Friday, November 20, 2009
Hetero Today in Traditional Marriage
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Nov 20, 2009 at 3:45 PM
A man was just sentenced to 11 years in prison for beating his wife—with her consent.
Timothy Thompson, a former news reporter for Portland radio station KXL, will have 11 years and 6 months in prison to think about the severity of what he did to his wife Susan and their three young children, Knapp said. In a bench trial with no jury, Knapp found Thompson guilty of eight counts of assault and one of criminal mistreatment.... Since his arrest, Timothy Thompson said the bruising came from a single occasion when the couple’s “game” of correction got out of control. That story was clearly a lie, McKey said. The bruising was almost unbelievable—purple, green, yellow, red and blue. Knee to waist. Breast to navel. Looking more like the lividity of a corpse than injuries to living tissue, they were administered over years with such exacting care that no one would even notice them on a fully-clothed Susan, McKey said.
The beating game came to an end when the police were called to the house because a woman was screaming. Thompson wasn't home but the police noticed cuts and bruises and that Susan Thompson, "was barely strong enough to lift her infant son." The Thompsons—Mr. and Mrs.—argued that the beatings were a game meant to compensate for Susan Thompson's "lack of discipline" growing up. The couple also wanted a "traditional American family," complete with a submissive wife who stays home with the kids, but Susan Thompson had a hard time submitting. So, beatings. It was all supposed to be "titillating and fun," Mr. Thompson told the court—it was supposed to be consensual sex play—but the court didn't buy it and neither do I. First, because Susan Thompson was punished when she tried to call her parents, which smacks—sorry—the typical abuser's attempt to isolate his victim. And then there's this:
In April of 2009, the beatings escalated to 70 to 100 swats a day. Thompson decided to start using a surveyor’s stick instead of a belt because his arm was getting sore, McKey said. After he was done, daddy would sometimes have the children take the rod and smack the bruises, too, to “let mommy know she had to learn her lesson,” McKey said.
Sorry, but it's not a consensual adult sex game if you're forcing your children to participate. Christ.
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1
This is the logical outcome of the family values represented in the Old Testament. As long as the surveyor's rod was no thicker than a finger, he's golden in the eyes of the Lord. Nobody should complain; we should all celebrate this submission to God's law. Particularly the righteous way Mr. Thompson is raising his children to follow the moral code we all should be forced to obey if we want America to be strong.
2
The extent of the beatings and the involvement of the kids pushes this case clearly into the abuse category. And even if this woman was so messed up that she really wanted this, I think a non-abusive husband would have drawn the line for her.
Still, it raises an interesting question - are consenting adults who engage in pain sex play exposing themselves to possible domestic violence charges? I'm thinking of The Password at this year's HUMP, and that lesbian torture video from 1 or 2 HUMPs ago.
Still, it raises an interesting question - are consenting adults who engage in pain sex play exposing themselves to possible domestic violence charges? I'm thinking of The Password at this year's HUMP, and that lesbian torture video from 1 or 2 HUMPs ago.
3
Safe? Left her so messed up she couldn't lift an infant.
Sane? The kids participated.
Consensual? Maybe.
One maybe out of three is definitely abuse.
Sane? The kids participated.
Consensual? Maybe.
One maybe out of three is definitely abuse.
4
abusers are always using the "they were asking for it defense",
IMO the dumbass deserves 11 years for for actually using it in court.
IMO the dumbass deserves 11 years for for actually using it in court.
5
I was reading with horrified indignation right up until the last salient detail. Beating your wife to a pulp with her willing consent? Sexy. Involving the kids? Criminal.
I still think the sentence was more than a little harsh, but involving your kids in your bdsm play is approximately equal to having sex with your kids.
And that's outside even this shameless kinky libertine's broad bounds of propriety.
I still think the sentence was more than a little harsh, but involving your kids in your bdsm play is approximately equal to having sex with your kids.
And that's outside even this shameless kinky libertine's broad bounds of propriety.
6
Naw, Dan's right - this goes beyond "bedroom play." I know it can be a fine line sometimes, but this joker crossed it.
8
@6: Agreed. Sometimes it's a fine line, but it ain't THAT fine a line.
Jerks like that give all us perverts a bad name.
Jerks like that give all us perverts a bad name.
9
Even before the kids were directly involved, if the wife was suffering disabling injury, one of them should have had the sense to call a halt to it. There's just no defending this one.
