It's just a dick move, even if you are a total hate machine.
Basically, almost anything you say from the hateful bigot perspective on a story like this one is going to make you look like a vengeful asshole. And still the worst anti-gay bigots usually know that.
It's sorta like rolling up on a blog about the Matthew Shepard incident and spouting off about how you think "he deserved it!" It's just a dick move, even if you are a total hate machine.
Basically, almost anything you say from the hateful bigot perspective on a story like this one is going to make you look like a vengeful asshole. And still the worst anti-gay bigots usually know that.
51
Unregistered posters still have to leave an email address. I hope Slog is tracking the troll or trolls - though likely the work of one. Ken Hutcherson? A suit from Jackson Memorial? In any case these posts are turbo-charged with vitriol, and perhaps some axe to grind with Langbehn.
Pox on whoever it is/they are.
Pox on whoever it is/they are.
52
@44: maybe it's the "certainly" that's sticking in my throat and those of some other posters. It just sounds too much like it precedes a "but...". And as I said below, really any apology is meaningless in a situation like this. It's too little too late.
53
If you read up on the case, she did visit her partner with the priest, but here's the thing. She and her partner actually weren't religious at all. She requested the priest because getting him to bring her back there with him was the only way she'd get to say goodbye in person.
55
@51,
Actually, anyone can leave bogus email addresses if they want... (e.g., iamatroll@inmymomsbasement.com)
But they do leave IP addressess.
Actually, anyone can leave bogus email addresses if they want... (e.g., iamatroll@inmymomsbasement.com)
But they do leave IP addressess.
56
ALL: why accuse the SLOG of "lies and innuendo?" All the poster does is refer to the Los Angeles Time article for God's sake.
What would you require as a credible news source, the "Moonie" Washington Times?
Extra: why anti-gay bigots enjoy basking in the "glow" of the the cruel suffering done to people by bigotted policies is beyond me. Why do you want to hurt people? Why do you enjoy it?
What would you require as a credible news source, the "Moonie" Washington Times?
Extra: why anti-gay bigots enjoy basking in the "glow" of the the cruel suffering done to people by bigotted policies is beyond me. Why do you want to hurt people? Why do you enjoy it?
57
Dan,
I don't think you are right to be so dismissive of the Nurse's individual gestures. the Langbehn-Pond website
http://thelpkids.com/
makes clear they went out of their way to be there in person to apologize.
"The apologies came at a town hall-style meeting Thursday night at Unity on the Bay church in which Langbehn returned to Miami as a speaker. Baker, Molina and two other Jackson nurses, Jim Nicholson and Diane Poirier, along with 60 other people, attended the meeting."
and I'm sure they are active with the SEIU to elect people who would support repeal of these bigoted laws. I don't think it's right for you to imply blame toward them for the ills done by the hospital policy in this case...
I don't think you are right to be so dismissive of the Nurse's individual gestures. the Langbehn-Pond website
http://thelpkids.com/
makes clear they went out of their way to be there in person to apologize.
"The apologies came at a town hall-style meeting Thursday night at Unity on the Bay church in which Langbehn returned to Miami as a speaker. Baker, Molina and two other Jackson nurses, Jim Nicholson and Diane Poirier, along with 60 other people, attended the meeting."
and I'm sure they are active with the SEIU to elect people who would support repeal of these bigoted laws. I don't think it's right for you to imply blame toward them for the ills done by the hospital policy in this case...
58
56
The LATimes did not snidely belittle and mock the heartfelt apology of two lesbian nurses who were trying to comfort and support Langbehn.
That was all Dan.
The only "basking in the 'glow' of the the cruel suffering" being enjoyed is Dan's; misrepresenting what took place and flaming hate with half-truths to serve his point of view.
Dan exploits Langbehn's suffering like he does that of abused children- as more fodder to ghoulishly savor to promote his agenda of hate.
Where ever a spark of light or hope may occur Dan quickly distorts it to start a fire of rage and mistrust.
The LATimes did not snidely belittle and mock the heartfelt apology of two lesbian nurses who were trying to comfort and support Langbehn.
That was all Dan.
The only "basking in the 'glow' of the the cruel suffering" being enjoyed is Dan's; misrepresenting what took place and flaming hate with half-truths to serve his point of view.
Dan exploits Langbehn's suffering like he does that of abused children- as more fodder to ghoulishly savor to promote his agenda of hate.
Where ever a spark of light or hope may occur Dan quickly distorts it to start a fire of rage and mistrust.
