Saturday, November 14, 2009
At Large The Northern Front
Posted by Jonathan Golob on Sat, Nov 14, 2009 at 11:16 PM
For about six weeks, I'm stationed up in Anchorage Alaska. How could I not visit Wasilla? For a brief moment there, it seemed like the town's fate could've been all of ours.
A Salon piece—from the 2008 election—sums it up nicely:
"Sarah's legacy as mayor was big-box stores and runaway growth," said Patty Stoll, a retired Wasilla schoolteacher who once worked in the same school with Palin's parents, Chuck and Sally Heath. "The truth is, Wasilla is just plain ugly, it's not a pleasant place to live. It's not thought out. And that's a shame.....Wasilla, where Palin grew up and still resides, sprawls between two lakes — Lucille and Wasilla Lake. Cottonwood Creek, which flows in and out of Wasilla Lake, has also been labeled "impaired" by state environmental officials, after foam was detected on the water surface and subsequent testing found excessive concentrations of fecal coliform bacteria.
The two lakes are the town jewels, the only eye relief along a harrowing corridor of strip malls, big-box stores and fast-food drive-throughs that is Wasilla. "Lord, help me get through Wasilla," reads one Alaska bumper sticker.
People loved (and to an extent still love) Sarah Palin up here. I've been struggling to figure out why. The overwhelming impression one gets, when visiting the developed parts of Alaska, is one of massive sea of subsidy covered by a veneer of bitter (and somewhat hostile) independence and self-reliance. Every scrap of food I've eaten has been shipped in. The dollars for the roads I've driven upon has been shipped in. Even the gasoline has been shipped in. Simply put, most everyone living here is on the governmental dole—directly or indirectly.
In such a situation, it makes sense for people here to be deeply distrustful of the Federal government—because of, not despite of, the Federal largess. Having your life this reliant upon Federal funding is a bit like being a long-standing vaguely unwanted houseguest. After a few weeks of sleeping on the couch, you'd start to feel uncomfortable. All of the absurdities of government—the dense layers of bureaucracy required for any operation of such magnitude, the paranoid paperwork intended to prevent fraud, the impersonal and often arbitrary decisionmaking and so on—are laid bare to many Alaskans on a regular basis. The Federal government seems to be the dominant power here in the Anchorage area—vastly outweighing the power of even the oil companies or other outposts of global capitalism.
When I've heard bitching about "Obamacare", it's almost exclusively been from this perspective. Who wants these Federal assholes involved in any more aspects of our lives? What the fuck do they know? Exxon-Mobile builds us nice buildings with fewer strings attached. Why can't private insurance companies be left alone—to do the same for us on healthcare?
- Fairview Loop road
And in a very clear and accurate way, this point of view is (partially) correct. Unchecked governmental power and influence is pretty awful to live under. The aspect that's being missed is unchecked corporate power is even worse. I absolutely abhor every private insurance company I've suffered under. The dense layers of bureaucracy, the paranoid paperwork, the impersonal and imperious decisionmaking are all there—with a thick ladling of sociopathic profiteering added in. (Whatever else you can say about democratic governments, they're generally at least trying to do right by the people.) Living in places not completely dependent upon Federal aid, the winds of corporate power are vastly stronger. In the places in the US that have adjusted relatively well to globalization (i.e. American cities, the deepest blue parts of the country) the government feels more like an allied army arriving to liberate us from corporate tyranny.
As individuals, we're screwed under either governmental or corporate dominance. Owning a shitload of guns won't resolve this. The goal of a lot of liberal policymaking is the balance corporate power with governmental power—allowing both to be trimmed and molded into something more functional and humane in the process. The point isn't a Federal takeover of our lives. The point is to balance these forces to the point where most of us will be left the fuck alone.
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1
"The dense layers of bureaucracy, the paranoid paperwork, the impersonal and imperious decisionmaking are all there—with a thick ladling of sociopathic profiteering added in."
I can only hope this is a weekly series, Jon. Your perspective is cutting, yet kind.
I can only hope this is a weekly series, Jon. Your perspective is cutting, yet kind.
2
I was in Wasilla last December and found the town to be very much like Monroe Washington, boring and retail/car oriented. Nothing one would really want to walk around in. The police station however is new and modern. As people said to me, "Palin got the job because no one else wanted it".
Anchorage sits between two huge military complexes, of course the Federal government is dominant, they pay the bills for the population by signing their pay checks.