10
Those kids are probably screwed up for life, carrying their own f-ed up perversions (in a bad way) and gender roles into adulthood. The father should be locked up forever.
12
Exactly, this isn't sex, it's religion.
And as such protected by the constitution. Can't be long before the Teabaggers hail this guy as their next martyr.
And as such protected by the constitution. Can't be long before the Teabaggers hail this guy as their next martyr.
16
Fuck! This is way beyond bedroom play. Dammit, those kids have a 70% chance of either becoming abusive or getting involved in abusive relationships. I'm agreeing that it is abuse, perhaps (and I say that seriously doubting it) it was consensual for her, but it was abusive to those children. This makes my blood boil.
17
"are consenting adults who engage in pain sex play exposing themselves to possible domestic violence charges?"
Absolutely. It's already happened. Google "Operation Spanner" to read about 16 gay men convicted of assault in the UK for participating in consensual SM.
Absolutely. It's already happened. Google "Operation Spanner" to read about 16 gay men convicted of assault in the UK for participating in consensual SM.
18
it is interesting to hear all the S and M freaks squirm.
you all, who invest tons of money and time in all that shit.
it is a giant money industry with images and marketing savy galore.
I have never participated at all, but, cause I am big hunky gay man get offers every time I go out ...
agreeded clearly there are boundry issues here and christ, involving the kids. But, the discussion should turn a bit to why in the first place.
we all know, of course the Stranger's pre occupation with "good kink" precludes much of that.
Signed: S and M Stinks except for the folks who make a ton of money off the industry
you all, who invest tons of money and time in all that shit.
it is a giant money industry with images and marketing savy galore.
I have never participated at all, but, cause I am big hunky gay man get offers every time I go out ...
agreeded clearly there are boundry issues here and christ, involving the kids. But, the discussion should turn a bit to why in the first place.
we all know, of course the Stranger's pre occupation with "good kink" precludes much of that.
Signed: S and M Stinks except for the folks who make a ton of money off the industry
19
Jesus. I mean, what do you even say about that? Wow. But boy, this guy isn't going to have fun in prison ...
20
Wow. Those kids are going to be totally fucked up unless they get really really lucky somehow and dodge the fucked up bullet!
21
And so, the Princess was rescued by the Prince, and they all lived happily ever after.
A logical response, these beatings, to the crazy lie that is "the Traditional American Family."
This kind of culture BEGS for this kind of thing to happen. I never understood why non-normals can't help but support it. Yeah, people pretend to be radical, but when it comes to The Family, they drool all over themselves suggesting it's the only real way to be happy.
A logical response, these beatings, to the crazy lie that is "the Traditional American Family."
This kind of culture BEGS for this kind of thing to happen. I never understood why non-normals can't help but support it. Yeah, people pretend to be radical, but when it comes to The Family, they drool all over themselves suggesting it's the only real way to be happy.
22
And so, the Princess was rescued by the Prince, and they all lived happily ever after.
A logical response, these beatings, to the crazy lie that is "the Traditional American Family."
This kind of culture BEGS for this kind of thing to happen. I never understood why non-normals can't help but support it. Yeah, people pretend to be radical, but when it comes to The Family, they drool all over themselves suggesting it's the only real way to be happy.
A logical response, these beatings, to the crazy lie that is "the Traditional American Family."
This kind of culture BEGS for this kind of thing to happen. I never understood why non-normals can't help but support it. Yeah, people pretend to be radical, but when it comes to The Family, they drool all over themselves suggesting it's the only real way to be happy.
23
I agree with Dan's assessment. Even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with consenting adults practicing BDSM, that really isn't the issue here; this is about domestic violence and child abuse. The real tragedy here is two people with shockingly poor judgment, and who almost certainly have untreated mental illness, having children. Replace BDSM in this story ("it started out innocently enough but it got out of hand") with guns or religion or alcohol or drug addiction and the situation might have easily been a lot worse.
I hope the kids can avoid being handed over to their grandparents (who seem to have a pretty poor track record raising kids so far) or someone else who will mistreat them. I think the mother also bears some culpability for having kids when she was probably nuts when she chose to get involved with this asshole.
Doesn't every child deserve the same protections as a child who has been put up for adoption? People should have to apply for a license to have kids and prove that they are sane, that they have the means to support a child both financially and emotionally, and that they have some realistic idea of what they're getting themselves into. Pretty much all of the world's problems stem from parents who lack the means or the desire to do a decent job raising their children. That shit drives me nuts.