59
my mother went into cardiac arrest while on vacation in cincinnati. her best friend, my godmother, was with her and accompanied her in the ambulance to the hospital. from that point on, my godmother was shut out. she called and told me what was happening. she gave me the number to call the hospital, which i did. i hurried off the phone to call and tell my siblings what was happening. it NEVER occurred to me that her best friend was not allowed to be as close to my mother as possible. on television they are allowed to be right outside the trauma room. my mother's best friend, who she grew up with, was the only person there with my mother. when my mother passed away, the hospital would not even tell her that my mother had died until after we were called and gave permission for her to say goodbye to her life long friend.
privacy rules in hospitals are so extreme that common sense and compassion are over looked. anyone not considered close kin are forbidden. gay couples fall into this category, and it's as wrong as wrong can be. my fiance and i drew up medical powers of attorney to prevent this from happening to us, because our families were not happy about our relationship, and would in a case such as this use the kin rules to bar us access to one another, and the right to make medical decisions for one another. the problem with this is that we never carried them with us, so if something were to happen anyplace other than home, we would have had to waste precious time retrieving the documents. even then, the family could have challenged them and the dispute would have to be settled in court. meanwhile, we'd have no access.
SOMETHING needs to be done to respect the rights of "the partner of choice". had my godmother been my mother's life partner, this would have been an even more catastrophic event. too much weight is given to blood kin, when those relationships may be strained or even non-existent. anna nicole smith's mother should have had no legal standing in anything concerning anna, given that anna had nothing to do with the woman. she was allowed to turn anna's death into a three-ring circus (beyond the spectacle it already was).
it's tragic that people are treated this way. of course, we could have married sooner and eliminated the problem, but when people are NOT allowed to marry, they fall victim to the system in so many ways. in "the land of the free" should we not be free to decide with whom we want to be legally related? is it not discrimation to have the government determine that some choices can be legally recognized, but others cannot, between consenting adults? isn't that what civil rights is all about, that everyone have the same rights?
More...
privacy rules in hospitals are so extreme that common sense and compassion are over looked. anyone not considered close kin are forbidden. gay couples fall into this category, and it's as wrong as wrong can be. my fiance and i drew up medical powers of attorney to prevent this from happening to us, because our families were not happy about our relationship, and would in a case such as this use the kin rules to bar us access to one another, and the right to make medical decisions for one another. the problem with this is that we never carried them with us, so if something were to happen anyplace other than home, we would have had to waste precious time retrieving the documents. even then, the family could have challenged them and the dispute would have to be settled in court. meanwhile, we'd have no access.
SOMETHING needs to be done to respect the rights of "the partner of choice". had my godmother been my mother's life partner, this would have been an even more catastrophic event. too much weight is given to blood kin, when those relationships may be strained or even non-existent. anna nicole smith's mother should have had no legal standing in anything concerning anna, given that anna had nothing to do with the woman. she was allowed to turn anna's death into a three-ring circus (beyond the spectacle it already was).
it's tragic that people are treated this way. of course, we could have married sooner and eliminated the problem, but when people are NOT allowed to marry, they fall victim to the system in so many ways. in "the land of the free" should we not be free to decide with whom we want to be legally related? is it not discrimation to have the government determine that some choices can be legally recognized, but others cannot, between consenting adults? isn't that what civil rights is all about, that everyone have the same rights?
60
listen to 59............ the problem is not that they were a lesbian couple (you always turn it into a gay thing but most of the times it isn't and that makes your calims lacking in credibility). the problem is the healthcare system and its coldness to ensure 'privacy'-. think about it. and this lesbian woman wtf is she doing with her website, exposing her children???... nasty
62
Troll # 60:
If this were not homophobia, why was the sister allowed access? And what does the survivor's website have to do with the facts of her partner's death?
Nasty , indeed ..... you, that is, not Ms Langbehn.
If this were not homophobia, why was the sister allowed access? And what does the survivor's website have to do with the facts of her partner's death?
Nasty , indeed ..... you, that is, not Ms Langbehn.
63
@60: it has EVERYTHING to do with her being a lesbian. If you had read the court documents or any of the news coverage you would know that Langbehn was specifically told she was being excluded because she's a lesbian, and that she and her children watched as other families were welcomed and quickly ushered into the rooms of their loved ones, while they were ignored, not kept informed about Pond, and prevented from being with her.
64
What a sad story. It's ridiculous that we are still denying equal rights to people simply because of their sexual orientation. Ludicrous and heartbreaking.