Please keep in mind that Alaska has only been part of America for 50 years. Before then it was ruled by a dynasty of a few families. Those families still hate the USofA.
Anchorage sits between two huge military complexes, of course the Federal government is dominant, they pay the bills for the population by signing their pay checks.
Please keep in mind that Alaska has only been part of America for 50 years. Before then it was ruled by a dynasty of a few families. Those families still hate the USofA.
3
Love the witnessing! About the gov't... am currently taking community college poli sci classes and my instructor would say the current administration is maximizing, or increasing, debate. This means the ignorance of the electorate will be abated on key issues such as Af-Pak and health insurance reform, Obama will not let himself be rushed into lose-lose decisions, Obama will let bullshit arguments be heard and then be heard countered, and after the right decisions are reached they will be considered more democratic. More democratic in a theoretical way the instructor thinks he got to but forgot to discuss actually.
5
"The goal of a lot of liberal policymaking is the balance corporate power with governmental power—allowing both to be trimmed and molded into something more functional and humane in the process."
Indeed. This is knocking on the door of "liberalism of fear" a la Judith Shklar, the contention basically being that it isn't the size or reach of government, per se, that matters so much as inequities of wealth and power. The vast inequality that results from unrestrained corporate power leads to a corrupt and cruel aristocracy, the state and the board room become indistinguishable, and the whole society looks like Chile under Pinochet.
The trajectory the United States has taken since the 80s pretty much confirms it.
Indeed. This is knocking on the door of "liberalism of fear" a la Judith Shklar, the contention basically being that it isn't the size or reach of government, per se, that matters so much as inequities of wealth and power. The vast inequality that results from unrestrained corporate power leads to a corrupt and cruel aristocracy, the state and the board room become indistinguishable, and the whole society looks like Chile under Pinochet.
The trajectory the United States has taken since the 80s pretty much confirms it.
6
@5: According to my CC classes, Chile under Pinochet involved opportunities for the worst of the torturing worst but also for Milton Friedman's Chicago experiment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_Boy…). Which stabilized Chile, relatively speaking, and remains imperfect, in need of adjustment.
7
Hey Jonathan, I appreciate your open, reflective musings on the dynammic of government vs. corporate power in people's lives. I'd just like to say, in the interest of open exchange, that I don't get it.
I don't feel opressed by corporate power. Most of my interactions with corporations have been voluntary and undertaken for my own advantage. Mostly I've got what I wanted out of those relationships. (That includes my health insurance.) I've occasionaly been disappointed and frustrated, but no more so than I have been in my interactions with individuals.
Perhaps I'm just not as sensitive as some others. If a Wal-Mart opened next to me I'd feel put upon, but if a Wal-Mart opens in some retail business center, I don't feel violated, I just choose not to shop there. For those that do choose to shop there, I'm glad it provided them with the bundle they chose.
I've not personally felt strongly oppressed by government power either, but I can't say that my primary interactions with the government (e.g. paying taxes) have been voluntary and undertaken for my own advantage. That's a point for the corporations and against the government, in my book.
I don't feel opressed by corporate power. Most of my interactions with corporations have been voluntary and undertaken for my own advantage. Mostly I've got what I wanted out of those relationships. (That includes my health insurance.) I've occasionaly been disappointed and frustrated, but no more so than I have been in my interactions with individuals.
Perhaps I'm just not as sensitive as some others. If a Wal-Mart opened next to me I'd feel put upon, but if a Wal-Mart opens in some retail business center, I don't feel violated, I just choose not to shop there. For those that do choose to shop there, I'm glad it provided them with the bundle they chose.
I've not personally felt strongly oppressed by government power either, but I can't say that my primary interactions with the government (e.g. paying taxes) have been voluntary and undertaken for my own advantage. That's a point for the corporations and against the government, in my book.
8
@7: DW, maybe you haven't heard enough about the background negotiations. When Wal-Mart happened to my flailing hometown, WM made sure they purchased land slightly outside key boundary lines. My county was already impoverished, what with one thing and another, but incurring a Wal-Mart involved unbelievable infrastructure investment.
Small-town downtown businesses likely to survive post-Wal-Mart? Tattoos, secondhand stores, Christian bookstore/pizzerias, funereal "monuments." Of course, Appalachia isn't Alaska. My town didn't even have coal. It did have an amazing hunting supply store, which unfortunately succumbed to the natural urge for retirement. (P.S. If Savage retires, I will google him. Badly.)
