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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Election At the Reject R-71 Party

Posted by Stranger Election Control Board on Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 8:52 PM

The SECB just slipped out of the Reject R-71 party at the Holiday Inn in Everett. Larry Stickney's wife was at the door when the SECB arrived, passing out name tags. There were two security guards by the entrances because GAY PEOPLE ARE SCARY AND THEY MIGHT SHOW UP AND THEY ARE COVERED IN POO AND THEY WANT YOUR NAMES!!!

A Christian choir was singing songs about America when the SECB entered the ballroom. Val "Bat Shit" Stevens was lurking at the back, looking hatey. The first results were announced around 8 PM but didn't include any votes from counties in Western Washington. The crowd cheered when the early totals showed state voters rejecting R-71 58-42. That's when the Rev. Ken Hutcherson took the stage. Hutcherson blamed Boeing's decision to move its 787 production lines to South Carolina on Jesus H. Christ. God was feeling wrathful because of all this gay near-equality stuff, and decided He had to punish our gay-lovin', God-not-so-much-fearin' state. (So the unions weren't to blame after all! Good to know!) By the time Hutcherson was done new vote totals were in and they showed Washington state voters approving R-71 52-48. It was like a reverse double backflip miracle!

Larry Stickney, wearing a tie with an American flag tie with an eagle on it, told the crowd to keep praying.

Comments (9) RSS

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I am falling in love with the folks reporting for SLOG...nice to have some giggles while we wait to see how this turns out. Thanks.

Posted by Venus_Rearmed

on November 3, 2009 at 8:57 PM

Wait, he was wearing a tie that depicted the American flag wearing a tie? And on the flag's tie was an eagle?

That's fucking awesome. I will vote for that man.

Posted by sidereal on November 3, 2009 at 8:58 PM

"looking hatey..." I love it.

Posted by Shelby on November 3, 2009 at 9:10 PM

I love you, SLOG. Thanks for bein' there.

Posted by gettingtoknowyoubetter

on November 3, 2009 at 9:17 PM

Yes, thank you, SLOG.

Posted by kim in portland

on November 3, 2009 at 9:19 PM

SECB -- Do you see anyone that looks like they could be LC? Please investigate!!!

Posted by Cracker Jack on November 3, 2009 at 9:22 PM

What a bunch of fucktards. I bet most of them are from sultan, goldbar, monroe.

If I had known about this party earlier I would have loved to enter and laugh out load (in their faces) when the final results were coming in.

Posted by Simone on November 3, 2009 at 9:26 PM