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Monday, November 2, 2009

Sex / Games "Welcome to the World of ∞ Climax Action"

Posted by The Stranger Testing Department on Mon, Nov 2, 2009 at 9:35 AM

You could say that the Japanese console game Bayonetta falls into a slim subgenre called Fucking Preposterous.

Wired described Bayonetta (the game's eponymous "witch" heroine) as basically Sarah Palin's head on Joan Holloway's body. She fights with four guns—on her hands and feet—"which looks incredibly cool when you kick someone and then keep your leg pointed at their face as your foot pours bullets on it." Her guns are named (of course) Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme. She summons guillotines and iron maidens out of thin air, and then kicks angels into them. She fights with her billowing, tentacular hair, shaped into wings, weapons, monsters, a high-heeled boot, whatever—apparently with such profusion that some reviewers have even complained that they can't always tell what's going on. And her hair also makes up her clothing, so the more of her hair she uses to fight... well, you can imagine.

So maybe it's no surprise that Japanese "gonzo adult video maker" V (behind such titles as I Saw A Bowel Movement! and Would You Like To Get An Enema Until You Poop?) recently proclaimed Bayonetta the "Number 1 Erotic Actress of 2009."

The STD is... looking forward to Bayonetta? Or at least we're in quiet awe of its impending arrival here, in the same way that we await the Singularity or the death of the Sun.

Modeler Kenichiro Yoshimura: I really wanted to get Bayonetta’s backside perfect. I guess I am into that sort of thing...

Modeler Kenichiro Yoshimura: "I really wanted to get Bayonetta’s backside perfect. I guess I am into that sort of thing..."

The Stranger Testing Department is Rob Lightner and Paul Hughes.

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Very Nice Job on Bayonetta’s backside.
(who among us is not into that sort of thing...?")

Posted by er43wrfu78ioyfg3456egeje6er5efgeheurrt4frghr7453rfr on November 2, 2009 at 9:46 AM

"Some bigger boobs could upscale the sexiness on the character, though…but taht’s just me ^^"

"Heck yes! I want Bayonetta as my girlfriend. Thanks for giving me a new obsession."

I think the best part is hearing that the super easy mode is so freakin' easy that you can mash one button. Some people don't see the point of it, and others point to it being there for accessibility purposes.

But seriously, it's not obvious, considering the game design? One-handed play, gents. One-handed play.

Posted by Gloria on November 2, 2009 at 10:12 AM

I saw some gameplay of this and couldn't tell WTF was happening.

Posted by jns on November 2, 2009 at 10:57 AM

Fortunately shitty games like these tend to die quickly due to poor sales.

Posted by The Amazing Jim

on November 2, 2009 at 10:57 AM

Is there an online version of this?

(of course there is, it's Japan)

Posted by Will in Seattle

on November 2, 2009 at 11:04 AM

What doofuses. Don't they realize that goofy, over-the-top supernatural spectacle action games only work when the protagonist is a brooding dude (God of War, Devil May Cry)?

Posted by Zebes