Small-town downtown businesses likely to survive post-Wal-Mart? Tattoos, secondhand stores, Christian bookstore/pizzerias, funereal "monuments." Of course, Appalachia isn't Alaska. My town didn't even have coal. It did have an amazing hunting supply store, which unfortunately succumbed to the natural urge for retirement. (P.S. If Savage retires, I will google him. Badly.)
9
Commenting this often is evil, but: it's nice to be interested. About those guns. You can use guns to impress local opinion swayers. Sometimes a gung, or making fun of MLK day, is a password to a wannabe mafia.
11
This whole article is very good, but the last paragraph is one of the best explanations of our current American Liberalism that I've ever read.
David, you are being taxed indirectly by many corporations via government subsidies. You could blame the government for giving these subsidies, and of course I wouldn't say they are faultless, but this is the very issue of powerful corporate entities. They have enough power to force the government to do as they wish, under the guise of an oppressive state.
David, you are being taxed indirectly by many corporations via government subsidies. You could blame the government for giving these subsidies, and of course I wouldn't say they are faultless, but this is the very issue of powerful corporate entities. They have enough power to force the government to do as they wish, under the guise of an oppressive state.
14
Jonathan, good piece. Curious as to what you think about the annual state welfare checks... or I mean "permanent fund dividend" checks. They're another source of Alaska's resentful dependency.
And then there's the odd attitude there of "Alaska would be so much bigger and better if it just wasn't being held back by the lower 48 and the feds!"
It really is a state apart.
And then there's the odd attitude there of "Alaska would be so much bigger and better if it just wasn't being held back by the lower 48 and the feds!"
It really is a state apart.
15
@7: a few things you may want to think about:
1. i don't like paying taxes any more than the next person, and i know a lot of it is spent on things i dont agree w/ or spent inefficiently and irresponsibly, however, i would not go so far as to say that paying them holds no personal advantage for me. do you like roads? do you use the freeway? would you prefer that there was no fire dept, or 911, or that, when you called them, and your house was burning to the ground they demanded payment before they bothered to put it out??? just because you are more removed from the use of your taxes does not mean that they all just disapear into the govermental vortex, or that the world would be a better place if absolutely everything were privatized.
2. one argument that is often made against big business is its affects on human rights in other countries- their complicity in things like slave labor. and its not just people overseas that it affects. going overseas for that labor, because slave labor is cheaper and not legal in the U.S affects job availability here. often times you are not aware of how things affect you- for the better in the case of taxes- or for the worse in the case of big business you don't feel oppressed by. i often find myself thinking much like you do- just trying to play devils advocate here
3. if you are happy with your insurance company than you have never been seriously ill or hospitalized long term. you don't have to look far to find the horror stories of people who's coverage has been dropped for any number of reasons, some of them complete bull shit, or who's caps on how much will be paid out run out because of a few weeks spent in the hospital and a surgery or two. This country spends more on healthcare than any other modern country, with worse outcomes. the research is there, you need only read it. insurance companies do a lot of tricky maneuvering to make sure they dont have to cover anyone who stands a chance of actually getting sick, and those like you who seem healthy end up in dire straits if that changes. an insurance policy is often nothing but a false sense of security. and healthcare is so expensive- needlessly so- that even upper middle class people can't afford to pay out pocket. in fact, its usually the middle class who suffer the most if they become ill. at least the poor have medicare, which is incredibly imperfect, but at least it can't just drop them all together!
More...
1. i don't like paying taxes any more than the next person, and i know a lot of it is spent on things i dont agree w/ or spent inefficiently and irresponsibly, however, i would not go so far as to say that paying them holds no personal advantage for me. do you like roads? do you use the freeway? would you prefer that there was no fire dept, or 911, or that, when you called them, and your house was burning to the ground they demanded payment before they bothered to put it out??? just because you are more removed from the use of your taxes does not mean that they all just disapear into the govermental vortex, or that the world would be a better place if absolutely everything were privatized.