65
That's a terrible story. The allegations against the social worker are similarly terrible, and just like any other accusation I'd like to see some sort of evidence before calling for the man's head.
67
Janice spoke at my school recently.
She was allowed in only at the point of the Last Rites and only with the priest.
The social worker was indeed male. He is still employed by the hospital, an organ of Miami-Dade County. The hospital has not apologized or admitted a scintilla of wrongdoing. I find the apology by the union to at least be heartfelt and working toward change.
This whole thing makes me fucking sick. And yes, i do believe their actions toward Janice, Lisa, and their children were morally repugnant.
She was allowed in only at the point of the Last Rites and only with the priest.
The social worker was indeed male. He is still employed by the hospital, an organ of Miami-Dade County. The hospital has not apologized or admitted a scintilla of wrongdoing. I find the apology by the union to at least be heartfelt and working toward change.
This whole thing makes me fucking sick. And yes, i do believe their actions toward Janice, Lisa, and their children were morally repugnant.
68
so here is the deal. always have your power of attorney papers WITH you. in your wallet. do not count on getting someone to fax them to the hospital.
now, that being said, the whole situation is horrid... no one should have to go thru it. its a pain in the ass that we have to have extra paperwork that straight people do not have. but you'd better fucking have it on you. and should that not work, ask to speak to the Nursing supervisor. and if that doesnt work ask to speak to the administrator on call.
yes. fucking sucks. but until we have marriage equality, to protect your own family, have your act together. you owe it to yourself and your family.
now, that being said, the whole situation is horrid... no one should have to go thru it. its a pain in the ass that we have to have extra paperwork that straight people do not have. but you'd better fucking have it on you. and should that not work, ask to speak to the Nursing supervisor. and if that doesnt work ask to speak to the administrator on call.
yes. fucking sucks. but until we have marriage equality, to protect your own family, have your act together. you owe it to yourself and your family.
69
wow, I am have tried to move past the hate in some of the posts. go to my blog if you want the full story. www.theLPkids.com. I'm sorry but the comment about Lisa being Fat and dismissing it all. Lisa's died at just 39yrs old and I donated her organs - she saved for people's lives. Thanks for the trite comments. And for the other poster - if you think that 5 mins over 8 hours doing last rites is enough to say goodbye - you see if that is appropriate the next time someone in your family dies. Also the kids were not there - I didn't want to bring them back right away until I saw Lisa first. She was still semi-conscious - she was restrained to her bed - so she was perceiving and I was not demanding complete access just reasonable - for the kids and I to say we loved her, hold her hand. is that too much to ask in our society. wouldn't the negative people who post here - do that for their best friend, an aunt - anyone if you were the only person they knew 3K miles from home. Don't pass judgement on our family. We took in 25 foster children from the state of WA. We adopted 4 kids. Lisa was an absolute saint among us. I'm sorry you feel the need to throw mud at her. I feel sorry for you.
As for the kids and I. We didn't have our day in court b/c it is legal to discriminate against us in FL even with power of attorney, living wills etc. Drawn up not by a website but our estate/adoption attorney here in washington. We had them because I have Multiple Sclerosis.
I could go on and on.. But the social worker - Garnett Frederick said what he said. God, Garnett and I all know it - and everyone I talked to that afternoon knows it. I am a social worker and only recently retired but worked in Medical settings and the 5mins he spent with our family was pitiful. He violated many tenets of the Code of Ethics. I continue to speak out so that this doesn't happen to another family. This is not about Gay rights.. it's about human rights.
peace
More...
As for the kids and I. We didn't have our day in court b/c it is legal to discriminate against us in FL even with power of attorney, living wills etc. Drawn up not by a website but our estate/adoption attorney here in washington. We had them because I have Multiple Sclerosis.
I could go on and on.. But the social worker - Garnett Frederick said what he said. God, Garnett and I all know it - and everyone I talked to that afternoon knows it. I am a social worker and only recently retired but worked in Medical settings and the 5mins he spent with our family was pitiful. He violated many tenets of the Code of Ethics. I continue to speak out so that this doesn't happen to another family. This is not about Gay rights.. it's about human rights.
peace
70
People call for the social worker's head, but it was the charge nurse who controlled access. She is a lesbian who says that Janice was kept out because of medical needs and other traumas in the bay. It wasn't a hospital room it was a trauma bay. The nurse who apologized is a union leader, and lesbian, who wasn't there but says she believes Janice was kept out for medical reasons. New story by the nurses actually involved is in the Miami Herald's business section today (not sure why business.) People believe what they want, but there are two sides to the story.
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