I hope the kids can avoid being handed over to their grandparents (who seem to have a pretty poor track record raising kids so far) or someone else who will mistreat them. I think the mother also bears some culpability for having kids when she was probably nuts when she chose to get involved with this asshole.
Doesn't every child deserve the same protections as a child who has been put up for adoption? People should have to apply for a license to have kids and prove that they are sane, that they have the means to support a child both financially and emotionally, and that they have some realistic idea of what they're getting themselves into. Pretty much all of the world's problems stem from parents who lack the means or the desire to do a decent job raising their children. That shit drives me nuts.
24
Oh, how awful. Those poor kids.
I hate when one of my favorite fantasies gets turned into such a horrible thing in real life.
I can't imagine feeling so poorly about myself that I would accept and possibly even encourage my children to beat me.
I hate when one of my favorite fantasies gets turned into such a horrible thing in real life.
I can't imagine feeling so poorly about myself that I would accept and possibly even encourage my children to beat me.
25
@23 I agree. It's really fucked up to bring the kids into it. Prison is not going to help this guy. Granted, he won't be there to hand them the stick. Unfortunately, he also won't be there to get some fucking help for his children. Shit's fucked up. Too weak to pick up an infant, wow. I can only hope she gets some clarity and steps up to the fucking plate.
26
@18: "Signed: S and M Stinks except for the folks who make a ton of money off the industry"
That includes The Stranger, which makes a mint from advertising revenues both from practitioners and suppliers of BDSM.
That includes The Stranger, which makes a mint from advertising revenues both from practitioners and suppliers of BDSM.
28
The problem with domestic violence, is that oftentimes the victim is very noncompliant with investigations and the prosecution, and will submit to the explanation the offender is giving. This woman tried to call her parents for help, implying she was only consenting under duress. "They consented" is an excuse you often hear in cases of domestic violence (assuming the abuser is a man), and I think the judge was bang-on that this was never meant to be a fun or sexual act, but an act of dominance.
Also, because this is a criminal trial, we have to remember that it was proven beyond reasonable doubt that this man was being abusive, and this wasn't just some good, ol' fashion consensual BDSM. All the accused had to do was raise an ounce of doubt; he did not have to convince the judge his explanation was more plausible, only raise a small amount of doubt that his excuse COULD be true. Since he was found guilty, this means there was no air of reality to his explanation, meaning he was full of shit.
Also, funny thing about traditionalism, domestic violence is often correlated with anti-social behaviour and untraditionalism. As for marriage, it is actually the least violent form of partnership. Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships actually foster the most violence ... just so you know.
Also, because this is a criminal trial, we have to remember that it was proven beyond reasonable doubt that this man was being abusive, and this wasn't just some good, ol' fashion consensual BDSM. All the accused had to do was raise an ounce of doubt; he did not have to convince the judge his explanation was more plausible, only raise a small amount of doubt that his excuse COULD be true. Since he was found guilty, this means there was no air of reality to his explanation, meaning he was full of shit.
Also, funny thing about traditionalism, domestic violence is often correlated with anti-social behaviour and untraditionalism. As for marriage, it is actually the least violent form of partnership. Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships actually foster the most violence ... just so you know.
31
#28
less violence in marriage and much more sexual activity, tons more and
most satisfied and happy people
interesting - maybe queers have good instincts as to why they want to get married
less violence in marriage and much more sexual activity, tons more and
most satisfied and happy people
interesting - maybe queers have good instincts as to why they want to get married
32
The fun part of Dan's job: being able to give his 2 cents on people's sexual issues.
The not-so-fun part of Dan's job: digging up stories like this.
The not-so-fun part of Dan's job: digging up stories like this.
33
What the hell is wrong with you people who are bemoaning the fact that the father won't be around to help the kids recover? Isn't that a good thing, seeing as how he is an abuser???
34
I dated this guy when he used to work at Mix 107.5 in Portland. He is a controller. He wants to dominate. He is manipulative. He is a sociopath. His wife and children are lucky to be alive still!
35
I dated this guy when he used to work at Mix 107.5 in Portland. He is a controller. He wants to dominate. He is manipulative. He is a sociopath. His wife and children are lucky to be alive still!
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