2. one argument that is often made against big business is its affects on human rights in other countries- their complicity in things like slave labor. and its not just people overseas that it affects. going overseas for that labor, because slave labor is cheaper and not legal in the U.S affects job availability here. often times you are not aware of how things affect you- for the better in the case of taxes- or for the worse in the case of big business you don't feel oppressed by. i often find myself thinking much like you do- just trying to play devils advocate here
3. if you are happy with your insurance company than you have never been seriously ill or hospitalized long term. you don't have to look far to find the horror stories of people who's coverage has been dropped for any number of reasons, some of them complete bull shit, or who's caps on how much will be paid out run out because of a few weeks spent in the hospital and a surgery or two. This country spends more on healthcare than any other modern country, with worse outcomes. the research is there, you need only read it. insurance companies do a lot of tricky maneuvering to make sure they dont have to cover anyone who stands a chance of actually getting sick, and those like you who seem healthy end up in dire straits if that changes. an insurance policy is often nothing but a false sense of security. and healthcare is so expensive- needlessly so- that even upper middle class people can't afford to pay out pocket. in fact, its usually the middle class who suffer the most if they become ill. at least the poor have medicare, which is incredibly imperfect, but at least it can't just drop them all together!
17
This was a great piece. You did a good job of clarifying a perspective, and I agree with Christampa @11 re: the final paragraph. Looking forward to more analysis like this!
18
Nice piece Jonathon, well written, and I'm with @11 and @17 re the final paragraph: it stands alone as "...one of the best explanations of our current American Liberalism that I've ever read".
Looking forward to more of the same from you.
Looking forward to more of the same from you.
19
Great post.
"Having your life this reliant upon Federal funding is a bit like being a long-standing vaguely unwanted houseguest."
Excellent.
"Having your life this reliant upon Federal funding is a bit like being a long-standing vaguely unwanted houseguest."
Excellent.
20
Please, more and more, Dr. Golob. And a Science Podcast on global warming - I'm certain there is junk science perpetuated by both sides - would be so helpful.
21
Face it, places like Wassila are for the working class and those who've made some money, forever 'nouveau riche'.
So fuck 'em, this is why I don't like living near working class people in this country. the Democrats have done a better job at protecting upper middle class values, lifetysle and wealth than anyone else.
So fuck 'em, this is why I don't like living near working class people in this country. the Democrats have done a better job at protecting upper middle class values, lifetysle and wealth than anyone else.
22
6 weeks, you say. Welcome. Have you tried the weed yet? I promise, that is not shipped in. Well... unless you get the shit that's shipped in.
23
Wasilla is a glorified Anchorage suburb and gas station for highway traffic to and from the Alaska interior. It is by far the ugliest place in Alaska.
Hey Jonathan, if are you planning on coming up to Fairbanks at some time during your stay here? Cause that would be awesome. Trust me when I say that Anchorage is very different from the rest of Alaska, to the point where many (not me) resent them for their size. I guess you could liken it to the resentment southeast Washington feels towards the Seattle area, only magnified.
Anyway, I love the piece and hope to see more like it! And come to Fairbanks!
Hey Jonathan, if are you planning on coming up to Fairbanks at some time during your stay here? Cause that would be awesome. Trust me when I say that Anchorage is very different from the rest of Alaska, to the point where many (not me) resent them for their size. I guess you could liken it to the resentment southeast Washington feels towards the Seattle area, only magnified.
Anyway, I love the piece and hope to see more like it! And come to Fairbanks!
24
The more an economy is dependent on extractive industry, the more corrupt the government.
See Texas, Idaho, Alaska, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Nigeria...
See Texas, Idaho, Alaska, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Nigeria...
25
@7: Unchecked corporate power inevitably moves towards a merger with government power. Corporations have a fiduciary obligation to shareholders to do everything they legally can to maximize profits, and this includes lobbying to have the laws rewritten to their advantage. If that means writing the law such that your tax dollars are subsidizing their for-profit business, they can and will do so. The conservative distrust of government and the liberal distrust of corporations have more common ground than is generally supposed, but the PR battle to pit these two impulses against each other has succeeded to such an extraordinary degree that much of the population actually believes that the two positions are mutually exclusive.
26
Jonathan, you ignorant pussy.
State control and operation always brings fraud, waste and cost over runs.
The cost of healthcare began it's spiral out of reach when the government started getting involved.
You see the government as your ally because you have always scurried from one government tit to the next.
The government only exists by sucking the life out of private business. You do realize that government doesn't actually produce anything, don't you?
Spend some time in the private sector.
Run a business. Produce a product or service that actually benefits someone and sell it on the open market. Satisfy customers. Meet a payroll. Meet the never ending demands of a leeching government that sticks it's greedy tentacles into every aspect of your business.
Then come back and muse.
