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Friday, November 20, 2009

News The Morning News: Oprah Winfrey Quits, a Gang in Peru Kills People to Drain Their Fat, and a Window Washer Falls Eight Stories and Only Breaks a Finger

Posted by Megan Seling on Fri, Nov 20, 2009 at 8:00 AM

16 Killed, 23 Injured: A suicide bomber hit a busy city square in western Afghanistan.

No More Oprah: Oprah Winfrey will end her talk show after 25 years.

And Sadder Still: A man has been charged with raping and killing the five-year-old North Carolina girl. Her mother's still being charged with trafficking her daughter and child abuse involving prostitution.

Atom Smash!: The world's biggest atom-smasher, which was shut down due to technical faults, will restart this weekend.

Ewwwwwww: Police say a gang in the Peruvian jungle has been killing people and draining fat from the corpses to sell on the black market for use in cosmetics.

First they Take Away Our Mammograms, Now They're Taking Away Our Paps!: New guidelines say women in their 20s no longer need to get an annual Pap smear to check for cervical cancer.

More Shooting Rampages: A gunman went on a shooting rampage at a shooting range and a World War II historical site, killing four people and wounding six others before fatally shooting himself.

The Knox Trial Continues: The Italian prosecutors suggested that Knox and her boyfriend staged a break-in to distract the investigation after they killed Meredith Kercher.

Suicide... Don't Do It: A popular 20-year-old South Korean model was found hanged in her Paris apartment.

The Biggest Scandal in Europe!: Polive have uncovered "a match-fixing ring with more than 200 suspected members that have fixed or tried to fix around 200 matches across Europe, including three in the Champions League."

You Tell 'Em, Australia: "Australia said it was 'deeply disappointed' after a fleet of Japanese whaling ships set out to kill hundreds of the giant ocean mammals on their annual hunt."

Freeeee Falling: A window washer fell eight stories from a downtown building yesterday and only broke his finger.

King Co. Budget Gets Cut: And many services and 311 jobs go with it.

They Hate It Too: Former members of a local hardcore band e-mailed us to tell us that they don't support the Pro-Chris Monfort shirt either.

And finally, there's this:

via likecool.com

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Comments (15) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

This proves that when it comes to The Morning News, Megan and Lindy do it best.

BULLDOG WITH FAKE MUSTACHE, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAH!

Posted by Baconcat on November 20, 2009 at 8:13 AM

browse yahoo much?

Posted by gatecrasher on November 20, 2009 at 8:26 AM

About the pap smear article, which troubles me a little: At 24-25 years old, I went only one year between screenings and between the first (all clear, no problems) and the second, I had HPV and rapidly mutating pre-cancerous cells (CIN 2/3). So why not screen yearly? Slow-growing cancer or not, why wait?

Posted by Stripes on November 20, 2009 at 8:55 AM

BWHAHAHAHAHA

Are you fucking kidding me Megan? You removed my post #1 because I had the audacity to call you out on your bullshit post about posting a fucking credulous hack story about a random shooting in Northern Mariana Islands?

Yeah right! That decision of yours to post that story was just another sad attempt at fuckholery you anti gun whack jobs continually do day in and day out.

Fucking grow up.

Posted by Reality Check

on November 20, 2009 at 9:03 AM

3
geez if you're going to take it in the ass please don't whine when you gat cancer

Posted by mirandia on November 20, 2009 at 9:33 AM

@4 out of curiosity, why is the story a hack?

Posted by Dee on November 20, 2009 at 9:37 AM

Just waiting for the pro-NRA astroturfing, because, as they have told us over-and-over-and-over-and-over again: the best way to prevent gun violence is to own a gun.

A nut-job kills FOUR people at a SHOOTING RANGE and nobody managed to returned fire? Can't wait to here how this one gets spinned.

Posted by COMTE

on November 20, 2009 at 10:00 AM

And of course by "here" I mean "hear"...

Posted by COMTE

on November 20, 2009 at 10:01 AM

@4 Whooooa, buddy! Calm down. I haven't removed any comments from this post, nor did any of my coworkers. Whenever we remove a comment, it says "Comment removed" in its place.

Take a good look at the dog with a mustache, have a good laugh, and chill out. Not everything is a conspiracy.

Posted by Megan Seling on November 20, 2009 at 10:04 AM

@9: It is to Reality Check.

Posted by TVDinner

on November 20, 2009 at 10:10 AM

Reality Check is too stupid to check that he's submitted his comment properly. Naturally, he flies off the handle and blames this on a conspiracy to silence his idiotic views. Just the kind of person who should be playing with firearms.

Posted by Fnarf

on November 20, 2009 at 10:14 AM

I usually skip the morning news but caught my eye on the "killing for fat" headline.

I couldn't stop reading - I want to go home and close the blinds and go back to sleep now, thank you. Eww!

The final quote is priceless - if you want human fat, talk to any lyposuction clinic. No need to go through the whole "gut and quarter and hang em up over a candle" business....

Posted by Jaymz on November 20, 2009 at 10:34 AM