Let's edit your post with a little Real World perspective thrown in:
'The effect of a lot (actually all...) of liberal policymaking is the smothering of private economic vitality with governmental power—resulting in both being hammered and molded into something less functional, efficient and productive in the process.'
The inevitable end of this road is a bloated government and a dying shrunken private economy no longer able to pay the taxes to support the private sector.
Look around.
See a Federal Government that borrows 43˘ of every dollar it spends just to meet day to day expenses.
See a Federal budget that spends 80% of every dollar on entitlement programs and debt service. Entitlement programs that are growing much faster than the population or economy.
See a Federal Government that owes $10 trillion.
And will add another $10 Trillion in debt in the next 9 years.
A Federal government that pays $1 Trillion each year in Interest alone. And will be paying $2 Trillion in Interest a year by 2019.
This is your "ally".
You and your deep blue buddies.
All of you with a big fat wad of government titty shoved in your face.
Your good buddy, the Guvmint.
More...
State control and operation always brings fraud, waste and cost over runs.
The cost of healthcare began it's spiral out of reach when the government started getting involved.
You see the government as your ally because you have always scurried from one government tit to the next.
The government only exists by sucking the life out of private business. You do realize that government doesn't actually produce anything, don't you?
Spend some time in the private sector.
Run a business. Produce a product or service that actually benefits someone and sell it on the open market. Satisfy customers. Meet a payroll. Meet the never ending demands of a leeching government that sticks it's greedy tentacles into every aspect of your business.
Then come back and muse.
Let's edit your post with a little Real World perspective thrown in:
'The effect of a lot (actually all...) of liberal policymaking is the smothering of private economic vitality with governmental power—resulting in both being hammered and molded into something less functional, efficient and productive in the process.'
The inevitable end of this road is a bloated government and a dying shrunken private economy no longer able to pay the taxes to support the private sector.
Look around.
See a Federal Government that borrows 43˘ of every dollar it spends just to meet day to day expenses.
See a Federal budget that spends 80% of every dollar on entitlement programs and debt service. Entitlement programs that are growing much faster than the population or economy.
See a Federal Government that owes $10 trillion.
And will add another $10 Trillion in debt in the next 9 years.
A Federal government that pays $1 Trillion each year in Interest alone. And will be paying $2 Trillion in Interest a year by 2019.
This is your "ally".
You and your deep blue buddies.
All of you with a big fat wad of government titty shoved in your face.
Your good buddy, the Guvmint.
27
@26: Wow, I totally haven't heard those conservative talking points before. I could play Bingo with your post.
29
While your take on Wasilla is largely accurate, what you have experienced so far sounds rather limited. For instance, everything you've eaten has been shipped in? Residents know the best restaurants in Anchorage feature local produce--harder in winter than in summer, but still available--and self-reliance is a point of pride with many Alaskans who live outside of town.
Alaska *is* very dependent on the Fed and imported resources, but it needn't be that way and there are many people who are working (against our corrupt state officials and the corporations they're beholden to) to make Alaska a more sustainable place to live. I hope you will get an opportunity to meet some of this community as well on your visit. Stay warm!
Alaska *is* very dependent on the Fed and imported resources, but it needn't be that way and there are many people who are working (against our corrupt state officials and the corporations they're beholden to) to make Alaska a more sustainable place to live. I hope you will get an opportunity to meet some of this community as well on your visit. Stay warm!
30
This post could be Exhibit A in explaining why the Stranger is such a vital outlet for American journalism. We've been reading about Wasilla and her Mayor for many months now, and this may be the very first piece that really looks at the town and gives us the straight dope on how Mayor Palin impacted the place.
In between the fat jokes and the music-scene log rolling, you've got the smarts to publish strong pieces of true observation coupled with smart analysis. Thanks. Keep it up.
In between the fat jokes and the music-scene log rolling, you've got the smarts to publish strong pieces of true observation coupled with smart analysis. Thanks. Keep it up.
32
30
"such a vital outlet for American journalism."
May we use your post as an example under the entry for "sarcasm"?
"such a vital outlet for American journalism."
May we use your post as an example under the entry for "sarcasm"?
33
We can certainly use your posts as an example for "There's an edit button for a reason, oh did you miss that, strange considering how often you post your stupid garbage"
That's probably Original Research though.
That's probably Original Research though.
34
@25: Brilliantly said.
And Jonathan: Thank fucking GOD for people like you: intelligent, informed, and still willing to call bullshit bullshit without sounding aggressive or childish. I desperately crave more of your updates.
And Jonathan: Thank fucking GOD for people like you: intelligent, informed, and still willing to call bullshit bullshit without sounding aggressive or childish. I desperately crave more of your updates.
36
Q3) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?
A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...
The Male:
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.
The Female:
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
More...
A3) Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...
The Male:
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.
The Female:
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
37
Meh.
1. The buildings in Seattle aren't that much greater. Yes, Wasilla is ugly; yes, most buildings in Seattle are ugly, too.
2. What a mistaken point of view is expressed...profoundly pessimistic and negative view of government....it's as if the writer has bought the right wing "government is bad" view hook line and sinker.
When in fact all over Europe folks do not feel aghast that their government pays every medical bill, pays for college, ensures 6 weeks vacation, and pays for your college.
Nope, they seem pretty happy with government and it works pretty well.
So maybe it's not just "government is a sometime coutnerweight a little bit to corporate power" -- maybe it's that 'here in America where even so called liberal writers adopt right wing views, and espouse them, we haven't found the political path to get the kind of government they have all over the rest of the industrialized world that works pretty darn well and where this p.o.v. that government is BAD and a THREAT and ARBITRARY and AWFUL and INHERENTLY AN EVIL THING ....just doesn't exist among the left and the liberals."
And maybe we haven't found that political path because instead of doing what works all over the world -- socializeing medicine -- we adopt weird 10% semi demi hemi measures that just don't fucking work that well and can't be explained because we're too chicken shit to fight for what's right and when we have someone like brian baird who sells us out we're too chikcen shit to do anything about it.
1. The buildings in Seattle aren't that much greater. Yes, Wasilla is ugly; yes, most buildings in Seattle are ugly, too.
2. What a mistaken point of view is expressed...profoundly pessimistic and negative view of government....it's as if the writer has bought the right wing "government is bad" view hook line and sinker.
When in fact all over Europe folks do not feel aghast that their government pays every medical bill, pays for college, ensures 6 weeks vacation, and pays for your college.
Nope, they seem pretty happy with government and it works pretty well.
So maybe it's not just "government is a sometime coutnerweight a little bit to corporate power" -- maybe it's that 'here in America where even so called liberal writers adopt right wing views, and espouse them, we haven't found the political path to get the kind of government they have all over the rest of the industrialized world that works pretty darn well and where this p.o.v. that government is BAD and a THREAT and ARBITRARY and AWFUL and INHERENTLY AN EVIL THING ....just doesn't exist among the left and the liberals."
And maybe we haven't found that political path because instead of doing what works all over the world -- socializeing medicine -- we adopt weird 10% semi demi hemi measures that just don't fucking work that well and can't be explained because we're too chicken shit to fight for what's right and when we have someone like brian baird who sells us out we're too chikcen shit to do anything about it.
40
Jonathan, as someone who was born and raised in Alaska I'm interested to read this but it's a very Outside viewpoint. Please remember that being in Anchorage, Wasilla or anywhere connected to highways is very different than most of Alaska (geographically speaking). When I was growing up in Kodiak the rest of Alaska, and the rest of the US, seemed very remote.
Most people in the US don't seem to be aware of the benefits they get from the federal government - I don't think Alaskans are different in that regard, they are just more reliant on federal funding than many of us in other states.
There's also this whole sourdough vs cheechako thing. Most of my family and family friends still living in Alaska are sourdoughs, and they do eat quite a bit of local food - mostly meat and seafood, but there is also a lot of berry picking and gardening in the summer. You missed that by a few months. Anchorage is like most US cities - most of the people eat food that is entirely shipped in, it's just shipped in a lot farther to Anchorage. Most of the people in Anchorage are cheechakos, by the way.
If you get a chance head down to Homer - it's the most liberal place in Alaska that I've experienced, and it's very pretty too. I haven't been there for awhile so hopefully it hasn't been taken over by box stores or cruise ship-related tourist shops like Seward. Also bundle up and spend some quality time watching the northern lights. If you can make it to Chena you can watch them from the hot springs.
Most people in the US don't seem to be aware of the benefits they get from the federal government - I don't think Alaskans are different in that regard, they are just more reliant on federal funding than many of us in other states.
There's also this whole sourdough vs cheechako thing. Most of my family and family friends still living in Alaska are sourdoughs, and they do eat quite a bit of local food - mostly meat and seafood, but there is also a lot of berry picking and gardening in the summer. You missed that by a few months. Anchorage is like most US cities - most of the people eat food that is entirely shipped in, it's just shipped in a lot farther to Anchorage. Most of the people in Anchorage are cheechakos, by the way.
If you get a chance head down to Homer - it's the most liberal place in Alaska that I've experienced, and it's very pretty too. I haven't been there for awhile so hopefully it hasn't been taken over by box stores or cruise ship-related tourist shops like Seward. Also bundle up and spend some quality time watching the northern lights. If you can make it to Chena you can watch them from the hot springs.
41
Chances are people stopped reading this far down (I did, saw a bit more profanity than made sense).
Great article. To the commenter who says he's never had a negative experience with a health insurance company, you've never got sick.
You can't have a private, for-profit company that is exempt from all the rules we have on monopolies selling a commodity that you don't have the option of saying no to. I can decide I don't want to shop at Walmart. I can't decide not to cure my cancer or fix a broken bone.
Great article. To the commenter who says he's never had a negative experience with a health insurance company, you've never got sick.
You can't have a private, for-profit company that is exempt from all the rules we have on monopolies selling a commodity that you don't have the option of saying no to. I can decide I don't want to shop at Walmart. I can't decide not to cure my cancer or fix a broken bone.
43
"When in fact all over Europe folks do not feel aghast that their government pays every medical bill, pays for college, ensures 6 weeks vacation, and pays for your college."
Don't confuse France for Europe my friend and the French have elected a conservative leader to end a lot of this and lower French taxes. Maybe you should read the Economist to learn what's going on in the world, not Slog
Don't confuse France for Europe my friend and the French have elected a conservative leader to end a lot of this and lower French taxes. Maybe you should read the Economist to learn what's going on in the world, not Slog
44
Yes, it's pretty ridiculous that Alaska is full of government employees who hate the government.
That being said, most of the federal government presence in Alaska comes in the form of land ownership and the military. Socialized medicine and business regulation are completely different beasts from land-management and the military. If you don't like the military or the park service, you can easily ignore them with little consequence. If you don't like socialized medicine or business regulation, you're mostly out of luck. Why does accepting one aspect of government power necessarily require accepting all of them (or at least the ones that The Stranger agrees with)?
Also, almost all towns in Alaska are ugly, with Wasilla merely leading that race to the bottom. If you think Seattle's townhouses are bad, you should see the townhouses in Anchorage.
That being said, most of the federal government presence in Alaska comes in the form of land ownership and the military. Socialized medicine and business regulation are completely different beasts from land-management and the military. If you don't like the military or the park service, you can easily ignore them with little consequence. If you don't like socialized medicine or business regulation, you're mostly out of luck. Why does accepting one aspect of government power necessarily require accepting all of them (or at least the ones that The Stranger agrees with)?
Also, almost all towns in Alaska are ugly, with Wasilla merely leading that race to the bottom. If you think Seattle's townhouses are bad, you should see the townhouses in Anchorage.
45
Living in Wasilla sounds like hell. Sheesh.
"...Having your life this reliant upon Federal funding is a bit like being a long-standing vaguely unwanted houseguest. ...."
yeah, hmm. never thought of it that way before. These highly government subsidized anti-government folks in Alaska have had me confused for a very long time. Not that I've ever been up there.
This story about Sarah Palin as mayor of Wasilla should have sunk her reputation right off the bat over a year ago- http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/26/opinio… . Sarah Palin, hero of American women everywhere!
"...Having your life this reliant upon Federal funding is a bit like being a long-standing vaguely unwanted houseguest. ...."
yeah, hmm. never thought of it that way before. These highly government subsidized anti-government folks in Alaska have had me confused for a very long time. Not that I've ever been up there.
This story about Sarah Palin as mayor of Wasilla should have sunk her reputation right off the bat over a year ago- http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/26/opinio… . Sarah Palin, hero of American women everywhere!
46
"Living in Wasilla sounds like hell"
It is. It's full of lower class, working class people. AKA the poor with money who are only marginally less vile than the poor without money.
It is. It's full of lower class, working class people. AKA the poor with money who are only marginally less vile than the poor without money.
47
I grew up in Eagle River. I am interested to see your point of view Golob, as I am interested in seeing anyone's point of view when they go to AK. Most of the time it's the same as mine: It sucks. Get the hell away from it.
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